@lookingforward , I have no idea what you mean by getting “Sweetsy” ?? Is that a word? Odd choice of vocabulary for an adult. In any event, a mother asked for advice for her daughter. I offered the advice I would, and do, provide my own daughter based upon my life experience and having my daughter’s best interests in mind, as I’m sure the OP does as well.
Yes, we do see Kate on official business, but those Kardashian sisters are seen during their business as well We talk about many different people, was just using those 2 as an example. The point being that some who are getting attention for a certain style of dress, may not be taken credibly and in fact may be the target of jokes. While others who dress a certain way can be perceived much more positively
I’d argue “skank,” “ho,” and “sleazy” are far more odd for adults to apply to young women than “sweetsy” is to apply to anyone, if we’re going to make jabs based on vocabulary.
I understand that some people think modest attire is “classy.” However, the antonyms of classy are tasteless, tacky, and unfashionable, NOT promiscuous, sleazy, skanky, prostitute, or hooker.
I think that’s the issue here. It’s not whether or not a young woman’s attire is appropriate for whatever situation she happens to be in, it’s whether or not it’s appropriate for people to decide FOR THEM what they’re thinking (“they want you to notice or they wouldn’t dress that way”) or to sling unsavory labels at them. Neither of those are ever appropriate and they say volumes about you. Respectable people don’t behave that way.
How silly. This thread has run its course…
Sweetsy, well, in context, I think it can be figured out. Contrary to those who try to legitimize skank or ho, I held back from using more critical, more specific wording. Ha.
Wisteria, yeah. I just wonder if some think Kate was (or is) a skank for that show dress. Or if, in their minds, they understand. But not for girls at the freaking mall. Or if that dress showed up at a dance.
When I was 16 I got an office job after school at an insurance company. My job was mostly typing and answering phones every once in a while. It was in a back office, not lobby receptionist job. My boss knew I was coming directly from high school. She told me I didn’t have to get dressed up to come to work. I wore dressy pants, nice jeans or dresses to school back then, so no problem.
On a particular hot day in May, my school had an event (fun day) that we were allowed to wear shorts. I didn’t think to bring another outfit to change into before I went to work. I went in with my shorts and a more casual top. The next day, my boss called me in to tell me what I wore the other day was inappropriate, some people commented on my outfit. She said my work was good, but it showed my judgement and maturity were not appropriate for working in an office yet.
That particular experience taught me to know what to wear for different occasions is important in life. My old boss didn’t fire me because I dressed too sexy. She fired me because I didn’t know better and she questioned my judgement. It is no different than if someone should think he/she could wear a bikini (or look alike) to a restaurant/store/office when it is perfectly appropriate for poolside or beach.
I tell my girls to always dress appropriately for different occasions. It is not to prevent unsolicited attention from men, but to show respect to their hosts/occasion, and more importantly their maturity and judgement.
You do realize employers often search social media on potential applicants, right? And that those pics from the mall have caused rejections from everywhere from law firms to school teacher jobs.
I think @older nailed it. Well said
No one here has objected to attire appropriate to the place and time.
Nobody said people shouldn’t dress appropriately for the office. We said it shows a decided lack of judgment to call women disgusting names because of how they dress. Employers take notice of that as well. They particularly notice those comments if they’re made by men, especially those that blatantly assert that they “know” what a woman was thinking or “wanted” when she decided to wear a particular outfit.
“No one here has objected to attire appropriate to the place and time.”
Nope. You have to go back a few pages to find just that: a poster attacking me for stating pretty much that same thing. 
If the ‘criticism’ came from a trusted and well love friend I would be thankful for the input. Sometimes we do not see things as they are…but as we want them to be.
And, like it or not you ARE judged by how you present yourself. We can cry all we want about the unfairness of it all but it doesn’t change reality.
Some of the folks in my area should REALLY have a friend mention that maybe…just maybe…they have had enough filler, botox and other assorted plumping.
Yes, you’re judged.
No, you are not a skank or ho.
“If the ‘criticism’ came from a trusted and well love friend I would be thankful for the input. Sometimes we do not see things as they are…but as we want them to be.”
Amen. Got a text from kiddo that she was at the Rack helping the guy from whom she is subleasing a room to find “clothing for dating.” Sort of a mini What Not To Wear session… when she saw that he put his Crocks on to go to some sort of a speed dating event, she told him that all other things being equal, a guy in Crocks would be at - ahem - a slight disadvantage compared to a sharply dressed dude. He really appreciated the input and her offer to help. He left the Rack with a pair of decent shoes and a few other things.
That’s called *constructive * criticism.
Sorry but few here have phrased it “a slight disadvantage ,” when discussing women here. And somehow I suspect they negotiated the shopping.
Any of you tell your friends they look like a ho? Not counting those humorous, teasing friendships.
Uh…nope. Guess ya don’t get it. People have the right to say what they want, and think what they want. When you tell people what they must think, that’s the problem. Get it yet?
Mind your own business? There would be absolutely nothing said on this thread if we were to “mind our own business”. Perhaps you mean, “If you don’t agree with me, then you should mind your own business”.
I was on the bus yesterday in Oakland and a large crowd of young people came on. They were very loud and rambunctious, having a good time. The girls were calling each other all sorts of names, many of those that are on this thread. They seemed quite happy and comfortable with it. I’m believe our generation would be offended by anyone saying we looked like a “Ho”, but many in this generation wouldn’t blink an eye. They don’t care what you or I think.
But there’s a difference between your spouse saying, “I’m not crazy about that outfit” vs “When did you become a hooker?”
I think one tribe on this thread is arguing that the first is a reasonable sentiment while the second is judgemental and disrespectful. The other tribe seems to be arguing that people who dress a certain way purposely want people to think they’re trying to look like prostitutes.
You would hope your spouse expresses the former sentiment vs the latter, because he/she respects you. If you have a modicum of respect for others, I don’t see why the latter sentiment would be acceptable there either.
This thread reminded me of something I’ve wondered about in the past. Why aren’t more men offended by the notion that they can’t be trusted to control themselves around women in revealing clothes? My husband finds this very insulting, but I don’t think I’ve seen or heard that viewpoint expressed by any other man. If there are any men reading this thread, how do you feel about this?