Do you help support your graduate?

Parent Cafe
41

<p>If our son needed to come home after college, he would be welcome. Now, that is easy for me to say, I know, since he has a job lined up. But I do believe it’s true. I also believe that he would be very reluctant to ask for help, being as responsible and independent as he is, so our support would not continue indefinitely. So I think the answer to the OP’s question really would hinge on the personality of the young person.</p>

42

<p>Mansfield, you sound like a very caring dad/mom :slight_smile: Your daughter will be thrilled.</p>

43

<p>Both Ss are self-supporting, S1 through his job, S2 through his stipend. They’re both very frugal, so they’re both able to save. We put money once in a while into their investment funds. If they needed to make a big purchase like a car, or buy a condo, we probably would help.</p>

44

<p>I’m a grad student who mostly supports myself on my stipend. My parents help out some time-- they pay for my transportation home and my dad will sometimes tell me to celebrate something good (or bad) using his credit card. I also know that they will help out in the case of a large medical expense (ie they paid for my wisdom teeth removal), or other large expense – like a new computer, at least until I am out of school. They are also paying my cell phone bill since it is on a family plan. I am very appreciative and always thank them. My dad works very hard, and it makes him happy to give his children gifts. I feel like I am still very independent and make financially responsible choices, and I am very grateful that I have the freedom to go into not a high paying career and that I don’t have to worry about money all of the time.</p>

45

<p>All of our kids will graduate debt free from UG; and we give them each, free & clear, the car they have driven since their teens, so they have a safe, well-maintained, used car.</p>

<p>One of our kids graduated and got a real job, not high paying, but able to support herself and we have really not kicked in much of anything.</p>

<p>Another was a grad student supporting herself not too far from home and we invited her to shop our pantry, invited her for dinners, and did other fun things to help her out, but for living life- rent, utilities, tuition, books, she was responsible. And even though she lived off campus for 3 of 4 UG years, she learned so much more as a grad student.</p>

<p>As some one above said, you never know what you will do to help; we had one kid go off track for a bit and we did pay for some things we had not planned, but it was part of a larger plan and it worked, so it was all worthwhile. </p>

<p>My kids are on my cell family plan for the cheaper rate, but they each pay for their line.</p>

<p>When they go to grad school, all the decisions are theirs, they will take what loans they choose etc, and as Mansfield is doing with her DDs rent, our kids do not know it, but we will be helping pay off some of those loans later. How much? Don;t know, it depends on how well we do, how much we can save, and all that sort of thing, but the best thing about it is that they will make all their own choices and we have a few years to get to the point where any loans are due.</p>

46

<p>ec, How wonderful to read that you are so appreciative of your father’s efforts. I do same for son currently, with addition that he put buy clothes on my card (I think $100 for past year). Still, his current research job pays more than grad school stipend will offer. I figure future rent will consume more than half of the stipend. Do parents of grad school students supplement rent?</p>

47

<p>ec1234 - You sound like my son. We are doing nearly exactly the same things.</p>

<p>Our S2 tries very hard to be self-supporting in grad school. He has a scholarship for most of the tuition, and takes a loan for the rest. And he tries to pay his living expenses through gigs. But he is in NYC and living expenses are high. It is my husband’s name on the lease, although S2 has been able to make the rent himself so far. He is allowed to use our credit card for groceries and audition expenses when necessary, but if he finds himself with surplus, we are likely to get a check in the mail. His phone is also on that credit card. He doesn’t have a car, but if he ever ends up in a city where he needs one, we’ll probably give him the extra car sitting in the driveway.</p>

<p>Someone mentioned that it is all about attitude. He is not extravagant, and tries very hard to make it on his own. When he visited home last year, I was concerned about how thin he was, and upped the care packages.</p>

48

<p>All of us want our kids to be financially independent. At the same time, last thing we want is have them do without the essentials. I remember how hard it was starting out, and I don’t think there is anything wrong in a bit of struggle when one is young. I would help our kids with buying a house or a car if necessary, but I would like them to live within their means. Since we have 2 girls, I don’t think I would ever stop buying them stuff until grandchildren come along (especially if they are girls), then I’ll cut our kids off.:)</p>

<p>Here is a question - at which point do we stop paying for dinners out and vacations for our grown children?</p>

49

<p>My kids will always be welcome on our vacations; it is something we all look forward to. This may be the first year we will not have a beach vacation together; one child starting a new job and the other beginning medical school rotations. I think my husband is the saddest about not having the family vacation. We will try for at least a long weekend in between where both kids are.</p>

<p>I know a few families where the parents take a yearly vacation with all the kids and grandchildren, on the parents dime. One of the families also takes a babysitter for the little kids, my daughter! While she works hard while on these trips, she has a good time as she loves the family. We have had to check their schedule before we could book our family vacation each year; one year my poor deprived daughter went from one beach location to another! My husband always said when he dies he wants to come back as my daughter!! Daddy will do anything for her, even when mean old mom says no.</p>

50

<p>Oldfort- my inlaws still pay for a vacation if it includes all of us. They lived on a boat for several years and they would pay for us to come visit them in whatever location they were at. My kids have been lucky to get to see Tahiti,parts of Alaska and western Canada and the Bahamas this way. When the grandparents were younger we would also all do an annual ski trip. We also did a Hawaii trip for my MIL’s 75th birthday. This summer we are all going on a safari to Africa. My inlaws have done well in life and they want to share travel experiences with their children and grandchildren. My inlaws have also contributed to tuition. They also helped all their children buy homes. We are grateful. The interesting thing is that they are happy to fund big events but as far as everyday gifts at the holidays and birthdays they usually send the kids a check for $25.</p>

51

<p>My in laws still usually pay for dinners out the few times a year we visit them, I think this is because they like to eat out and they have always paid.</p>

<p>My parents live near us and my DD commented regarding how much we feed them :smiley: as we have a family dinner nearly every week and send them home with leftovers. I told my DD that they spend years feeding us all the time when we were young and it all works out :)</p>

<p>My in laws traveled prodigiously and they did take the us kids along in our 20s on a few treks-ski trips, boating, etc- and later the kids & grand kids a few times- mostly beach locations, so not really any cultural experience and, to be honest, back when we first first married, we skipped many of these invited trips as we did not want to be on vacation with DHs ex girlfriend (who is like a DD to the in laws :eek:) </p>

<p>I think if I could afford it easily (so not refinancing my house to pay for the kid) I would be pleased to take my kids and their families on vacation to enjoy the time together. I would not even think about it when they are still single. </p>

<p>The other thing we do is encourage sibling relationships and will pay for one sib to visit the other to encourage further closeness and time spent together.</p>

52

<p>

Yes, but what is essential? Does the car have to be new? Should the house have a room for every child they plan to have some day?</p>

<p>As for vacations, we pay for anyone who comes with us (so the kids love to come with us on vacations ;))!</p>

53

<p>My D has been fortunate enough to mostly support herself on her fellowship during grad school…but shes in St Louis where rent is pretty cheap.She pays all utilities, internet cable,cell. Shes still driving the car we bought her as an undergrad and we paid her car insurance until she turned 25 and the rates dropped. Shes worked off and on over the years at the Music Library to supplement, and lives pretty frugally.Our insurance cut her off at 25 and she picked up the U’s policy which she pays for.When she first enrolled she took out a smallish student loan not knowing what her expenses would be like, and to have a cushion in the bank. We recently paid that off as a gift.We’re also pretty generous at holiday/birthday time and pay for her plane tickets home for visits (but not her travel otherwise).I did just gift her a round trip plane ride to Switzerland where she’ll be doing a research residency for three months.The institute there is paying her a stipend but Swiss rents/food costs are outrageous.
Shes even managed to save some $$ over the years which she intended to use to pay back the loan but won’t have to now.Shes got one year left to PhD and we’re hoping the academic job market will open up a little…</p>

54

<p>bookworm:</p>

<p>We do not supplement rent. We did furnish his apartment in IKEA, though. If he were living on the other coast, we probably would pay for his airfare home, but he can take Greyhound or the Megabus and a roundtrip costs less than $100. He is actually so frugal that he is able to save at least a couple of hundred dollars a month (I have to buy his clothes otherwise he would not have any-- I spend probably less than $100 per year). It helps that he is kept so busy he has no time to spend money! :)</p>

55

<p>

</p>

<p>This is a wonderful idea. I’m going to steal it. :)</p>

56

<p>I don’t know how/why it happened, but D1 always pays for D2 whenever they are out. D2 has her own allowance now, but D1 always pays. When D1 comes home from a camp or a trip, she’ll have a gift for her sister, but not for us. D2 thinks her older sister walks on water. She is usually very self reliant, but when her older sister comes home, she is perfectly happy to be the younger one and just follows her older sister around.</p>

57

<p>In your 50’s you generally have more money than you will ever actually spend. So why not share it generously with your kids in their 20’s?</p>

<p>By the time they are are in their 50’s (60’s if you are lucky) they will get all your money anyway, when they no longer need it so much.</p>

58

<p>

</p>

<p>Please don’t let my kids know that yours get an allowance. OTOH, when ours moved off-campus we continued to send the same $ as the mid-range R&B charge from the college, so that may be giving her lots of spending money…</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>sorghum, you need to learn about savings, retirement, long-term care, etc before you decide that people in their 50’s have more money than they could ever need and can give it away (unless your culture includes children taking generous and venerable care of their elders for many decades).</p>

59

<p>In your 50’s you generally have more money than you will ever actually spend. So why not share it generously with your kids in their 20’s?</p>

<p>I am not familiar with this place, please post pictures.</p>

60

<p>

</p>

<p>OK, I admit it helps if your culture includes decent healthcare.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p><a href=“http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://english.people.com.cn/200506/07/images/shangrila4.jpg&imgrefurl=http://english.people.com.cn/200506/07/eng20050607_188868.html&usg=__fkPnqbSK4XfO6I8bURzBxS7AvSo=&h=305&w=400&sz=36&hl=en&start=2&itbs=1&tbnid=42XS7iLOMMQigM:&tbnh=95&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dshangri-la%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1[/url]”>http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://english.people.com.cn/200506/07/images/shangrila4.jpg&imgrefurl=http://english.people.com.cn/200506/07/eng20050607_188868.html&usg=__fkPnqbSK4XfO6I8bURzBxS7AvSo=&h=305&w=400&sz=36&hl=en&start=2&itbs=1&tbnid=42XS7iLOMMQigM:&tbnh=95&tbnw=124&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dshangri-la%26hl%3Den%26gbv%3D2%26tbs%3Disch:1&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>

</p>

<p>I am in my 50’s and vaguely familiar with these ideas.</p>