<p>CF: All you had to do was call :). </p>
<p>I know at this stage of life who I am. Am I a bit of a snob? Yes. Do I have certain expectations in my life? Yes. I know who I am, and I am not compromising my standards for anyone.</p>
<p>BUT, I will not tolerate bigotry in my home or around us. Believe it or not Beverly Hills is very diverse, be it by race, religions, a backgrounds. And if walk into my home or party or restaurant…do not say anything the ticks me off. I won’t give you a pass,</p>
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<p>;)</p>
<p>I have been to a few six figure weddings. Most are lovely, beautiful flowers, great food, great music. And it should be for that kind of money or you are doing something wrong! That is not to say, smaller, less expensive affairs cannot be equally as lovely. </p>
<p>The newest thing, at least in NY, is an after wedding party (for which the bride needs a second, more, partyish, dress) which starts after reception is over and goes into wee hours of the morning. There is always a different band, more food and more alcohol. Older guests (like me) usually only stay for a half hour, if that. </p>
<p>When my cousin was planning her D’s wedding - for which they were picking up whole tab - she went looking at venues with MOG. MOG kept saying they were all too small. Finally my cousin got up the nerve to ask MOG how many guests were on her list and she said 300! My cousin plotzed. They did get her to cut her list and in the end there were about 300 total. It was way too big, imo, and it took them so long to set up the room from the ceremony for the dinner - the cocktail party had to go on forever and there were very few tables to sit at and all our feet were killing us from standing for hours. We didn’t get into the room until 10:00 and at 11:30 they were just doing the blessing over the bread and wine! There was an after party, too, but it was so late by then we just left. </p>
<p>I thought the groom’s parents were supposed to take their cue from the bride’s parents (if the bride’s parents are paying)?</p>
<p>So, if the bride’s side is inviting 75, the groom’s side invites close to 75? I know there can be exceptions but if the bride’s side invites 100, why should the groom’s side invite 200?</p>
<p>dstark, grooms side are supposed to when they are not paying, but my cousin was very intimidated by MOG (they are extremely wealthy and extremely pushy.) The icing on the cake was that MOG’s D was getting married a few months later and she could invite as many as she wanted to that - so it wasn’t even like she didn’t have another occasion to invite all those people to (who were mostly business associates.) </p>
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In our situation, daughter’s boyfriend has a huge family with whom he is very close. They get together at least weekly and are involved in each other’s lives. Lots of kids. My family has 11 members and no kids, so when my D gets married, he will probably have at least 75 members of what he considers close family and we will have 10. Just the way it is. I think their friends and co-workers will be split more evenly, though.</p>
<p>Congratulations on your son’s marriage, Ellebud. Big weekend. :)</p>
<p>~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~</p>
<p>Side note:</p>
<p>Regarding diversity, it can be defined many different ways. I’m seeing you feel strongly that Beverly Hills is diverse, Ellebud, and you’ve included specifically if you were to break it down by race; however, when I look up stats showing percentages by race I see a big clump that falls into this one category (lacking any indication of cultural differences and/or ancestry though it may be), over 80% white.</p>
<p>I agree with emilybee – I’ve been to some very expensive weddings that were wonderful – some that were tastefully luxurious, with many delightful, thoughtful details, others that were fun, raucous parties. I’ve also been to some super-expensive weddings that were tasteless and vulgar, and where all the principals seemed stressed out.</p>
<p>Same goes for weddings on a shoestring; I’ve bern to some that were lovely and gracious, others that, well, really were neither. </p>
<p>The amount if money spent does not determine the mood. (But, truth be told, it is probably easier to pull off an air of easy, casual elegance with a larger budget. That’s just life.)</p>
<p>Soozievt, great YouTube video. I’m sending it to S1 and fdil, who still have several of those steps to negotiate.</p>
<p>Personally I find the less formal weddings to be more enjoyable. No need to spend a lot of money for things that have little to do with what makes a wedding fun and memorable.</p>
<p>I think the cost of a wedding has pretty much nothing to do with how fun it is or how long the marriage will last. </p>
<p>The most expensive wedding I ever went to was at the Four Seasons in Chicago some years ago. It started super late - it was probably 10:30 pm, 11 pm and we still hadn’t been fed, and our stomachs were growling. The bride’s father (an accomplished PR exec who was also plugging his recent book) gave a speech about remembering the hungry who were outside, and while the sentiment was lovely, <em>we</em> were all kind of groaning that we were starving!</p>
<p>The least expensive I went to was a Mormon wedding (well, reception, I couldn’t go to the actual wedding) that was in the bride’s mother’s back yard, with homemade cake and punch and flowers from the garden and it was charming. There’s no sin in entertaining within your means IMO. </p>
<p>Back in the day…my husband and I had some unpleasant conversations while planning our wedding. Remember, we were paying for the whole thing ourselves, and neither of us had much money. His parents didn’t offer to pay for anything…and neither did mine. </p>
<p>We made two decisions. NO children were invited. NONE. And we also didn’t want to invite anyone who hadn’t met both of us. Keep in mind, we had known each other for three years and had lived together for one. We figured if we hadn’t met someone by the time we got married, they didn’t need to be invited. And we did not want to invite anyone just for obligation purposes. </p>
<p>My family was fine with it all. My MIL,however, kept insisting that her entire extended family (most of whom I hadn’t met) had to be invited. She also said they wouldn’t come…they lived far away. I did not want to send these invites to folks who I knew would not be able to come. Felt like it was asking for a gift.</p>
<p>Anyway…after a lot of nagging…a lot…I did invite them all. Thankfully none came!</p>
<p>But one family member did bring a child with them. And no, it was not a baby. They got a sitter for the younger kid.</p>
<p>A few years ago, my friend, a MOG told me that the bride’s family who was paying for the wedding, told her how many guests she was allowed to invite and she had to pay for all her guests that exceeded the quota,60 guests. I think it’s a fair way to limit the guest list if the bride’s family expects similar number of guests on their side.</p>
<p>D and her groom had a hard cap of 100 from the venue. Groom’s family was much bigger, so they took up a lot of space. D had more absolute best friends, so they took up a lot of space. It all evened out. My fam was small, but loved. Groom’s fam was larger, and honestly D had met them all so it worked out okay. All existing kids were invited; D looked at me like I had 3 heads when I suggested otherwise.</p>
<p>I think we ended up with less than 80 with the turned-down RSVP’s. (which saved MY wallet, for sure.)</p>
<p>Well we had a huge wedding and reception. It wasn’t what I really WANTED, but my folks and ILs really wanted a big reception. Many of those attending were folks neither H nor I knew but were important to my folks or ILs. Since everyone paid for whomever they invited who attended, it was ok with us. </p>
<p>I suspect our kids will want a small, modest gathering for their weddings, as they really aren’t into huge celebrations. My niece had a few 100 guests at the country club where her folks are members. It was lovely and I suspect quite expensive. Have no idea who paid for what. There was a rehearsal dinner too. </p>
<p>I had people at my wedding whom I didn’t know all that well. They were friends my parents had made in their new hometown, but I only lived there during summers so I didn’t know many of them. Oh well! Nbd. </p>
<p>PG…I’m guessing your family paid for the wedding. If my inlaws had offered up a dime for our wedding, I might not have been so snarky about the extra guests they wanted (who I did not know). But really we (translation…I ) was paying for the wedding…and had very very limited resources. It was supposed to be in the backyard at my house, but it rained, and the rain venue was a friend’s house indoors.</p>
<p>Honestly, if my parents or inlaws had been paying, they could have invited everyone in the white pages for all I cared.</p>
<p>Yea, when you are paying a LOT ($50-100+) per guest, it adds up quickly when folks pile on guests and it makes sense to me that they should pay for those additional people. I personally don’t understand why either bride or groom’s family SHOULD pay for everything or most things. I like the way we did it, each party pays for the guests they invited that attend and the B&G pay for everything else. It worked like a charm for us. I know other couples who paid for everything and had simple picnic or cake and coffee and tea and punch. It was a nice celebration whether it was a 7 course meal that everyone sat down at, buffet, or just simple cake, coffee, tea and punch. The couple was happy, which was what mattered to me as a guest.</p>
<p>The problem with that approach is that, to a large extent, the number of guests dictates the venue and style of the wedding. So if a venue is selected with a ceiling of 120 guests, it is not helpful if the groom’s family offers to pay for the 200 guests on their list over their allotted number. </p>
<p>Moderately sized weddings are sometimes the hardest because it is hard to tell friends or family members that they didn’t make the cut of your best 100 friends. If you have 60 people, most understand when they are not included. But when you have 175, it is harder to explain. And with OTHER people posting pics of the event on Facebook and other social media, it is harder to get by with the old “small family wedding” line. I come from a gigantic family so I sympathize with those who find it difficult to cut the lists. (I also tend to take exclusions from guest lists extremely personally, but I know that’s something I need to work on).</p>
<p>Sometimes the line in the sand has to be drawn someplace. We are invited to a family wedding. The wedding couple did not invite any of the cousins on either side who are their age or generation. No great aunts or uncles either. </p>
<p>But most people have varying relationships with family members on the same generational level. I’m good friends with some of my cousins, and rarely see others, for example. There’s no question but that I’d invite my cousins whom I regularly hang out with to a milestobut then those cousins’ siblings, say, are also going to expect invites.</p>