<p>I hope to hear better news before 2 years, but good luck to you and your family.</p>
<p>momma-three- Good luck, and it certainly is your right to disappear. You don’t owe any of us anything. However, after all you have shared and how concerned we all are, I think it is somewhat selfish to go away and not update us. There is a lot to learn here, which is one of the purposes of an internet forum. The way you give back is to finish the story. It all works two ways. Please rethink things in a few weeks.</p>
<p>Peace to you, momma-3. I hope 2011 brings you lots of good cheer. yorky</p>
<p>I’m with elemenope and MOWC…it is your right to decide how much to share and whether to share, to stay or leave, etc. However, I do think that you have started many threads about your challenging situation, and many have offered a lot of time toward it both in terms of support and suggestions, and I’m sure others have learned some things along the way. It would be nice if you don’t wait a couple years to provide an update but let those who tried to help know of an update…can be brief…this semester. You don’t have to enter more discussion but simply let us know what has happened. I know many are hoping the best for you and will feel left hanging without knowing how things turned out in the short term. It is an evolving process, as you know, and won’t be “fixed” overnight. All the best as you face these challenges.</p>
<p>M-3</p>
<p>I think what people are trying to say is that “we care,” and you have become someone we care about. It’s the strangest phenomenon of this message board. My kids and husband call you guys my “imaginary friends.” </p>
<p>So, good luck to you, and you should know you will be ‘missed’ if you do decide to simply vanish. :)</p>
<p>Selfish? Try think of the things we learn here as a gift and not an entitlement. If you think about it you may come to see that she’s been more than generous with her personal story and always grateful for the opinions. She really doesn’t owe any of us any more than that.</p>
<p>Yes, she has been generous with her sharing and we, in turn, have been generous with our advice and support. If you want to look at it as a gift to us, I would contend that dropping the whole thing NOW is like taking the gift back- or ripping it in half or something. Who wants the movie turned off before the end?</p>
<p>momma-three doesn’t owe CCers to post here. I can understand perhaps not wanting to continue the conversation on an ongoing basis so frequently or discussing it in great detail at this point. However, since so many people have reached out in a caring fashion to try to support and/or help m-3 who came here seeking that, it would be a nice gesture to come back at some point this semester with an update, even if not to discuss details on an ongoing basis. When people reach out and care when the person has sought that in the first place, it just seems appropriate to check in at some point to let those who care know how things are going, even if in a brief way. People have shown concern and will feel left hanging without knowing how m-3 is doing. She doesn’t have to discuss it in an ongoing fashion but simply write an update post at some point (hopefully not in two years). I hope m-3 will consider doing so for these reasons. People are not going to stop caring. By providing a status update at some point this semester, it is a way of giving back to those who offered support in her time of need.</p>
<p>It’s a caring community. Please stop back in as you are able. Best to you, momma-three.</p>
<p>Best wishes to you and your family, Momma3. As I said to you before, I was a pain in the neck at the same age and I turned out okay. May you someday have the same show of love from your daughter that I give to my folks each day.</p>
<p>If you are still reading M3, wishing you all the best. I had been following this all along, but had nothing to add that had not already been said. I think all would agree that we would be happy to hear that it all worked out ok sometime in the future. Until then, best regards.</p>
<p>M3 - I care about you and wish you nothing the best.</p>
<p>I’m a little ashamed to admit that I was getting some entertainment value out of this thread. But momma3, I am rather awed by your graciousness and evenness throughout in your responses to posters, and that alone (since I have nothing else to go on) is a clear indicator of your strength. That, and your willingness to share and ask for advice. I sincerely hope you don’t have to wait 2 years to see improvement.</p>
<p>I hope momma three does come back with an update in a few weeks or months, and hopefully it will be a positive update.</p>
<p>I will come back when there is something worth sharing. I have received so much wonderful advice and I am never scared away by criticism…I understand that from the outside looking in it is hard not to offer suggestions contrary to what I have been doing since it appears that what I have been doing up to this point has not worked. I must say that the last two years have been a huge learning experience for me with my daughter in that I have never encountered this type of thing before. I did’nt have a manual for this and through trial and error I have tried to do what was best. There has been success in getting my daughter treated for her depression and ADHD. She to my knowledge is not involved in some of the very concerning behaviors that I learned about during her first year of college, and she has managed with the ADHD and depression to successfully complete her AA degree and transfer to our state college. When she first came home it did not seem possible especially in the ammount of time since she got home. Lots has been accomplished and yes it has taken a bit of a toll on both me and hubby and my three sons but we are still remarkably together as a family and have a solid marraige. I hope that the next few weeks will bring the next set of changes that I believe my daughter needs to grow and for us to heal and become mom and daughter again. I really believe that will happen…please keep us in your thoughts and most of all if you pray please feel welcomed to do that too.</p>
<p>Thankyou all,
Momma cubed…(I wish I could change my name)</p>
<p>I wish you peace, M-3. And that the change will happen as smoothly as possible.</p>
<p>I’ll be thinking of you, and yes, saying a prayer (or more).</p>
<p>Momma-three- glad you are still around. Keep posting on other threads. You have grown so much in the last few years and you have good advice and experience to offer others. It is much easier for all of us to see what needs to be done but extremely difficult to take the difficult step and make the changes especially when those changes involve those who we love.</p>
<p>As people on this thread debate what is helpful and what is not, I think of the times when friends and I have gone through difficult times with our kids. It is simple to say “tough love” but it is tougher to enforce that minute by minute:
Do I wake up my DS/DD when he/she may oversleep their job/school?
Do I roust him/her from bed at a certain time?
Is he/she clinically depressed? Do they need an RX? Are they just rightfully situationally depressed by the lousy choices they made?
How accountable do I hold them? How do I do this minute by minute.</p>
<p>Sometimes the overall premise is clear, but the actual execution is more stressful. Usually the kid involved is in a fragile state.</p>
<p>Also, many people have mentioned the possibilities of drug use, I have no clue about this, but per recommendations on this board I am reading “Beautiful Boy” and “Tweak” simultaneously. It is fascinating to read the father’s story, and all the things he explains away, and then read the sons account where he matter-of-factly says he was high all the time. </p>
<p>I think it is helpful to M3 to read so many different people’s stories and opinions, most of us do not know how to deal with the ugly situation until it happens, these are not the stories everyone reveals around the neighborhood. To hear so many stories can only help M3 to clarify her situation. </p>
<p>Fingers crossed that M3 and DH can make some substantive changes this week so that the DD can begin her lesson.</p>
<p>Personally, I would already have notified all medical/counseling offices that I am not financially responsible and would have gone in person to the school to obtain a refund. If I were the parent and encouraging DD to finish her degree, I would tell her 100% loans which I would repay at a successful graduation. I find in an emotionally fraught situation like this that it is like teasing a not out of a fine chain, address every little snag you can, just deal with those small things and get them out of the away so they can stop being distractions.</p>
<p>No car, no money, DD can do student loans and be repaid when she finishes. I never asked my kids about grades and I would not do it with this kid, high enough for financial aid and for graduation is all she needs, the consequences of poor v excellent performance are the student’s not the parent’s.</p>
<p>I am not sure about the phone; I can see the safety issue, but I despise paying the cell phone bill and make my kids pay their own bill anyway, so I would probably cancel that if I could and let her get her own pay as you go plan.</p>
<p>All these simple issues distract from the core problem; simplify your life and just address them so you don’t have to think about them.</p>
<p>That’s my $0.02</p>
<p>M3 - Good luck to you and your whole family!</p>
<p>Feel free to not post. Or to post without the detailed updates… so that we know you are surviving your tough situation.</p>
<p>You have to love consistency…My daughter has a final presention tomorrow and an exam and my daughter who is still living in the house is on her way out the door. I just heard my husband ask her if she would be home late…her response…“I don’t know.” She wants one of my sons to drive her to school at 8:00 so she could get more sleep in the morning. He let her know he had too much work to do before going back to school this Saturday and the tantrum began…she told him that she would just take his car in the morning if he did’nt drive her. I am sitting here typing so I could keep my mouth shut and watch everyone else deal with her. I am waiting patiently for the day to come when my husband finally says enough is enough. I thought this past week would have done it but then again it should hit hard when they leave on Saturday. My sons have asked her several times if she has done any work because her textbook is sitting here brand new and never opened. I have spent several days out and about with my two sons who are home and my husband has had a chance to see just how little my daughter does. I am venting just so I don’t leave my office…</p>