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</p>
<p>I missed this last night. I hope, whatever happened, she has gotten away and healed (or is healing). </p>
<p>Unfortunately, teaching about controlling/abusive relationships is just not something that we routinely teach. We’re getting there… but I think it’ll take another generation before it’s more common.</p>
<ol>
<li>Respect yourself and trust your intuition.</li>
<li>Under ZERO circumstances are you to get into a vehicle that will be driven by ANYONE who has been drinking, smoking pot, or imbibing in any other way not mentioned. Regardless of the time, or where you are, you call me, and without a lecture or punishment, I will come get you and/or your friends.</li>
<li>Be where you say you’re going to be, or call to tell me if there is a change in plans. </li>
<li>If I say ‘no’ - that means ‘no’.</li>
<li>Don’t involve yourself in anything you would be embarrassed to see plastered on the front page of the newspaper. (actually handed down from my grandmother)</li>
</ol>
<p>
Morally, IMO, no, I don’t think that people should do things that their parents strongly disapprove of, no matter what their age, unless the child feels that the parent is pushing them to do something they believe to be immoral. This is not generally the opinion in this culture, but it’s my opinion that children should adhere to the restrictions of their parents and refrain from doing things their parents would strongly disapprove of regardless of age. If the parents are asking the child to do things that the child believes are immoral things to do, that is a different story.
However, this situation would really depend on the views of the 30 year old. I do believe that it would be wrong for the 30 year old to have sex. But, if the 30 year old himself/herself, doesn’t believe that, there is really nothing to stop them.</p>
<p>
The parents determine whether there is a good reason for why their kid shouldn’t have sex.
Nearly every teenager believes his/herself to be healthy, smart, and ready for more freedom then their parents give them. Nearly every teenager thinks that their parents are way to involved in their lives and gives them too many restrictions.</p>
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<p>My traditional Muslim parents would go bonkers (G rated word of the day) if they found out I was having premarital sex even if I was independent.</p>
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<p>At what age do you consider someone to be a grown adult? 18? 21?</p>
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<p>That’s nice and all, but if your kids REALLY want to have sex, they’ll find a way.</p>
<p>
A financially independent person of legal age. </p>
<p>
I’m sure if they really wanted to sex, they’ll have it, but I would’ve raised them with morals and beliefs that would make the above unlikely.</p>
<p>As an Indian, I find this thread so amusing :P</p>
<p>The drive to reproduce is as strong as the urge to find food or shelter.
A healthy human is sexually mature in their teens.
Someone can certainly make an active choice not to have sex with a partner, or indeed to have sex at all, just as they can make a choice to be vegan or to live in the open.</p>
<p>I like that analogy, because I think for a sexually mature & healthy human to abstain from sexual activity takes a conscious decision & planning, just as remaining a vegan would.
You can learn behaviors that support either choice that eventully become second nature, but if a really delicious looking cheeseburger walks by, it may be pretty tough.</p>
<p>[Boys</a>, Too, Sexually Mature at Younger Ages : Discovery News](<a href=“http://news.discovery.com/human/health/boys-sexually-matured-at-younger-age-110823.htm]Boys”>http://news.discovery.com/human/health/boys-sexually-matured-at-younger-age-110823.htm)</p>
<p>
Same here.</p>
<p>
I disagree. In this culture, many people have the perception that the default is to have sex, and that not having sex is a deliberate choice. However, I and many others, believe it is the other way around.</p>
<p>Campground rule- always lease your partner if you happen to break up, in a better state than when you started</p>
<p>So stressedoutt, you would disagree that sexually mature and healthy humans do not have an innate drive to copulate?</p>
<p>Sexual maturity, does not necessarily corrolate with emotional maturity.</p>
<p>
I agree with this. It’s a conscious decision. One needs to be aware of the situations they out themselves in and the consequences that may come out of them.</p>
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</p>
<p>My friends in Pakistan have no urge to copulate (seriously, how many words are there for sex?) unlike my friends here.</p>
<p>My parents have said I should avoid dating unless I can avoid the distractions it will inevitably create. They suggest I date during residency ;). </p>
<p>I think people have sexual desires but we don’t act on them. Sometimes, I feel like having sex is a standard for love/relationships in the West, just like ‘partying’ typically has the connotation of alcohol even though I have had parties without anything stronger than soda.</p>
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</p>
<p>I seriously doubt that. On my visits to India (admittedly, a bit of a different ball game), the guys definitely have the urge, and the girls are so sheltered they know nothing about their sexual feels (same with me- for years, I had sexual feelings but didn’t know what they even were, and couldn’t talk about it because I didn’t realize it was normal) </p>
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</p>
<p>Reminds me of this- [SparkLife</a> » Auntie SparkNotes: What If My Parents Threaten To Cut Me Off When I Don’t Obey Them?](<a href=“http://community.sparknotes.com/2013/05/03/auntie-sparknotes-what-if-my-parents-threaten-to-cut-me-off-when-i-dont-obey-them]SparkLife”>http://community.sparknotes.com/2013/05/03/auntie-sparknotes-what-if-my-parents-threaten-to-cut-me-off-when-i-dont-obey-them)</p>
<p>My friends in Pakistan have no urge to copulate (seriously, how many words are there for sex?) unlike my friends here.</p>
<p>Copulate is a pretty standard & descriptive word. "Sex"is not as descriptive.</p>
<p>I would argue that your Pakistani friends have been conditioned from birth to be removed from their bodies physical desires. Learned not innate behaviour.
Of course this also requires that external controls be placed on individuals under the guise of " modesty & decorum".</p>
<p>However, in some cultures, humans attempt to control their thoughts and behavior without requiring others to hide their bodies under a hijab.</p>
<p>
I would agree that sexually mature and and healthy humans have an innate drive to feel sexual attraction (which is what is meant to lead to sex).
This is what I mean. It is one thing to be tempted to look at someone cute. It is completely another thing to be tempted to reconsider abstinence.</p>
<p>
I never said it did.</p>
<p>I said that once to my mom (about sexual repression in India - I am Indian) and just she said, just because you have urges doesn’t mean you need to give in to them. </p>
<p>I don’t know if you have to ‘prepare’ to avoid having intercourse…I mean, if you frequently get into situations where that happens (i.e. parties with lots of alcohol) then sure, but you can choose to live an alternative lifestyle that does not involve exposure to such things. I guess it is a choice but a relatively easy one if you have strong convictions.</p>
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<p>Why not give into urges if they don’t hurt anyone (including oneself)?</p>
<p>
This. </p>
<p>
Well, that’s a matter of opinion. I believe you are hurting someone when engaging in premarital sex.</p>
<p>
Conservative grown women are perfectly aware of sexual attraction and what it is. The process of growing up and discovering what exactly they are is just a bit different in a conservative background.
As for more boys in India being aware than guys, and wanting to have sex much more, it’s an unfortunate symptom of a culture with sexist elements.</p>
<p>
So men aren’t able to remain abstinent if the women around them don’t cover sufficiently?</p>
<p>
Excuse me, but I wear a hijab for modesty reasons, and it’s not to stop a man from raping me. It has nothing to do with helping others “control their thoughts and behavior.” I don’t know if you realize it, but you have just crossed a line with that statement.</p>
<p>EDIT: posted before completing post- will post rest in another post</p>