Time management is a very necessary skill for all of our students, but some students come more equipped than others. We may agree that not every approach “fits” every student.
What boarding schools would you suggest have a gradual approach to increased responsibility (in the first few months to a year) for new freshman and which schools are absolutely no hand holding and get the grit and learn quick style?
Very selective, high-SSAT college-preparatory BS’s, in general, are not a good choice for students needing a lot of hand-holding.
Yes, but there are still differences, eg mandated study halls and rules about phone usage, bed times etc. I don’t recall which schools had the most structure, but I think there were some differences.
@GMTplus7 I have gathered that in my visits and interviews with my D1. Yet my D2 is very strong academically, and has great determination (stubborn), drive and still exhibits the absent minded professor qualities in 7th grade. I just wanted to gather some insight on what others might have experienced in this area. Students have told me that they were the same way and just had to learn. My question is just how fast. I think it is rather inconceivable to believe that every student that was accepted into the “very selective, high SSAT college-preparatory BS’s” had no challenges adapting to managing a rigorous new schedule in a new environment. Especially since some I’ve met expressed the opposite. I do believe every school has there way of orientating their students for this fantastic journey.
I don’t know of any BS’s that don’t have these restrictions for at least underclassmen. Just bcs there are scheduled studyhall & lights-out doesn’t ensure the student isn’t playing video games. Be honest about yourself/ your child. If you/he/she is not self-regulating aready in this regard, the high SSAT score schools will not be a happy place… the competition for grades there is INTENSE.
@GMTplus7 my D may have what it takes to get in to the pressure cooker but where she has chosen to apply thus far has impressed me. She is not intrested in being in a HADES necessarily. We will figure out what fits as we go through the process. D has an interesting list with a wide net. I have NO DOUBT she will fall in line and be fine. She is a dynamo that is still growing and maturing. My desire from this thread is simply to gain insight from others on their experience and I appreciate your insight.
@6teenSearch we visited 2 schools with my D1 that went over a gradual process that included the mandatory study halls and lights out etc. and as they became upperclassmen, the restrictions became few and privileges increased. I believe It’s true that some students still don’t take advantage of the structured time they are given, but it’s good to know “how” it is given in the first place.
Hotchkiss has mandatory study hall from 8-10 for freshmen and sophomores and wifi gets turned off at 11 as do phone lines. Other than that, students are on their own to develop good study habits. They really expect you to come in with those already. Some kids find workarounds to the turned off wifi but as the school is located in the middle of nowhere, there is not a lot of cell service to keep kids on their phones at night.
Because our family has experience with them, I’ll put a good word in for both St. Andrew’s and Masters with regard to teaching kids time management.
7D1 (SAS 2015) is at college and definitely has a leg up on most of her peers with regard to time management. SAS is fairly restrictive about phone use (no phone use in public areas), and used to have no wi-fi in dorms (I believe that’s changed this year). Also, IIRC, they have mandatory group study hall for underclassmen (at the very least, freshman…who gather in the dining hall). Someone correct me if I’m wrong.
At Masters, certain privileges are withheld until one demonstrates good skills/strong GPA. Access to dorm room mid-day and ability to have pocket door between dorm rooms (girls dorm) open are among these privileges. Also, I believe if your GPA is below a certain threshold you must go to group study hall (in library?)…though that may also be the case for all freshman boarders first semester. 7D2 is elite athlete so has always had to be good at managing her time, but I appreciate that these measures are in place.
I know this, both of my kids are MUCH better at time management than either of their parents ever were.
Some of the schools we are looking at have a required class for 9th graders on study skills/adjusting to BS. Brooks and Tabor are 2 of them. The course catalog and school handbook have info about study hall (some schools have 9th graders study in a supervised room, others study in their dorm). Some depend on GPA, more freedom with higher GPA.
@mass2020mom: I think a lot of schools have that “skills” class for 9th graders…
@KinestheticKT I can relate to your comments. We knew time management was not a strength. DC is much better than 6 and 7th grade, but still needs work on make the most efficient use of time (we have seen some wonderful glimpses that those skills are coming along.) We chose to focus on schools that had a more gradual approach in 9th grade, with more restrictions on what 9th graders can do and when. For our DC, that made sense. While many of DC’s teachers try to push DC toward HADES schools, we knew (and DC knew after visiting) that he would not have the time management skills necessary right off the jump to succeed and looked for schools DC felt would gradually (of course, we know BS is challenging, so again this statement is meant to be relative) allow DC to succeed. That was just our experience. Good luck in the process. It’s very illuminating for all involved.
In our experience even with all the “skills” classes, dorm oversight etc… It is up to your child to use their time wisely. Some of mine have and some have not. None of this was due to age/ maturity/ education/ parenting. Our youngest who skipped a year and will graduate at 16, is the best time manager in our family. She informed me just this week that she was going to bed at 9pm in order to be ready for tryouts at 615 the next morning. Our son routinely gets on " stricts" for oversleeping and missing classes. Once a term we get a letter in the mail that he has missed the maximum 4 classes of the term- he never goes over this limit. I guess this is a method of time management as well.
Who among us doesn’t have imperfect time management, even as an adult? I think it’s great that schools explicitly address this with kids and teach them strategies.
Cate has an excellent study skills class for Freshmen, as well as strict study hours and lights out etc. As with most schools, these rules are loosened as the kids get older. My DD came from a very competitive private MS with tons of homework, so the workload itself wasn’t a challenge Freshman year. What she learned very quickly however, is how to be efficient. When you’re living at home, you can stay up very late if you need to, or work all weekend, all while chatting on FB or whatever (that line will definitely out me as an old person ;-)). At BS there seems to be less time-flexibility. She has gotten much better at planning out her work a week or two out, and setting priorities.
What is equally difficult is learning how to manage everything else - picking up the mail, writing down the club meeting time, signing up for things & getting the forms in on time, etc etc etc. All of those smaller life-tasks that I used to help her with (or at least remind her about), she now has to do on her own. So, I think that even an incredibly strong student with excellent study skills will find BS a challenge, HADES school or not.
Every school we applied to/visited brought up academic support issues like tutoring etc. as part of the presentation/discussion Despite the popular fantasy that these schools are filled with superstar, type a, driven, passionate, organized, as well as nice and empathetic students it simply isn’t true. Many of these kids need help in a subject or in organization thus the very standard proctored study halls, faculty available 24/7 and so on.
I know my driven and passionate dd needs guide and help in organization, study skills and procrastination. Her frontal cortex isn’t developed yet. But I am confident that she will be given the help at all schools we applied.
We definitely saw differences in visiting schools. Every school had available tutoring, study sessions - drop in sessions and scheduled one with teachers, etc. But some had more skills classes, structure built in the system - study halls, lights out, turn off wifi, etc. All schools have structure for 9th graders, but some schools/dorms are stricter and keep a closer eye on kids than others. And some schools have sign in, but not really a lights out or specific study hall after 9th grade. We thought Berkshire School had a lot of structure - someplace for you to look at.
Everyone this is great feedback thanks. @GMC2918 it is so important that my D realize the reality that Mom is not going to pick up the pieces ( or her clothes), remind her to bring the instrument to school that you forgot by the door, bring order when things get busy and more chaotic. Getting paperwork in on time and being responsible for herself without anyone in her ear will be great to see her step into. I play a part in reminding her to time out how long HW, projects, EC’s etc., will be. It’s a fine line at times between training and letting go. It’s a reminder now that I’m hoping just like brushing teeth and eating right for the energy you need, sticks when I’m not there.
@SculptorDad I hope the same for my older D who came out of the womb organized. It’s an adjustment for anyone. We will be looking harder at this area though for D2 this go around. Gotta know your kids.
I’m an organizer. I’ve always worked from a day planner (a big week-at-a-glance type) that I keep open on the kitchen counter. I trained both DH and DS to never, ever ask me a question along the lines of, “What time is…,” or “When is…,” or “What are we doing Friday,” etc. before looking at the planner because anything like that that they need to know is there. I also trained them to add their own notes if I need to be aware of something they’ve scheduled. My motto is, “If it isn’t in the day planner, it doesn’t exist.”
When kiddo started middle school, I got him one of those big month-at-a-glance calendar desk blotters for the desk in his room and taught him how to take a few minutes at the end of every day to jot down anything he needed to remember in the upcoming days like homework/reading assignments, Scout activities, field trips (and notes that needed signing)–nothing time consuming, just a small note jotted in the appropriate day square, and to always look at the blotter before he left for school every morning. Because I was a Nazi about the family planner and he liked having one of his own, he took to it. Later, he learned to keep an electronic list that sends him alerts and e-mail reminders.
I was happy that Choate had many good restrictions and guidelines in place to reinforce him once he got there, but I felt it was my duty to teach him (and DH!) early on how to organize his life – if only to spare them both the painful wrath-of-mom should anything important not get documented.
He laughed when he got to West Point and was introduced to their color-coded calendaring program. Yeah, he said, “I’ve got this.”
I think @MA2012’s post is accurate. Every school has tutoring and some support but there are differing degrees of structure. Some may disagree with me, but I think Andover, Exeter, and SPS are schools that give more independence relative to other BSs in terms of lights out, study halls, etc. This isn’t a bad thing at all and is what is perfect for many students. My kids didn’t have a bed time at home. One felt very strongly that they sure didn’t want one at BS either, although I could argue that some of ChoatieMom’s military precision in her organization could have benefitted this child. 
My advice is to work on this independence now at home in the months leading up your child’s arrival on campus. Even when their are rules, your child will have much more leeway than they are likely to have at home. No one is wandering the hallways at 1AM to make sure your child is asleep.