<p>Out of control people tend to become increasingly out of control & have fewer & fewer filters. Not so sure that the woman can discriminate as to who she decides she should yell at or take action against. Maybe it’s easier to just give the older one drugs/alcohol, but she might easily also be doing more to the 13-year-old verbally & physically as well. Scary!</p>
<p>Who’s going to protect that baby if you don’t call? This whole situation sounds out-of-control, and rather than waiting for the disaster to happen, those kids need some help. If neither mom nor “dad” are capable of safe parenting, the teen needs a safe place. And the baby needs protection from a whacko mom. This isn’t a little “questionable” – what you’ve heard and learned raises huge red flags.</p>
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<p>Women can’t be dads without quotation marks?</p>
<p>^I used quotation marks originally to clarify why I was saying Dad followed by the use of female pronouns. Just so people wouldn’t get confused. I always refer to my friend as she/her etc…and also as B. Dad. (No quotation marks) :)</p>
<p>I keep checking here to see if the OP has posted along the lines of, “You guys are right, I called and someone in authority is looking into it.” But instead, we’re getting a lot of rationalizations and excuses. Child services exists to investigate things like this. That is what they do. What someone with reliable knowledge of TWO children being abused (and that’s what it is) does, if they have any sense is to CALL AUTHORITIES, not whine and rationalize. Good lord, when I was a volunteer in a victim’s services office, I knew of prosecutions for less than this. What are you waiting for?</p>
<p>It doesn’t matter how dysfunctional or enmeshed or unable to disentangle him/herself the father is from his roommate, he’s not protecting his D and it sounds like NO ONE is protecting the baby. Go call before we read about one of them dying on the news. And no, I’m not being hysterical. There have been both shaken baby deaths and the death of underage drinking/drugging teens just right here in my state in the last few years. I’m appalled.</p>
<p>I have never heard the dad curse or be violent in any way toward her children. I think the problem is that dad is letting the roommate run the house because she has an obsesssive relationship with her. The roommate has no idea how to parent-she was very abused and her uncle would lock her in an outside shed for hours at a time.</p>
<p>The roommate doesn’t believe she is being inappropriate with her son by yelling at him and “spanking him.” I think she believes she is being a good parent. Obviously, she isnt - she is a dangerous parent in my opinon.</p>
<p>Agree with who said she was treating relationship with B as a peer relationship. I absolutely feel that is true. Roommate is the type of person who will go to great lengths, even if they are self destructive, to have people “like her.” </p>
<p>At this point, I am talking with a friend who works with childrens protective services in another county. I want to make sure I can get help for them. I don’t want to see B taken out of the home if there is a chance for intervention, counseling etc… B has been spending a lot of time at our house and with my daughter and she is safe with us. </p>
<p>My friend is making an anonymouse report on the roommate regarding the physical abuse. I think that makes sense since she saw it - I didn’t.</p>
<p>So the dad isn’t cursing or feeding his D alcohol or or be violent. He’s actively allowing someone else to be. That is just as bad. B NEEDS to get out of the home-are you KIDDING?
I swear if you didn’t have 1,000 posts to your name I’d think you were a ■■■■■. At least maybe if the investigate your friend’s report the rest of the crap will be brought to light.</p>
<p>Another issue I have is that the Dad has been assuring me over and over the roommate only gave B one glass of wine one time. What do I tell children’s services? Just that it is my “feeling” that roommate is getting the girl drunk even though she is now denying it and the dad believes her? What will happen? I can guarantee they will vehemently deny any wrongdoing.</p>
<p>I know if I were reading this from an outside perspective I would say the same thing - call children’s services immediately, but I am just not sure what to say to them at this point. B has been with us a lot this week and my youngest talked to her. She denies getting drunk or roommate encouraging her to drink…</p>
<p>As far as the roommate and her baby - that is getting reported tomorrow.</p>
<p>And I am not a ■■■■■. This situation is too strange to even attempt to make up.</p>
<p>update: I am making an anonymous report to children’s services. I have to be willing to risk my friendship with my friend if it means her daughter and the roommates baby will be safe. It is hard for me to imagine there are those that abuse and I always try to give people the benefit of the doubt, but this time I am reporting it.</p>
<p>This whole thread sounds fishy to me, but I could be wrong. However, I’d take 3:1 all day.</p>
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<p>Thank goodness you’re not in charge of investigating.</p>
<p>Please understand that if Pearl called a friend in cps and asked her father to check the drug abuse accusation against the mom and has physical contact with B, she is not sitting by as idly and ladidah as some portray. </p>
<p>No, we may feel that is not enough. But the thread has gone from the roommate’s dumb, self-centered comments that she’d spank- and another friend’s saying she saw spanking- to shaken baby syndrome and assumptions that B is now being physically and verbally abused, plus fed alcohol routinely and smoking marijuana.</p>
<p>We can conjecture. We don’t know. Remember that B herself denies. That doesn’t mean OP doesn’t have to take steps, but let’s not turn this on her. It’s one thing to remind, another to suggest OP is trolling.</p>
<p>thank you looking forward. </p>
<p>MisterK: you are very wrong. There is nothing “fishy” about this. Your snarky little comment does nothing to help this situation either. I have been posting on here over a year so why would I all of a sudden make up an elaborate story about my transgendered friend and her roommate? Search my posts, I guarantee I have referenced my friend before. </p>
<p>I was just looking for different perspectives because this is such a unique situation. And I am not so stupid that I would let kids lives be put at risk. I don’t update my every move on here. But my dad who lives 2000 miles away is working to help the mom. I am in daily contact with my friend and B. and am talking with other close friends who are working to fix this situation. I have spent time this evening with a CPS employee in a neighboring county and filled her in on the entire situation. The situation is getting reported but most likely nothing will come of it because there is no valid proof. </p>
<p>And I do not believe B is getting physically or verbally abused. If anything the roommate is acting like B is her best friend. As far as shaken baby syndrome - I doubt that. I only heard her make those comments and have never seen her hit her baby. My other friend said she saw her spank/slap him and use rough language because the roommate thinks that is appropriate discipline for a 10 month old.</p>
<p>My transgendered friend is going through a lot of problems right now and needs my help not my judgement and that is what she is going to get. Not one of us is perfect but she isn’t the monster that some may seem to suggest. I have known her all my life and she is the most kind person you will ever meet. I am sure she truly believes the roommate is telling the truth even if I don’t. </p>
<p>The best thing I can do is continue to be a friend and try to help this family - not just pick up the phone and throw them to the wolves and walk away.</p>
<p>Goodbye.</p>
<p>The unpleasant comments towards the OP were completely uncalled for. A lot of people seem remarkably eager to set the wheels in motion towards taking a child away from her father based entirely on speculation and double hearsay.</p>
<p>If even a fraction of what the OP is being told is going on in that house, the children belong elsewhere. It’s pretty common for an abusive parents who smacks a baby, for example, to be doing worse when no one is watching. If she admits getting a teen drunk once, it probably happened more than that. This is not a sip or two with dinner in a closely supervised setting. It’s the exact opposite. These things need an educated professional looking into them.</p>
<p>It’s great that OP has professionals offering insight, but they have no standing or authority to actually DO anything. THOSE professionals are the ones who need calling. And I’m sorry the father is having such a tough time and doesn’t want his roommate to get in trouble, but those kids should come first. They don’t right now, not with him OR the roommate.</p>
<p>I’m not surprised that the teen denies anything happened. Her options are to go back home with a crazy pseudo stepmom and blind father with his own problems, or to her crack-addicted mother. Who knows what they’d do to her for telling the truth. And it may be very surprising, but even any of that may be her preference over the unknown of foster care. But…professionals know how to try to sort the truth from the lies, and that’s really the best option here-no matter what it going on. I see that the OP at least plans to call about the baby. Good. That’s a start.</p>
<p>Pearl - I’m so sorry to hear about this. I know you are in a very tough position doing the best you can. Just imagine what that roommate is doing when she’s exhausted and the baby won’t stop crying! </p>
<p>Just remember you don’t want to have regrets. If everything was truly okay you wouldn’t feel so upset over it. No one wants to call cps, and the reality is, what would make you feel worse - doing something or not doing something? </p>
<p>When a person lives in chaos they don’t even know what they’re doing is out of bounds. Sounds like they could use some parenting classes, which may come as a demand from cps.</p>
<p>mspearl, ignore the trolling accusations and other garbage. You are feeling your way through a difficult situation, and you are taking steps to protect the children and preserve your ability to help them in the long run. That’s important.</p>
<p>As for the idea that CPS workers have some godlike ability to sort truth from fiction and make the right decision in all circumstances…all I can say is that I have two close friends–and a handful of acquaintances–who are practicing MSWs who have worked with families, adolescents, and children in my region for decades, and BOTH of them have told me that the state agency hires new grads with no experience as parents OR social workers and that they often make mistaken judgments in such situations. These are people who have every sympathy for social workers and the difficulty of making such decisions. For that matter, <em>I</em> have every sympathy with the state workers. They are damned if they do and damned if they don’t. But let us not pretend that calling CPS is not a serious step. It can unleash a legal juggernaut that can and does leave unintended victims in its wake. And given that the father is a transwoman, I would be doubly concerned. Let us hope that your actions will result in this young mother getting the help she so desperately needs , and that the father realizes that he needs to put the welfare of his child ahead of his concern for his friend.</p>
<p>I have seen many mspearl’s posts, especially on the 2012 thread. Everything I have read shows she is a very caring person, and that includes her own kids, relatives and friends. I am not surprised that she is in this difficult situation, because I am sure her friends tend to lean on her for guidance. Most people wouldn’t want to to get involved.</p>
<p>I also agree with consolation that I am not sure if I would have complete faith in CPS making the right decision, and the child may end up in a worse situation than where she is today. </p>
<p>I don’t envy mspearl’s position. Not sure what I would do.</p>
<p>Consolation and oldfort, I agree. I believe there’s a lot of naivete about the consequences of calling CPS. I have no problem whatsoever reporting the roommate about the baby; if she’s struck the baby once, that’s one time too many.</p>
<p>But reporting the father, with respect to her daughter? No. Get the roommate out of the house and possibly put the baby somewhere safer if there’s any truth to what’s being claimed, but there’s no justification for taking the 13-year old girl away from her father, even if what’s claimed is true. I think the willfully offensive way that people in this thread are referring to the dad – she’s a “she”; women (trans or otherwise) are “she”; it really isn’t that difficult – simply confirms the enormous amount of ignorance and prejudice that still exist against trans people, not just on this thread but in almost every bureaucracy I’ve ever heard of. It’s worse in some parts of the country than others, of course. Even in 2012, trans women still get their children taken away, and are barred from seeing them, simply for being trans. Raise an allegation of neglect, or condoning child abuse, even over a hearsay allegation of 1 (one) glass of wine given to the child not by the father herself but by the roommate, wildly extrapolated into fantasies of drug addiction? Forget it.</p>