<p>I have no objection to a show of respect, courtesy, or inclusion for parents or anyone else in the family. Where it starts to be a problem is when it becomes something specifically done for bride’s parents by groom, I think, but not the reverse.</p>
<p>The dinner report - We had a lovely dinner with our future-SIL (assuming DD says yes) - casual restaurant, good food, convenient to travel to for all of us. He shared a number of stories about why DD is so special to him, even his version of the night that they met. He has already purchased the ring, but he didn’t share details of his proposal plan. That’s fine with us - it is their engagement, not ours. Knowing him, I would expect that it will be a more private proposal as opposed to an elaborate event, and I’m sure DD will call us after the fact.</p>
<p>Although he appeared calm and confident, he told us at the end of the evening that he was very nervous. No questions from us, but apparently he and DD have some books with questions before engagement and marriage that they have been going through.</p>
<p>His family knew that he was taking us to dinner last evening and why, and he showed us his phone at the end of the evening with all the missed calls and text messages from his parents and sisters.</p>
<p>It looks like we will be hosting a wedding in the not too distant future. As another poster suggested, I’ll need to start visiting the wedding threads!</p>
<p>Thanks again everyone.</p>
<p>I am glad you had a nice time. :)</p>
<p>That’s just so lovely cincy gal! Best of everything to you and your family at this special time!</p>
<p>Best wishes cincy. He sounds like a great future SIL. I am glad you had fun. Let us know what happens next! I love that his family was thinking of him during the evening. </p>
<p>As others have stated, I hope my D is treasured by a fine young man one day! And that my S is treasured by a fine young woman one day!</p>
<p>It sounds like you are gaining a wonderful son!</p>
<p>Mazel Tov! What wonderful news.</p>
<p>That’s wonderful! He sounds very thoughtful. Just curious, did he request approval, your blessing, or was it more of a heads up, this is what’s happening type of thing?</p>
<p>How perfect. How delightful! How wonderful!!!</p>
<p>Oooh! Sounds lovely! best wishes to the couple and thanks for sharing!</p>
<p>I’m happy to read a happy story.</p>
<p>Cbreeze–I think what confused me, maybe was explained to me in Dragonmom’s posts about the pageantry around engagement “moments.” To me, getting engaged is about two people talking about getting married and then deciding to. The idea that the staged, pop-the-question moment is something separate (they know they’re getting married but they’re not “engaged” until then, is what i’m reading here) is just not part of anything I know or have experienced, so that might be why I read some of these stories as odd sounding to me. Because in the old days of “pop the question moments” it would not be assumed that the idea of marriage had already been discussed and was mutually agreed upon, it was predicated on the woman not knowing ahead of time. Nowadays, I had thought it was more egalitarian. Some of you seem to be describing a sort of hybrid-- agreed upon future plans, but it’s not an “engagement” till the planned moment.</p>
<p>But if that’s the custom for some people, that’s fine. Perhaps I’m not up-to-date.</p>
<p>For those who want more info on public proposals you can go to youtube and search for things like "best wedding proposals " (I love this one [Best</a> marriage proposal ever? - YouTube](<a href=“- YouTube”>- YouTube) or “worst wedding proposals failures”. The second search leads to the comment that there are unexpected risks (at least to the man) to a big production proposals.</p>
<p>Yep, garland, that’s the custom. It’s bizarre to me, but that’s the custom.</p>
<p>One of my D’s friends invited his parents and her parents to have dinner with him and his girlfriend at a waterside cafe. After they all were there, he rowed up in a boat with the ring and “popped the question” while both sets of parents took photos. BOTH sets of parents knew what was going to happen; the bride didn’t.</p>
<p>A cousin’s D’s fiance involved the whole family. To pop the question, he took the girl up in a private plane at dawn. He had painted letters on sheets which their families had laid out on the beach. So, up in the air, he told her to look down as he flew in low over their hometown. She saw the sheets, which spelled out “Will you marry me, _____?” with all their friends and family there with the sheets, waving at the plane.</p>
<p>I was surprised to learn that this custom is now common in our area when guys ask girls to the prom! They have to make a big deal out of it, and a lot of times it’s a public event. That is even more bizarre to me.</p>
<p>garland- ah, thanks for explaining your perspective. For my D, the engagement date was the date of the proposal and since she had been with her then BF for several years, they had an understanding that they would marry in the future.</p>
<p>OOOHHHH! New wedding thread! Love those! Congrats! Sounds like a great start to a great marriage!</p>
<p>electronblue … yes, he requested our approval and blessing. And we gave it, wholeheartedly. It has been obvious how much they care for each other, but it wasn’t until last evening that he shared with us how taken he was with her right from the start.</p>
<p>Congratulations!!! Have fun with the wedding plans!</p>
<p>:heart:
Congrats! </p>
<p>Congrats :D</p>
<p>Good luck to all involved!</p>