For the longest time I didn’t get stressed. Then one of the guys dh works with went way overboard telling a new exec on the team about our dinner parties (for 6 - 8 people) and I felt terribly anxious about measuring up to expectations. The house had to shine, the drinks had to be top shelf, the food had to rival Commander’s Palace, etc. and I knocked myself out. That was not fun.
At our next get together, the jambalaya was the only thing made from completely scratch. I even bought the pound cake served with strawberries in Cointreau syrup. I kind of felt like a fraud for not making everything but it was a much more relaxed evening. For a while, I was happy if I had fresh flowers on the table (& in the powder room), plenty of good liquor and wine, and something simple to eat. I need to get back to that attitude.
The new exec is an amazing cook who also thinks nothing of getting a dozen Maine lobsters sent overnight for a casual dinner party. She will spend the whole weekend prepping and cooking for Sunday evening and it shows. It’s a bit intimidating. We have them over for pizza and a movie, they reciprocate with a four course dinner featuring filet mignon. I have to remind myself it’s not a competition.
I do it so often, it’s really easy. Dinner for extended family once a month. Somewhere between 6-14 people. Dinner almost every night with whatever random kid or friend stops by. Dinner or just hanging out with friends often enough. When you do it this often you have everything you need. I probably have enough plates to feed close to 100 people. Two sets of 24 each. Christmas is at my house and it’s 28 - 36 people. Give or take. I have a set of Christmas plates for 32 but when it gets bigger I have melamine plates for the little kids to match so I can feed 40.
I’m not too concerned about the presentation. Nobody is going to complain. And if they do, they just won’t come again. We had the subdivision progressive dinner here once and the woman in charge, who happened to eat at my house asked to serve the apple sauce that went with the pork in separate small bowls She’s lucky I had that for 14 people. She hasn’t been back. Otherwise, I go with what I have or feel like serving.
Like others have said: There are a few dishes I’m comfortable making. I do those for company. When I feel like experimenting I do it on my family. They are so not picky they are a pleasure to cook for. My middle school son once said “Mom, these are the best brussel sprouts”
I was just thinking this weekend that we need to have a brunch or something “easy.” I wish I entertained more. I worry about the house being clean, but only once did someone come in and basically do a “white glove” test to see if the house had been dusted. (She wasn’t invited back).
It seems like we’ve taken to meeting out, but I find being at someone’s house is actually more pleasant.
I can usually do dinner for 8, but over that my stress level would be even higher.
We do a December 26th pizza and wine/beer night for several friends. I will make a couple of appetizers, order pizza, and others bring something if they want. Usually someone brings a dessert, but that’s about it. We call it family games night, and it’s more about the games and less about the food. We have a great time.
For most people, it’s really about the visiting, and less about the food.
For me, it’s my house. I’m frankly not that interested in decorating. My house is smaller and not as nice as the neighbor’s.
Every time I entertain, I feel like I should redecorate the house. Or remodel the kitchen. Buy new porch furniture. Buy new appliances.
The last time I had people over for a meal and it was just H’s family, the oven broke. I had 10 for dinner and the prime rib took 4 hours to cook. Dinner was good when I finally served it, 2 hours late lol!
Had the oven fixed instead of buying a new one.
We are still trying hard to pay off school loans and still in that paying for college mode. When those are paid off, it will be time for retirement. My house will never measure up to any of my relatives or neighbor’s. Really that is the truth and why I’m not comfortable entertaining.
My salad consists of four ingredients: Romaine lettuce, canned mandarin oranges (drained), toasted slivered almonds, and a raspberry vinaigrette.
My go-to main courses are:
Chicken curry (I have a great and easy recipe, I can put it in the oven hours before anyone arrives, and it’s quite forgiving)
Brisket
Oven-fried chicken (whole chicken cut up into small pieces dipped in melted butter and flavored breadcrumbs; put on a baking pan on a rack; bake at ~375 for around an hour)
Lamb burgers with Moroccan spices
Butterflied leg of lamb
Rack of lamb (Ina Garten)
Spare ribs (I make really good spare ribs. But you have to make sure that all your guests eat pork.)
We live in a tiny flat. Most of our friends have much, much larger homes (and nicer). But I’ve realized that our friends come over to see us and have a nice evening out - not to judge our home. And if they judge us - so what?
I also like entertaining at our home because I can control the costs. Eating out around here is very expensive and some of our friends have expensive tastes. We can’t afford it. But if they come here - I know exactly how much I can spend. I can buy prosecco instead of champagne and serve guacamole instead of smoked salmon. Fortunately our British friends still find authentic Tex-Mex food very exotic.
Our house is definitely a good place to host guests , particularly if the weather is warm enough to be outside. If not , I can still make it work. @musicamusica , I respectfully disagree with you regarding Williams Sonoma-Sur la Table or Homegoods. I have tools and serving pieces from all, and they are key for me entertaining.
Nothing is fancy when it comes to serving…I don’t tablescape at all, but I have more than one set of dishes according to what I am serving , and how many will attend.
I only get stressed about the annual Christmas party we have for employees. It is usually two days after Christmas so I don’t have a lot of time to prepare post out own holiday with family.
I make almost all of the food, which is all appetizers , beer wine and soft drinks. I have found a couple of cheating ways to stretch out my holiday dinner foods , but it is hard to get it all done.
This past Christmas was freakishly warm and I felt like I was melting with all the work. Oddly , it almost all took place outside and guests were wearing clothing more fit for summer in NJ than winter.
I entertain a lot and agree with everyone about having a routine and getting into the groove. Since I don’t work outside the home, things are generally in fairly good shape and I clean after a party instead of before. Since I do this a lot, I have everything I need for the table, and I let guests serve themselves off the sideboard. People enjoy my parties, but it is never because of the food. I can produce decent food but nothing fancy like most of my friends. No one cares that much. I get desserts at the local bakery. I incorporate a lot of catered type items. Folks are hesitant to compliment my cooking because they aren’t sure what I’ve actually cooked.
I do have some regular menus that are fairly simple that I cook myself. It can’t be too bad, because people invite themselves over. I just had an email this morning from a friend, who has a childhood friend visiting in a few weeks and she wants to bring them over to meet us and see our place. Of course, I suggested I’d do a dinner party for the friend, since I’m sure that is what she was hinting at.
@lje62 I have shopped at all three. My comment was regarding catalogs(as mentioned by BB) and the subsequent marketing pressure to set the table in such a perfect spectacular fashion. The tablescaping as you call it. That was the OP’s reason for stress—it’s not required for a lovely evening with friends.
I love that stuff as well but I’m desperately trying to cut back. I just spent the weekend culling the kitchen gadgets. Came out with an unreasonable amount of stuff that’s purely doo-hicky lust. Do I really need three lime presses? [-X
H says yes. You know…with Vodka Gimlet Season coming up.
What stresses me out is my DH. He likes everything perfect. Not just a clean house, but the bar setup, the perfect chilled glasses and specialty drinks he thinks up. He wants to have special appetizers., the music, the lighting, the decor. It wears me out thinking of entertaining, so I stopped. It’s easier to go to a restaurant. But I love going to people’s house parties, but it seems no one does it much either. I try to tell him people aren’t expecting what he/we do. He would rather not entertain when I just say…clean the house, get everything organized for eating and drinking…light some candles, put on some music and let’s do potluck.
I would entertain more if we did that. But the way he wants takes days to get ready it seems.
Now, in the summer at our cottage, we have that down pat. We make the same meals and its a laid back place people come for the weekend. It’s easy to get things prepped.
The only entertaining I do is Christmas brunch to include my kids, husband, parents and sometimes stepchildren and BIL. Its the same ole, same ole to please my father who held it at his house until about ten years ago and always served the same thing: Mimosas, coffee, scrambled eggs, bacon, sausage, home fries, monkey bread, and a fruit bowl. I changed it up once or twice but the word got back that he was disappointed so I’m sticking to the menu for now. I also throw two or three cookout parties during the summer months. One is when my son and his girlfriend come home for a week and is generally immediate family only, about 10 of us: lobsters, steamers, homemade chowder (we all go and dig the clams), garlic bread, corn on the cob, beer/wine. The other two cookouts are BBQ and always include about 20-25 people, all very casual, everyone brings a salad/app/desert and I supply the meats. Egg toss, horseshoes, badminton, firepit, FUN ! No stress.
One other tip: I have a cleaning lady every two weeks, so I don’t have to spend the week before cleaning up. Tidying up, perhaps, but not cleaning up.
Back in the old days, before I had a regular cleaning lady, I hated entertaining because it required 10 hours of cleaning before I could even think about the meal.
DH amuses me. He says, “Don’t do anything complicated! Let’s just have hamburgers!” He doesn’t understand that “hamburgers” for company means, hamburger buns (toasted), the burgers, a choice of cheese, sliced tomatoes, sliced onions, ketchup, pickles, potato salad, green salad, corn on the cob (with those annoying little corn holders). Not to mention, munchies before, plus the wine and the Pelligrino. And then there’s the dessert.
I have had events where we sat around the fire pit after dinner and made S’mores. But, I love making dessert, so I kind of prefer that.
Yes to the cleaning lady! Back when I was busier with working and the kids still at home, if I entertained I’d schedule it for the weekend after the cleaning lady came. She comes every other Friday. It’s a nice luxury even with things quieter.
