<p>I am not sure this is a serious post but think it is a good question to discuss.</p>
<p>I have kids in grad school who sometimes are TAs. I would not want them to ask out a student for exactly the reasons jasmom and jonri state. It isn’t worth the risk. Rules are a whole lot different than when I was a student in the 70s.</p>
<p>But – I think I see where JHS is coming from and agree with him. In some departments there will be a lot of informal socializing of undergrads and grad students, some of whom may develop relationships outside of the classroom which will sometimes lead to something more than friendship. I don’t see that as a bad thing. It could be a very good thing. :)</p>
<p>That is not the situation the OP is describing. He (?) in the first post, wants approval for asking out one of his students, and he is considering more than one, and then wants to ask out a particular student who is making a C and is “humble” but gorgeous. He hasn’t talked to her outside of class. He really knows nothing about her. I think the OP needs to go on one of those on-line dating sites instead of looking around in his class for potential partners. :)</p>
<p>My take is not any different if the OP is a she.</p>
<p>I am not sure if I think dropping out of grad school changes the situation. Maybe. My problem with this is that the OP has no relationship with the student except in the classroom.</p>
<p>Speaking as a supervisor of TAs, I don’t see any reason for the TA to discuss this with the supervisor provided he waits a reasonable amount of time before approaching the student. And he should wait a reasonable amount of time for all sorts of reasons. </p>
<p>These reporting requirements exist so that the supervisor can take action where necessary to ensure fairness. Usually, this is going to be an issue only in situations where, say the student was already involved with the TA before the student wanted to take a course where the girlfriend or boyfriend was a TA. Then the supervisor would need to handle the student’s papers herself, or make sure the TA was responsible for a different section, or whatever. If a TA starts dating a student well after the semester is over, there is nothing the supervisor can do about it. </p>
<p>General advice: if you are planning to do something that requires reporting, just don’t do it. If it can’t be helped, such as if you were already involved with a student before they took a class that you happened to be the TA for, then report it, following the letter of the rules.</p>
<p>While her intentions may certainly be pure, I would have given the note a lot more credibility after grades were received. Aside from the already addressed issues, in your place I would wait awhile, if for no other reason than to be completely sure there are no ulterior motives at work here. Even if you say your grades have been submitted, she may think that up until the time they are sent out, there’s a chance they can be changed.</p>
<p>Doesn’t really pertain to this discussion, but parents of my D’s friend met when she was a 16-yr. old high school student and he was her 27-yr. old softball coach. They married the day after she graduated from HS and are still married 20+ years later. I guess it all worked out, but once the wife told me all of this, I couldn’t look at him without thinking he must be a bit creepy…</p>
<p>ok, I’ll just wait until a few weeks into next semester to ask her out. I should say that today, I sent her an email just to ask about her plans over the winter break and how her other finals went. She responded and mentioned that has volunteer work to do over the break, but seemed excited to hear that I came from another state to come to this grad school and to hear about my ethnic background. Also, she thanked me for caring</p>
<p>Should I now send her an email saying that I hope we keep in touch? Then, after a few weeks have passed next semester, I can just suddenly ask her out to coffee?</p>
<p>I find it funny that you say you are going to wait until next semester then immediately say you have already contacted her via email. You weren’t “just asking about her plans,” you’ve already started flirting with her, telling her about your “ethnic background” and giving her an indication of your interest in her. And then you want to know if you should send her another email? Does it really matter what we think?</p>
<p>Let me guess, she hasn’t found out yet that you gave her a C. Aside from the usual politeness that students give their TAs or professors, has she given you any indication that she is interested in you?</p>
<p>I respond to many emails I receive; it does NOT mean I have any romantic interest in any of them. Good luck and be sure to keep your options open as she may not have any interest in furthering the acquaintance, but who knows?</p>
<p>Yes, most students are also conditioned to respond to emails from their instructors, even shortly after the course is completed. To me, such a response is NOT any indication of interest.</p>
<p>It also strikes me that the student may have simply been thanking you for being so caring, and reaching out to her when she struggled and ended up with a C, regardless of her efforts. It is no surprise she would respond to the email of a former instructor.</p>
<p>If you aren’t her TA anymore go ahead and ask her out, (I know other people have said this).</p>
<p>Be prepared for her to say no. She may already have a boyfriend or she may just not be interested. She was very nice to you as your student but it might just be in her nature to be nice, it doesn’t mean she is interested in you. It’s possible that she is but maybe not.</p>
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<p>You’re getting ahead of yourself. This isn’t an opportunity, it’s a gamble and if this girl is gorgeous, as you say she is, then you are one of many giving her attention. That doesn’t meant that she isn’t interested in you, but don’t get too far ahead of yourself.</p>
<p>Why do you rarely ask girls out? Why are you so picky? How can you possibly know if someone is a good match for you before you even know them. Does this mean that you want to ask this girl out because you know that she is a good match for you? How could you possibly know that?</p>
<p>I think you have developed a crush on this girl and you need to try to ground yourself a little more in reality. If the reality turns out to be that she isn’t interested then expand your horizons and you’ll find someone who is.</p>
<p>Not only that, many of us are married and may be more closely identifying with the young woman you are trying to date. Many of us have not been dating on a college campus for many decades.</p>
<p>OP, I think you’re coming on too strong (and this is coming from a 22 year-old recent college grad). I think it would be a little less creepy if this girl had actually come to your office hours and you two had talked and flirted a little bit in person, but it doesn’t sound like that’s what went down. To me, it sounds like you just have a thing for her because she is really pretty… and she sent you an email about her lab report. Because you were her TA and that’s what you’re supposed to email your TA about.</p>
<p>From personal experience, it seems like a lot of guys read way too much into things: being courteous and nice is not code for “I want to date you.” My best friend recently went through something very similar to this. She sits across from a guy at work; they exchange pleasantries on a daily basis (hi, how was your weekend, have a good night, etc). Other than that they don’t really communicate and they have nothing in common at all (both in the education and attractiveness departments). This guy cornered her on the way to her car the other night and asked her out because she’s been “really cool to him.” Because she has been courteous and pleasant to him (how she is to everybody), he took this to mean that she wants to go out on a date. Yeah… no. She is now afraid to even say hi to him in the morning out of fear that he’ll think she is flirting with him.</p>
<p>If you really like this girl, then I would stop sending her emails and give it a month before you contact her again. Proceed with caution and be prepared for her to turn you down.</p>
<p>I don’t see any harm in asking her out. The worst that happens is that she says no thanks! He’s probably not going to be around there much longer anyway.</p>
<p>no, she sent me an email just after the Final to thank me for helping her out and appreciating the effort I put into the class. She did not have to send me the email, and no other student sent a similar message</p>
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<p>I wish I saw your message a few days ago, instead of just now. After she responded to the first couple of emails I sent her (I didn’t ask her out yet. I just asked her how her finals went and what she plans to do over the winter break. I also talked about myself a little, such as saying that I came from another state, I plan to book a flight home for the break, etc), she has not responded to my last email, which I sent 3 days ago. Looks like I’ll just have to give up now…</p>