<p>Haven’t read the whole thread, but a person is entitled to handle their funds any way they see fit. Assuming your dad is competent to manage his affaris, your brother is being a jerk. He sounds just like my brother, who is an angry, bitter man who believes all sorts of nonsense that isnt true, and will spend his days disenfranchised from his family. By his own choice. Sad sad sad.</p>
<p>Grandpa can do what he wants.</p>
<p>The same kind of thing can go on at holiday times as well. When sending checks to a family with lots of kids, the total of their checks will be higher than the total of checks to the family with few or no kids.</p>
<p>(Hey, unless your bro wills his stuff to someone else, if he never marries or has kids, when he dies, you and your kids will get his stuff, too).</p>
<p>Consolation, I’m not sure the OP understood what you were trying to get across, but I did.
Sometimes the way one sibling remembers their childhood is not exactly the same as how another sibling remembers it.</p>
<p>This is about family dynamics, not money.</p>
<p>Wow, family dynamics are intersting. Wonder who Grandpa Harbaugh’s going to root for if both of his sons end up going to the Super Bowl! </p>
<p>My parents left their house (not worth that much) to my only sibling. Their rationale (which they explained to me ) was that she was single and childless and I had a husband to support me. Yes, they were pretty old school!</p>
<p>OP,</p>
<p>If you believe that nothing will appease your brother and he has no basis for feeling the way he does, why did you ask the question and put us all through this?</p>
<p>sevmom, My friend has a similar story. Her brother is going to get the house (worth close to $900,000) because he’s single and still lives with the Mom. He has mucho money saved because he’s been able to bank all of his money while living off his Mom. Luckily, my friend isn’t a resentful person. Every once in a while she does blurt out that she sometimes feels punished for being married and independent. Honestly, I don’t think it’s fair at all. </p>
<p>You see, two different people with two different ways of seeing the situation. I’m sure my friend’s brother thinks it’s fair that he gets the $900,000 house all to himself while my friend feels hurt (but keeps it to herself).</p>
<p>Bay – after reading all of these conflicting perspectives, I’m thinking about asking my brother whether he would consider some sibling counseling together with me. I’ve probably vented here more than I ought – but I truly am weighing and considering everyone’s thoughts on this situation. My apologies if you feel I’ve been close-minded or dismissive in any way.</p>
<p>Everyone has feelings in situations like this. The brother chose to vent his, and sarabande is choosing to do the same. Hopefully the brother didnt insult or browbeat or offend the grandfather. That would be unjustifiable under any circumstances.</p>
<p>I still don’t get why it could make sense no matter what for the B to be resentful of his nephews getting a gift toward education. That’s NOT a father ignoring one child over another. I just don’t see the connection.</p>
<p>Sylvan–I honestly don’t see it as dismissing his feelings. But honestly, I think you can acknowledge someone has particular feelings, but also know that they are not ones that are warranted by oneself. i can’t control others. Neither can the OP or her brother. If, as she reports, he feels this way despite good treatment–then that can be acknowledged without being catered to. Heck, yes, it’s not impossible that the OP can be twisting the facts, but also, honestly, there ARE people who look for slights, and who always carefully measure the affections of others according to their own private scorecards.</p>
<p>I mean, what SHOULD one do with those sort of folks, or do you think they don’t exist?</p>
<p>Yes, nysmile, My sister never left home , didn’t pay rent,had a good job and was able to bank tons of money.By her own account , she is essentially a millionaire on paper (according to the investment guy she works with). We have had mortgage, kids,college, etc. We are comfortable but have nowhere near the money my sister has. But ,we have a good relationship and if I thought about it too much, I would probably make myself crazy!
And she has been VERY generous to my sons.</p>
<p>Bay–I don’t suppose anyone starting posts here, including myself, believe they are “putting others through all this”. It’s just an anonymous comment board. We’re all here voluntarily, and we all post according to our own internal clocks, needs, and whims.</p>
<p>Sevmom and nysmile–totally agree–those stories seem to confirm the unwisdom of measuring and comparing.</p>
<p>What happens if Grandpa runs into financial difficulties after gifting money to the OP and her children? I doubt brother will feel it is his responsibility to come to the rescue given the uneven distribution of gifts. Brother will likely say it’s time to return the gifts Grandpa gave to the g’kids so that Grandpa can afford the nursing home,etc. Brother may also likely expect the sister to do more hands on caring for Grandpa if Grandpa is incapable of caring for himself in the future. These unequal gifts come with unequal strings.</p>
<p>Sevmom, sounds very similar to my friend’s situation. She loves her Mom and her brother so she tries very hard to bury her hurt and not think about it. I told her she can use me as her venting station. When the hurt and frustration starts to rise, she’ll call me to vent because she doesn’t want to make any waves with her family.</p>
<p>Her brother’s view: “I deserve the house because I’ve lived with Mom and never married.”
Her view: “I’m being punished for having a life and being independent.”</p>
<p>nysmile, My parents are both gone now. I think a difference in my situation and your friend’s is that my sister had no sense of entitlement to the house(worth < $100.000 and she still lives there). My parents cooked that idea up all on their own. 
As I said, she really has been very generous and is not a person who feels entitled at all. Lessons leaned though in dealing with these kinds of issues with my kids.</p>
<p>^Same with her parents----Her brother didn’t ask for the house or suggest the idea.
The Mom and Dad felt that because he never married and stayed in the house, he should get it. Her brother doesn’t really feel entitled, but he sure isn’t about to suggest the will be changed to split the value of the house between the two of them.</p>
<p>The Dad has passed and her Mom is over 90.</p>
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<p>There is a connection, but it cannot be evaluated without more facts. For example, and TatinG and riverrunner way back alluded to this, if grandpa has already written his will or trust in which everything is split 50-50, and the amount he gave to his grandsons was significant in comparison to his estate, then he either may need to rely on brother if he runs out of funds to support himself, or his estate may be reduced to a point where brother ends up with almost nothing. Granted, brother is not entitled to anything, but neither is OP, and she will come out ahead. If we are looking at fairness as between bro and sis (not entitlement), I can see how bro might see this as unfair to him. But we cannot draw conclusions without more information.</p>
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<p>Garland, yes I know I do not need to participate in this thread, but I did because I thought OP had a situation she couldn’t figure out and tried to help. If I had known she already knew the answer, I wouldn’t have bothered.</p>
<p>According to the OP, the kids got 13,000 each. Maybe it’s “significant in comparison to his estate,” but $26,000 is probably not that significant, if I were to guess.<br>
I think it’s not about the money, as all of us here have pretty much agreed. </p>
<p>OP, good luck with the sibling counseling. I think that could be very productive, if your brother is willing. Once your father is gone, having your brother as an ally instead of an adversary would be wonderful. It sounds like you both have a lot to gain from a better understanding of where the rift between your brother and your dad originated.</p>
<p>Bay, I’m not sure you’re being fair. I think, having read our responses, the idea of counseling resonates with her. She did gain something, like we all do when we are open minded and come to a forum for advice.</p>
<p>But Bay, you are helping, in spite of your resentment over it! :)</p>