No, he did not. That is valid.
Oh, yes. I’m probably more interested in getting the cousin pose picture than either my ds or my nephew. They’ve been doing it forever. I consider it a family tradition. My ds always obliges. I think he likes doing the cousin pose just fine, but he wouldn’t care either way. Ds and I also do the cousin pose. As do dh and I. And others in the family who aren’t cousins.
Nephew doesn’t like taking photos of any kind. He has not always been this way, however.
I hate the posed photos. Have always hated them, as a kid I had no choice, but once I left for college i realized that at any family event I could just walk away, decline, head for the bathroom, and avoid the whole thing.
it is INFINITELY worse now because of social media. I don’t need pictures of me-- generally with food in my mouth- posted on Facebook by a relative saying “She wouldn’t pose for the cousin’s photo but we got her anyway”.
Ugh. I really don’t think owning a cellphone gives someone the right to force you to be in photos you don’t want to be in, and then post those photos for the billion or so people on Facebook. I don’t need anyone in the family declining on my behalf. I’m capable of smiling and saying “no thank you” when it’s time to pile in the living room for the obligatory “aren’t we having fun” picture.
Yikes! Then I wouldn’t even ask him about being in the cousin’s pose. If he approaches the photographer about it, great—but I wouldn’t ask an adult(or a kid!) who hates being in photos to do a special photo just because it’s tradition.
That’s just mean. I would never do that!
My mil tries to take candid photos. They are generally horrible because she is not a great photographer and tags anyway. Many with closed eyes. Lol
I don’t have to post pics, though I do. But, I’d honor, “don’t tag me, or, “please don’t post pics of me.” My mil doesn’t ask.
You can make your settings so that pics you are tagged in won’t post on your feed without your permission. This cuts down on exposure. Just FYI.
Oh, I couldn’t care less if mil posts bad photos of me.
Read the room.
Back off. He’s a grown man. Maybe he’s just not that into Auntie. Maybe he hates texting. Maybe he hates group photos. Maybe he does’nt like his cousins. The reasons don’t matter. After a dozen texts per year, few with any response, I think the answer is clear. Just take it at face value and move on. HogGirl may love these group photos, but why project that love onto everyone else? Just invite them to line up for cousin pose if they want. If a grown man chooses not to, well then…Doh!
Again, that’s you, not everyone.
Honestly, it sounds like a lot of photos. My kids (18 and 21) dislike these types of posed photos too and avoid them at all costs. They would politely tolerate a few to humor older relatives.
I have a nephew, now 34, who has always hated his picture being taken, and particularly hates family photos. It started as a young child because he had a lazy eye - first, it was hard for him to stare towards the camera, particularly outside in sunlight; later he was self-conscious about his eye. But he still hated photos after his eye was fixed - just the act of having to pose and then wait while multiples are taken. We all know this about him, and try to make it easy on him - limit the group photos and make it happen very fast, no fussing around to get it posed right or doing a bunch of shots. If I were to text him and ASK about having his photo taken at an upcoming event, he would think that was super weird and be annoyed that even more attention was being given to the fact that he is uncomfortable with picture-taking. He definitely would not respond to that text! And - it would not help our relationship for me to have sent it. YMMV.
It’s two photos for my nephew. One of the entire family and one with his only first cousin, my ds.
Again, I’m very appreciative of all the responses to my query. I have learned a lot through this exchange.
But even that assumes he wants you to reach out (in some way). He may really, really dislike being put on the spot like that. What if he really doesn’t want to take the effort to maintain an active connection, but, if approached, has an uncomfortable, irreconcilable internal war between being tactful and being honest? This kind of conversation may feel natural to you, but enough to make some people run for the hills.
It doesn’t mean he is rejecting you, per se. But he’s a young man, and an introvert, and his values and priorities may just be different than yours. He may enjoy low-key, non-pressured in-person family time when it happens. Seems to me, that’s all he wants. He’s speaking with his actions. If he wants more, it’s time for HIM to put on his big-boy pants and speak for himself. If he doesn’t want to be in photos, he can learn to assert that. If he wants a texting relationship, it’s up to him to initiate or at least respond. The ball is in his court. You’ve done more than enough to show you care. It’s really not anyone’s place to try to outguess what he may or not want from you or other relatives. He had been an adult for some time now.
Sometimes we women (who have often been trained for life for this role) overfunction for people, especially for boys and men. It may feel intrusive to them, or it may feel nice but prevent them from developing their own capabilities.
I’m an introvert and being asked would make me very uncomfortable and defensive.
My son rarely replies to text messages. If he does respond it’s late at night long after I’ve gone to bed. He also isn’t one to call, when he does call my first thought is something is wrong. I’ve learned if it’s something I want a response to I add his wife to the message.
My mother-in-law rarely replies to text messages. It drives my husband crazy.
Texting is just not for me. Maybe it is because in my line of work, I spend many, many hours typing in front of a screen. To me, in many ways texting is a chore rather than pleasure.
I do try to set boundaries and expectations up front if I share my phone number, but I’m grateful to have seen this thread as I wasn’t aware my text avoidance could be hurtful. I’ll try to be more receptive in the future.
If he doesn’t like any photos, you are not listening.
My wife’s family had a crazy Uncle George who was always in your face with a camera at every family event, and every non-event, and decades later, she hates to have her picture taken. Not two. Not one. Zero is always the correct answer.
Announce at the dinner: at xx pm, I’d like to take a family photo, and hope all of you will join. At leave it at that.
This.
Oh wow. Yeah, non—answering texts can be really troubling to those of us who have reached out that way. I always wonder if I’ve done something wrong when someone doesn’t acknowledge a text in a “reasonable” amount of time — which can of course vary depending on past history and nature of that particular text.
It is also possible , that for some people’s pov, trying to ask privately ahead of time and help this introverted person have some agency in what might be an unfun activity IS listening. It’s noticing the problem and trying to help. And some of us can’t “read the room” with confidence, so we ask questions like this one.
To summarize the thread 
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate
I can’t read all of the above, I stopped after like 15 responses…maybe that’s what it’s like for young people today getting so many texts?
There was a news item on French tv, and they asked young people if they look at their texts. They all answered that they don’t really…they have the people close to them on WhatsApp.
In any case, I would just ask him directly at Thanksgiving, do you read my texts, do you mind being in photos, how is your life going…. You will see him in person and can have a conversation and find out what connection he wants. People too often make their own story in their head about what other people think, without consulting the person. Lol, I am known for being rather “honest” though, as in a bit blunt.
I’ve had a lot of thoughts/ideas reading this, and many have touched on those.
Love is not something we give with the expectation that it will be reciprocated, and while we’re talking about answering texts, this is mixed with your feelings about your importance to your nephew. Perhaps if you can reframe your interactions as simply “expressions of love” – as it seems you care – you can release yourself from an expectation of response, especially one signaling emotion or reciprocation. Perhaps make a point of sending texts that don’t require a response. I believe that everyone wants to feel loved, and you will be remembered for this. Maybe not answered, but remembered!
Second, helping adult kids can sometimes be, or be perceived as, a form of control. Since I heard this (as a parent whose kid resists our help on anything and everything!), I’ve made an effort to ask myself “why am I offering this?” and “how might this be perceived?” And sometimes, I realize there could be more going on. (And sometimes, I am fine with that, sometimes I say as much.) But “help” can be a lot of things and contain a lot of messages, even when it’s meant as a kindness.
I guess this is saying that maybe this isn’t something to bring up with him but to reconcile with yourself. And that could bring about the change you hope for. Really feeling for you, btw. This stuff hurts…