<p>Hm, corranged, I see your excellent point. I’m stuck, totally stuck.</p>
<p>Toblin, hope my H is enjoying himself ;), but I am sure if it were true he would be paying a hefty price :mad: </p>
<p>All kidding aside, I think that mini is right, and cptofthehouse is right on target. It is a shame, but as a parent I would need to drug test. I am not telling the world what to do, but one does need to consider possible of consequences of ignoring this news. Supposing that the call was not a prank. It is easier to blame the messenger than to face a potential problem.</p>
<p>Again, I look carefully, schedule a physical, not mention the phone call for a bit. If the urine test show no use of pot, and a couple of weeks of surveillance shows nothing, I would tell my student about the phone call, but not make a big deal about it. Actually I wouldn’t make a big deal about the closer observation; to me it’s just common sense. I would also, then call the GC, if I knew which one, and mention the call and let him/her know that you have checked out the situation, found no merit to the info, and also have let S know about the call. I would ask if the GC had any other advice on the matter. It is entirely possible the GC would not know a thing about any of this, also possible that the GC may know something about the situation, and possible that the GC might even be able to shed some more light on the story. He also may refuse to give much info to the parent. I would want to get back with the GC so that he is not just left hanging with the story from a student and have in the back of his mind that S was using drugs. A lot of this could be subliminal and may surface in a way harmful to S. ( such as if a drug incident occurs at school or when filling out S’s rec forms) They are only human, you know. </p>
<p>It could also be a prank or something malicious, so a major reason for keeping things low key and not making a big thing about it to S, is so that it does not impact him badly. THough ideally, everyone wants to be so trusted that there is not even a whiff of suspicion, I don’t think running to tell a kid that such a phone call was received is a very comforting thing. It’s better to ease into it and not make a big deal out of it to the kid. </p>
<p>The other thing I want to bring up, is that if the parent truly felt the call was totally ludicrous and dismissed the thought immediately, this thread would not even exist. The reality is that there is some question on how to act on this.</p>
<p>I don’t see any real point in trying to check on the stuff with the GC. Let’s say the “tip” is 50 - 50 chance of being real and same chance it was a fake tip. Does it matter than much whether it was an anonymous tip or if the boy gave his name? Even if he gave his name, it is not proof that your son has used drugs or alcohol but merely a kid reporting that he did. You’d still have to be vigilant to seek out what’s going on with your son, IF anything. I’d go with the assumption that some kid warned you and try to be more vigilant to see what you can see. If it is nothing, then nothing lost. But even if the kid gave his name, your actions are going to need to be the same, right? I mean even with his name, it is not proof. So, assume this is a tip and try to dig to see what you can see yourself and have conversations that might help you get some gut feelings without ever accusing your son (since he may not have done anything) and not necessarily revealing concern or that someone called. Ferret out what you can now that you feel some suspicion has been aroused.</p>
<p>So deal with a sneaky anonymous phone call with more sneaking, via a physical and a urine test? Oh and what about laboratory false positives…and legal issues…I think mini’s post makes a lot of sense…</p>
<p>Mini is always awesome on this topic, particularly that last sentence.</p>
<p>And if approached that way, you can’t go wrong because it’s centered on Communication even more so than drug use. Communication is Issue #1, whether teens are good or less good, using drugs or not.</p>
<p>(blushing :)) (this is, after all, the stuff I deal with for a living…)</p>
<p>Take a look at the Start Talking Now website: (though it is meant mainly for parents with younger teens 12-16).</p>
<p>[What</a> Should I Say | Start Talking Now | Washington State Coalition to Reduce Underage Drinking](<a href=“Start Talking Now |”>Start Talking Now |)</p>
<p>I had a little hand in its development. Do I personally agree with absolutely everything on it? No. (I personally put much greater emphasis on genetic predisposition, and I go nuts about drinking and driving.) But I know the research behind it, and as a general guide, it makes good sense.</p>
<p>Mini’s post does make a lot of sense. With certain kids, a certain relationship, it may be the way to go. If the kid were in college, I would go that direction. In high school, I would be sneaky. I have drug tests added to my kids’ physical and I have not said anything to them about them. They are there as a matter of course. If it’s a positive, it does not mean I will be stomping in with army boots. Whether it’s a false positive or a real positive, it is a problem that the test is positive. Better it’s found at his private physical than during a job drug test, random drug test, etc. </p>
<p>Once they are at college, the odds of kids using drugs/alcohol, as Mini says, goes waaay up. At high school, they are often still legally minors, and still under your wings, in your household. The chances of getting caught, and harsh consequences are more probable when they are in high school. Funny how drinking, drug use in high school can give a kid a horrendous rep, whereas it is ho hummed for college. Colleges tend to turn a blind eye to it, high schools often look for evidence to stamp it out. Definitely, all of us should be talking to our kids about drug, drinking, house/family rules about all of this. </p>
<p>Again, how things have been with the kid is going to dictate the action, along with how comfortable the parent is with the action taken. I take this stuff in stride since I have had to be vigilent with my kids. I search their pockets, backpacks, not for contraband but for things they misplace, should be giving me, so it is not a huge deal to take an extra peek. If I had a hands off policy for every day, it would be a big deal to snoop.</p>
<p>It’s a difficult situation when you have kids who know exactly how you feel about underage drinking, drunkeness at any age, who know what the law is, what the consequences are, and they do it anyways. Mini brings up an excellent point as to what a parent should do if the kid is drinking, taking drugs. It really comes down to what a parent can do. </p>
<p>I guess a question is what to do if the phone call is truthful. The kid is drinking and taking drugs on an opportunistic and recreational basis, careful enough that it is not obvious. What to do? Probably the same thing as if you don’t know if they are doing it Talk. And they don’t always listen.</p>
<p>Then you talk some more. (No one said it had to be easy).</p>
<p>Mini, we talk a lot. Maybe too much. Not easy. Never thought it would be. It’s the powerless part that is difficult. When they are out of your house, there is not much to do. But your own home is a whole different story. High school kids using contraband are the parent’s responsibility and consequences.</p>
<p>You aren’t powerless if you talk. You become powerless very quickly if you lose their trust.</p>
<p>I don’t agree. You are often powerless when you talk. I see kids who trust their folks but still do not agree, therefore do not obey.</p>
<p>Why don’t you just tell your kid about the weird phone call and see what he has to say about it? This whole bit about drug testing your kid because of one anonymous phone call without having any suspicions/changes in his current “good behavior” sounds ridiculous. Just tell him about the phone call. Ask him why he thinks someone would make such a call? Don’t be accusatory. Keep it light and see what his reaction is to the phone call. Honestly, the phone call sounds a little “fishy” to me.</p>
<p>When I said “you talk”, I meant BOTH of you talk. It has nothing to do with “agreeing”, and everything to do with respect.</p>
<p>In our area, drinking, drugs, risky behavior is rampant. THere are a number of parents who take the view that such activities in moderation are normal, and ok. In my opinion, what they mean is that if the kids do not get caught and in enough trouble to make the parents upset, it’s ok. Many of the parents who do not agree with this view are totally clueless that their kids may be involved in such activities. They talk and trust, and feel that is enough. In a sense, both parent types are in a cocoon of sorts, as they do not worry. When you know what is happening, see what is happening, do not agree it is right, you worry. </p>
<p>In the end it comes down to probabilities. How to reduce the probability that they are using. How to reduce the probability that they are using more than a bit of experimentation. I think it is important that a parent know what is happening, be at least in the loop. You cannot direct your talk as well if you cannot direct the talk to the situation. I think it is important to know what your kids are doing. Trusting your kid does not make them trustworthy. I know so many wonderful kids who have their flaws in this area. I have seen kids die (yes, die) because their parents trusted them too much. Sometimes some discrete observation can be very valuable. Is it sneaking around? It’s a gray area to me. If you are aware and vigilent, upfront about how you feel about certain activities, I don’t think it is sneaking around if you don’t immediate discuss something with a person as soon as it comes to your attention. I believe in thinking it over, assessing the info, watching for evidence and contemplating different scenarios. </p>
<p>I would tell my kid about any info I received about him including an anonymous phone call of the sort the OP received. However, I would not tell him immediately, nor would I sensationalize it. In order to minimize the pain of it and keep him from flying off handle, I would want to be as informed about the situation and have thought about it for a bit so that my own feelings are clear. A lot of damage is done when someone does not think out what to say, how to say it and the veracity of the statement.</p>
<p>Mini, it has a lot to do with agreeing. I do not want contraband in my home. I do not want my kids drinking underage when I am still responsible for them. When they are older and on their own, they can disagree about what they choose to do, but when I am implicated, it is a whole different story. Just talking about it is not enough. I have one who can talk and talk and talk some more. He listens real well too. Just doesn’t agree or do anything discussed that he does not feel like doing. Knowing what he is like, and what he is doing is important. IF I find out he is doing certain things that is against house rules, there are certain consequences. Kids who can’t resist drinking do not get to drive my car, for instance.</p>
<p>It is possible that the guidance counselor didn’t intervene because the student didn’t want to provide S’s name so S would not get in trouble or suffer damage to his reputation within the school. This would be consistent with genuine concern for S on the part of this “friend”. I agree that a calm approach is the best approach, though I would have difficulty maintaining calm in such a difficult, stressful situation. I do know that there are some friends of my D whose parents proudly and loudly proclaim that their kids don’t drink, while others know that they do, on occasion, drink. So, while I would not react by accepting this accusation outright, I would not dismiss it, either. Nor would I involve the school. Good luck.</p>
<p>Not sure the OP is still around, but if this kind of call was received, my money is on that the kid IS doing some drinking and pot smoking. I would put quite a bit of money on that bet, in fact. That said, I’m not sure what I would do with the information. I might try to talk to a parent of one of the son’s close friends and see if there is any information there. I would tell the parent about the call and see what he or she knows. It might open the door to some interesting discoveries. At that point, I would confront the kid, tell him he’s busted and will be drug tested.</p>
<p>MomofWildchild- I like your idea but all in all mini has the correct approach. Talk and listen, have a discussion.</p>