We rarely entertain. In the long ago, we used to have people over for dinner but kind of busy-d ourselves out of that while raising three very active children. I do book club about every six months and it’s not too awfully bad, just appetizer type foods and wine.
We have holiday meals and Sunday dinners with our boys and their girls/dil but that’s family, no need to impress, LOL.
I’m having a dinner party soon with two couple friends and I’m freaking out, wanting it to be perfect. They are the kind of friends who will think it’s perfect just to be together so it’s not pressure “to perform”. But I am so stressed about it. Why do I do this???
We entertain so rarely that when I realized that I was going to have to cook a meal for five people, I was terrified. I couldn’t remember anything I knew how to cook that would feed more than four. And I had to go out and buy new dishes and flatware because I didn’t have enough matching stuff for five.
And this situation with five people was simply a holiday meal with our kids and one kid’s significant other.
The next time I had the same five people in the house (a year later – my kids live far away), we ordered takeout (but I still had matching dishes and flatware – yay!).
From my point of view, you’re a master of entertaining since you actually have holiday meals and Sunday dinners with your sons and their partners – apparently on a regular basis. And I assume you don’t always get takeout.
I’m right there with you. I do do the family Thanksgiving, but that’s basically it. I’m getting more introverted as I get older, overall, I think. I do like people a lot, just not too many at once, and for not too long!
What exactly are you stressed about? Your cooking? The socializing?
Just remember that it’s you who wants it to be perfect.( They sound easy going.) Think of what you would like at someone else’s dinner party and just go with that.
I always seem to go all out but I bring that upon myself. I like feeding people good food. I’m a pretty excellent cook and baker (how humble of me ) and I guess I enjoy doing it otherwise I wouldn’t go through the efforts but often its extended family and we are a bunch of foodies. Now, its almost like I need to uphold the reputation, though.
If you rarely entertain, that’s definitely a big part of your angst. Like many things, it comes with practice and things like “how to serve the salad” become second nature. Just remember, no one’s going to judge you on how you serve the salad.
Years ago – maybe 20 to 30 years ago – I was a mess when trying to entertain. Nowadays, I do it probably a dozen times a year, and I genuinely enjoy it. By doing it more often, you get into a groove. I have a particular salad I always make whenever I make a salad, so that simplifies things. I also have perhaps ten or so recipes that are good for company and quite scalable, so I can make them for four or ten. And dessert? I love making dessert. I wish I could make three desserts for every occasion! I also have specific dishes I use, and an ice bucket, and I fill a couple of [really cheap; bought at WalMart] carafes with water that I place on the table. A certain spot on the island in the kitchen where I layout the wine, wine glasses, Pelligrino and lime wedges for those who don’t drink, and so forth.
The first few times are a PITA and very stressful, but once you’ve got your routine down, it’s a lot of fun.
If the presentation stresses you out, serve everything “family style”. Large bowls or platters to be passed. It’s easier, and more convivial. Let your easy going friends set the pace.
I am a really good cook as well. Personally I could care less about presentation ---- especially if the food and company are good!
For me once I get things I need in the house, my stress level goes down. So I try to organize, get non-perishables early and that helps me to relax. Bottom line is people are happy to be together and in most cases even if you order in pizzas that would likely be just fine.
I used to stress out about cleaning… No more! I changed the attitude about cleaning. I tell myself that when the guests leave, we will have a spanking-clean home to ourselves. And I can do “spot-cleaning” the next time I need to clean!
Second, food presentation. I used to stress about it and tried very hard to make my table look as gorgeous as the glittery setups pictured in catalogs and magazines, but I would always fail. Those catalogs, my friends, are to middle aged women what fashion magazines are to teenage girls! Photoshop (and lots of foil and toothpicks and undercooked food - look up food photography, it is fascinating.) As long as I have plates and utensils on the table and the food is finger-licking, no one is going to complain that the turkey was not served on a silver platter surrounded by fancy fall veggies arrangement or notice that the the napkins were not folded into peacocks.
I tend to focus on recipes where most of it can be made and prepped ahead of time. Put out some nibbles for when guests first arrive, have some nice background music on, husband gets them a drink when they arrive, and its all downhill from there.
" Those catalogs, my friends, are to middle aged women what fashion magazines are to teenage girls! "
You said it. They are issued to sell plates and napkins. NOT to sell wonderful meals with friends. Ignore the tableware porn. Stay far away from Sur La Table, Williams Sonoma or Home Goods.
Serve it any way you like, but if you put the dressing on it, don’t criticize those who don’t eat it – especially if they’re pregnant.
My mother-in-law used to get on my case every time we went to her house for dinner when I was pregnant because I didn’t eat the salad (which was served with the dressing already on it). She would lecture me on the importance of good nutrition during pregnancy in front of everyone at dinner. I just sat there and took it because I didn’t think it was appropriate to talk at the dinner table about the distasteful fact that vinegar was the one thing I absolutely, positively could not choke down while pregnant.
I usually prepare food that can be made ahead. Enchiladas, lasagne, soup, salads, etc. We are very casual. I set out nibbles, offer a selection of drinks. Plan to serve the meal about 30 minutes after everyone arrives. If we all fit at the table, I serve family style. If there are more folks, I set out the food buffet style. We like to play games after dinner - cards, Clue, trivia, Settlers of Catan. Fun and casual. I don’t think I could do “formal”. But we have lots of fun and enjoy having friends over.
My house stays pretty clean, so that’s not an issue for me. For me, it’s the food. I’m not a bad cook, I’m just inconsistent. I can’t seem to depend on any particular meal turning out the same each time.
@VeryHappy, what are your go to meals, if you don’t mind my asking?
) and I guess I enjoy doing it otherwise I wouldn’t go through the efforts but often its extended family and we are a bunch of foodies. Now, its almost like I need to uphold the reputation, though.