I’m sorry for your loss. It sounds like you handled it lovingly.
So sorry. Prayers for you and your family.
So sorry, fauxmaven. Hugs.
Fauxmaven, may your memories of your mom be a comfort to you. Glad you ans she were able to express your feelings while she was still able.
I’m so sorry @fauxmaven . My 92 year old Mum died this summer when I was visiting the UK. Unexpectedly and yet not unexpectedly. Her last 3 years were so miserable that i thought it would be easier than it was, but one thing in quickly learned was that nothing prepares you.
For me, the most helpful thing was that I was there (in England, not with her sadly - it makes me so sad that She was on her own, I always imagined Wed be there holding her hand though it was not that likely given that we live on different continents) so was with my brother when we found out. It takes longer from a death to a funeral there, 2 weeks in this case, which turned out to be a special time for us as we did and organized everything together and shared some special memories in the process. I don’t think we’ve spent so much time together since we were kids! I think being with my brother was the best thing for both of us - almost like Mum planned it that way.
I’m not sure anyone can give good advice as we all have different ways of dealing with these things. But mine would be to spend time with people who share fond memories of your Mom and spend as much time as you can sharing those memories, looking at photos, and talking. {{{Hugs}}}
Sorry for your loss.
“Should have recorded her telling stories- a great idea.She was resistant to doing this however- made her feel too old.” That made me laugh and cry at the same time. Sounds so like my Mum - she would always say “that’s for old people”.
It is a great idea, wish I’d done that back when. I remember some, but hearing them in her voice now, how cool would that be.
No “sorry for your (impending) loss” from me. Rather- lucky you that you had a mother close to you for so many decades past childhood. Especially since she likely was not part of your every day life for a long time. I do like post # 15’s sentiments, however. It is always a shock when part of your life changes irrevocably. It becomes scary to realize that there is no buffer between you and death as well. My mother died suddenly at 53- before I met my H or any grandchildren were born. When I approached my fifties there was an underlying fear of dying, even though I knew logically I wasn’t likely to have the MI and be without someone to give CPR et al. My father is now 89 and slipping- memory et al- but still as curmudgeonly as ever. Part of life is death.
You will do well although now this is uncharted territory for you. Yes, you will grieve and feel lost. You are appropriate in your travel plans- you saw her when she was able to talk to you, being there at the instant she dies is not needed for her or you. You have plans to do a good closure with your religion’s customs. You can be at peace with yourself knowing you are doing the right things. No regrets for the future. I think this is the message you really want to hear- that what you have done and will do are the correct way to do things so you have no regrets later. I’m sure you have some conflicted feelings about how someone is supposed to react to the death of a parent and the circumstances of your own very old mother’s impending death. Ages and stages. Also- you haven’t had the experience yet that so many of our age (ie having adult children) have had. It is a part of life for the older generation to pass on. Something we all go through. And, it is good to hear other’s experiences.
Celebrate her wonderful life, think about the future generations and your ongoing life. Time will make a difference.
May her memory be always a blessing.
Wis75, what a wise and caring post.
I am so sorry for your loss. May you be comforted by the time you spent with her.
I’m very sorry, fauxmaven. What a gift that last visit was.
I am sorry for your loss, fauxmaven. You were blessed to have a loving mother. Your mother was blessed to have loving daughters. ((HUGS))
I think that losing my mom feels as if a chunk of who I am has been cut away and my body is attempting to fill it in. I am no longer a daughter.
You will always be a daughter. But the holidays will be tough, and the first year you don’t buy a mothers day card… I still remember that was hard.
The Mother’s Day will be hard!
I know how you feel, that feeling that’s chunk of you has been cut away. Some days will be harder than others. You will find odd little things will trigger the tears (my brother just got a new passport and Mum was his 2nd emergency contact - it had him in tears when he asked if it was ok to put me as the contact. And some days the sadness and missing your Mom will just hit out of the blue. But you know, that’s to be expected - it’s your Mom! You won’t ever “get over” losing her, but the pain will get less raw and continuous.
After my Mum died, I came across a Winnie the Pooh saying, “How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” {{{Hugs}}}.
Fauxmaven, jym is right, you’ll always be a daughter. But I know what you mean. Someone you’ve had literally every day of your life is gone now.
For me, the hardest day is my dad’s birthday. Somehow that hits me harder than Father’s Day. And holiday dinners. Hugs.
I’m sorry, fauxmaven. My mom died recently (she died while I was traveling to see her–I was going to surprise her for her birthday. . .) I never really got to say goodbye to her. I am OK with it. She had a stroke more than 6 years ago, and her personality changed after that. I never got to say goodbye to “her old self,” either. A couple weeks after the funeral was my own birthday–it hit me then–my first birthday without my mom here on earth. ( Last year I called her to thank her for giving birth to me.) I was never close to my mom, and she was sick for a long time. But I still feel that emptiness. Sometimes, when I’m doing the most ordinary things, it will hit me–who taught me to tie my shoes, who taught me how to fold a towel, wrap a present, fry an egg? Your mom never leaves you–she is in all those little things.
Faux, better to have a wonderful mom that you will miss every day of your life, than the alternative.
I think of my mom daily, though it’s been a dozen years.