<p>Lafalum,
I am feeling the same way about losing two kids – S2’s GF of nearly three years left yesterday. Even crusty, unemotional DH was weepy after she came by to say goodbye Wednesday night. Longidad, you are not alone.</p>
<p>They are about 325 miles apart, but neither has a car.</p>
<p>Wow, so interesting to read my thread about a year ago. D was very very fragile after breakup. (Big concern to us, as her usual self-confident, mature, “I’m in control” persona was gone.)</p>
<p>Fast forward–She has a tremendous job upon graduating from a great school this past May. She had a wonderful semester abroad last fall and a great final senior semester. She now has a new boyfriend.</p>
<p>But she still makes references to the days w/ the old b-friend. She recently found out he was involved w/ someone new and she was upset. ( A year later!) </p>
<p>So these things take a long time.</p>
<p>Had lunch today with a friend who told me that her DD (over 21) came home annoyed the other night and announced that she might break up with BF. Mom’s first thought was “Oh no, you are moving this weekend and he has the truck”. Dad’s first comment was “Oh rats, there goes our golf game on Sunday”
It can be hard to bond with these kids and then see them drop out of our lives. Looking back into history this was probably a huge factor - especially for the daughters!</p>
<p>My D had a almost two-year relationship with a boy that ended this week. It was difficult at the end because of his obvious lack of committment toward the relationship and her clinging on. She finally made the right choice and broke it off. While I’m upset that he made her feel badly, I think I am also reliving the pain of rejection on her behalf. Not a good week for either of us.</p>
<p>So sorry, but obviously for the best. I’m sure she learned a lot from the relationship- about herself, especially. And so much better than letting it go on for a few more months, getting more and more untenable. </p>
<p>Maybe mom and daughter can spend some fun time together doing something special.</p>
<p>My daughter just broke up with her high school sweetheart after 5 years. When they first went to college I was surprised they stayed committed to each other while in different schools. Over the years our families became intertwined and his mom worked with me.</p>
<p>So this was a rude shock but it also was a very rough year as my daughter testified against a man who is now in jail. The boyfriend came to the trial but my daughter did not think he really understood.</p>
<p>I think she needs time to heal but I guess I just want things to be the way it was before all of this and I feel I need to be the strong mom but I feel devastated myself. So it is very hard.</p>
<p>Wow! I thought I was the only mom who felt this way. I was so sad when my D broke up with her BF a month ago. We had come to consider him to be part of the family, and we all miss him. At the moment, we still have some contact with him (we committed to sponsor him on a mission trip before they broke up) but we know that our contact with him will soon end. It has been so helpful to read through the posts. I know that he has enjoyed having contact with us, but I also know that it is because he is hoping to reconcile with D. But she is our first priority, and we have tried to keep the conversation focused on him and the things he is doing. I try to stay focused on the fact that she selected someone whom we liked and trusted, and we expect that there will be more. This is tough! But our job as parents is to be the trusted guides who know when to lead and when to get the heck out of the way. We trust her to make the right decisions for her heart.</p>
<p>^^Okay, I thought something was wrong with the forum in showing that you had no posts, paying3. then I realized that you are a new member who has chosen a username that is almost exactly the same as longtime member paying3tuitions. There should be some way to prevent that, so as to avoid confusion.</p>
<p>I think those first real relationships are very hard for the kids to really get over and as a result they boomerang back and forth before they finally break up for good. My daughters first boyfriend was also a friend of my sons so he was around alot. It was’nt until they got back together after a long breakup that I realized they were no longer right for each other. I wish him nothing but happiness but when it is over it is over. I will always be grateful that she had chosen such a nice guy as her first boyfriend but they are young and there will be a few more. I still think of him because he was a sweetie as a kid.</p>
<p>D has not “really” broken up with her boyfriend of 3.5 years, but I can sense the change a-comin’, and it’s making me much sadder than I thought I’d be. They’re been dating long distance for almost three years now, and I think the sheer drudgery of it is taking a toll on them both. Plus, they were each the other’s first real boyfriend/ girlfriend, and that’s playing into the uncertainty of the moment too. (As my D says, “It’s like chocolate cake. I love chocolate cake, but who’s to say I wouldn’t also love carrot cake if I tried it?”) The hard thing is, they both still love each other (so I’ve been told), neither has done anything wrong or hurt the other, and they both consider the other their best friend. It would almost be easier if there was a huge fight and a loud break-up.</p>
<p>Yes, I know it’s not really “my business” and yes, I just want her (and him) to be happy. At the same time, it just feels so sad. So I know exactly how you feel, copingmom and paying3.</p>
<p>I’m happy to find this thread and see that I’m not alone in feeling sad over my D’s breakup with her first real boyfriend. My D is just 15 and the relationship was just 4 months long, so it doesn’t really compare to the serious relationships many of you are discussing.
I realized, though, that I’ve come to care about this boy because he cared about my D and treated her well. (I also liked and felt very comfortable with his mom and his family.) I hope that, like others have mentioned, this means that my D will choose well in her future relationships too.</p>
<p>Oh, yeah. She was like part of the family. They dated over three years. I miss her a lot.</p>
<p>This has happened to me several times with my 3 sons ,not yet with my D (the youngest ) . I have avoided much connection for the very reason you give .</p>
<p>Scout59, you could have been writing about my daughter and her boyfriend! They dated all through high school and into the third year of college (different schools). Daughter finally decided that she couldn’t imagine herself married to him, so it made no sense to continue dating. They are now “friends without benefits”, to use her description of their relationship. And I think they get along a lot better now than they did while dating.</p>
<p>Her new boyfriend’s family just decided to get a puppy at the same time the former bf’s dog had puppies, which was a good thing for everyone involved!</p>
<p>My husband and I really like the ex, who comes from a terrible family situation. If we were people who bought lottery tickets, one of the first things I’d do if I won would be to pay off his student loans.</p>
<p>Hi, KK! What’s most confusing about D and her bf is that my D says she COULD imagine being married to him. They are so very much alike - same values, same attitutde towards school and work and money. That’s what makes it so hard for them to actually break up - D says she can’t imagine finding anyone “better” but she also can’t imagine doing this long-distance thing for another 3-4 years. They are at different schools about 5 hours apart, and I know it’s hard. It’s even harder for someone like my D who is a real “planner.”</p>
<p>They’re talking about “taking a break” from their relationship, but even that’s complicated. In my mind, taking a break sounds a lot like breaking up.</p>
<p>Ah, well. It’s not MY my relationship. My job is being the symapthetic ear and the shoulder to cry on.</p>
<p>S’s gf broke up with him after their first year of college. He was crushed but has recovered nicely since then. We never really had a chance to get to know her and I’m relieved that it happened that way. OTOH, D has and a boyfriend for over a year (HS srs now) and both plan to go away to college. They’ll be hundreds of miles apart. If they break up, I will be sad about this one.</p>
<p>D is half way through college and is doing an internship in another city this summer. Last week the mother of her first bf (from hs) was visiting that city for a conference. The mom contacted D and they got together for a meal and spent the afternoon together. </p>
<p>Her son dumped D 3 1/2 years ago and it was a horrible break up; he did just about everything “wrong” that you can imagine and it was very traumatic for her (and me). </p>
<p>They had been friends for 8 years prior to the break up. He finally apologized to her over a half a year afterwards and she accepted his apology; but they have never been friends since (behave as polite/cordial acquaintances).</p>
<p>But she was always very close with his mom and they decided they would be friends. His mom has 2 sons and always wanted a daughter; even before the dating relationship she would “borrow” my D as a surrogate daughter to take her shopping or do other girl things.</p>
<p>I am so glad they have kept their friendship going. His mom is also one of my close friends. We all decided that just because D and her S weren’t friends didn’t mean the rest of us couldn’t be friends.</p>
<p>Our entire family loved our daughter’s first college boyfriend. It was hard for everyone when they broke up. I joked that I don’t want to meet the next one until they are engaged because it felt like we lost a family member and I don’t want to go through that again. Lol.</p>
<p>I’m sad, too. In April my older son and his GF broke up after 2 1/2 years, and last night my younger son broke up with his GF after a little over 2 years. My younger son just returned from a one month foreign exchange program. I think I remember reading that we could expect some unusual behavior upon return.</p>
<p>I’m feeling the same way as many of you. My D broke up with her BF of almost 2 years last week just when the college semester started. He did become part of the family. They live 5 hours apart and with their majors being together after graduation may not have been possible.
I guess it’s better they break up now while they have 2 years of college life left but it does hurt.</p>