Daughter has left home

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<p>Interesting. Something had to happen within the past month. That seems to be the real issue here.</p>

<p>It is not for us to analyze. If we cross that boundary, then we are hypocrites when we insist that she is not honoring her daughter’s dignity and her daughter’s right to make her own mistakes.</p>

<p>The best thing is to offer resources and reassurance.</p>

<p>Sorry Mamma-three, no offense was meant. I call them as I see them and could not imagine with everything that needed to be worked out you were worried about your daughter’s manners.</p>

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<p>Why not? It is best to go to the root of the problem to solve problems. It might be something stupid that happened. It is just weird that the daughter was fine last month and not fine this month.</p>

<p>M-3 </p>

<p>It’s really healthy for you to set a boundary with us and to choose not to post, or not to respond to certain posts. I actually think that’s good. In fact, it is possible to go into your account and put posters on ignore and continue the conversation with those you find helpful, if you want. </p>

<p>Aibar is posting really wonderful pieces of wisdom, and it is actually a really good thing to reach out for help and reassurance when you are feeling lost.</p>

<p>After today, the only real suggestion, which, as I said earlier is worth every cent you paid for it ;), would be to go ahead and cry and grieve the loss of your fantasy of your daughter. Then, after a couple of days, if you can stand it, start to do at least one thing a day that you have stopped doing for yourself because of all of this time and energy and worry. </p>

<p>Get a massage, something to let out the tension, as I imagine you have held your body in a total state of fear and anxiety for days now, and the body has a memory. And, honestly, just forgive yourself. </p>

<p>We all do the best we can with what we have at the time. That’s you and that’s your D. You love her AND you do not like what she is doing. So, just focus on the love and, at the risk of sounding cheesy, put some of that love and attention back into your own life, for you. </p>

<p>Just, good luck.</p>

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<p>You think you can solve a stranger’s problems, just as this emotionally exhausted woman thinks she can solve her daughter’s problems.</p>

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<p>Possible, if she takes some of the advice people have posted on here. Isn’t this what this board is all about?</p>

<p>Another passage (for poetgrl, since she enjoys them, even if momma-3 doesn’t want to come back):</p>

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<p>For daily need there is daily grace; for sudden need, sudden grace, and for overwhelming need, overwhelming grace. --John Blanchard</p>

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<p>Dad knows best. We parents need to be there for the kids regardless. We’ve got 18+ years of time parenting them, so whatever they do may have something to do with us.</p>

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<p>You’re missing the futility of thinking that you can control someone’s life, particularly when you’re actively upsetting them. You’re engaging with this woman in the same manner that she’s engaging with her daughter. Neither behavior is productive.</p>

<p>This is an open forum. You have a right to say what you want. It does not mean that saying what you want is right.</p>

<p>Good thoughts, prayers and {{{HUGs }}} to you! Good luck!</p>

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<p>I’m controlling her by posting my thoughts? That makes no sense. Some people don’t like to hear the truth. I wonder why she is not going to post anymore?</p>

<p>I’m not saying that I am right. I’m giving my honest opinion of what I think is right. If she doesn’t want to take my advice, then fine. It she doesn, that’s fine also.</p>

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<p>Bingo. That says it all right there.</p>

<p>“I have a hard time understanding why people look here, for what seems to me to be mental health services ( yeah, I know, it’s “advice”), in the first place.”</p>

<p>Lots of wise people here including some who may have solved similar challenges.</p>

<p>Anonymity.</p>

<p>The cost of mental health services.</p>

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<p>That is a very smart thing to say and I completely agree.</p>

<p>Sorry NSM. I have to keep reminding my self to just lurk.</p>

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<p>“I feel that individual therapy could help momma-three view D with more acceptance and with less negativity…” </p>

<p>I feel individual therapy would help momma–three stop spending so much time trying to fix her relationship with her daughter and give her the knowledge that she has done absolutely everything she could under the circumstances and is allowed to give herself a break and find her own peace.</p>

<p>As for the rest of it, any therapy which focused on M-3 trying to ‘fix’ her relationship with her daughter would be really, really bad therapy, frankly, and not worth a dime.</p>

<p>That’s easy Northstarmom, they are looking for confirmation of their ‘rightness’, not for real help.</p>

<p>It’s very much like the kids told they have no chance at HYPS who post but, but, but…</p>

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<p>Please define “real help.”</p>

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<p>I think the parent just came on here to tell one side of the story and to get confirmation that none of this is her problem.</p>

<p>“Real help” would take both sides into account and try to solve the problem by finding and analyzing the root of the problem.</p>