<p>You could say to her very nicely, “Elphaba dear, second mom and I, and our kids, go way back in our friendship, the 4 of us enjoy going out together, and I can assure you that that’s all there is to it. Please don’t stress yourself out imagining things, I hate to see you do that to yourself.”</p>
<p>^^^ chocoholic, LOL! Yea, how apt…the title of that musical is “Wicked.” And then if she really wants to get nasty here, she could sing the song, “Popular” from that same show. I’m being bad, but could not resist.</p>
<p>(my D just told me yesterday that in her Musical Scene Study class that she is assigned to play the role of Elphaba in the scene with with another girl as Glinda where they sing, For Good)</p>
<p>You know Okie; being your child isn’t really involved. i.e. She isn’t the current girlfriend or boyfriend, you shouldn’t worry about this situation at all. The 3rd mom seems a little psycho. But even if she’s normal, any problem she or her daughter might have is not your, or your daughter’s problem.</p>
<p>I would continue on with whatever relationship you have with the mom of the boy. Invite them as you normally would on the occasional outing. The boy will know whether or not he should invite his new girlfriend or go with you two moms and ex or not go at all. Don’t let psycho mom control who your friends are. And give all 3 kids credit enough that they’ll work it out. This is a great learning opportunity for the kids.</p>
<p>~shuddddder
This is reminding me way too much of some mothers I know and know of who become actively involved in their (sorry-it has never been the other gender) daughter’s romantic relationships. </p>
<p>It is rarely pretty or productive.</p>
<p>I just read through this whole thing more carefully. Thank you all for your input.</p>
<p>I just noticed this:</p>
<p>
– All I can say is, lucky you, DrDrewsmom!</p>
<p>Someone asked if the third mom is mentally ill. No, I don’t think so, but she does have some health issues that I think have made some of her personality traits more extreme. (Yes, another twist).</p>
<p>After thinking about it, I think the best approach is to do nothing for a couple of weeks, and then carry on as before. If the new GF wants to come along on an outing, that should be okay. I’ll just try make sure my daughter also has a friend along so she doesn’t feel like a third wheel. </p>
<p>If there is a time when new GF can’t come, well, I guess it is up to the boy to decide what to do. Since none of us are doing anything improper, I would think it would be okay, but I’ll leave it up to how the kids all feel about it. Seems like the only sensible approach to this.</p>
<p>One last thought. I am fairly certain that <em>third mom</em> would like it in the future, if this new romance is not permanent (gee, what are the odds?), for her own daughter to be able to go out as just friends with her old flame, even if there is a new girl in the picture. Assuming the relationship ends amicably. </p>
<p>It helps me to keep that in mind . . .</p>
<p>Thanks again.</p>
<p>“damn I don’t want the fun to end because of this woman or HER DAUGHTER”</p>
<p>hmmmm, what does that tell anyone</p>
<p>suddenly more instances are shared, the mom is sick…</p>
<p>and now, we see that teh OP, doesn’t want the new GF to ruin HER fun and she also denigrates the relationship</p>
<p>So, is the OP going to continue the invites and essentionally for the boy to pick between old friends and new GFs?</p>
<p>seems so</p>
<p>CTG…what DOES it tell? I don’t know what you mean. </p>
<p>What it says to me is that OkeyDokey wants to still enjoy family outings with her adult friend and both of their two kids like they have for a long time pre- any relationships and since any relationships because both the adults and kids involved are FRIENDS and because the kids enjoy musical theater shows and so this is a linkage around a common interest and because it should not matter or be of business to anyone who wants to manipulate who she can be friends with .Yes, FRIENDS…nobody here is going on a DATE. “Third mom” didn’t just want to control who her D’s boyfriend could go on a social outing with but also who OkeyDokey could invite (another teenager girl one time…post #26) and on another occasion, which other adult she invited.</p>
<p>man CGM, you view the world through some really twisted glasses.</p>
<p>Same CGM as gave up her entire weekend trying to help out another girl have an escape hatch from a date that might have been dangerous – people are complex and usually good at heart</p>
<p>CGM – I think you are trying to twist my words. What I meant to say was, I don’t want to change my friends, my relationship to this family because someone else thinks I should. Not getting why you think I should give up friendships which are special to me and my daughter, which is what you seem to be saying. Yes, the mom has health issues, which is why I cut her a LOT of slack, and am backing off for now because this situation is new for all of us. </p>
<p>However, I don’t think anyone should be dictating the social lives of others. And I think my friend was wrong to ask me to do this. Even so, I know that I just posted that I would take care to try to include the new GF when possible. Doesn’t that make any difference to you? The kids are all friends. I think they can all handle this. I know all of these kids pretty well. I think you seem to be asking more than the new GF’s mom is asking?</p>
<p>Why is this such a sore spot with you? Why do you leap to conclusions – well not even sure what conclusions you are leaping to? Your posts are very confusing.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Gee, I just don’t get it. Earlier, you said that OkeyDokey was encouraging “dates” between her D and old BF. Everyone explained that these were not “dates” as they were two families going to a show, which they had done when both their kids were never dating for some time and are still doing since their kids did date but no longer date but are still friends. The two kids did not go on a “date” by going with their moms to a show as they have done for years.</p>
<p>Now, you go one step further and saying that this boy must pick between OP’s D and his current GF? Come again? Why does he need to “pick” anyone? He has a GF. OP’s D is NOT his GF, is not trying to be his GF, has been friends with him for years, still wants to maintain their friendship, and is not going out ALONE on a DATE with the boy. There is no need to pick. He has picked. He has a GF. He seems to think he can still do social outings with his mom and other kids. OP’s D also is choosing to stay friends. It seems to me that you are saying that if a young teen couple breaks up, that they should NEVER remain friends and never be seen in the same place at the same time even with their mommies present. Some kids are more mature than that and know that they can remain friends while they are actually dating someone else. And if that new GF feels threatened that her BF remains friends and does things with the old GF’s family occasionally, like he has done for years, then that is HER problem. The boy doesn’t have to choose because he is NOT dating two girls. He has remained friends with a girl he once dated, is comfortable dating a new girl, and the old GF was friends before they ever dated and still is and so are their families. They may even be in a school show together down the line. </p>
<p>The problem isn’t this boy’s. The problem isn’t the OP or her D. They are doing nothing wrong but being friends which frankly is a much more mature response than saying they can’t have anything to do with one another because at age 14, they broke up a “relationship.” The current GF would have a legit beef if the BF was still DATING the old GF. But that is NOT the case. There is no “choice” to be made. The new GF (or it appears her mom by proxy) is demanding that the BF not ever do any social group gathering with the old GF. That’s just over the top.</p>
<p>By the way, the OP said she had no problem inviting the current GF on such an outing in the future. Just goes to show she is not trying to get the boy to DATE her D. She is not the meddling one in this case!!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Also very generous! </p>
<p>If there were more families like this, fewer parents from the Musical Theater thread would be jumping off ledges when their kids announce they want to major in MT. The audience base appears strong. </p>
<p>(I’m not poking fun, just feeling like Aaron wanting to make peace…)</p>
<p>Honestly that ought to settle down the concern that anyone’s out to disrespect the delicate new relationship. It might be somewhat uncomfortable for the new GF if she’s
accustomed to a very singular approach to socializing, but at least it shows nobody’s out to ruin her. She could accept or decline, but at least has been included and invited. Just one time, tho, is MORE than fair enough. Tix can be really expensive. It was not the basis of the old friendship between the two families. So it’s “above and beyond” for Okey but obviously she wants to be on the up-and-up here.</p>
<p>I think the OP’s D should have veto power on whether or not OP should extend that invitation (not the BF, not mother2 , but the one who’s paying should make sure she’s not making her D miserable for an afternoon that should always be fun).</p>
<p>“hmmmm, what does that tell anyone”</p>
<p>It tells me that the OP has set some very appropriate boundaries… someone I’d like to be friends with.</p>
<p>Okey; you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Do what seems right to you. You have to only worry about you and your daughter. You have had a relationship with mom #1 for a while; as well as your two kids being friends. Just because he has a new girlfriend doesn’t mean that your families need to change your relationships. Only the new girlfriend and the boy need to understand and accept the situation. If the two of them are cool with it, great. If she isn’t cool with it, that’s totally her problem. If her mom doesn’t like it, that is totally irrelevant. If the boy feels awkward about it, he will either start inviting his new girlfriend along or he won’t. Or, if he and his mom think it’s awkward, then his mom (#1) will probably talk to you about it. Either way, it’s not your problem and I commend you for even trying to make this civilized. But either way, there’s nothing for you to worry about or even be concerned about. It’s not your problem how the relationship evolves between the boy and the new girlfriend. Neither one is your child. Let their parents work it out.</p>
<p>I’d really be curious to know what the dad of the new girlfriend think. If the mom (Wife) mentioned it to him, he’d probably respond with “Oh Please!!!”. That’s how I would respond if my wife told me she was concerned because my daughter’s boyfriend’s family has outings with another close family and the daughter of the close family use to date my daughter’s new boyfriend. And if my daughter had a problem with it, which we still haven’t heard directly if this new girlfriend has a problem, then I would tell my daughter; “You’re not marrying this guy. Either deal with the fact that he has family friends, some of which are girls, or find another boyfriend”. Good luck to you. Sounds like you’ve got a good handle on things.</p>
<p>Well if the new GF wants the BF to pick between her and the OP and friends, then that’s HER prerogative. She may well give that ultimatum and she has to be ready for the response, but it is her choice and not her mother’s choice. We don’t even know that the new GF knows her mother is involved - maybe she would be mortified - as well she should be.</p>
<p>For real. If the new girlfriend’s mom has such concerns, she should have probably mentioned it to mom #1 (Boy’s Mom). And then ONLY if her daughter had mentioned it to her. But even then, the appropriate response to the daughter would have been; “Deal with the fact he has other friends; some girls. or find a new boyfriend”. Sound like the girlfriend’s mom is a very insecure person with very low self esteem. And as such, probably assumes her daughter is the same way. This obviously is just an assumption, but there’s no other logical reason for her to even think about talking to the OP and suggesting that she not continue a long standing relationship with mom #1 and her son because she thinks her daughter MIGHT feel out of place with it.</p>
<p>The title of this thread was an understatement!</p>
<p>AGREE with the last few posts. Further, if these kids are old enough to “date”, then they are old enough to work it out between them without their moms running interference. The GF’s mom calling up the OP over this matter just seems so inappropriate to me. This is not about an elementary school playdate. If her D has a problem, she (the D) should take it up with her BF. We don’t even know if her D does have an issue with this. Maybe just the mom does. The insecurities going on here are obvious along with manipulation. I still don’t even think this is just about the BF/GF issue. Given the vignettes presented here, the GF’s mom has also spoken to the OP when the OP had another GIRL along at the show and on another occasion about a mom she invited to a gathering that this woman had a “falling out” with. The drama needs to be on stage and not this behind the scenes mom calling another mom about her D’s social life. If her D is 14 and she feels she is old enough to be dating, then she should be old enough to negotiate the friendship issues without Mommy calling other moms (though I agree with cartera that the girl may have no clue her mom is running interference and could well be mortified at the idea…but we don’t truly know her end of this).</p>
<p>Well, turns out, according to the OP, that the Mommie Dearest has some health issues, imagine that</p>
<p>Something ELSE was going on, and it took pulling teeth to even get that possiblity out of the OP</p>
<p>I have been told to back off, not tell my stories, not push the idea that there is possibly more here than meets the eye</p>
<p>what did I do that was so bad, oh let me see</p>
<p>Suggested that the OP look at the parties involved and ponder if there was something else going on because this behavior was out of the blue</p>
<p>That Mother3 didn’t seem to be this controilling in the past, but this is a recent occurence that cooincides with her D and the BF getting together</p>
<p>That maybe the OP should consider that there may be stuff going on in teen girl/boy land, because that kind of stuff can set mothers off</p>
<p>That she didn’t need to stop arranging these social events and being close with the Ex and the Exes family, but to be sure everyones motives were honest and forthright </p>
<p>To take the relationship between the Ex and his New GF a bit more seriously than she was</p>
<p>To see what HER part in this social arranging might have to do with anothers take on the situations</p>
<p>THat Mother3 shouldn’t have said anything, but once she did, that the OP should at least CONSIDER that Mother3 may have a point or two, not that the OP stop doing what she was doing, but to look at how HER actions MAY be causing angst, whether that angst was justified or not</p>
<p>And yes, I shared MY stories, because to answer a question without more information about it being reasonable, you can not divest your own experiences from the response</p>
<p>Yes, I said the word heartless, because so many didn’t want to think that maybe there was indeed something going on with Mother3 and her D, and guess what, there MIGHT be some health issues and situation that might be pushing Mother3 to act a certain way</p>
<p>Ah, the compassion astounds</p>
<p>Why do you not think that the OP look at the big sitation here, the OP seems to be friends with lots of people, arranging tickets, events, etc, and she asks us for advice about a friend of hers that she has known a long time, as for our sympathy</p>
<p>And only when PUSHED, does she say anything about this “friend” having some health issues</p>