<p>^^ wow! I hope the wedding was paid off before the divorce lawyers had to be paid!</p>
<p>The bride in question had VERY limited funds, but apparently went nuts with her new charge cards. Parents have a failing business and periodically have to go without electricity due to unpaid bills.(though if there was a way to harness the energy put out by the aggregate eye rolls made by the wedding guests—they could have lit their home for years) Sad thing is, everyone would have preferred a simple ceremony in the park next to the parents home. Instead, everyone had to fly in and stay in the beautiful but over priced Napa. The reason for Napa? Because that’s where her favorite pop star had her wedding. Nice way to start a life together.
I’m guessing two years.</p>
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<p>The wedding is not about the photos, but there’s no reason not to want to look reasonably nice. I was in a wedding as a bridesmaid years ago where we all had knee-length dresses and black heels and nude hose (this was in ye olden days when hose was de rigueur for a nice occasion). OK, fine. The bride’s cousin wore black lace hose. It looked terrible and she looked stupid in all the pictures. Why? What was the point of that? So she “couldn’t be told what to do”? She looked like a cheap hooker.</p>
<p>At the wedding I’ve been chatting about, one of the bridesmaids (short purple dresses) had a tasteful purple scarf covering her ankle bracelet. You know…the house arrest kind of ankle bracelet.
Ankle bracelets and black hooker hose. That’s worth the price of admission in my book.
Sometimes real life creeps into these affairs and at least, years later, we can have a good laugh.</p>
<p>The wedding is not about the photos, but there’s no reason not to want to look reasonably nice.</p>
<p>Exactly so, and certainly wedding guests should look their best, but I was responding to the story of the bride who forbade her guests-- not members of the wedding party-- to wear hats. That has nothing to do with guests not looking “reasonably nice.” I do not expect the bride to wander into my closet, or stand behind me at the store, while I am choosing what to wear to her wedding. That’s going way too far.</p>
<p>Wow, that’s a LOT of money for shoes. I don’t think I could spend that on shoes if I tried. I bought a pair of white pumps somewhere. They were not going to be seen under my gown, it didn’t matter to me. Since DH is a foot taller than I am I wanted heels, but comfortable ones. Told the bridesmaids to wear whatever shoes they wanted…I think everyone wore white. MIL hated that, wanted everyone in dyed to match…but I just did the smile and nod. Since in her opinion the bridesmaid dresses, MOB/MOG dresses, and tuxes were all wrong anyway, I figured the shoes didn’t matter. </p>
<p>I don’t understand the over the top/all on charge cards weddings. I did browse an interesting book at the library, Bridal Bargains. Seemed to have a lot of good information on having a wonderful wedding on a budget.</p>
<p>Daughter’s friend recently got married. She is from a huge (when the immediate family gets together they number 70) family. They are wealthy. The bride was given a choice of how to spend her money for the wedding. She was given an account to do with what she pleased: she invited 60 people, wore a beautiful dress (evening not bridal), and had a fabulous dinner. </p>
<p>The rest of the money, with a gift from the groom’s family, was used to make a down payment on a house.</p>
<p>I am really enjoying this thread. I spent from the beginning of June to the beginning of August abroad helping S plan his wedding. Actually, the two kids had been planning for months, but S wanted me to come as soon as work finished. I won’t go into too many details, but it was truly difficult for them to plan a wedding in one part of the country while living/working 3.5 hours away, and moving to the city where they were getting married (transferring by companies). My consuegros (the Spanish word for parents of DIL) were too much, but everything turned out wonderful in spite of that. </p>
<p>Some things.</p>
<p>No bridal party, I was told that’s customary. No throwing bouquet. Instead the bride brings it to a young lady during the reception. D was stunned when DIL gave it to her.</p>
<p>Ceremony was outside, 8:00pm absolutely WOW!! After that, the coctail was until ~ 10. It was on the rooftop of the venue. Everyone was having so much fun, no one wanted to go downstairs to the reception. That was fabulous, too, lasting with dancing until about 3:30AM. Then some more light food, party over ~ 5:00. </p>
<p>I’ll write more later. H is calling me to dinner.</p>
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<p>Oh, I agree. And a personal pet peeve of mine is when a bride makes her wedding black-tie. If you’re at the just-starting-out stage in life, a lot of young guys don’t have tuxedos and the cost to rent them is not insubstantial. </p>
<p>I’m also not a fan of makeup or hair that looks substantially different from how the bride looks most days. I don’t mean not to turn it up a notch or two, but not super-heavy makeup or an elaborate, overly done hairstyle.</p>
<p>I find this thread fascinating. </p>
<p>And this from a guy who secretly wishes for the perfect wedding: an extravagant rehearsal dinner that I can enjoy. This means … with VERY few members of the family and nobody else. Then for the next day, an … amazing excuse to cancel the entire “real thing” and leave early the next morning for a trip without a marathon of hollow smiles. Sorry cousins, extended family, friends, and friend of friends! No mooching today! You’ll have to hope younger sister has different plans than mine! </p>
<p>The thought that people spend small fortunes and might even go in debt for this kind of wasteful excesses is more frightening than the discussions about a college education. </p>
<p>I really think that something good will come out our prolonged crisis and possible depression. A return to some common sense and most needed austerity, and a permament exile for those moronic Franz from the Father of the Bride. ;)</p>
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<p>I have to laugh. Because of college activities, almost all my D’s male friends owned tuxes when they were in college while very few owned suits. They WANTED weddings to be black tie, so they could save money by wearing their tuxes.</p>
<p>The day before the big day, there was a civil ceremony at the city hall. Only the couple, two witnesses and the Mayor, in his office.</p>
<p>Following this is the traditional luncheon for only immediate family members, where the consuegros give the kids their wedding gift, something that will be worn on the big day. S got the watch he requested, and we gave DIL the diamond bracelet she wanted.</p>
<p>Don’t ask me the price. I will just say that the first thing I did after the purchase was call H and tell him to say “yes” when the credit card company called to verify that the purchase was legit. DIL cried when she saw it. I had found a jeweler to make it and it was beautiful.</p>
<p>The day after the big day, so now day 3, there was a gathering for about 50 out of towners from ~ noon to 5, then after that was a nightclub party for “young” people. H and I were thrilled to have the night off. </p>
<p>One of my duties as the MOG was to give a small gift to each woman 18 or older (there were 85). As part of that gift D brought Fannie May candy specially ordered and individualy wrapped. She and I went to each table during the reception giving them personally. D gave the candy, I the other item. At least we got to meet lots of people, as of the ~200 guests, 12 were from our family.</p>
<p>FOB did the same for the men.</p>
<p>Is anyone getting MOB dress ads on your left hand ad columns?? Too funny!</p>
<p>I love the stories about the black stockings and the ‘ankle bracelet’!</p>
<p>BTW, does anyone do wedding videos anymore? Or is that hopelessly last millennium? We didn’t do one in 1987 and remain very happy about that decision.</p>
<p>My SIL’s parents offered her and my BIL a set amount of money, which they could put towards the wedding or towards a house. IIRC, they put some of it in the bank.</p>
<p>I know what we would have done if given that option!</p>
<p>Woody, we didn’t do a video. That was fine by me.</p>
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<p>They are a pictorial of family history. On my wall, next to my closet, is an enlarged and beautiful silver-framed photo of my parents on their wedding day. It is obviously professionally done. They look young and beautiful. Both my parents died when I was in my teens and my children never met them. I look at that photograph all the time and it’s hard to overestimate the value of the photos and video from that day.</p>
<p>I married at a pretty young age and didn’t have anyone to help plan the wedding. I wish I had had a thread like this and read what Pima wrote about photographers. We were on a budget and used someone we knew who was a photographer. He was awful. He didn’t do much of what I asked and the pictures looked like anyone could have snapped them. There are a few nice shots, but he lost all the negatives and we never got copies or enlarged photos, etc. The whole thing was aggravating and thirty-one years later it actually still bothers me. My kids don’t have the kind of photo they could put up on a wall from our wedding. Our wedding was also probably the last time my father-in-law was photographed as he died unexpectedly seven weeks later. I’m glad there are some photos of him, but it would have been nice if they’d been better. All of which I say to point out that I do think wedding photos are important, but they shouldn’t become an excuse for excessive demands. Ultimately, everything will look dated, and that’s part of the charm.</p>
<p>For S’s wedding there was a photography team of four. Some were for still and some for a DVD. They were very good and not insistant at all on staged pics, except at the house beforehand, but that was part of the package, I’m told.</p>
<p>I tried to get S to rent a suit/tux for the wedding, but he wanted the traditional (for over there) wedding outfit paid for by me. Suit, tie, shirt, shoes. Versace is not cheap, but he needs suits for work anyhow.</p>
<p>I will say that many times in the week leading up to the wedding and the days of all the goings on, H thanked me over and over for our wedding. Planned in three days and only 30 people, myself being the only one he knew. We celebrate 35 years in February.</p>
<p><em>raising hand and waving</em> OP here. I have now emailed MOB and cheerily (I hope) thanked her for the update (on “our color” of dark purple) and promised to keep her and future DIL posted on my shopping activities.</p>
<p>In the meantime, my sister, a retired retail executive and my personal shopper/fashion consultant/brutally honest critic, has advised me that we are heading to a local department store tomorrow “just to look” because the new crop of evening gowns are replete with the colors of plum/purple/claret. Apparently these colors are quite the current fashion. Report to follow . . .</p>
<p>H and I had both been married previously and were paying for everything ourselves for our wedding, all while still completing grad degrees–poor students getting married over spring break…</p>
<p>We opted to use H’s previous roommate, who was an excellent wildlife photographer, who graciously volunteered to do the photography for free. </p>
<p>His work was stunning, really. Especially if photos were taken outdoors, of birds.</p>
<p>You guessed it. Virtually none of our photos turned out…lighting in a church and an indoors reception is apparently very different from out on the trail, prairie, mountaintop, etc.</p>
<p>We call our “best” picture the Ghost Portrait. And I too, after 30 years, find it still bothers me. My advice: pay for an experienced wedding photographer:)</p>
<p>dg5052 - Graciously done.</p>
<p>Guess it’s lucky it is a color you are ok with. My daughter’s friend is getting married next year and her planned wedding colors sound like an explosion of sherbert (pink, orange and yellow). My daughter is getting also getting married and she just wants a simple small wedding, and is much more interested in planning a fun trip for the honeymoon. Don’t think she cares about colors. As the MOB, I would not dream of telling the MOG what to wear. Hard enough trying to figure out what I will wear. Hoping my daughter sticks to her guns and has the beach wedding she always wanted - clothes will be simpler and more our stye. Otherwise, Is there a black tie version of overalls? My husband is an overalls guy (that’s what he wants to be buried in).</p>
<p>Really interesting thread for us future MOG’s.</p>
<p>Hmm, dunno about an overalls wedding… </p>
<p>H and groomsmen wore nice pants and linen long sleeved pull over collared shirts to our wedding. (Seems like that pattern was called a Mexican wedding shirt?). MOG and I made them, they were easy to do, looked pretty nice, and H was very happy to opt out of a suit or tux.</p>
<p>Does anyone recall any other MOG etiquette threads on C.C.?
I don’t know my future DIL very well, and would appreciate some advice/hints on how to get to know her better, and how we can graciously offer to help with the wedding and expenses. </p>
<p>We have met her family, but we live 10,000 miles apart, so get together’s are tough.</p>