<p>I also do not see the need to risk my relationship with my parents or siblings over money either. That is why I do not look at who gets what and why. I respect my parents and siblings and know them to be loving and caring people. How they distribute their money will not change that.</p>
<p>^I am with Bay on this. We support our kids through college. What they choose to do with their life is up to them. If it leads to financially deprived life, they should prepare to live accordingly. I wouldn’t mess with their choice by overcompensating it. My FIL was obviously thinking the same way. Left a third to each of his three children although they had a vastly different earning and family situation. No quabble among siblings. They get along fabulously. Adults should be careful not to pit kids agaist each other. I pay attention when I give gifts to my two grown-up nieces. I try to get them something equivalent.</p>
<p>That’s great, Tom, you are obviously one of the “evolved.” But this thread isn’t about you, it’s about a man who was clearly hurt by what he perceived to be an unequal gift from his father.</p>
<p>I changed my mind I now see slights in every action ever taken by my parents and siblings. Clearly they should make amends because no matter how unreasonable I am it is their responsiblity to keep our relationship intact. Gimme, gimmee, gimme. If you do not I will not love you.</p>
<p>My SIL and her husband have two children. My H (her brother) and I chose to have three. She was very upset that we might get “more” if her parents were to die (even though at that time they were the picture of good health).</p>
<p>In their wills, they divided their estate in half. The first half was divided equally between the two children; the other half was split equally among all of the grandchildren. They stated in their wills that they wanted each grandchild to get the same start in life.</p>
<p>I’m happy to see that I’m not the only one who thinks it’s not a good idea to be so quick to judge the OP’s brother. He’s not on CC stating his side of the story.</p>
<p>The couple of things stood out to me in the OP’s first post.</p>
<p>"(My brother has never married and does not intend to do so)."</p>
<p>^^So what? Does this make him a bad person? Do you view yourself as better than your brother because you married and had 3 children?</p>
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<p>“I don’t know whether it matters, but my brother is very successful financially, while my husband and I are working hard to pay tuition bills at this time.”</p>
<p>^^It was your choice to have children just as it was your brother’s choice not to have children. Do you feel entitled to more of your father’s money just because you are not as financially successful as your brother? Just because his choices in life put him in a better financial state, does that make him less entitled to 1/2 Dad’s future estate?</p>
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<p>“My father and brother do not have a close relationship, unfortunately, while my father and I do.”</p>
<p>^And why is this? Did your Dad favor you as a child? Does your brother FEEL as though your Dad favored you as a child (and as an adult)? There must be a deeper reason why your brother does not have a close relationship with your father beyond simply being bitter about how your children are receiving rather large monetary gifts.</p>
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<p>This drama is between the OP and her sibling----two different people who view the situation in two different ways. The OP sounds quite judgmental of her brother. Perhaps her energies would be better served having a heart to heart discussion with her brother about his feelings.</p>
<p>This drama isn’t so much about the money. Chances are it’s more about emotions and hurt feelings which developed well before the doling out of large sums to the OP’s children.</p>
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<p>nysmile- no one is talking about the future estate. This is money that the grandpa gifted while alive. He gave money to both siblings, as well as some to her kids. It’s the fact that the kids got some that bothers him. But the dad didn’t ignore the son at all. He also got a sum. But he’s upset because the nephews were included.
Please re-read the OPs post #17. It sounds to me like a hurt sister trying to make sense of the situation of a brother who has withheld his love because of a financial decision his dad made. There are always two sides to a story, but if what the OP posts is true at all (brother making it clear he needs things to be even before he visits, supports dad, etc.) then I find it hard to sympathize.</p>
<p>“Just because his choices in life put him in a better financial state, does that make him less entitled to 1/2 Dad’s future estate?”</p>
<p>He’s not ENTITLED to anything.</p>
<p>Wow!</p>
<p>My brother never married and has no kids. I married (divorced now) and have one kid. My brother is financially better off than I am, and was even before he inherited money from our mother. I don’t resent him for having inherited money, and I don’t resent my mother for disinheriting me. It was HER money, and she could do whatever the heck she wanted with it! Neither of us was ENTITLED to anything – it was HER estate. </p>
<p>The OP’s brother isn’t ENTITLED to his dad’s money, either now, while his dad is alive and kicking, nor when his father dies. The brother might feel he is entitled, and that in fact seems to be the case, but he.just.isn’t.</p>
<p>I see both sides (but based on the OP’s description, am more on her side). </p>
<p>I think Grandpa can spend his money as he likes and that none of his children and/or grandchildren is entitled to any of it. </p>
<p>With that said, I myself would (selfishly?) be slightly peeved if my parents were to die and give the majority of their, granted very little, money/estate to my Sister & her family (which is likely what they would do) as my sister has adorable kids, did not go to college, has a stay at home husband, and is not financially responsible/secure. </p>
<p>At the very least, I’d like some of it to put towards my student loans. But then again I fully plan to spend ALL of my money before I die, so who am I to complain?</p>
<p>My mom has a trust that leaves a set amount to each of her grandkids. My brother had four sons. I have two kids. Obviously, they will be getting more than “my side of the family.” Boo, hoo. Seriously.<br>
She is now planning to leave something to her great grandkids as well, as three of the four boys now have kids of their own. Neither of mine are married. And she’s leaving stuff for the wives of the grandkids.<br>
Sorry, but I can’t imagine getting upset that my nephews, and their wives, as well as their kids, would be considered and thought about in my mom’s estate. * These are all people she loves and want to leaves things to in order to be remembered. *</p>
<p>If I heard one of my kids complain that my brother’s “side of the family” was getting more than ours, I’d be very disappointed in them, consider that a spoiled and entitled attitude, and I’d tell them they were damn lucky to get a dime. And if they distanced themselves from her because of it and took it out on their cousins, withdrew their love…well, I just can’t imagine, that’s all.</p>
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<p>I really don’t see why any more than this needs to be said.</p>
<p>nysmile, I don’t really see it the way you do. The dad is entitled to give his money to whomever he pleases. To the housekeeper or his church instead of his family if he wants to. The son thinks otherwise… but as owlice says, it is not the son’s money. It doesn’t really matter if the OP thinks he should have married or had kids or if dad favored the OP. It is still his money to give as he sees fit, and I don’t see how this is the OP’s fault in any way.</p>
<p>Heck, the underlying issues with this could be that the son is feeling bad that he does not have children at this point in his life, and this has triggered his reaction. Maybe it isn’t about the money. But I see no evidence that it is about anything the OP has done to provoke this other than help her dad out when he needs it and marry/have children.</p>
<p>Now… maybe I missed it, but I still am not sure how the son found out about the difference. If the OP told him… that was a bad plan, and maybe the OP did bring some of this on herself. But if the dad told him, then I think the OP is blameless.</p>
<p>I wonder who the brother is leaving his estate to…hmmm. A HS classmate had two uncles with no children and they left everything to my classmate and her disabled sister. She is a fairly wealthy woman because of it.</p>
<p>The grandpa must be fairly well-to- do to be gifting multiple people. My guess is that there is plenty to around.</p>
<p>Hah! How hillarious. It is as if the brother thinks that the grandfather’s progeny ends with him and his sibling. Nope. For the grandfather, they are ALL the same. Actually, the grandchildren are probably MORE important and special to him than he or his sibling will be.</p>
<p>I wouldn’t be even slightly surprised if any parent left the majority of their estate to the grandkids. Nobody makes a grandparent happier than a grandkid, and there is nobody on the planet a grandparent would rather give things to, either.</p>
<p>The brother should just be grateful he’s getting anything. 
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<p>What I’m trying to say is this isn’t so much about the money. It’s more about what has led the brother to distance himself from the father previous to the money gifting—emotional feelings and raw emotions between their relationship. He feels slighted (how HE interprets the gifting) —Two different people, two different set of emotions (and life experiences), two different set of perspectives. It’s not the money, but what it symbolizes to him.</p>
<p>Of course Grandpa can spend and give away his money any way he wants.</p>
<p>^I agree. No one is questioning that. We all talk too much like a lawyer, whose right it is, etc when the real question should be what would be the best. Given the hard feelings, was it wise of the father to do that and let it known?</p>
<p>As my smile reiterated, this thread is not about whether grandpa has the discretion to give his money away (he does), the question was whether the gift was fair to the brother and whether his reaction was appropriate. I don’t see how anyone can conclude that it was, without more facts.</p>
<p>I agree with a lot of what NYsmile has said. I suspect that there is something going on here that goes way back.</p>
<p>Given that the OP’s father took care to gift the brother also, his reaction seems excessive. </p>
<p>This whole discussion fills me with angst, because I anticipate a terrible time with my mother’s estate and my sister, who historically has exhibited extremely irrational behavior around my parents’ affections. And believe me, she was not stinted. My stomach is clenching just thinking about it.</p>
<p>Owlice,</p>
<p>I obviously don’t know anything about your relationship with your mother, but if my mother disinherited me and not my siblings, I would be devastated and scarred for life. And yes, it would be because I think I am just as entitled as my siblings to be included in her estate.</p>
<p>Bay, my read is that maybe the grandfather isn’t thinking about the relationships, but is demonstrating a value of education by contributing to the grandchildren’s college expenses. </p>
<p>The fallout is less expenses for the parents of those children, of course, so a net gain to them, but really, the son should be able to quickly pivot to understanding this is about educating the next generation of his extended family, and not harbor resentment. </p>
<p>That’s in a perfect world, of course.</p>