<p>Dusty roser here - 1984. I still like the color.</p>
<p>All credit for any apparent wisdom on matrimonial matters goes to Miss Manners and her fantastically entertaining books.</p>
<p>She addressed the OP’s situation just a couple of weeks ago:</p>
<p>[Miss</a> Manners: Sharing Family Reunion Costs Effectively - MSN Relationships - article](<a href=“MSN”>MSN)</p>
<p>musica, you are a wonderful friend. I can’t believe that your friend did that to you, and to top it off, didn’t even thank you! Amazing.</p>
<p>We went to one Jewish wedding where there was a dessert table before the ceremony. No drinks, though. We also went to an Orthodox wedding where the bride and groom had not seen each other in a week (which is the very traditional way to do it). He came in for the bedeken ceremony (where he lifts the bride’s veil and they both were in tears. I still get goosebumps. They had the ketubbah signing ceremony right after that. So much joy!!</p>
<p>I guess by the standards of some folks, my D was a bit of a bridezilla. In other ways, she wasn’t because her H was very involved in the planning of the wedding and in some aspects of it, his desires trumped hers. They didn’t use a wedding planner; they planned everything themselves and that meant making some compromises, especially as they had to stay within a budget. </p>
<p>But, yes, the photographs of the “big day” were important to my D. So, she made some requests. I think I got more specific instructions than her MIL did. That is in part because I dress more frumpily than the MOG does and my D wanted me to make more of an effort than my usual and in part because she didn’t want to do anything that would alienate her new MIL. We were both asked to avoid wearing red. I probably would have if I weren’t asked not to, as it is far and away my best color and my D knows that. She felt it would clash with the bridesmaids’ dresses–which were, yes, in the purple family. The MOB and MOG were also asked not to wear prints, again because she thinks that too often they clash with other prints people are wearing. Many of the guests were Brits, and my D asked them NOT to wear hats or fascinators. That request ruffled some feathers…but my D was adamant. She hates hats and thinks fascinators are just bizarre. Again, she said she didn’t want photos for posterity with their Brit friends looking “silly” for their children and grandchildren to laugh at. On the other hand, she didn’t discourage Brit or Scottish male friends from wearing kilts and several did. </p>
<p>So, while she didn’t dictate exactly what anyone other than the bridesmaids and groomsmen had to wear, she did ask people not to wear certain things. </p>
<p>The MOG and MOB did end up in very similar colors. That wasn’t really intentional, just kind of how things worked out. Frankly, I think that looked better in photos too. </p>
<p>No, a wedding is not all about the photos–and yet, I think it is partly about the photos. They are, after all, a permanent record of an important event. I really don’t think it’s terrible for the bride to take that into account and ask people to co-operate a bit so that the photos look good. Is it really so horrible for a bride to want to avoid MIL in vertical stripes standing next to Mom in paisley print? </p>
<p>And it’s just fine if Aunt Ida’s suitcase is lost and she comes anyway. That’ s understandable and the story of how the bus company lost her luggage will become part of the family lore for the bat mitzvah. But that’s different than the bridesmaid mentioned in post 53, who as the groom’s sister, wore her own different color shoes rather than those selected by the bride like the other bridesmaids’. I think the groom’s this behavior was just plain rude. </p>
<p>Right now, it is very common for brides to dictate the colors the MOG and MOB wear. In fact, it’s not unknown around here (NYC) for the grandmothers to be asked to wear matching colors too. Heck, an old office mate of mine was told what color to wear at her stepdaughter’s wedding. Now, some of you would see that as insulting, but my office mate didn’t–she saw it as an attempt by her stepdaughter to include her as a member of the family at her wedding. She knew when the request was made that it meant she would be included in all the family photos and, since the MOB and MOG were wearing dresses in the same color range, she wouldn’t stick out like a sore thumb in the photos. So, what some of you would have viewed as dictatorial conduct by the stepdaughter was viewed totally differently by the step mom. She saw it as a statement that her step daughter considered her family and she was moved by it. It assured her in advance that she was not going to be treated as an invisible person during her step daughter’s wedding. </p>
<p>No matter what you do at a wedding, someone will criticize your choice. A wedding isn’t all about the bride–and my D’s certainly wasn’t. But it just seems to be the case that the photographs are more important to this generation and they are spending a higher percentage of the wedding budget on them. So, I don’t think it hurts anyone to co-operate.</p>
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<p>This was the position DH and I took when we were married and when we had the guys’ Bar Mitvah celebrations. I was thrilled to hear S1 and future DIL talk about the same perspective when discussing their plans!</p>
<p>I agree with always for musica</p>
<p>OBTW since she wore louboutin shoes that on a cheap day run in the several hundred dollars, she owes you at least a bottle of Cristal champagne! </p>
<p>I have to say I have noticed the shoes are an issue now. This makes me laugh because:
A: Nobody sees them under your gown
B. Brides usually only wear them for the ceremony and change out of them.</p>
<p>Every Mom here, please raise your hand if you wore your shoes again?</p>
<p>My cousin’s DD paid 350 for her shoes 3 yrs ago. They are still in the box at her parents home, because she doesn’t have the room at her home. They have never been worn again. The funny/sad thing is after the 1st dance, she changed into a 60 buck pair of shoes for the rest of the night and took them on her honeymoon, she wore them with pride to another cousins wedding a yr later!</p>
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<p>No, no, no. This is backwards. The wedding is not about the photos. Rather, the photos are about the wedding. The wedding is about the celebration of the union of the happy couple, a celebration that guests are invited to share.</p>
<p>I borrowed a pair of white sandals for my late December wedding in Pennsylvania (WTH?). I think my mom found some burgundy slingbacks for the bridesmaids (my two sisters and future SIL) on sale at Sears. I never cared enough to ask and didn’t realize they all; had the same shoes til I saw the wedding proofs. We didn’t do mani-pedis, makeup artists or hair stylists, either. Never had a bridal shower. </p>
<p>We had a sit-down buffet. Wedding was fairly small (55-ish), so long lines were not an issue. Food was meh; in retrospect, I am surprised we did not focus more on that.</p>
<p>I did the calligraphy for our invitation envelopes, the chuppah and the giant wedding challah, plus silk flowers, bridesmaids’ outfits and my dress. (Yes, I am insufferably crafty.)</p>
<p>However, I am solidly in the camp of wanting good photos and music. </p>
<p>Has anyone had to coordinate with a MIL who lives overseas? Wedding is likely to be here, but MOB and family are across the pond. I really don’t want to step on toes, but if I can help do legwork here to help keep the expenses down, I am glad to do so. S1 and GF expect to fund much of the wedding themselves and have been asking our advice on budgeting, bills, etc. </p>
<p>I wish we had gotten a nice ketubbah that we’d be proud to hang. We have the standard issue one, but I regret not writing our own and turning it into a piece of art. Can’t believe I didn’t do anything special for the reception tables!!! We still have matchbooks from our wedding.</p>
<p>CF, you’re really twisting my words. Yes, “the wedding is about the celebration of the happy couple, a celebration that guests are invited to share.” But if part of the way the couple chooses to celebrate the occasion is by having photographs taken of the event, I don’t think a MOB or MOG should refuse to break away from her conversation and pose for the photographer when requested on the grounds that “the wedding isn’t about photographs” or she isn’t a “prop” or that chatting with cousin Bob rather than posing for the photographer is how she chooses to “celebrate.” I don’t think that’s all that different than saying even if my future DIL wants me to wear a certain color, I won’t do it because she has no right to tell me how to dress.</p>
<p>And,it’s the bridesmaids’ shoes that are the issue. At many weddings, the bridesmaids’ dresses are short and the shoes do show. And even in long gowns, the shoes DO show in photographs.</p>
<p>Hey guys, here’s a question: if a cocktail hour begins at 7:00 pm, generally speaking, what time would the dinner be served?</p>
<p>8, will be when people are asked to be seated, by 8:30 dinner is starting to be served.</p>
<p>In our area 6 is the cocktail hour, since the wedding is usually around 4-4:30.</p>
<p>As for photographers, I had a great one. I was adamant that I wanted pictures to be natural. I didn’t want the hands posed over the invite, the parents placing my veil on, etc. I have one posed picture it is us with our parents in the church. My picture with my Dad, is his him kissing me during the father/daughter dance. </p>
<p>My very favorite picture in my album, is when Bullet lifted me up in the air during our 1st dance…all you see is my head curled into his neck with my wedding ring showing across his back and the swirl of my gown flying. It was pure emotion. No faces seen, but you feel the love and the joy of that moment.</p>
<p>If you tell them you want it to be natural, they will follow your guidance, but it is also important to view their portfolio to see if they get what you want.</p>
<p>As I said earlier photographers and band are the two I wouldn’t be cheap on. Back in 1988, we paid 1300 bucks for our photographer. I have never regretted it.</p>
<p>bulletandpima: The shoes for the rehearsal cost $760 and for the wedding $1450. I know this since my horrified friend called me daily for a month with the horrific tally. The wedding took place outside in a vineyard. The walk from the dressing room to the ceremony was quite a sight. White satin train, six inch satin and bead heels, all being drug across a black gravel driveway (actually the black rock was about 1"" bits and difficult to manage with flat shoes). I held up the train while she feel back an forth from my H to her dad who both desperately tried to keep the girl on some sort of even keel. H literally had to catch her twice. The shoes were toast by the time she reached the altar.
Ah planning!</p>
<p>Re: shoes. I am all about the comfort 
So while my mom insisted I get a pair of heels so “the dress would hang correctly” during the ceremony, when I got into the limo I ditched them for the brand new white leather Keds & little pink ankle socks. My friends got quite a kick out of that as they all new I was uber casual and about an hour into the dancing everyone told me that it was a great idea. D1 wore Toms to her prom and is thrilled that they now have a bridal line.</p>
<p>Zooser: please, please tell me that you’re not planning on dancing to “Boy of Mine” with PBK. Every wedding I went to back in the day had that for the mother/son dance and I’m pretty sure that I begged DH to pick anything else. Of course, I don’t remember what that was; guess it’s time to pop in the video for a refresher.</p>
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Nope. Close to You by the Carpenters because on the day that HE was born the angels really did get together and decided to create a dream come true. They sprinkled moondust in his hair and golden starlight in his eyes of blue!</p>
<p>My husband is going to dance with D1 to “Love of a Lifetime” by Firehouse, which was playing on the car radio as we brought her home from the hospital. He’s sung it to her ever since. For D2 it will be “Forever” from the tv show Full House because when she was a little girl that was her favorite show and they always watched together.</p>
<p>^^^Thank goodness! </p>
<p>The standing joke at our wedding was that we were going to dedicate “I Wanna Be Sedated” to my MIL (she suffered from migraines & had quite the pharmacopia) but we were nice. </p>
<p>I so don’t ever think about this kind of stuff! My ringtone for the girls for the longest time was “Sweet Child Of Mine” but MOB’s don’t dance with the brides so that won’t work.</p>
<p>If you think that it’s matching colours that make for good photos. Take a little stroll on awkward.family.photos.com</p>
<p><a href=“https://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/contests/awkward-wedding-contest/pretty-in-mauve/[/url]”>https://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/contests/awkward-wedding-contest/pretty-in-mauve/</a></p>
<p>This years purple is next years mauve.</p>
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<p>G bless her parents or her, 2200 for shoes is inane to me. I am coming from an area that 45K is the norm for a wedding reception…flowers, band, photog, food, etc. </p>
<p>If I have that type of money I would say to my child, here’s your choice, I’ll buy the shoes or give you a check here in now for that amount and you buy your own shoes. Sinking feeling if she had the option like that, her shoes would have cost 1/3 of the price!</p>
<p>Bullet and I have joked that we are going to just hand the kids a check. If you blow through it all plus your own money, oh well! If you decide to serve ritz crackers and cheese in a can so you can buy a home oh well too!</p>
<p>OBTW that picture cracked me up in so many ways…obviously the tuxes. but for the bridesmaids, fans in NOVEMBER? How do you walk down an aisle with a fan?</p>
<p>Handing over the money and making the happy couple make the decisions is a great way to incentivize frugality. I heard of someone who actually took it step further and said, “I will give you xxxx dollars and you can spend it on your wedding, as a down payment on a house, or a little of both, but that’s ALL you’re getting.”</p>
<p>Actually that is what Bullet and I are saying, there is a limited pot of money, choose wisely!</p>
<p>I look back at what my IL’s paid for my SIL’s wedding in 1991…45K, and that is before their gift to the couple… 2 week vacation to Hawaii and 5K spending money. </p>
<p>She finalized her divorce Dec. 2011, left with a home that has no equity and a high mtg. I am betting now she wished she took that money and had a smaller wedding.</p>