<p>Our expectations for our daughter are not unreasonable as they have been reiterated by her department chair and professors in order to gain employment once she graduates. She is not in a very rigorous college or major so her GPA is actually more important when she will be applying for the same jobs that students in most selective schools will be applying. Her major is in a slump now and she has been advised to go after additional certifications to make her more employable. </p>
<p>As for her grades…her GPA is higher than two of my sons but that has nothing to do with the knowledge acquired. We are more annoyed that she gets by with this GPA with what seems to be sheer luck and our push. YES…we push her to complete the semesters and push her at midterms. I have even sat and listened to test book reading with her…anything to get through and get this degree. I must admit that the textbook part is over the top but it gives you a good picture of just how insane this whole situation is. Hours of reading text and I still get the big F U and believe me she loved reading and discussing the text with me. This kid really does not want to go or she would have been gone by now…I certainly would have left if I felt what she claims to feel. She enjoys this…I am convinced that she absolutely wants to drive me loco. It is not happening…I just had the most wonderful talk with two of my sons who just came back back from a super weekend adventure with their older brother. It is the days like this when the blessings are clear and the love is so evident that I know we did so many things right. My son is healthy now and graduating, his brother is heading off to a dream job, our older graduated from MIT and has a fabulous job and is very happy. These are the days where I count the blessings and realize something needs to change so that life could get back to happier times.</p>
<p>On another note:
My daughter lost her job yesterday (place closed) and this morning (you guessed it) she was as sweet as pie. I remind myself that I am not losing my mind but she is certainly trying very hard to make me feel like I am. It is like living the yo-yo life. One minute we are seeing a nice kid and minutes or days later we are in turmoil. It is bizarre but I am sure that she needs to stop being permitted to do it. My husband said it was so predictable that she would act like this because when she wants something from us she is a charmer. I told her to get busy looking for another job becuase she will need it when she leaves. That changes her niceness real quick. Just early yesterday she was on a tirade and hours later she knew how to throw on the charm. I am not falling for any of it anymore…had enough.</p>
<p>You sound like you have clearly wised up to the behaviors, M-3. Stand tough with your plan. Did your DD knowhe place was going out of business, or did this come out of the blue?</p>
<p>M-3 Glad to hear that you had a pleasant time with your sons. It must be helpful to have normal, happy times in the midst of all this. Now, call the insurance company about the umbrella policy (nag, nag, nag–but will meaning!)</p>
<p>Congrats on not falling for the charm. Enough is enough. She needs to get looking for another job asap. </p>
<p>I, personally, for what it’s worth, like the idea of future tuition being dependent on pre-established criteria. She knows what’s expected and what counts (gpa of x, current on insurance, decent behavior around Mom) and what doesn’t (pull an all nighter to get the grades, no one will know). M-3 doesn’t have to deal with the drama in her household. Sounds like a good trade to me.</p>
<p>^ Hmm- not my s’s school. Just got the bill for next semester 2 days ago. Can’t recall older s’s tuition payment schedule, but it wasnt way before grades were in. I think it came, eg, in Dec for Jan tuition and in July for Aug tuition. I know for sure we get younger s’s fall tuition bill in July.</p>
<p>jym…Daughter said that last week the boss indicated that the place would close down. There were never any customers so I can’t imagine how they stayed open. She went in yesterday, and he said it was the last day. All the food and smaller items were being boxed up yesterday and they were officially closed late yesterday. </p>
<p>Her tuition is due very early. It was not like that at MIT or at Cornell. We are looking forward to the last payments at Cornell…3 done (for now) 1 to go. At least grad school and professional school will just be us helping out. That will be a pleasure!!!</p>
<p>Daughter found a new job last night and starts later today.</p>
<p>Her class begins at 9:00 and she has a 25 min commute and park time. Today is the second day of class. She is still sleeping and she paid for this class.</p>
<p>:eek: :eek: Is this an intercession course or has their spring term started already? My D can barely keep up with her intercession (ab psych) class, although it wouldn’t be a problem for her in a regular term…the pace is a killer when you only have 4 weeks to cram in all of the readings, tests, and papers!</p>
<p>She wants a scene. Let her sleep, and don’t even mention the class. Remember, she wants to live “sick” and you are trying to get well. Let it go. She made her bed so to speak, time to lie in it. Just get busy, or even go find something to do outside the home like grocery shopping for when she gets up.</p>
<p>^Sorry ADad…I am too upset that she chose to miss a class today during a short intersession. She got a job because she needs the money to do all the things she wants to do but claims that school is a priority. I will tell her I am proud of her when she is nice to those who love her, and she decides to be honest about school being her last priority. In the real world you don’t get to pick and choose what responsibilties you will and won’t do without there being ramifications for those actions.</p>
<p>Here’s the thing…yes, it is upsetting that she misses class. You said she paid for it herself. Therefore, the loss will be hers only, not yours. Further, if she lived on campus or away from home, you would not be privy to this stuff. IF you are the one paying and she doesn’t get decent grades, then you have a say in it. Otherwise, she is an adult living as she pleases with regard to classes…she is getting decent grades and in this case, she is paying for the course. Yes, it sucks that her attitude toward school is not as hoped. Either don’t pay for her education or set parameters for it that she must meet (grades, etc.). It seems to me that somehow, even with missing classes and turning work in late, your D is still getting decent grades and so while she is not a committed type student, she is squeaking through in an OK way by many people’s standards and some of the stuff you typically would not be privy to if she lived on her own like other college kids (skipping a class, turning work in late).</p>
<p>I am with ADad that your D should be congratulated for finding a replacement job in just one day. That is responsible. Praise what she does well.</p>
<p>I think I see ADad’s point-ignore the negative behavior and reinforce the positive behavior when your daughter is probably expecting you to do just the opposite.</p>
<p>Focus on moving her out. Have you given her a deadline? Any agreement made on how much money you would be giving her, terms of you paying for her education? Instead of worrying about little details, try to look at the bigger picture. If you continue to talk about things you have no control over, it will distract you from having a game plan of moving her out.</p>
<p>I agree. Your D moving out of the home is the main objective here. Set up a meeting with her and a therapist. Hash out the parameters in writing of what she will do and what you as parents will and won’t do. </p>
<p>I really think by having your D out of the home, she will have to be responsible for herself and grow up and become more independent and then for you, there will be less daily conflict. Even what happened this morning will not come up if she lives outside the home.</p>
<p>I also think that if your D gets decent grades, which is a measure that many parents might go by, you ought to fund the tuition. You may have to accept that your D may never by the type of student you’d like her to be, but she may still earn a degree as she seems to be achieving respectable grades despite not being a motivated hard working, responsible type of student. If she lived away from home, you’d only have her grades to go by and would not know how she had approached school, but only that she passed with decent grades. Perhaps that should be enough in her case as she is not as motivated as your sons.</p>
<p>Congrats on getting a job in a day. Focus on the positives…and plan for the move. Don’t give her the dramatic scene she is looking for, don’t let this be the excuse for not moving. Ignore the bait (I agree it would be hard to do, but for your sake and the sake of your daughter, ignore the bait). Go take a walk, do something to get out of the house. Make those phone calls to the insurance agent and the therapist, work on the written move out/money agreement. You can do this!</p>