<p>OP, what do you actually enjoy doing? What do you like talking about? What kind of music do you like? You need to figure out what you enjoy and start doing those things. Then you’re more likely to meet girls who share your interest.</p>
<p>“OP, what do you actually enjoy doing? What do you like talking about? What kind of music do you like?”</p>
<p>I enjoy playing tennis and biking and both of these are filled with 50year old men, at least in my city. I’ve looked into several tennis clubs and pretty much everyone in all of them is twice my age. I quit playing starcraft so I can make room for more fitness related activities because I think they will help me. </p>
<p>The problem is that the things I ACTUALLY enjoy don’t involve women, its really frustrating because I feel like I have to pretend to be I’m someone I’m not for a few years until I find a girlfriend and then maybe I can go back to the things I like…if I’m lucky.</p>
<p>When I’m with my friends we usually like to make fun of each other…can’t really think of anything in particular that we talk about. </p>
<p>I don’t like music. On the dating website we’re supposed to post our music taste and I didn’t fill in that section.</p>
<p>I’m also interested in engineering, especially numerical modelling…but nobody wants to hear about that.</p>
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That’s clearly not true given what you just posted unless you mean you don’t enjoy those things with women for some reason.</p>
<p>I sure see plenty of younger people playing tennis and biking around here. Of course who you see doing so depends on where you go - you won’t see a lot of younger people on the courts in a retirement community for example.</p>
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Hint - don’t try this with the women you meet. You can make some fun of yourself - but don’t make fun of them. Actually, it’s time to move beyond the point of sitting around making fun of each other anyway by this stage.</p>
<p>I don’t know how big the engineering company you’re at is but most have plenty of people, including females, in non-engineer positions including documentation, support, management, manufacturing, marketing, sales, accounting, etc. </p>
<p>Again, it doesn’t do you so much good to meet them if you don’t know what to do once confronted with one of 'em. Maybe that’s where you need to focus.</p>
<p>Do you like theater (plays) and/or opera? What about any volunteer activities/charities? The organizations that perform social service in our state & many others is FULL of beautiful committed, charming and intelligent women who are trying to help improve our communities and nation. Try to find an organization that does things you like/believe in–maybe train for a triathalon & you will meet others who like biking, as well as running and swimming. Offer a bike safety or tennis course at a local school & maybe meet some of the young unattached faculty?</p>
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<p>That would be a deal breaker with a lot of young women I know. I don’t think I’ve every heard anyone just flat out say they don’t like music. Perhaps you need to explore more of it. </p>
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<p>The old bait and switch, eh? If you really feel that way, then do yourself and the girls out there a favor and stay single.</p>
<p>If you’re lucky, you will look to truly expand your interests and find something that you SHARE with another person. Trying to PRETEND to be someone or something else is not as helpful as exploring interests and trying to broaden them to things that include people you think are interesting and who may find YOU interesting.</p>
<p>I agree that while not everyone LOVES the SAME music at the same time, it might be worthwhile exploring music to see if there is ANYTHING you genuinely like. There really is a lot of music out there to choose among and many/most have some forms that they find enjoyable to varying degrees.</p>
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<p>Hm, have you joint a tennis club or a community league? They have teams of every level. Join a lower level team, say under 3.0 NRTP even if you’re a better player. You’ll find a lot of young women there. Sometimes we have more women than men!</p>
<p>Don’t pretend to be something you’re not. Either it won’t work, and you’ll be mad you made the effort, or it will, and you’ll tire of holding up the mask.</p>
<p>Is there a branch of Engineers without Borders on your campus? An engineering mentorship program? The flagship campus near us has a bunch of organizations that are “techie” oriented and there are plenty of women there. </p>
<p>If you want to date, you need to take some time apart from the gaggle of guys you’re hanging out with – that would be very unappealing to women. (Same thing we tell girls – don’t all cluster together at a dance – not all that many guys want to come up to a large group of girls and try and ask one to dance.)</p>
<p>But keep in mind that there are many, many happy couples that don’t share the same career pursuits. There are an overwhelming number of women in biology and probably in chemistry – find a cookie lecture in a department like that and go to it. (In the CS department at my school, every Wednesday afternoon there was a lecture by an invited guest or member of the faculty, and all were welcome. Cookies and lemonade were served afterwards. It was pretty common in a number of departments. Nice chance to meet some other folks, which is the start of what you’re trying to do. Sometimes groups ended up going out for a cheap meal afterwards, too.)</p>
<p>Do you like outdoors activities? Most major universities have an Outings club, and that’s another ready-made way to engage with women, for cheap. </p>
<p>Alternatively, take a look at what kinds of activities and clubs are sponsored by your Graduate Students’ Association. </p>
<p>Be yourself – but don’t limit yourself to just the you that hangs out with a group of guys. Love pizza? Indian Food? Find a cheap one or two evening cooking class, and then ask one of the women out for coffee or a beer afterwards. Don’t worry about whether this is the perfect match at the moment – you need to begin having more interactions, and getting comfortable with casual situations – you don’t even have to think of them as dates. It’s just coffee. </p>
<p>Does your local food pantry need volunteers to sort food? Or in a few weeks, a local school organization might need volunteers to stuff backpacks for poor kids – working next to somebody for a couple of hours is a great way to start an interaction, plus you may find it gratifying on its own.</p>
<p>What other activities do you enjoy – rather than saying, “I don’t like music” – what is it you DO like?</p>
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<p>You took the words out of my month. It will make absolutely no sense to fake who you are to get a girl. </p>
<p>I have never met somebody who doesn’t like music. What is your reasoning for not liking music?</p>
<p>Maybe I missed it, but what are you looking for in a girl? Do you have specific physical attributes you are looking for? Does she also have to be shy? Do she also have to like the same activities you do?</p>
<p>I would suggest meeting somebody in a venue where you have something in common. Since you never dated, I wouldn’t suggest for you to go up to somebody at a gym and ask them out for coffee. A lot of times I go concerts alone and meet people there. It’s easy to start up a conversations in those situations.</p>
<p>In the end, it is really up to and you only. I never partied or did any of that in college, but I was still able to form friendships with girls in college.</p>
<p>I browsed threw some of your other threads and it seems like almost every single one is about finding a girlfriend. I honestly don’t know how much more help we can give you.</p>
<p>Also, it seems to me that you think just because you have a good job with a good salary that you had the assumption that girls would be all over you. I have no idea where you heard that or who told you that.</p>
<p>Do you have any friends who are females? They might be able to honestly tell you if there is anything in particular you are or are NOT doing that appeals to or repels other females from a relationship.</p>
<p>One of the biggest and most important things to a good relationship is to be FRIENDS first with males & females and assess whether there is interest in adding romance rather than EXPECTING that meeting female(s) will turn the woman into a GF. I know that in the movies & TV shows folks fall in & out of romantic relationships all the time, but that’s not real life as I & many others know it. Many other males would have relatives that could be friends and potential dates/GFs if you get to know them better.</p>
<p>I fear my son will be heading down this path. He says there are a lot of girls in engineering, but they’re interested in the premed majors. My husband never met any girls in college, and only happened to meet me on a blind date set up by my sister, who was a coworker at his engineering firm. Son does participate in video game clubs and competitions, as well as science fiction/comic conventions, that are held on campus, and those are even run by girls. Maybe you can attend a local convention or science speaker at a local library. You may meet a nice young female science teacher, who would be thrilled to have a husband who was an engineer. I work in a field where some women make a lot of money. Most of those women are married to men who are barely employed, and they are the primary bread winners. Those women would be thrilled to meet an engineer and marry a man they did not have to financially support. Nice thing about teachers, they’re in a field for the love of it, not for the money. You might be more likely to find a person with good values who is not just looking for a meal ticket. You might also find a nice young librarian if you go there for research. Many of them have coffee shops in them now, and you may be able to ask the young lady to coffee on her break and strike up a friendship that way. Good luck and keep us posted!</p>
<p>To our knowledge, neither of our kiddos have done much dating in HS or college. Fortunately, it does seem that both get along OK, as both had nice summer romances when they went abroad for a month. To his credit, I have generally heard girls giggling in the background when I have spoken with S, so do know that he DOES have female friends. I also know that D has male friends.</p>
<p>You could offer to help coach a local (public or private) school in their robotics team or science fair, getting to know the faculty there; could also be advisor for a club in HS, CC or college. I agree that teachers make good spouses and tend to be good with kids & people. Many relatives & good friends are teachers. :)</p>
<p>Make and be friends with girls first. Don’t just look at them as date material. Remember, girls usually have girlfriends and may have sisters, cousins, etc. You need to get comfortable, first.</p>
<p>Guys with good steady jobs are not turn-ons. Plus, you don’t really want a gold digger, do you? However, lazy slackers and guys with a ridiculous amount of debt CAN be turn-offs.</p>
<p>I don’t like music.</p>
<p>On my planet that is like saying * I don’t like food*.
Hard to fathom.
What about it do you dislike?</p>
<p>Actually, MEN have female friends, relatives and friends as well. Work on making and keeping friends, both male AND female and who knows where things will lead? Try to get beyond just teasing one another, perhaps working on projects, hobbies, skills together. One of our friends was divorced when an older co-worker introduced him to her D. They have been happily married for several years now. My sister introduced her boss to one of our other sisters; they dated & they have been now happily married for several years. In any case, friendships are good for our HEALTH.</p>
<p>Personally, there are several kinds of music I dislike, but there are also quite a few that I greatly enjoy. The variety is quite amazing.</p>
<p>ok ok, sorry everyone, i went too far in saying i don’t like music. </p>
<p>What i mean is that i’m not a huge music fan. I listen to pop when its on the radio and like the worship music at my church services. However, I wouldn’t go as far as looking up musicians on the internet or a concert.</p>
<p>My sister and her husband met at a co-ed volleyball league. Both are athletic; neither is a dedicated volleyball player by any means. It was just a great way to meet people and have some fun.</p>
<p>I think you need to do two things: cultivate your interests and expand your social networks—and the two go hand-in-hand. By cultivating your interests I don’t mean choosing activities just for the sake of meeting women and pretending to be someone you’re not. That won’t be satisfying to you, or ultimately to any partner you meet that way. I mean just getting out more, getting involved in activities that are meaningful to you, becoming more active and engaged, not just in a physical fitness sense, but in a way that broadens your social networks and makes you a more interesting person to people who share that interest—male or female, young or old. Part of the problem may be that women don’t find you terribly interesting because . . . well, because you don’t have enough interests and experiences and specialized knowledge and expertise that would make you an interesting person to talk to and to get to know, unless they’re interested in some specialized engineering topics, which is unlikely. I don’t care what it is, just find a hobby or pastime or volunteer activity (or two, or three) that you really care about and that is not entirely solitary, throw yourself into it, become known for your commitment to it, and meet like-minded people through it. They may not even be dating-eligible women in the first instance, but they may have daughters or sisters or friends whom they might consider a good match once they get to know you and like you and respect you.</p>
<p>By expanding your social networks, I mean busting loose from the clique of single, dateless male engineers with whom you sit around and make fun of each other on Saturday nights. I know that scene, it happens at every college and especially at every male-dominated engineering school, and when it comes to dating it’s a dead end. These guys can’t help you; they’re in the same boat. I don’t mean you need to drop them completely, but you need to work to get to know other people as well. They could be some older people, or young married people where you work. They could be young women who are coupled up or married, or unattached but with no interest in dating you, but who are nonetheless approachable as acquaintances and, eventually, as friends. They could be people you meet through your church, or through other activities you get involved in. People know people, and this broader circle will collectively know more eligible women than your current group of unattached male friends. Once these folks get to know you, and like you, and respect you, and trust you, they may begin to see you as an eligible catch for some young woman they know and care about. Don’t force the issue. Just be open to new social constellations, and seize the opportunities when they arise.</p>
<p>I think if you cultivate your interests, both to meet people and to make yourself a more interesting person, and if you consciously work to expand your social networks, you’ll eventually start to meet eligible young women. It just takes some work, and some patience.</p>