<p>red969: if you don’t believe that this is the right place for the OP to be sharing, venting and seeking information, I don’t understand the intensity of your involvement. You have explained your position multiple times. You have been “heard.” Some people do not agree with you. Some do.</p>
<p>I would prefer to see fewer judgments, condemnations, and assumptions than we have had of late, but that is MY opinion.</p>
<p>Emahee, I am very impressed by the wisdom and insight in your post.</p>
<p>jym626 - I second your post.</p>
<p>To the person who turned this helpful thread into a disagreement…</p>
<p>Highjacking a thread where someone came for advice. Making it instead all about your argument. Derailing the whole dang thing.</p>
<p>Did someone mention narcissistic personalities?</p>
<p>A wise person can smoothly and kindly say the very same things as a clod. It isn’t about the message, it is about how the message is packaged.</p>
<p>I am all for debating politics. When it comes to personal problems and people’s feelings, that approach is inappropriate.</p>
<p>Momma-3:
In the various threads you’ve created on CC, you seem to get defensive when replies contain feedback that isn’t what you wanted to hear. </p>
<p>While my replies are often blunt and could use some wordsmithing to soften them up, (and I apologize if they were offensive in any way), what kind of input where you looking for?</p>
<p>emahee, looks like your family difficulties have made you wise beyond your years. Good for you for taking such a mature attitude to a difficult, sad situation.</p>
<p>I have followed this thread up and down. It has not been pretty. I would offer to the OP, let go. Seriously let go. You will be amazed how quickly the kicking and fighting will subside. Before you tell me I don’t know what it’s like to parent a child with special needs, I do. I had to let go for the sake of our relationship and that of our family. It was rather shocking to many who knew us that I was able to make that break, given the amount of hand-holding that had been done for so many years. At 18 you have imparted all of the moral and social values you can on your daughter. You have loved her and given her structure. You have done everything you knew of to help her. Now it is time to let go. I have been on both sides of this issue and that is my best advise.<br>
I sincerely wish you peace.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>M3, I speak as someone very familiar with severe mental illnesses. It’s the most difficult thing in the world to see someone you love and cherish be that out-of-control, and to see such a disconnect between the real world confronting them and the depths of their unwell mind. It’s so difficult to do. So I come from knowing that place when I say this.</p>
<p>Psychiatric wards exist to take care of people who are too unwell to function. They offer a place where the situation can be controlled, where a person can try out different medications in a safe environment, where they can be watched so that they don’t hurt themselves, and where they can let it all fall apart so they can pick up the pieces and start to rebuild. While some people have good experiences with their hospital stays and while some people have bad experiences, it remains that these places can be sanctuaries of rebuilding. They have the tools and the expertise to professionally help people whose sicknesses are making their lives unmanageable.</p>
<p>I’m certainly not saying that your daughter ought to be in a psych ward, and I want you to hear that… Except in extremely rare cases, nobody can decide to go to that step but your daughter and her medical professionals.</p>
<p>I do, though, want you to take a look at your two sentences here:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Can you take a step back, look objectively at this for a moment, and see how you may be standing in between your daughter and some possibly excellent options for recovery? By protecting her from hitting rock bottom, it may be that this period of instability in your daughter’s life is actually being prolonged. </p>
<p>Recovery only sticks when it’s self-motivated… You can’t force someone to get better from any mental disease. It breaks my heart that you can’t. Of all people, I wish that it were possible to force someone to get better, and I spent over a decade pleading, begging, screaming, accepting physical confrontation, and trying everything I knew in order to get my loved one to change, but I am not in charge of her. I cannot live her life for her; I cannot intercede on her behalf and still live my life, too. The only thing I can do is love her and detach myself from her damage and drama.</p>
<p>I wish you peace.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Thank you for saying that. Glad somebody else understands.</p>
<p>I am so angry that people have posted things that I have never said. I have never said the quotes in post 178----188—193----212----or 219. I want to see where those posts appeared because those are not my words. I have NEVER CALLED MY DAUGHTER A MONSTER. I am very angry that someone would take the time to quote something that I never wrote.</p>
<p>momma-three, those were not posts you wrote, and they were never attributed to you… I’m sorry that you misunderstood-- these are first-person passages from various sources, from people that have gone through some of the same things that you’ve gone through. I merely offered them as food for thought.</p>
<p>A few of those quotes are things that I personally wrote, as well, from my own experiences and my own point of view, that others quoted me on.</p>
<p>They are not things that you said. They are things that others said–others who have been in your shoes-- in order to offer you a different perspective.</p>
<p>I apologize for the hurt I’ve caused in this misunderstanding, but from reading the posts from others, I know that nobody thinks that you’ve called your daughter a monster, ever. (The “monster” from the passage you cite was codependency… not referring to any person at all.)</p>
<p>mama-three,
aibarr is one of the kindest souls to grace these boards. I know she would not have posted the quotes unless she thought they would be helpful.</p>
<p>I am not taking offense at all to the posts by aibarr but I think other posters think I have other things that I have never said. The quotes by RED 963 post193 and 212 were not my words. Red 963 please find those posts and tell me where you found them.</p>
<p>I think red963 is someone you don’t need to worry about if you don’t want to… See post #231. Not all of red963’s posts on this matter have remained on the boards-- a few of them were deleted by the moderators.</p>
<p>I also think aibarr’s posts 178 and 188 were sloppy. aibarr should have said who he or she was quoting, it looked like momma-three was being quoted.</p>
<p>I private messaged red963 yesterday and the response that I received in regard to this matter was that “I posted these things”. I have never posted those things and I just wanted to make that clear.</p>
<p>I apologize for the misunderstanding. The last thing that I intended to do was to add to your troubles.</p>
<p>Momma-three - How is your evening going? Are you doing okay? Can you sleep at night? I worry about you. I have a 19 year old daughter and I keep thinking about you. And I keep hugging my daughter for no (apparent to her) reason.</p>
<p>I was not confused at all about aibarr’s post. Sometimes people don’t read carefully (especially when a thread gets this long), and then mistakes are made. </p>
<p>I agree; aibarr is one of the kindest, most helpful, and insightful members I have come across on this board.</p>
<p>aibarr –
I have found your posts on this thread very enlightening and insightful. Perhaps it would be helpful if, in future posts, you post the specific source (website, blog, or printed item)or attibute them to “anonymous”.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That’s my plan from here on out… My intent was to preserve the anonymity of the sources, but that seems to have backfired. “Anonymous” it is.</p>
<p>Eddieodessa…I am not sleeping well and things are getting more difficult. My daughter thinks she has found a place to live but she does not have a job or a plan. Her boyfriend refuses to understand that he is not doing her any favors right now by encouraging her to go out on her own. He was not around when she had her initial episode last year and he is unaware of the behaviors that followed. I know to some it appears that she should be treated as an adult because of her age but our daughter has the maturity of a typical 15 year old. She acts before she thinks things through, and does not think about how things will turn out, only what she wants right now. This has been a concern of her therapist and a concern of mine for a long time. Her lack of emotions is breaking my heart and I am just devastated by her inabilty to understand the pain that she causes to others.</p>
<p>Thankyou for thinking about me…the kindness is appreciated and so are the many good wishes I have received. Many blessings to all of those who have reached out.</p>