Doing porn to pay for Duke, SMH.

<p>People have a right to make their own choices in life. Who are we to judge other than to offer what our horribly narrow-minded - in my perfect world this is how to live it attitude" toward her. She is not hurting anyone else but herself, so no one has any standing here to say anything to the contrary.</p>

<p>While I agree that she was a perfect storm to end up doing what she does, a serviceman father ( daddy issues), self-esteem issues ( anorexia and cutting ), parents who started to pay for a top school and then stopped (for whatever reason), it happens all the time.</p>

<p>Everyone here says you should go to the school that is the “fit” and Duke was hers, not Vandy. She thought she could make it happen, her parents supported that decision and paid and then things changed. Dad is a serviceman Doctor, they only make a small supplement in addition to low officer pay. She had choices to make and SHE made them, miss-guided as many here would believe, Vandy was no longer an option ( not like she could just call them up and say “hey can I have my scholarship back since my parents cannot pay any longer and I will go into porn if not…”</p>

<p>Like it or not, porn is a multi-billion dollar BUSINESS in the US. I have a (Ivy) college friend who went on to form the spice channel. Made many millions. I asked him at a party (where he was attending with a vivacious “starlet”) if he ever had second thoughts about what he did. He told me no, that is was just a job, he gave his customers what they wanted and made his money honestly. His only regret were the people at parties or in personal life who would come up to him and ask him if he was ashamed of what he did (touche on me), when he knew they were cheating on taxes, their spouse or ripping people off in business deals. Those people HE was ashamed of…</p>

<p>If she honestly believes where her choice is leading her, I bet she could make a dang good lawyer representing woman in the industry, be it as an agent, help in financing, anything a lawyer does in any industry. Yes, I can assure you, these companies make loads of money and all of them have lawyers, most won’t have her Duke degree ( but I know of some who have gone to Ivy league schools and their firms represent these types of companies) or have her intimate experience in dealing with whatever the industry has to offer ( good and bad)…</p>

<p>True, but realistically chances pretty good that she will never get that Duke degree. We’ll see.</p>

<p>I do not understand what people are posting in this thread. We all know that such activities results in thinking of a gender in that way only and that it provides a major distraction to studying - not to mention the physical health effects. </p>

<p>" think of a gender in that way only", why do you think differently about a woman doing porn than a man? Its either equaly bad or you are feminist or masculist, aginast one of the genders in some way</p>

<p>This thread is an interesting example of modern-day “generation gap.”</p>

<p>We parents, especially those of us with feminist leanings, were vehemently against women working in porn, because it was exploitive of women, its purpose was merely to satisfy mens’ desires at the expense of women’s lives. Like prostitution, our belief was that no woman would do this type of work unless she felt she had no other option to surviv, and society was wrong to allow this to go on, these women needed alternative ways to support themselves. </p>

<p>Today’s young women seem to think it is just fine for women to be porn stars if they want to. The younger generation would probably be more outraged today, if this young woman were working part time for an oil company to pay for Duke.</p>

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<p>If that is true, why are the students (many of them women) at Duke giving her such a hard time? If they think it is “just fine,” the porn actress wouldn’t describe their treatment as abusive, imo.</p>

<p>^Ok, I didn’t read that part. I was speaking only about this thread.</p>

<p>One of the things with porn is that these days, because of the net and other sources, it is even more fragmented and sleazy then it was in the old days, because there is a huge demand for it and the source is not as controlled as let’s say when the only outlets were movie theaters and adult book stores.When the vhs came out (and some ridiculous percentage of revenue from VHS was porn), it drove up demand, while killing off theaters and such. With the .net, it became a torrent…and it became so easy to produce video, can do it, put it on the net, in a couple of hours. There has always been an ‘elite’ in porn, the top name people, but a lot of it is quite honestly is fly by night operations these days, what the young women describes is the norm. In the ‘elite’ world they do run routine health checks, it is a pretty closed circle of people, and it is a lot safer than what she is doing, that is the other circuit I just described, and health checks and such are often bypassed. It also is not a glamorous business, that money she makes is gotten the hard way, you might think it is two people having sex for pleasure while the camera rolls, but it isn’t. They do it in takes, and it is mechanistic, designed to get off the person viewing it, and it is acting in many ways, because they aren’t getting much out of it. I have met a couple of people who did various kinds of porn, and it is the equivalent of working in a steel mill, by the end you are worn out, weary and feeling pretty crappy from what they told me. Personally I find much porn to be boring, it looks mechanical and stupid, there is some that I wouldn’t classify as porn, but more erotica, but those are rare…I think porn should be legal, trying to make judgements on what is porn and what isn’t is just too loaded by the values of those watching it, I would wish it were better regulated, to make sure the performers are protected, but that is another story.</p>

<p>As far as the young women, I normally would probably say something like “well, we want kids to be creative and entrepreneur”, but what I see here is a mess, and from the story it looks like there is dysfunction all over the place. She went to Duke, probably because like other elite schools, she saw that as a foothold to getting into a top law school and so forth, so turned down the full tuition from Vanderbilt because only a bigger name school would do (no offense meant to Vanderbilt, I think she is more than a bit stupid to assume Vanderbilt isn’t ‘all that’, it is a really good school IMO). For what she wants to do in being a lawyer, if she did well at Vanderbilt, got excellent grades and SAT’s, she could get into almost any top law school in the country. There are times when decisions like this can matter, if it was full ride at University of Phoenix or going to Duke, it would matter, if it was some obscure religious college versus Duke, yeah, I could see that. </p>

<p>Speaking as a parent, something is fouled up there with the parents and the daughter, I kind of wonder if the porn thing isn’t a way of getting attention or getting at them or something. If the girl had problems with cutting, that is a sign of dysfunction in her life, and maybe her doing porn was lashing out at mom and dad, given they are supposedly very religious. More importantly, speaking as a parent, I don’t know how they could agree to pay tuition like that if their finances were that tight. 200 grand living in the area they are in is not chicken feed, in the NYC area that would be decent income but not earth shattering, and if they had other kids in college, how could they not know that that 5k would be too much? And now I am going to be seen as mean, but why would someone with kids in college, paying tuition and such, suddenly get a new big house with a large mortgage?If they got the house before she went to Duke, then how come they couldn’t figure out that 5k was too much? If they did it after she decided to go there, then that is irresponsible…as a parent who is sacrificing, paying full freight at music school, one of the most fraught fields there is to go into, I am speaking as a parent, and I think part of the problem is they set unreasonable expectations in the girl, and they themselves did it, given their financial position, it sounds to me like the parents may have had a hand in her going to Duke, at the very least, putting into her head that she needed to go to an ‘elite’ school (after reading about the large mortgage on the big house, kind of confirmed it to me)…and then suddenly walked away and said “we can’t pay anything”?</p>

<p>And the Dad is a doctor, and doesn’t know about his daughter cutting herself? Or that she is prone to self destructive behavior, which porn can be? I agree there is a lot more to this, and the fact that now that she has been outed, she has decided to do the big publicity, strip and so forth, tells me even more so. She could have come out and with some sincerity said “I only did this to pay for college, I wanna get out of it, I would rather just be a student”, but instead she has turned herself into a celebrity (and gotten attention for it). She could potentially have helped her future by quitting the porn, and speaking out about how she only did it in desperation, etc, and played to people’s sense of second chances and such, but it looks like she has embraced what she is doing, and I think others are right, it is blowing her chance at a different future. </p>

<p>I have known women (and a few men) who quietly did sex work, in things like sexual domination, escorts, porn, stripping and webcams and films and used it to pay for school, then who moved on, but they did it in such a way as they stayed under the radar, though most of them didn’t have parental support, they were supporting themselves through school and they clearly saw it simply as a way to pay the bills. I think most of them, even though they at least tolerated and often enjoyed the work, would have taken the Vanderbilt offer in a flash, simply because lot easier to focus on school not working, the ‘easy money’ of sex work is often not so easy, and it also is not without risks.</p>

<p>I hope she gets help, I think she really needs someone who can help her sit down and get her life back together. I suspect her family life was a mess before this, the girl sounds like she was self destructive before she got to school, and doing porn was just another way IMO to act that out, too.</p>

<p>Staying under the radar was not a possibility because she offers nothing to producers but the notoriety that is now being used not to pump up the sales of her “college girl” films. Unfortunately for her she does not come across all that well in interviews. In other words, her check-off-the- box feminism is in direct and very apparent contrast to her giggly lost little girl persona and presentation. This is just sad…</p>

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<p>What do you mean? Porn is legal.</p>

<p>My prediction is that if she continues on the course she is on, she will not graduate from Duke and will not attend law school. She is already taking a “break” from school while she is on the interview circuit, and I think she will do whatever it takes to keep the notoriety flowing her way. Which is basically more appearances. What she doesn’t realize now is that once she no longer attends Duke, her “gig” is done. She will just be another young girl employed in the lower end of the porn industry. Where she attends school appears to be the sole factor responsible for getting this story national recognition.</p>

<p>I took some time to think about @Jssabs1comment about how perhaps our narrow minded thinking is causing us to judge Miriam Weeks. For me personally, I think my views have more to do with the fact that I have a teenage daughter, and believe that one of the most important things to teach girls is self respect and maintaining one’s dignity. I say this because of the nature of the world that we live in. Girls, and especially girls, need to have very defined boundaries. And yes, I think I have projected those beliefs into my thinking regarding this story.</p>

<p>I will admit that my thinking is a bit narrow minded regarding young girls and porn. I just don’t perceive any positive outcome in that dynamic. That’s not to say that I don’t understand the appeal of pornography or think that some women might be emotionally suited for this profession. I just don’t think Miriam Weeks is one of those women. But I do think @Jssabs1 is correct in basically concluding that it is her life and her call. Hard to sit back and watch this story unfold though.</p>

<p>Would I guide my teenage daughter to say I think it’s ok for her to so this? NO WAY. That said I feel I gave her all the support she needed and feel she would tell me she felt unable to manage or control her self. As I always have, I would tell her the pluses and minuses of her decisions all the things I know of to help guide her, but at 18 there is not much more you can do. </p>

<p>I hope that I have done my job, which is to set an example, not be hypocritical ( I have watched porn … gasp! ) and provide knowledgable advice. </p>

<p>One of the examples I have set and stand by it is to not judge, it takes all kinds of people to make the world go around and you never know when yours might spin out of control. I only hope if hers does she will think back on what I have taught her and make informed choices. And regardless AND I MEAN THIS ( and hope I can be man enough to stand by it if I ever need to, as my father taught me) I will always love her. </p>

<p>So, I do think that is very much what her parents are doing. They are basically helpless here since they didn’t find out about this until she was about to do her first TV promotional appearances. Not judging is a nice sounding concept but if your kid is making a huge mistake do you really just shrug it off in an effort to be non-judgmental. No. </p>

<p>I never fully understood the idea that it is best to be “non-judgmental” about anything. Particularly in the context of parenthood.</p>

<p>@nddsb4 "if that is true, why are the students (many of them women) at Duke giving her such a hard time? " many maybe all, I doubt. yes, there are narrow minded my way or the hi way types of all ages. </p>

<p>I hope my kids believe in live and let live. It’s none of their concern if it does not impact them so why go out of their way to make someone else’s life miserable. I think that is more deplorable than doing porn frankly. </p>

<p>Outside of college as well, she will encounter these same or more judgmental attitudes, whether she welcomes them or not. It goes with the territory, even if one is naive enough to believe she won’t be subjected to it. Her current publicity tour will likely just add a harsher judgment from a larger group of the public that might have otherwise never heard of or cared about her one way or another. </p>

<p>@‌flossy Frankly my job is done. Of I am not paying for expenses or whatever at 18 I lost all my say. I remind my kids of when I realized I was an adult. I was attacked and stabbed and nearly died in my neighborhood where gangs flourished. I was not in a gang ( I was a token scholarship student at a local prep school I am biracial ) </p>

<p>When shown the paper’s account of the incident I was first identified as an 18 yo man and possible gang member. It hit me like a tone of bricks, especially since I was arrested while minding my own business and randomly attacked because I was mistaken for a rival gang member in the wrong neighborhood ( mine btw- I was just unknown since I actually attended school ) as man OMG that means adult time ( what being 18 meant in my neighborhood) </p>

<p>I told both my kids that story when they turned 18 just to let them know how the world changes when you are 18, in a serious way. It was serious to me as well. </p>

<p>All I can give at this point is love and advice I HOPE they take. </p>

<p>^^^
I think this is a good point. We can all try not to judge her if it makes us feel better, but the fact remains that the world will. And with this sort of thing they will judge harshly.</p>

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<p>You didn’t lose your “say.” You will always be your kids’ mom, and it is perfectly appropriate to offer advice and even criticism of your childrens’ choices and direction if you see them heading down a harmful path. The only difference now is that they don’t have to follow it. But that doesn’t mean they don’t want it or won’t heed it. They just have a choice now. Maybe they will resent you for not helping when you could have, for the sake of being able to pat yourself on the back for being “non-judgemental.”</p>

<p>Well, the girl is obviously in over her head and if you watch any of her interviews or (yikes!) videos it’s pretty clear. No-one else is going to help her so if her parents can’t she is headed for big trouble. This college porn star thing isn’t going to last long especially since it’s highly likely that she will drop out of school and there goes her hook. There’s no shortage of porn actresses in LA… Her novelty is Duke.</p>