<p>Well, I suppose it could be the case that something precipitated NEWgfMOM’s asking OLDgfMOM to quit planning play dates. Who knows… we only get partial stories on CC. We can speculate all day… maybe it was NEWgf’s birthday and bf told her he couldn’t spend the day with her because his mom committed him to a night out with OLDgf. Maybe “friends” have been spreading rumors and raising anxiety in NEWgf about OLDgf’s role in her boyfriend’s life. I could come up with a hundred scenarios that might precipitate a mother broaching the subject.</p>
<p>However, I still believe it isn’t our place as parents to get involved in 15 and 16 year old’s boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. It’s a little over the top to make such a request- almost like someone hasn’t quite gotten over their own teen years and is reliving the angst through their daughter. I don’t have daughters so maybe I’m out of line… but if my daughter was getting upset about her boyfriend going out with his old girlfriend, I’d tell her to just dump him and be over it.</p>
<p>CGM, you are a piece of work. You tried to quote the original post, and still read into it many things that aren’t there. The boy and girl who are EX’s; haven’t been a COUPLE in almost a year. They have obviously found a way to still stay friends.</p>
<p>2nd; No where in there does it say that the 3rd wheel mom suggested including her daughter, the new girlfriend, in any of these social events.</p>
<p>3rd; don’t jump forward a month. No one gave a time frame here other than the first 2 kids haven’t been a “Couple” in almost a year.</p>
<p>4th; New GF’s mom apparently DOES have an issue with the friendship of the EX’s because she told mom number 2 that she thinks she shouldn’t allow them to socialize in these family events. Because SHE, not her daughter, MIGHT feel left out.</p>
<p>When you finally figure out what the original poster printed, get back with us. I am not trying to slam you here. We are all strangers to one another and therefor don’t take anything personally. It can’t be personal if I don’t know you. But you appear to be allowing your emotions to read into this much more than there is. In a very short post, you have assumed 4 very important factors. But even if your assumptions are correct, which we don’t know, it is still NOT mom number 1 or 2’s problem. It is only mom number 3’s problem and her daughter. The daughter either accepts the fact that her boyfriend has a “FRIEND” who happens to be a girl and an ex-girlfriend and she continues her relationship with the boy. Or she doesn’t accept it and she breaks up with the boy and finds other boys. If she can handle the fact that he has a friend who is a girl, and an ex, then she has a real good chance of developing more common interests with her boyfriend and he will want to spend more time with her and include her in things. Boys are like that. If she can’t handle it, then she will be just like her mother and no boy is going to want to be around her.</p>
<p>Either way, stop assuming. You have no basis for any of these assumptions. Let alone trying to throw some responsibility on mom number 2, the original poster, for some how needing to alter her life and that of her daughter because someone else doesn’t approve.</p>
<p>Sheesh CGM, do you feel you have to challenge everyone who has a different viewpoint than yours with a sarcastic remark? It seems you need to have the last word in. Not everyone is going to see things the way you do. That doesn’t make them wrong or you right or vice versa.</p>
<p>This whole thing makes me wish for a New Rule (and this is assuming the new GF knows her mom went whining to the OP) </p>
<p>If you’re young enough for your mother to run interference with your BF, you’re too young to have a BF. </p>
<p>And another thing that really bothers me with today’s “relationships.” When did kids stop dating? According to my D, boys and girls become GFs and BFs after one date or so and then they have to go through some sort of breakup to date someone else. She turns down dates because she doesn’t want a BF - doesn’t have time for the hassle. It’s all nuts to me. </p>
<p>And one more thing - if this new GF knows her mom went whining to the OP, I would think she would be really embarrassed.</p>
<p>CGM…my D just turned 19. I can think of two close long time boyfriends she has had so far, and some others. One BF she has known since she was 9 and he lives in another state and they met in their summer program that she attended every summer out of state. They were BEST FRIENDS first. He is older. She began to date him when she was 14, if I recall. They were together in summers but were “dating” long distance the rest of the year and got together either at our house, his house, or once/year in Florida too. The long distance thing was tough in HS and so her last year of HS (which for her was junior year, age 15-16), she chose amicably to not keep dating 1st BF, but dated a boyfriend at her HS, her own age. She remained close to BF from out of state who no longer had BF status but actually she saw him that XMas break in Florida on vacation with other summer program friends as before, but just as friends, and her BF knew about it. They were not dating and they each had new B or G friends back home. Then, when D graduated early at 16, as close as she was to local boyfriend who was not graduating yet, she chose to not remain a couple because she wanted to enjoy college and knew she’d barely ever see home boyfriend as she is never home year round. However, because it was not like a mad break up but more circumstances of her leaving for college, she has remained close to home BF (no longer dating and they date others) and the rare times she does come home, she most certainly gets together with him and their B or G friends know about it. They are still good friends. Then, when D got to college, her old BF from out of state, also attends her college and then since the distance was no longer an obstacle, she resumed dating him her freshman year of college. After that year, she decided to no longer be BF/GF and liked it better just being friends and so they mutually decided to do that and both went on to date new BF/GFs. She is VERY close to this boy as FRIENDS and told me she thinks they will be lifelong friends and just don’t want to be romantically involved anymore (and haven’t been now for 1 1/2 years or so and each dated someone else last year soph year). She has gone to dinner with him. She just had him to her birthday party. She just told me she went to see him in his show and when I was in NYC ten days ago, he came to see her in her show as they support one another. She just told me yesterday some good news of this old BF’s. So, yes, they do socially get together and have dated others during that time. And when she comes home, she still tries together with old BF from HS too. Honestly, I am proud of her to be able to be close pals with these guys and they have no animosity but just prefer to be friends. The one boy has been a close friend from age nine and I do believe will be close for years to come. They are older than the “couple” in this thread. Perhaps with maturity, some can handle these situations just fine. </p>
<p>And when you mention continuing to “date”…once broken up…I don’t see the OP’s D and old BF still dating but simply going to the theater with family friends and still being friends but not dating. When my D sees her old BFs, they don’t call it a date and it is not a secret to their respective “others.”</p>
<p>My S does. His best friend asked his old girlfriend to their senior prom. Other kids thought it weird; S said whats the big deal? and they all sat together. Of course S had his own date. 2 cellists, 2 violinists. And when they were dating her mother and another mother w/son were machinating to get their kids together. Mom of other boy a somewhat friend of mine. I just thought it silly to involve themselves w/their kids’ lives in this way. There was a bit of drama; so what? I never said a word to any one; everyone still friendly.</p>
<p>Kids haven’t stopped dating. My sons go out on dates, some which turn into relationships after a period of time, and some which don’t. They also, after breakups, have not harbored resentment or animosity toward the girl. However, I can’t say the opposite has been true. From what I’ve seen, teenage boys are clueless when it comes to the unspoken rules of dating- they just want to get to know/get closer to a girl, maybe lose interest after a while, but generally LIKE the girl, and go on with life. I can’t say that either of them have ever continued to socialize with their ex’s, though, but that’s been because the ex’s made the situation hopelessly complicated and impossible.</p>
<p>Maybe the dating or lack of it is a local thing but D’s friends seem to be serial daters. Once they date someone, they either move into a relationship or break up - it doesn’t seem to be acceptable to date more than one person at a time and then settle on one or not.</p>
<p>I surrender, the OP and her family and the boy are perfect and the new mom is a crazy lady who is just asking the new mom to include her D because she is crazy</p>
<p>there you go- isn’t that what some of you are saying</p>
<p>CTG…hanging out socially and remaining friends is not the same as still dating that person. My D doesn’t date her exes but she is quite close to them. She is happy for them for the relationships they currently have and they have known of who she has dated. When she broke up with these guys it wasn’t awful but it was amicable and they just decided to not be romantically involved but just wanted to be friends as before. </p>
<p>As far as the OP…it very well may be that her D’s old BF’s new girlfriend DOES mind that BF goes out socially with old GF and her mom. But it is not for that girl’s mom to meddle and tell some other mom to not go on outings with the BF and his mom! IF the new GF minds…then she needs to take it up with her BF. The BF can choose to explain that these are not dates but are family outings and they are still friends or can ask GF to join them or whatever. Or if GF is upset about it, she can choose not to date this guy. But really, I can’t see how that mom should be involved in ANY way but surely not with the mom of the ex GF who isn’t going out alone with the boy and it is a matter of two moms who are friends who take their kids along to the theater. This really is for the kids to work out. So, if that girl IS bothered, then she has to work it out with the boy or not date him if she can’t work it out. The BF, next time, could opt to see if GF can also come along on the theater outing. Still I don’t see why that mom is meddling, let alone with the mom of the old GF who is going on outings with her adult friend as a family type thing, not a date.</p>
<p>I think some people here need to read some books</p>
<p>Odd Girl Out</p>
<p>Queen Bees and Wanabees</p>
<p>as for it being the KIDS to work out, then the OP needs to back off too, setting up these get togethers, don’t you think or is it just one sided who gets to be involved in their children’s social lives</p>
<p>I get it, you can set up these social events for your kids but can’t even consider or think about others…how unselfish we all are, to not even THINK it might bother someone else</p>
<p>I am not saying to stop the social events, I am saying that the OP should maybe have some feelings beyond her own, and perhaps spend a MOMENT thinking about appearances, and what signals her setting up this stuff looks like to the other mom, who probablly is thinking, what is this mother doing, interferring in my Ds BF social life, trying to get the kids together often, what does she want the two exes to get back together? why is she setting up all these dates? why is she holding onto her daughters EX so much?</p>
<p>CGM…nobody said that the new girlfriend doesn’t have feelings about this. She may. The point in the OP’s post was that the new GF’s mom was asking the old GF’s mom to not go on outings with her adult friend and her son since the son is no longer a couple with her D but is with her own D. The fact is the OP’s D and her old BF are still friends as they had been for years and their FAMILIES still occasionally go on outings as before. That is not hte same as the boy going on a date with the old GF. but if it bothers this girl, she should take her feelings up with the boy and go from there. But it is not for her mom to do, let alone to take it up with the mom of the old GF. If the kids are old enough to date, they are old enough to take their issues about it up with their B or G friends. That is the issue here, not the feelings of the new GF which may be hurt feelings (though we don’t know that).</p>
<p>And I SAID that, the mom shouldn’t have involved herself, but the OP is certainlly involving herself in the social lives of her child and her childs ex, or you don’t think taking them to shows and such is involvement</p>
<p>Why can’t the OP still occasionally go to the theater with her adult friend and that friend’s son? She said her D is STILL friends with the boy and they have been for years. I applaud that the kids can remain friends and not be so immature to not have anything to do with one another. These are not dates. The mom is not trying to get her D back with the boy. They were friends before dating and the moms are friends and they have a tradition of going to the theater together. If the boy doesn’t want to do this, he can tell his mom so! If the two kids involved are happy as punch going on these family outings, then they can. The other mom really has nothing to do with that. If her D is not pleased, her D can take it up with the BF. But the GF’s mom could also explain to her daughter that it is not like the boy is dating OP’s D but their families are friends and he is not out alone with her. If the mom of the girlfriend’s own D is so insecure about it, the mom can help her deal with that. If the boy was dating both, that is another story but that doesn’t seem to be the case based on the first post. This current GF’s mom is trying to orchestrate things a bit too much. Is her D’s relationship with the boy so fragile? If it is a good relationship, then the boy should be able to occasionally go places with his mom and the family friends. If D doesn’t like that, she can decide if this boy is not for her. But if he is good with her and devoted to dating her, there should not be a problem. The girls even get along too! And if the boy feels like his GF is left out, he can suggest to his mom about including her the next time they go to the theater.</p>
<p>The OP is not getting involved in her D’s social life or trying to get her D with this boy. These two families have gone to the theater for years and why should they stop now and be like petty people and say, “oh, our kids dated at one point and now they aren’t and so we can no longer do things with you!”?</p>