<p>I think the boy is BS-ing his mother. I think he’s able to bat his baby blues or browns at her and tell her what a good boy he is, and she buys it. I think he’s careful to never misbehave in front of her, so she’s just not getting it. </p>
<p>eyemamom, you’re doing what you should and what you can. I agree with the other posters who suggest that you continue to bring things up in a gentle way. Eventually she’ll put two and two together. </p>
<p>Take two: Put it in dad’s lap. There is no way he loves living like this. Maybe he sees it more clearly than mom. Maybe he’s afraid of mom and her reaction. Time to man up if he’s able and do what’s right for his kid. or maybe he’s in total denial also.
This is really hard though more perhaps because he is so young. A psychologist would only see him in a contained office environment and get info about his regular behavior from his parents who are in denial and have constant excuses for his behavior.
I will say that I know what you are talking about in regards to his behavior. An unfortunate friend of my D’s (like 3 rd grade) was such a master manipulator that I had to can that relationship fast. Kid was unbelievably smart, outgoing and I hate to say it–simply did what she could to get others in trouble and cause trouble. She was candy sweet when she needed to get out of the trouble she caused. Especially to mom. Mom stayed clueless… I shudder to think of her as an adult even now…</p>
<p>I feel for you @eyemamon because denial runs deep and the messenger will be blamed.</p>
<p>It may be the dad will see he has to protect the younger sibling, which may also cause problems in the marriage. Having a child with issues is a marital strain.</p>
<p>The boy will continue to have issues at school until there is enough intervention. Perhaps he will be aggressive against another kid and is removed from that classroom.</p>
<p>Pray for knowledge on how to best act in this situation.</p>
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<p>this is interesting. Did SIL say why? it’s not like that is frequently done.</p>
<p>He was dx’d with adhd, he was in so much trouble at school I think they essentially forced her into it. He got that dx and does take the meds, which I didn’t think she’d do, and I believe they think that’s that. She never shared the results of the testing with us beyond mild adhd. </p>
<p>I taught a kinder child who was a sociopath. No empathy, master manipulator, hurt others just for the excitement of it, could behave beautifully if he felt like it, smart, cute, showed no remorse for his actions, spoke cooly about how he could come back and kill us some day, behaved as if his mother was just any other person. SCARY indeed. Poor mom and mom’s boyfriends did what they could, but what DO you do with a child who has NO empathy, no emotional connection, who looks at a crying child, shrugs, smiles and walks away… If I were you, I would feel a little pity for your SIL!</p>
<p>I never, ever call out or discipline or even complain about anyone else’s kid. None of my business. PArenting is an intensely personal and sensitive matter. Why give parenting advice to others? It only has downside.</p>
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<p>So if you saw another kid physically hurting someone, you wouldn’t say anything? Or emotionally abusing another kid… again, nothing?</p>
<p>I really hope I’m wrong on this.</p>
<p>I would just separate the two. It’s like breaking up an adult fight. You don’t go moral counselor on either of the parties after you do that.</p>
<p>Oh for heaven’s sake. Have you READ the posts where eyemamon describes this child’s behavior???</p>
<p>Wouldn’t change my answer. Parenting my own child is all that I signed up for. Other kids have to depend on their parents. I will of course help them if they ask for help. But unwelcome disciplining is not going to happen.</p>
<p>lol…I think I misread that test above…I thought it said, “genetic testing”. So, he had some sort of run-of-the-mill generic testing?</p>
<p>H and I were discussing this and he reminded me of an Indian Guide’s trip he took with our sons when they were young. H, the boys, another dad, and his son carpooled to the camp…a couple hour trip. Throughout the trip, the son behaved outrageously…including throwing an unopened Coke can at the back of H’s head! Once at the camp, the kid’s horrible behavior continued (knocking tents over, pushing innocent kids, and he stole something, but H couldn’t remember what it was. Some dads did say something to the dad, but he was in denial. I don’t know what happened to that kid, but it wouldn’t surprise me if he has had troubles at school, work, and in his personal life. </p>
<p>I know this will be contrary to the majority. But I wonder if there could be something going on at home that leads to these outbursts.</p>
<p>^^^^
I don’t think that thought is outside of the majority. I think there is room to believe that the problem could be environmental as well as “born that way.” </p>
<p>I read through the thread. Why do people care so much about misbehavior from other people’s kids? Whatever happened to the old maxim, if you can’t say something good, then say nothing at all. </p>
<p>I just realized my post 127 from last night can be read as if addressing teriwtt’s comment before it. It was not; it was in answer to the comment that teri was also responding to. Hope that was clear! @teriwtt.</p>
<p>The younger child seems perfectly lovely which is why eyemamom though that it’s more specific to this kid even though the parents may have some parenting or personal style issues. I think she felt they were in the normal range and if they secretly weren’t both kids would be somewhat impacted. She felt (I think) like this kid has been like this since he was old enough to tell and it isn’t settling in or going away.</p>
<p>I mentioned it because I did know two sibs like this, about 4 and 6, when I was a teen. The younger was adorable, perfect- everyone reacted to her as OP does to her younger nephew. The older (not as cute) was a terror. We came to realize there was more to the story than simply the older’s behavior. The older was clearly acting out after being the target of anger, denied the affection and attention the younger got. In little kids, these things can pop out in ways that alarm us. At 7, they don’t have the words, nor the ability to express what’s up. Likewise, the mom saying it’s just mild ADHD could be cover for something else going on at home.</p>
<p>I don’t mean to excuse the kid. But at that age, we don’t know. Only hindsight informs. That’s all. </p>
<p>It’s been interesting reading others thoughts and experiences. I really won’t insert myself into their parenting, but I do speculate here and with hubby. I’m sure the younger sibling gets preferential treatment from the public at large. He’s adorable, not shy, gives hugs, giggles and is always easy going and happy. And trust me, I have one introverted, intellectual kid and one homecoming queen type. I do understand how differently two children in the same family can be treated. My husband has come to the point he can’t tolerate being around this kid. But who tells someone your kid is a real jerk so we can’t hang out with you. Maybe he’s just an a$$hole, like hubby thinks, maybe he was born that way, maybe something is going on with him, maybe it’s a medical dx or a psych dx. I don’t know. I have my theories because I believe the eyes tell a story, and I can see the bad thoughts (or the scarier dead eyes) clicking through his head. Though I’ve yet to ever have him look me in the eyes. But clearly they’re locked into their denial, as is the other crucial person in the family - my mother in law. I don’t know how much more I can push it or how much I should. </p>
<p>Oh -and hubby thinks my narrative is influencing everyone to just agree with me. I’m trying to be as factual as possible. But I’ll put a disclaimer that my perspective is influenced by my experience with him. </p>