<p>In a Jewish wedding it is traditional for the parents of each of the groom and the bride to escort their respective children down the aisle in the processional. They then typically remain in front of the congregation under the chuppah, or wedding canopy, along with the couple, the rabbi and sometimes the best man and maid of honor. In other words, I have to make sure to have comfortable shoes because I’ll be standing during the ceremony too!</p>
<p>All the receiving lines I’ve ever seen have been as everyone is exiting the church. I thought they were wonderful!</p>
<p>As for at the reception (and this may be one of those odd ethnic/regional things) there was an unspoken rule that the bride & groom had to visit each of the tables of guests during the reception to greet everyone and say thank you for coming. DH & I frontloaded the visiting between the 1st dance and the sit down dinner so that we could dance the rest of the reception.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>I’m a rather casual person. So I’m surprised that I have any sympathy for the photography angle. But I recently went to a lovely wedding that somewhat formal but not overly so. The brides had lovely complimenting dark colored short dresses - perhaps ones they already owned. The guys were all in suits. That seemed very practical to me. But one groomsman suit was beige while all others grey-ish. No disaster, just very noticeable in photos.</p>
<p>Per receiving line, I liked how they did it at this wedding. While people waited in line for the buffet dinner, the bridal party mingled with them.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>dg5052: checked lately? 3,112 at 2:22 pm est</p>
<p>You are a really good sport. :)</p>
<p>Receiving lines:</p>
<p>If your wedding is huge, 150 people plus, I am opposed to it. I had 1 because it was tradition at that time, and many times Bullet and I looked at each other as is this your side, do you know them? We had @200 people and it took about 30 minutes to get through it. That meant all of our guests had to wait outside of the church until everyone was greeted before we exited. We were married in Dec. in NJ. not fun for the guests. Just went to one in NC, same size and it was 99 degrees with 80% humidity…it was not fun standing in high heels as a guest under the blistering sun feeling my make up melt away.</p>
<p>Since I have been on both sides of the fence, this is one area where I would say to my kids, have you thought this through? If it is my DD’s wedding I will say go put on your heels and stand in them for 1 hour, don’t walk around more than 10 minutes, but just stand. That is what it will be like that day…walk down the aisle…3 minutes…stand 30 - 45 minutes for the ceremony, walk back down the aisle , and stand for 30 minutes for the line. That is before you start doing all the pics and your 1st dance. Theory it sounds good, reality doesn’t feel good for the bride.</p>
<p>Let’s face it at the reception the bride and groom will go to each table and say hi. It is more comfortable not only for the guest who does not know anyone in the party, but maybe the parents and the groom, but for the bridal party too, smiling and making 30 seconds of small talk.</p>
<p>Even Catholic weddings have both parents walk the bride down the aisle. My parents did in 1988. Traditionally the mother sits down, and the father waits to answer who gives this bride away?</p>
<p>For all the weddings I have attended, the grooms parents enter prior to the bridal party. I have seen the son walk down with them, and have seen them walk down as a couple without the son.</p>
<p>Ushers/groomsmen are in charge of seating the guests. They than walk the bridesmaids down the aisle to the altar. Leaving only the best man at the altar with the groom, prior to the start. The MOH will walk down in front of the bride by herself.</p>
<p>At least that is how we do it from where we are from.</p>
<p>With dg5052’a update, it appears that the color coordination is the bride’s idea/request, not her mother’s. If its that important to her, so be it. Better to establish a good relationship with the future DIL, IMO. Surely there is something dg can find in that color family that will be just beautiful. Are you limited to these colors <a href=“http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/17/Color_icon_purple.svg[/url]”>http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/17/Color_icon_purple.svg</a> or is anything from a light/pale lavendar to a dark grape/blackberry color ok? There should be plenty to choose from. I’ll go dress shopping with you :)</p>
![http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/17/Color_icon_purple.svg[/url]](http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/17/Color_icon_purple.svg%5B/url%5D){kind=link}
<p>As for wedding photos, my late MIL had her grey snakeshin purse with shoulder strap on in many of the pictures. It really detracted from the photo. In some outdoor shots the photographer forgot to tell my mother to take off her sunglasses and put on her regular glasses. Not a disaster, but would have looked better. As for color coordinating, as long as they dont clash terribly, I think allowing the moms to choose their own colors would make sense, but again, if its important to the bride, I’d go along with it. If thats all that is up for discussion, thats a breeze! Congrats, dg!!</p>
<p>I’m amazed you all have never heard of the request. That was pretty much the norm when I was getting married - the MOB gave the MOG a general sense of the formality, length and color. These days you certainly don’t have to match, but you would think anyone who cared about looking nice would want the general colors to at least not clash – if everyone else is in pastels, don’t wear jewel tones; if everyone else has a muted palette, don’t wear fluorescent brights. Why stick out in a photograph (not in a good way) if you don’t have to? </p>
<p>Purple runs the gamut from lavender to orchid to violet to plum to eggplant. I’d want to know what the colors were, and then pick something complimentary to the hue and intensity. If MOB is in plum, orchid would look awful next to it - but a rich grey could look fabulous. This is about hue, intensity, tonality, not color per se, IMO.</p>
<p>You could also find a neutral that you liked, and then have an accessory that picks up the coloring - whether it’s a fabulous pin, or great necklace and / or earrings. I think that could look much chic-er than playing matchy-match to MOB’s exact dress color, which could be an exercise in futility.</p>
<p>Pizzagirl,
If my ds #1 gets engaged at some point (gf is getting transferred across country, but they are starting to talk “we”) I am hiring your to do the color coordinating!</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, this may be a big clue that the MOB is not a good communicator. I’ve learned that when my husband relays a message that doesn’t sound quite right, I should do some more checking. My hubby would be very likely to translate 3 paragraphs of info into something like, “Wear a purple dress.” </p>
<p>I try not to get offended unless I’m pretty darn sure the person was trying to be offensive; it saves wear and tear on everybody.</p>
<p>Skyhook, I think you’re right. It’s very weird to all of a sudden have such close communications with people who you don’t know from Adam–but who will be your child’s inlaws. I am trying in all matters to give the benefit of the doubt because we will be sharing many, many more years and experiences with them. Stay tuned!</p>
<p>Re photos, many years ago my sister-in-law got married and there were many photos with the blended family – i.e. my MIL’s second husband (she had been widowed) and his three grown children. The grown daughter from the other side came to the wedding in an outfit more appropriate for a casual event. My MIL never really got over that. She felt it was a deliberate diss of her and her family, that she knew she’d be in pictures, etc. I don’t think SIL cared much, but, yes, it’s noticeable in pictures. These things can very quickly get very loaded with meaning and interpretation.</p>
<p>I agree with Pizzagirl, when we were planning our wedding, MOB generally gave MOG a heads up on the dress. Of course, my future MIL disagreed with what my mom was wearing, and showed me multiple etiquette books on how “wrong” it was. Oh well, she just had to deal with it–my mom was in a wheelchair and a floor length dress was easier for her (plus she could wear sweats under the skirt if she was cold). I told MIL to wear whatever length she wanted. The really crazy part was she wanted to know what style shoes my mom was goint to be wearing—seriously, they weren’t going to show. I wanted mom to wear tennis shoes (rubber soles made it easier to transfer her). Lost that one, but then I spent way too much time helping MIL shop for shoes–dyeable, not satin, not leather, blah blah blah. Twenty+ years later I still remember all the angst.</p>
<p>My bridesmaids had dusty rose (very mid-eighties) and my mother had a lovely, very elegant, pale pink beaded gown. My MIL showed up in a ballgown that was bright Lilly Pulitzer colors, handpainted silk, very showy / look-at-me, and yes, it had pink, but a hot pink with bright color accents, not the paler palette we had. It would have been perfectly fine at any other event but for a wedding as the MOG – it sticks out like a sore thumb in every wedding picture. </p>
<p>She knew darn well that we were doing pinks and roses and similar muted colors – choosing a dress like this was a deliberate act of defiance and rudeness and “look at me.” I still think it’s more gracious to at least try to coordinate – and again, I DON’T mean matchy-matchy at all, but to have the general look, feel and color palette be in the same range, or at least not clashing wildly. It just looks not so jarring in pictures. So, if I were in the OP’s shoes, I’d look for something that at least wouldn’t look jarring or awful next to whatever shades of purple were being used in the wedding party. A bright red dress, for example, would look awful in that circumstance, whereas grays or periwinkle blues might look fine.</p>
<p>dg5052, first of all, I would like to congratulate you! Enjoy every minute of this. I should be a wonderful period of your lives! Celebrate all the “good stuff”!</p>
<p>Mom2M, it sounds as though your MIL really did not have an understanding for your mother’s needs, and that created so much unnecessary stress.</p>
<p>I love post #27 from skyhook and completely agree with that advice. </p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I agree with jym! Will you be my decorator and personal shopper once I hit the lottery’s jackpot?</p>
<p>There are many wedding “traditions” that are not the norm for Jewish weddings.</p>
<p>1) “Bride’s side” or “groom’s side.” Somehow this is one that I never quite understood. You’re at the wedding to celebrate a new family; why separate? I haven’t seen it done at a Jewish wedding.</p>
<p>The difference can also be found in language itself. In English, there is no word for the relationship between dg5052 and her son’s in-laws; no relationship is anticipated. In Yiddish, there is such a word (machitonum), and the relationship is anticipated. After all, the chuppah itself symbolizes the new home, and both sets of parents stand with their children as the new family is created.</p>
<p>2) “Receiving line” also doesn’t really exist at Jewish weddings. One of the reasons for this may be the concept of yichud - the bride and groom spend 5 or so minutes alone in a room, sharing their first meal, immediately after the ceremony. The guests go into the cocktail hour, and there’s really little time for a receiving line.</p>
<p>Most brides & grooms I’ve seen make sure that there are pictures of every table so there is a record of all the guests, and spend significant time with their guests at the reception.</p>
<p>3) “Don’t see the bride before the wedding.” This one would be almost impossible. The bride and groom sign the marriage contract (the ketubah) immediately before the ceremony. Then the groom “veils” the bride in a nod to our forefather Jacob, to ensure that he is marrying the right bride!</p>
<p>4) Throwing the bouquet. I’ve rarely seen it done at a Jewish wedding. Unfortunately, I decided to do it, and it made everyone, including me, uncomfortable. Thankfully, no one mentioned the garter! (When I married, I’d never heard of that tradition!)</p>
<p>I am assuming that you haven’t met MOB if you don’t live near only another, or at least do not know her well. I would start with the bride and then act accordingly. You could tell the bride that her M “suggested” a color to you. You wanted to know if she had a particular color scheme in mind and how strong this “suggestion” was. If it’s just MOB trying to control things, I would do what I want. However, if it is part of the bride’s vision of what she wants, then it would be a good first step to getting along with her and not putting S in the middle. Either way, you are letting the bride know that you respect that fact that it’s her day and you are willing to do whatever she wants. If MOB is acting on her own, you will learn that, too. Some brides and MOBs don’t get along very well either.</p>
<p>
Mine did too. What did yours look like?</p>
<p>Chedva, I would love to learn more about Jewish weddings. I have a relative who may be marrying a lovely Jewish girl and our family all wants to be very welcoming to her.</p>
<p>My experience has been that traditions at Catholic and Protestant weddings vary somewhat by region, and may evolve over the years. Each of the customs you mention, however, is common.</p>
<p>I enjoyed looking at the beautiful photographs of the wedding of Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky and wondered how much (if any) their ceremony was altered from a completely traditional Jewish wedding. I was curious in one of the photos about what looked like a white board sitting behind the couple when they were saying their vows. Someone told me it might have been a copy of the ketubah. Could that be right?</p>
<p>[url=<a href=“Chelsea Clinton & Marc Mezvinsky's Wedding One Year Later (PHOTOS) | HuffPost Life”>Chelsea Clinton & Marc Mezvinsky's Wedding One Year Later (PHOTOS) | HuffPost Life]Chelsea</a> Clinton & Marc Mezvinsky’s Wedding One Year Later (PHOTOS)<a href=“photo%20#5,%20I%20think”>/url</a></p>
<p>If the OP objects to me veering off subject a bit, I apologize. I have just been wondering about this, and suddenly we have a wedding thread!</p>
<p>My maid of honor wore a light pink dress, and my mother and grandmother both wore a dusty rose color. My MIL, who was a very large lady wore a bright purple chiffon thing with bright pink flowers around the bottom 1/3 of the dress. She definitely stood out in the photos. Especially with that grey snakeskin purse darped across her (see previous post).</p>
<p>Skyhook, no objections from the OP–this topic is pretty much dominating my life right now anyway! To answer your questions, with apologies to Chedva, it does appear that what you refer to is the ketubah, the Jewish marriage contract which is signed by the bride, groom and two witnesses and which spells out the rights and obligations of the couple to each other. The use of this document which began in about (Chedva?) was revolutionary in its time, by giving contractual rights to women probably for the first time in recorded history.</p>