<p>Its sort of ironic, but it seems we spend the first 10 yrs of our childrens lives teaching them pretty black and white rules with respect to right/wrong, manners and social behaviors. Then they spend the next 10 yrs unlearning them, as all those rules become more gray and more dependent on the social context.</p>
<p>There is also a biological/neurological perspective to this discussion. For instance, generally speaking, male brains have more gray matter than female brains, which controls math, spatial, logical processing, and females have more white matter which controls language, social and emotions. At the same time, because of differences in their brains, males and females who are doing the same task may use different approaches and different parts of their brain to complete the task; men tend to use a more systemic, logical process and women a more empathetic, emotional process. This is of course oversimplified but these differences are real although certainly not static (biology is NOT destiny!). Studies have shown increases in gray matter in girls who are exposed to spatial activities, as their skills to complete the activity develop. </p>
<p>Simon Baron-Cohen, an expert in the field of autism, has developed a theory that autism is really an extreme male brain - and MRIs have shown higher amounts of gray matter in individuals on the spectrum, both male and female, than are in the typical male. One problem with those on the autism spectrum is that their brain circuits are more rigidly hard-wired and compartmentalized than even neurotypical males and it is more difficult for neural connections to cross over into different areas of their brains (also controlled by white matter), which in turn makes it more difficult for them, for example, to apply the the black and white social rules they learn, to more general, gray areas.</p>
<p>So it seems that the more gray matter there is in the brain (or at least in certain parts), the more difficulty there may be in understanding and using appropriate empathetic, social and emotional behaviors. </p>
<p>But the bottom line is that gender, introversion, Aspergers, etc., are NOT excuses for what might be perceived as less empathetic behaviors since appropriate behaviors CAN be taught, but they ARE explanations that need to be recognized and understood by others, not only to help us understand that all of social behavior is on a spectrum but also because this understanding can help shape the WAY we teach our kids to become more empathetic and to develop socially and emotionally. What we have done in the past or what we might do with girls may not always work for boys…</p>