<ol>
<li><p>Offer them a lump sum as a wedding gift. If they spend the money as a down payment on a home and go for a frugal wedding, they’re my kind of couple.</p></li>
<li><p>Asking the parents for their daughters hand in marriage goes back to the days when females were considered their father’s property and should have gone out with the dodo. Ugh.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>^ 1) What use is a daughter if she behaves like a son? </p>
<p>2) Not nice to ignore the future FIL especially when FIL will be funding GK’s 529.</p>
<p>1) Anyone who would choose to use a large lump sum of money on a ceremony instead of an investment is a fool and is not likely to make a good spouse, woman or man.</p>
<p>2) Why would anyone going into a marriage just assume that their parents will be funding the grandkid’s education.</p>
<p>not here-
we paid for our own wedding
$1000 was our budget inc rings & honeymoon ( needless to say- that was one night in the local Hilton) 
Grandparents also are slacking on their end if they are going to pay for college-
They did come to her high school and college graduation ceremonies- but that was a surprise :eek:!</p>
<p>Read this book:</p>
<p>One Perfect Day: The Selling of the American Wedding by Rebessa Mead</p>
<p><a href=“http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/1594200882/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-0305895-4099061?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185897816&sr=8-1[/url]”>http://www.amazon.com/One-Perfect-Day-Selling-American/dp/1594200882/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1/103-0305895-4099061?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1185897816&sr=8-1</a></p>
<p>If you took $50,000 you spend for a wedding and invest it instead at 7% a year would have $200,000 in 20 years, which would be a good start to funding a college education.</p>
<p>Dadguy: Although I agree withb you in principle, shhhhh! My husband is a wedding photographer!</p>
<p>I disagree with the anti-wedding celebration folks. I should first say that I had little interest in my own first wedding, which got taken away from me by my parents and everything had to be formal and “by the book”. I hated the whole concept (I was a tomboy heading for law school) and the poor groom (and marriage) didn’t stand a chance! </p>
<p>However, our whole family is excited about my daughter’s wedding next June. She is a very spiritual person and is in discernment for Episcopal seminary, so the Celebration of Marriage means a lot to her and she wants to share the service with her friends and family. She is inviting her priest from Houston to come to Tennessee to participate in the service along with one of our parish priests. She is not an extravagant person, but does want a fun party with family and friends after the service. Music and photography are priorites. She is enjoying the planning and we want it to be a fun process filled with joy and anticipation and not stress. Yes, it will be expensive, but she is a special young lady who has found a special mate and my husband and I want to do this for them and for US! We are not young parents, and we welcome the opportunity to gather as many of OUR friends together with us for this occasion as we can lure to Tennessee. There won’t be that many occasions in the coming years to see some of these people, and our daughter’s wedding seems like a perfect time. If I have to work another year or so to pay for it, so be it. It will be worth it to have all our loved ones celebrating communion and then dancing to country music and drinking longnecks!</p>
<p>I don’t think anyone is saying they are anti ritual- but that rituals do not need to = $$$$</p>
<p>I hate the whole idea of large weddings. They’re wasteful. A couple should get married very simply and take the amount of money otherwise involved and put a down payment on a house. In a year or two the wedding is a distant memory while the house (generally) will be appreciating and could serve as the basis of their “fortune.”</p>
<p>There’s another reason I don’t like large weddings: a wedding should be the beginning, not the high point, of a marraige. How can anything else, especially for a woman, match the whole bride-centered process?</p>
<p>I am not anti-wedding at all. I do think brides can get caught up in the consumerism of it all, and I think that’s unfortunate. I also think it’s important for all involved to realize that the day is a celebration for family and friends too. Being surrounded by your loved ones on such an important occasion is really what it’s all about. </p>
<p>I heard a review on NPR of the book I recommended. I liked it because the author exposes how intertwined “traditions” are with buying stuff - but how that’s all relatively recent and they aren’t truly traditions at all! So, good food for thought perhaps.</p>
<p>Enjoy the planning and have a fun, love-filled event.</p>
<p>Spend $25K on a wedding and get $25K in gifts ($100/head). Seems like a decent deal to me if you want it and can afford it. I have been to some cheap ones and some nice ones. Both have their place as long as the bridesmaids are hot.</p>
<p>I think you can have a lovely event that doesn’t cost five figures. </p>
<p>My dad offered the ladder, but we took the wedding…daytime with a lunch, no long train, no tux, no limo, no band or dance floor, no fancy photographer (still a lot of nice pics). Cost $2K 20 years ago. Maybe $5K today. Was a wonderful day, and didn’t break the bank.</p>
<p>If my daughter wants a $20K wedding, she’d better start saving now, since I am not into that kind of capital outlay for a party.</p>
<p>My parents had a big blowout for their fiftieth–with all the folks from out of town flying in. Like a wedding weekend, it was a tough weekend. Thank God I suggested we hold a family only dinner the night before–the rehearsal dinner as it were. Everyone stood up and spoke such lovely, loving words.</p>
<p>The party was a blur. With a couple of hundred people, we only had time to shake hands and do a few quick words. My folks were shattered. So many special people travelled so far–yet they didn’t get to ‘spend time’ with them.</p>
<p>So MOWC–make sure you plan out some private dinners–and a follow-on brunch to get the most out of all those hours.</p>
<p>oldfort honey, I am in a similar boat. However, I will only be one kind of MIL–my DIL’s second best mother. I will love her, I will. She’ll hold the key to my boy’s heart and my grandchildren’s lives. If I want admittance, she has to be too too happy to see me.</p>
<p>As one of my friends said, "You are going to be way over-invested in your son’s choice of partner.’ Too true, too true.</p>
<p>“You are going to be way over-invested in your son’s choice of partner.’ Too true, too true.”</p>
<p>Hope you Googled her first ;-)</p>
<p>We’re not talking huge. In fact. part of why my daughter and her fiance decided to do this in TN is so they can invite those they feel they should invite, but only those who are really close friends will make the trek from Texas or wherever. We don’t want huge attendance- just nice, fun and meaningful.</p>
<p>Both have their place as long as the bridesmaids are hot.</p>
<p>I assume you mean those that aren’t young enough to be your daughter right?</p>
<p>My sister was a bridesmaid in 14 weddings. Can anybody top that? :)</p>
<p>Weddings are a fertility rite; however, your level of fertility does not increase with the amount of expenditures.</p>
<p>I was really talking about the good ole days when I was in the game. Now I just get to look-- but I went to a lot more weddings when I was younger too.</p>