<p>"The problem with that approach is that, to a large extent, the number of guests dictates the venue and style of the wedding. ":</p>
<p>I would think one would determine the # of guests one wishes to invite and the general budget first, then search for a venue that matches or accommodates those parameters. I think if you can afford either 50 people at the Ritz or 200 people at the Holiday Inn, I think the first cut is “do I want to invite 50 people or 200 people to my wedding,” not “do I want the Ritz or the Holiday Inn.” </p>
<p>“I come from a gigantic family so I sympathize with those who find it difficult to cut the lists. (I also tend to take exclusions from guest lists extremely personally, but I know that’s something I need to work on).”</p>
<p>OK, who’s got the biggest or smallest family here?</p>
<p>Exclude yourself and your kids - if you were to throw a wedding for one of your kids tomorrow, how many people are “family”? (And yes, I know good friends can be family.)</p>
<p>For me, there’s just 13 people (outside of H/me/D/S). That’s the full extent of our family.</p>
<p>Probably! If you were throwing a wedding today, how many family members would be on the must-have list? That’s what I’m asking. I don’t know that every bride / groom whose grandparent is one of 16 is necessarily inviting all 16, but maybe they are and more power to them :-)</p>
<p>I think the Ritz is a bad example because it can accommodate a crowd of almost any size, so if the groom’s parents say we need to invite an extra 100 people and we will pay, that can likely be accommodated. But if a couple decides to have a wedding a historic lodge that seats 100 max, and their draft guest list works with that number, accommodating the parent’s request for an extra 100 guests is going to require a whole different plan. (My initial point was meant to respond to HImom’s thought that each set of parents should just be able to invite who they want, so long as the parents are willing to pay.) (in my view, the guest list should be composed of folks who are close to the couple, not the parents, in any event). </p>
<p>Yes, youdontsay, you likely win! My ex-husband’s family was a nightmare when it came to invitations. He was one of seven, and he had eight step-siblings. All were married. Just his parents (4) and siblings (with spouses) were 32 people. Then there were the ex-step siblings …</p>
<p>I’d have to count up my side of the family. </p>
<p>The other wedding planning nightmare with my ex-husband was that he was everyone’s best friend. In planning our wedding, I demanded that he start drawing lines to cut people out because I didn’t want 250 people at my wedding. No one could have that many best friends.</p>
<p>He obliged and we made a tentative list. </p>
<p>Then one of the guys who we had tentatively decided to cut asked my husband-to-be to be his best man! Thank god we were still in the planning stages of our wedding. At that point I just threw up my hands and agreed to have 250 guests. This was to be a constant theme in our marriage (WAY too many people around all the time).</p>
<p>I have three brothers and two sisters. My husband has three sisters and three step sisters. All of them have significant others. Both sets of parents are divorced and remarried. I have a few cousins I’m
Close with. I have a group of five girl friends who have been around my Ds whole life. H has his close buddies from college, like ten or so who get together twice a year. All of them are married. My kids have some very good friends who practically grew up in our house. It’s really insane. I offered to pay to have them elope. No dice. FSIL comes from a huge catholic family. People will fly in from Spain for the wedding. </p>
<p>It will be fun but exhausting. I’m getting a headache just thinking about it. I will let my daughters future mother in law help with anything she wants!!! I’m not a control freak and she loves to plan parties, for which I am extremely grateful. She and my daughter get along really well. They are a lot alike. </p>
<p>H& I had our wedding at the Ritz but we had sitting place of 50 max and a nice balcony so it didn’t feel so tight. So it’s not unlimited, it was a sit down dinner.</p>
<p>I would have to put my foot down with my mom. I’ll do whatever my kids want. All my dad’s brothers are still alive and in a big wedding would merit an invite. My mom only has three surviving brothers and three sisters, and if my mom had her way they’d all be invited. I’d be fine if it’s a large wedding and someone else is paying, But I’d prefer smaller. When ds1 graduated college this spring, I only got 20 invitations, gave my mom eight for extended family and told her to choose who to send them, too.</p>
<p>15 adults total for H and I. 4 teenagers, 4 younger kids (3 of whom would be iffy), one baby. That includes all of S’s first cousins, their families, and his godfather, to whom he is closer than any of the cousins. It also includes H and I. </p>
<p>S’s current GF is Chinese, and her parents live there. I have amused myself by reading up on Chinese wedding customs. All I can say is that I would love a Chinese wedding banquet instead of the typical American wedding menu. :)</p>
<p>Hmmm. Reading these posts written by people with large families makes me feel ok about things.</p>
<p>We are inviting about 125 family members. Many are cousins and cousins of cousins. They wont all go to the wedding. Then there are 100 friends… Vast majority… Maybe 70 are friends and the friends families of the bride and groom. </p>
<p>I already told one of my closest friends he is not invited. He doesnt know my daughter. He is totally fine with it. That is why we are close friends. :)</p>
<p>Mine and dh’s immediate family (the other ds, our siblings and their kids and their kids plus three grandparents) puts us at 40. No tiny weddings for us.</p>
<p>Well, early on my folks and in-laws and H indicated they wanted to invite LOTS of people, so we chose a venue that could accommodate up to 1000 people, who were actually invited (tho we did have about 25% who sent in their regrets). It was the only large event that my ILs were inviting folks to and my dad just loves big parties. We were OK with it, even tho I only invited my co-workers and a very few of my friends. H invited everyone whose wedding he attended (he was the last of his friends to marry). We all had a lovely time. </p>
<p>My bro got married 6 only 4 months prior to our wedding–same calendar year, and chose a venue that had a max of 400 people and made both sides of the family figure out how they would all come in under that limit, including the guests he and the bride wanted. It all worked out.</p>
<p>Our immediate family (for both H and me) is pretty small–20 adults and 6 kids. At my D’s wedding there were 125 people. On my son-in-law’s side there were only 10. Rest of the guests were friends of D and SIL or friends of ours. H and I decided not to invite friends of ours who my D didn’t know. </p>
<p>D’s wedding is next fall. We would like to stick to around 150, but will be likely inviting close to 200. Future SIL’s family is small as is mine these days. But H’s family is large due to a number of cousins who we (and D) are close to. I also want D and SIL to be able to invite their friends as it is their wedding. We are inviting some friends/neighbors but only the ones who know D well.</p>
<p>S’s wedding this summer had ~225+ in attendance, fairly evenly distributed between B & G, mostly family. Both parents divorced and remarried, hers multiple times. She has 10 step-siblings, young adult age. My mom was one of 7. B wanted to be very inclusive. The list gets large very quickly by extending to aunts/uncles/cousins
/nieces/nephews/multiple grandparents. I figured once you get over a certain point, the planning is all the same although the food cost…we pushed the limits on church seating but the venue was great and could have gone up to 300.</p>
<p>H & I our immediate families (parents, sibs/spouses, nieces & nephews, great nieces/nephews, Aunts/Uncles) is 38. Off the top of my head extended family (1sts, 1st once removed, second) I estimate is around 125 or so. H& I are both very close to our first cousins and their families, as are all of the kids. We are always invited to all of their weddings. </p>
<p>Since I only have a son I have no idea what I would do and a lot would depend on the bride’s family, unless we are hosting. A lot of my close friends who have son’s marrying tell us they are sorry but we can’t be invited. I am always fine with that. We are always invited when it’s a D getting married. </p>
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