<p>^^yes. me, too.</p>
<p>At this point in my life I don’t care about most wedding rules and traditions, but really wish that people would have traditional receiving lines, especially at large weddings where all the family doesn’t even know all the guests. That isn’t the thread topic but I just wanted to put it out there :)</p>
<p>I think you should buy a purple dress, and add an enormous purple hat, preferably with a large purple ostrich feather.</p>
<p>If it’s all about the photos, they can always Photoshop you into purple after the fact.</p>
<p>Serious answer: people have all kinds of strange notions about what’s proper in a wedding, and the mother of the bride may believe that she’s doing the right thing by telling you the mothers’ dress color. The kind thing to do is to gently inquire, through your son, probably, about this.</p>
<p>So much of wedding conflict is really representative of other issues going on. Your big goal as a MOG is to support your son, let the bride know she is welcome in your family and be kind to the other family.<br>
I think this is a time to just remember the big picture and realize that there are going to be lots of shared occasions over the years with the other family and you want to enjoy that. A dress color is really not a big deal, but a soured relationship with the MOB is a problem.</p>
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<p>All circumstances are different. My husband suggested to me early on that I not make our son a go-between and communicate directly with our future DIL myself. I think that was the correct call, at least in our case.</p>
<p>“our” wedding was more than a year ago now, but it seems to me I am still more than a little stressed since I am following this thread with such interest lol</p>
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Politics is way less emotional.</p>
<p>As a MOB I would never presume to tell the MOG what to wear. However, as the MOG it is just not important enough to me to pick my own color at the risk of starting out this marriage on a bad note. Especially since you don’t even mind the color? Is it worth it? </p>
<p>As for it being the bride’s day, I agree with those who say that the groom just doesn’t care that much. He just wants to show up, do what she wants and get it over with. When my son had an opinion, he voiced it, but otherwise let her make all the huge, important choices of what color the flowers should be.</p>
<p>Alh, I have done just that, because I don’t know if the request from the mom came because future DIL didn’t want to tell me directly, or whether it was her mom’s preference. If it comes from future DIL, I’m much more inclined to accommodate her–I am looking at the big picture here.
I’ll keep you posted on what response I get.</p>
<p>Can you call her and agree on a broader definition than “dark plum”? Maybe say something like “that’s a great idea – I had my eye on a few differently richly hued jewel shades in the blue family”.</p>
<p>Plum and purple make me think of grape jelly.</p>
<p>My husband and I went to a wedding where EVERYONE was instructed to wear black, and the men were required to wear tuxedos!!! Everyone actually went along with it, even though there was a lot of grumbling,ha. On the flip side, my own wedding was ridiculously simple. I wore a white silk suit and my MOH sister wore a blouse and skirt that she chose. It was in 1981, and for some reason just about everyone there wore a tan suit. Even the women. Hilarious. As much as bridezillas can get out of control, I sometimes feel that weddings are a just an opportunity for the guests to criticize the (mostly) bride’s decisions. It’s never been very important to me what I wore anywhere, and if it makes someone happy,why not? Of course, I grew up wearing school uniforms, and had several jobs that required uniforms, so I’m not the rebellious type.</p>
<p>When I got married I asked both my Mom and my MIL to wear ivory, bridal party was silver and navy blue (married an AF officer who wore his military tux–blue) and I didn’t want too many colors going on for pictures. </p>
<p>The bride may have just said casually to her Mom, I want you and her to continue the color. Mom took that as tell her. If the bride feels that you are opposed to it, I doubt she will say anything because she too doesn’t want to rock the boat.</p>
<p>Honestly, plum, dark purple, etc all have the same hue, it is probably more about that she doesn’t want you wearing ecru or navy.</p>
<p>All of the weddings I have attended, the Moms were in the same shade. I have probably gone to 8 weddings in the last 5 yrs., so I would say it is a trend. The funny thing is they all wore ecru,beige, tan, etc and not the bridal party color. Additionally if the grandmothers were there they wore the same shade too.</p>
<p>It really is about pictures, and let’s be honest photographers are not cheap, and if 1 person out of 10 is in a completely clashing color, it will become the focal point in the picture…you won’t be looking at the couple, but the person that is wearing lime green and everyone else is wearing pale pink. If she really wanted you to be in plum, but didn’t want to offend you by saying so, every time she will look at the pictures with you standing out will grate on her. </p>
<p>It is one day, and let’s be honest you are probably never ever going to wear that gown again even if you did get to pick the color, do you go to a lot of places where you would wear a gown?</p>
<p>Another suggestion: have all the pictures printed in black and white. It avoids this color problem, and they look very classy.</p>
<p>So far, signs are that a low-key, egalitarian, smallish wedding is under consideration (~50 people). There may be a civil ceremony in one country and a celebrant in the other, depending on jobs and visas. DH and S2 may yet be catering!</p>
<p>Tell the mother-in-law to mind her own business. I totally agree she’s overstepping.</p>
<p>^^ Yeah. Great suggetsion on how to start a new relationship.</p>
<p>Knuckling under to a ridiculously over controlling suggestion is also a bad way to start a relationship.</p>
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<p>I wasn’t referring to the wedding photos, I was referring to all family photos that are arranged and taken over the years. I wondered how many men versus women arrange what their families wear, etc. for those kinds of things, even the photos of babies at Sears, etc. My point was that women tend to plan more for these things and care more. And while not the point of a wedding, photos are nice. They are especially nice to have later on when family members are gone and you can see everyone at a happy occasion looking their best.</p>
<p>I actually like the suggestion of wear what works for you and let the photographer photoshop in the “correct” colors for the color glossy photographs! </p>
<p>Do you think they can do some retouching of tattoos and wrinkles and reduction of extra poundage while they’re at it so the pictures can be most glamourous?</p>
<p>My niece’s wedding is coming up in 6 weeks now and I’m taking my mobility-challenged, vision-impaired mother shopping this weekend for a grandmother of the bride dress. For this one small thing, my niece has graciously decreed that my mother can wear whatever she likes and is comfortable for her. The shock of it may kill me. My mother wants something neutral and not long so she won’t trip. She is of the generation that swears it is bad luck to wear black to a wedding. I’m wearing the most glamorous dress I’ve ever worn in my 45 yeas to this wedding and it is black! Thankfully, my almost-13-year-old son has fantastic taste and my mother thinks he hung the moon, so she won’t be too much trouble. If he tells her “this is great” she will lap it up. I should pay him. Boy is he cute! I want my mom to look nice at the wedding and I’m thinking something in the brown family. </p>
<p>ACM, you should start a wedding planning business.</p>
<p>I have several friends who have had 2 spouses (in sequence).</p>
<p>The first time they planned weddings.
The second time they planned marriages.</p>
<p>That is a great phrase robyrm2! I’m going to mention that to my daughter.</p>
<p>I think I’d call the MOB and talk to her about it. Find out the logic, where its coming from, how much this matters (maybe it doesn’t, she was just following what she thought were some etiquette rules), and tell her your thoughts. Ideally its a non-issue. But if for some reason it is a big issue, I’d probably just go with it (under the pick your battles category).</p>
<p>As for this whole dreaming for years of one’s wedding day, brides day and yadayada, I absolutely don’t get it at all. I thought this was from the olden days. Women still do this? Being married, sure perhaps, but a wedding day? Seriously?</p>