<p>Same here. Have only attended one wedding where there was a cocktail hour before the ceremony. The wedding was in January–it snowed four inches the night before and it was really cold. The bride had wanted to do a destination wedding, but changed her mind and decided to create her own tropical wedding. She had real palm trees through the venue, sand on the floor, beach towels in the bathrooms, beach gear as decorations, and she asked everyone to wear resort clothes to the wedding. There were flip flops at the door for the guests to wear. For the cocktail hour, there were servers bringing mojitos (sp?) and rum punch to the guests. Grilled fish and steak were main course. Plus, lots of wine. It was a fun wedding–her first and his second.</p>
<p>I am so with you, if I see them heading towards me I turn around and walk away. </p>
<p>The last wedding that I went to that did this picked a love song from the yr the couple met and the DJ intro’d it by saying it was a song from the yr they met. Another couple decided to use the yr they were born in (both were the same age). Yet, another decided to put even a sweeter twist. They chose a song around the yrs that their parents were married and the couple asked that everyone come on the dance floor to honor love. From there they went onto the whittle down. The couple that won were married 63 yrs…the grooms grandparents. Everybody at the end got out of their chairs and gave them a standing ovation!</p>
<p>Mathmom,</p>
<p>Maybe that is a NY/NJ thing. I have never attended a jewish wedding without the smorgasbord hour, but again they were all summer weddings so it was @ 7 before the ceremony started.</p>
<p>My SIL is jewish, her and my brother (catholic) didn’t have it, but again since they combined religions, I wouldn’t consider it a jewish ceremony.</p>
<p>One other thing that people going through this right now is to book a block of rooms now if you know you will have out of area guests. Nothing is worse for a guest to wait for the invite thinking they have done this to get the invite and find out they didn’t and now left scrambling to get a hotel room. Last wedding we went to they didn’t do this, and we were forced to stay 35 miles away because there was a convention in town. It does not cost you a penny. </p>
<p>When my ILs renewed their vows for their 50th, I also made baskets for people staying at the hotel and had the hotel give it to them when they checked in. The baskets included:
Shout wipes
Mini toothpaste
Mini nail polish remover
Mini deodorant
Travel size aspirin
Travel tissues
Small bag of chips
Mini bottle of wine
Breath mints/gum</p>
<p>I am sure I had more in it, but you get my drift…things that you thought you packed, but when you get there you realize you didn’t. Things just to make you feel appreciated.</p>
<p>Overall it probably cost me 10 bucks a pop to do it for 20 rooms.</p>
<p>Goes back to being efficient with a limited budget, yes, that may have cost 200, but if you shaved the floral budget by 200 nobody would notice when you are spending 3,4,5K.</p>
<p>Mathmom,</p>
<p>I am not saying serve poor tasting cake, but I am saying the cost of cakes now are insane. I don’t remember the taste of my cake, it tasted like cake. </p>
<p>What I do recall is that the dance floor was packed all night long because we decided to put our limited budget into the band and the photographer. </p>
<p>Our good friend spent 2K on her DD’s cake…DD was adamant that her cake would not be fondant, but buttercream, yet wanted the cake to have the ability to look like a fondant cake. I get it was her day, her choice, but I also know because she was busy walking around greeting guests table by table, dancing and socializing, the only time she tasted the cake was when her DH fed her the 1st bite.</p>
<p>In the end, I am not sure she would in yrs to come decide it was a wise use of her parents money.</p>
<p>As I said, I don’t think people in 3,4, 5 yrs from now people who attend a wedding will say the best wedding cake ever served at a wedding is XYZ… IMPO, if that is what they recall than it means nothing else impacted them.</p>
<p>My memories are tied to highs and lows, but never wedding cakes.
Cocktail hour in too small of a space
Banquet food…something we all expect, but we remember the worst and the best
3. Band/DJ
~~~Went to one wedding, and had to literally walk out because the music was so loud the glasses on the table were shaking. Left with my ILs, including SIL and BIL because we all had a headache
~~~Went to one where the DJ couldn't get anyone on the floor. Bullet and I dance alot at weddings, usually never leave the dance floor. This wedding we danced 2x
4. Poor table assignments
~~~ I get that it is difficult to get everyone happy, but sometimes you have to say what were you thinking?<br>
* One wedding decided that they would separate cousins and place them in as fillers. ALl this accomplished was the cousins congregated in a corner by the bar.
* One wedding decided to not have table assignments and make it a free for all. Resulted in mass confusion with people saving chairs.</p>
<p>A wedding is like hosting a party at your home. You are the host/hostess and need to place them into your equation when it comes to making it a great event. </p>
<p>We have no issue asking organizations for options, but because they say we do do 10 tops we say OKEY DOKEY and try to jig it. We usually don't say, can we have 11 at this table and 9 at that table which would make it more enjoyable for your guests than working it by placing every table with 10 people regardless of the connection for the guests.</p>
<p>At my wedding they told me it was 10 tops...I came in and asked can we changed it to 15 ten tops and 6 8 tops. They said no problem. Had I never asked I would have had people that had to sit with others they didn't know.</p>
<p>Changing topic</p>
<p>Have to ask has anybody gone to a wedding recently where they had a bridal dais? Or have you seen only sweetheart tables? Am I the only one that thinks the couple looks awkward at the sweetheart table, especially with the big chairs? I am not a fan of the dais table, but I would think the perfect solution is a round top for the bridal party.</p>
<p>Maybe it is just Bullet’s family. 8 cousins, 8 marriages, and all of them had the smorgasbord, back in the 80/90s. All of the receptions were in the temple. As I said, all of them were married between May and Sept. on a Sat., so sunset would be an issue.</p>
<p>One of my favorite weddings that we attended had a hostess to tell you where your table was, instead of the traditional card assignment table. They handed every woman slippers when they were telling your table assignment. You just knew at that moment dancing would be the theme.</p>
<p>They also did the no numbers, but themed it to them. They had tables named after yrs (their birth, met, engaged, wedding), they had special places (schools, vacations, honeymoon), they had names (parents, bridal party, nieces/nephews). It was great because while you wandered around trying to find the table, you ran into people searching and struck up a conversation with a stranger giggling/joking about only they could come up with this, and eventually you found out as a guest of the bride you were hanging with a guest of the groom. Later on while you are in your slippers dancing, you see each other n the dance floor and laugh together because you remember them while searching for your table!</p>
<p>worknprogress,</p>
<p>I would not be offended, I understand being hurt, esp. if you are close. However, I have to say she acknowledged you. Groomsmen did not sit guests, which infers they were up at the altar. MOB was walked down by her 2nd husband, not a groomsman. Your DH was walking down your stepchild.</p>
<p>I would be offended if they let you walk down before the processional with every guest. However, if you walked down after the guests were seat and before the processional, she actually IMPO gave honor to you by allowing every guest see you were indeed special.</p>
<p>My stepmother, was not in the processional, she was escorted down by groomsmen like every other guest. People knew she was connected because of the row she sat in (1st), and she was in the receiving line, but that was it. She was my father’s wife.</p>
<p>Wonderful wedding planning tips in this thread! My d is a terrific money manager and has cut expenses in many ways. The three best that come to mind:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>They’re having a wedding cake for display/pictures that will serve about half their 125 guests; there’s also a sheet cake in the same flavors that will serve the other half. This saved like $400 (maybe more, she’s the one tracking the budget).</p></li>
<li><p>She ordered her invitations online and didn’t spring for the fancy lined envelopes, multiple insert cards, etc. They’re very pretty invitations, which she addressed herself (she has nice handwriting and happily did without the calligraphy). There’s a wedding website that provides directions and information about the available hotels. This probably saved another $400.</p></li>
<li><p>Flowers - she’s using an outfit called bridesign and we’ve all got our fingers crossed that it will work out, because it’s a little labor-intensive for someone (me). She orders the arranged flowers directly from the growers, which are delivered 48 hours before the wedding in special high-tech packaging, with all kinds of iron-clad guarantees. I’ll have to tend to them a bit and transport them the day of the wedding. But she saved at least 40 percent by doing it that way (maybe $1200?).</p></li>
</ol>
<p>My d is thinking about a sweetheart table because she thinks it will be easiest to seat everyone else if she doesn’t have to decide which group the bridal couple sits with. Thirty-plus years ago, there was a head table for the bridal party, which wasn’t much fun. A circular table makes for much better conversation.</p>
<p>So…when do we get to see pictures of what you’re thinking about for the dress…now that you’ve agreed to the color family?</p>
<p>Re: Reception lines. We didn’t have one, and regretted it. Could have been worked around Yichud (synagogue had a large lobby that people milled around in…and we could have gotten to the reception area after 10 minutes of “symbolic” Yichud.) I lived out of town and hadn’t seen many of the guests at the wedding in a while, and most hadn’t met my spouse. So…during the entire reception people were coming up to us to wish us well. It was nice of them…but we never got to eat anything (not much was left for us in the Yichud room) and barely got to dance. If we had the receiving line…they would have all greeted us there…and we could have enjoyed the party more.</p>
<p>I am loving this thread and taking notes. Two of my boys are engaged so this is very timely! </p>
<p>My oldest is engaged to a wonderful girl who sadly lost both her parents in recent years, one to cancer and one to a heart attack. Both parents were in their forties! Having three boys I never thought I would get the chance to be so involved in the hosting and planning of their weddings. So far, future DIL and I have been in sync and are really enjoying getting to know each other better through the planning process. I can’t wait to share some of these ideas with her. </p>
<p>By the way, add me to the dusty rose brigade-1983!</p>
<p>I like the sweetheart table, it looks pretty, and works better for the wedding party. It worked really well at a couple of recent weddings.</p>
<p>We are heading to a wedding this weekend, it’s going to be a wedding of the century type affair. The invitations are lovely, but over the top. DH is very good friends with the FOB…he calls Dh regularly to vent. I’m sure it will be lovely, but over the top. The most recent newsflash was the bride and her mom deciding the reception venue does not have adequate photo backdrops/accessories, so they want to bring their own.</p>
<p>bulletandpima - most wedding cakes just don’t taste that good. People still say to me “You had the best tasting wedding cake!” It had white chocolate and a raspberry glaze.</p>
<p>I’m a child of diplomats, I tend to think people should be sitting with people they don’t know, you make small talk, sometimes you get lucky and you meet really interesting people. A good hostess tries to seat people with something in common. But I do understand that weddings are also an occasion for family and old friends to catch up with each other. I agree completely that it’s much better for the tables to be assigned.</p>
<p>I think goody baskets on my bed are silly - but I’ve noticed they seem to be the in thing. They seem to be filled with things I’d rather not have. (Like chips when I’m trying to stay reasonably thin.) It’s true though that I regular forget either deodorant or toothpaste and would be grateful for that!</p>
<p>We had a buffet (including prime rib) saved a lot of money which got spent on copious wine and champagne.</p>
<p>Frazzled, almost every wedding we’ve been to in the past ten years has had a head table. One of our D’s chose to do it this way and the other chose a sweetheart table. The decision will sometimes be influenced by the size/shape/configuration of the room.</p>
<p>Another piece of advice I’ll give is to hire a wedding planner, if you can afford it. Ours was invaluable and worth every penny we paid her. Even if you can’t afford one to guide you through the entire process, many have options for just organizing the day of, and making sure everything goes smoothly. This is probably one of the main reasons why I was stress-free at my Ds’ weddings and was able to enjoy the days so much. Wondering and worrying if the flowers arrived on time and were arranged properly, or were the flowers we ordered; or that the cake arrived safely and was set up where we wanted it; that the food service arrangements were timely and that everyone got the food that they’d ordered (including any special dietary issues); that the photographer, music (string quartet, etc.) arrived and got themselves set up; that the venue arranged the chairs for the ceremony, the table for the signing the register, the placement of the guestbook, the programs, the bottled water for guests was iced and ready (two garden weddings in July); that the rooms for the bride and her attendants and the groom and his were ready and appropriate; that the gifts that arrived on the wedding day were placed in a safe spot and organized getting those ready to take home at the end of the evening; that the champagne was ready for the welcome champagne toast after the ceremony; that the timeline for the entire day was followed and kept on time; that limos were arranged not only to get everyone to the wedding but also for getting people home at the end of the reception; for loading the cars with everything that needed to go home; for making sure that nothing was left behind, and for the myriad of other things that she and her two assistants did that day from 9 a.m. until 1 a.m. the following morning. </p>
<p>As for wedding cakes, one of my Ds did serve the wedding cake as dessert. The other chose to serve it, along with the sweet table, late in the evening. Cakes are expensive but you can get such delicious cakes these days, we found it was worth it to spend a little more than we had planned. And actually, this summer we celebrated the one year anniversary of one D by eating a layer of the cake that we’d frozen. The B&G also had their layer - the top one- and it was just as good as it was a year ago!</p>
<p>YES…please do hire a wedding planner.
A month ago I was acting as a friendly “sounding board” while my best friend planned an unaffordable over the top wedding for her daughter. They live in So Cal near us and the wedding was to be at a vineyard in Napa. The event was planned long distance with out one single family member or relative within miles of the venue. A few days before we traveled north, I asked if I could be of any assistance the day of the wedding.</p>
<p>“Oh that would be great! If you could only check to see that the flower girl is in order and the groomsmen have their buttonieres…you know, that sort of thing.”</p>
<p>So I arrived early at the venue, for a little relaxation and a glass of wine, to find the Officiant waiting. No one else from the wedding party there. The Officiant inquired if I was the wedding planner. She said she was looking for a certain “musicamusica”. That’s right…ME, the ‘wedding planner.’ A wedding planner without a single plan. She informed me that the bride had indicated that I was in charge of the entire ceremony. ( The same bride who had showed up to an hour late to her non-rehearsal rehearsal dinner so she could make an entrance in her Dior dress and Christien Louboutin shoes.) Imagine my surprise. In a matter of one hour, I made up some sort of wedding. After the event he Officiant did offer me a job, since she does celebrity weddings in So Cal —apparently she liked my “work”. I told her that there was not enough money in the world. My hair is still standing on end.
Oh yah…this same bride insisted that both moms wear a very specific purple.</p>
<p>I think weddings are also about what is the norm for the area.</p>
<p>East coast mid-atlantic region is different than the South.</p>
<p>NY/NJ weddings are insane. The cocktail hour is filled with serving stations for fresh made pastas, carving, seafood bars, cheeses, etc, PLUS waiters walking around with rumaki, spanakopita, spring rolls, lamb chops, etc. In other words everything and anything you could think of…that is Jersey. </p>
<p>Buffets are frowned upon because the size of the reception, 200 people hitting a buffet line takes a long time. The smallest wedding we attended was 150. </p>
<p>The gift baskets are gifts from them. Not trying to be antagonistic, but tell me would you rather have the gift basket or they spent 200 more on flowers?</p>
<p>You are a child of a diplomat. I was the wife of an AF wife who lived overseas, and thrown many times into that situation of meeting new people. I will tell you this, you are asking people who are strangers to make small talk for 6 hours+. They don’t and they won’t. Small talk lasts about 30 minutes, because you know all that is left is a conversation of the weather and how you know the bride or groom. When that fails, it is about the food. I am not disagreeing with you, I am saying talk to the venue to see if you can re-work the table sizes so you minimize the amount of people that are strangers.</p>
<p>It will happen no matter what!</p>
<p>AS far as hiring a wedding planner, I would say it is worth the cost if you don’t want to put the time regarding researching prices. Typically they have connections that will give you a lower rate than if you do it on your own. However, if you have a long engagement you should have time on your hands to get those prices.</p>
<p>Two of my favorite things at a wedding entering the reception were homemade ice and paper luminaries.</p>
<p>The ice ones were made with the flower using a balloon to shape it into a bowl and the flowers floated in the ice at the bottom. votive candles lit it up…I helped them do it, and it is gorgeous, but a beaach. You need a 2nd freezer to make them, and talk to the venue that they bring them out at the right time.</p>
<p>The paper ones were made out of lunch bags, and they had words cut out so when you walked up it said:</p>
<p>Congrats
MR & MRS XYZ
DATE
Poem “I carry your heart…E.E. Cumings”</p>
<p>Both of the weddings chose different stanzas</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>the other:
</p>
<p>For both you walked in and out feeling that it was all about love.</p>
<p>One last suggestion, DO NOT use sparklers as they exit. The 3 weddings that I went to that did this, inevitably sparks shot off and hit the clothing of the guests.</p>
<p>I’ve been to one southern wedding (smoked mullet in the backyard), a bunch of California weddings long ago (that’s where we got married), and lately grad student weddings, mostly in NY, but one in PA. Also a bunch of New England weddings as that’s where my family is from. Every one has been completely different and have run the gamut from very casual to huge and very formal. The more casual ones have been my favorites by far. The grad student ones can be tiresome for me. I’m usually at a table with a bunch of scientists who all talk shop! </p>
<p>musicamerica :eek: You should have sent her a bill!</p>
<p>“she could have spent years imagining how her perfect wedding would be. So at least take the time to find out how important this color is”</p>
<p>Yech. I really hope the answer is, “Less important than her mother-in-law.”</p>
<p>I agree that the wise thing to do is to go along to get along where future in-laws are concerned. But add me to the list of people grossed out by the idea that “It’s the bride’s day!” Family members should not be treated like props in one person’s theatrical event. The length of time that the bride has indulged in princess/celebrity fantasies has nothing to do with it. I wish more brides would at least give lip service to the notion that guests are valuable regardless of their aesthetic (or financial) contribution. Honestly, some grooms ought to wake up and re-think their choice when they see a bride prioritizing the wedding over the marriage. </p>
<p>Now, deliberately making sour faces in the photographs? That is terrible. No matter what happened during the lead-up, once the event begins all parties in attendance need to shut up and smile.</p>
<p>When my cousin was a bat mitzvah, our great-aunt took the Greyhound bus to Florida for the black-tie blowout. They lost her luggage, and she showed up at the fancy hotel ballroom in the leopard print tracksuit she’d worn on the bus (think Linda Richman in a very plus size). She was treated like the guest of honor, and everyone applauded when they heard the story. I treasure the pictures with the family all dressed up and Auntie Ida in her tracksuit! Rest in peace, Auntie Ida, you had your priorities in order, and your great-niece did too.</p>
I don’t know when the ketubah started, but it was revolutionary. And not only did it give women contractual rights, but all the promises in the ketubah are from the groom to the bride. There was no indication of the woman as property, which may be why Jewish fathers do not “give their daughters away.”
That’s how I’ve always heard it, although like most Yiddish words, it tends to expand to fit the context.
Oh, I didn’t mean to imply that it was strictly a Jewish thing - just that it’s something that many couples do when they don’t have a receiving line. In fact, I’ve never seen it happen at weddings which do have a receiving line.</p>
<p>
And I’ve always heard it referred to as a “Viennese table” - the Viennese are known for their love of pastry!
Mine did, because as does happen in many Jewish weddings, family pictures are taken before the ceremony and before the signing of the ketubah, since there’s no prohibition to seeing the bride before the wedding.</p>
<p>I guess that is how Bullet’s family did it. I also remember they never called it a cocktail hour, they called it a smorgasbord. When we went to the Italian side it was called cocktail hour since it was held AFTER the wedding.</p>
<p>Add me to the dusty rose brigade too -1985 (My mom’s MOB dress for sister’s wedding in 1982 was also dusty rose. The color does look good on a lot of people.)</p>
<p>I’m just going to repeat this one more time because it’s exactly right. Family members are not extras in the Bridezilla’s photo/video shoot, and guests are not customers who are required to pony up expensive gifts as an entrance fee just because the Bridezilla family spent a lot of money on her extravaganza. </p>
<p>Bravo Auntie Ida and Ida’s grandniece, who understand that family ties are more important than photo albums. Plus, what a wonderful, happy story for the whole family.</p>
(My mom’s MOB dress for sister’s wedding in 1982 was also dusty rose. The color does look good on a lot of people.)</p>