<p>Coffee, I’ll be thinking about you today. One day at a time.</p>
<p>Good morning, coffee12! I wish there was something we could all do to help you. Your son sounds like a complete joy and it sounds like you have done a wonderful job raising him. I know this might not bring you comfort at this time, but it is my experience that college students are not away that long. There is parent’s weekend, Thanksgiving break, and generally 6 weeks at Christmas and then they are off from May to August (4months).This is a lot of time. Take care, and let us know how your day goes!</p>
<p>Coffee12, I have been thinking about your posts and wondering why I am not reacting more like you are. I am a single parent, and my youngest kid is leaving to go over a thousand miles away in a couple of weeks for college. Although every once in a while I tip in the direction you have gone, I think I actually am keeping this topic locked up almost in a secure box. When a few tears or a stray thought of the upcoming empty house creeps out, I almost literally stuff it back in and slam the lid. I just want to be able to enjoy these last couple of weeks as much as possible – figure I am going to have the let the box open up after she leaves, but will deal with that when we get to it. I feel like opening it now is sort of like worrying about things in the middle of the night. What seems absolutely awful then isn’t so bad in the light of day. I guess I am hoping that actually having her gone isn’t as bad as the anticipation of having her gone… Anyway, hoping you can enjoy the time you do have for the next couple of weeks.</p>
<p>coffee, try to remember that your son will only be 7 miles away. If my D was that close, it would almost seem like she wasn’t leaving. She’d be over to the house all the time, to do laundry, to pick up a forgotten item, just to visit and get away from the dorm from time to time.</p>
<p>I’m wondering if the anticipation of the event is actually much worse than the reality will be, like Intparent above suggests. </p>
<p>Hope you feel better today.</p>
<p>yes, seems you will still have opportunities to connect, may be that the “separation anxiety” is worse than the new reality.</p>
<p>here’s an article that I think may resonate for many parents on CC; letting go is a process
[Parents</a> of College Freshmen: Don’t Let Go Too Fast! | Psychology Today](<a href=“http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201307/college-confidential/parents-college-freshmen-dont-let-go-too-fast]Parents”>http://www.psychologytoday.com/collections/201307/college-confidential/parents-college-freshmen-dont-let-go-too-fast)</p>
<p>Coffee, … Just a hug from me … I have actually thought about starting an “empty nest” group for parents in my area who are sending kids off to college. It is going to be a fun/social/ support/ group. Everyone I know sending kids off, is feeling some of things you are to some extent and everyone wants a group to join up with. Maybe there is already a group of parents doing the same in your neck of the woods. I’ve had some tears myself this weekend. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>Spent a hour crying yesterday morning. It was real bad. The rest of the day was ok. Still sad throughout but SO happy 95% of the time when I’m around him. It’s weird how I get sad sometimes when he’s with me because I start thinking of fun times we had. Three more days for move in.</p>
<p>I do honestly hope the anticipation of him leaving is far worse than the reality because I can’t do this much longer. </p>
<p>Sorry for not responding directly to your responses but I’ve been typing all of this on my phone.</p>
<p>He started cleaning out his room last night. </p>
<p>Well, off to cry again. Thanks</p>
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<p>coffee: Are you taking any antidepressants? I’m not a physician or a psychologist so I’m obviously not qualified to recommend them, but if I were you I would call your therapist to ask.</p>
<p>please make sure that you go to the emergency room if you feel that you might do something</p>
<p>there are many excellent suggestions sparsed in this thread, you might want to read through it again and look for specific advice that might help you.</p>
<p>i agree with the above poster,definitely something to look in to and i think would be a good idea for a period of time…</p>
<p>i was thinking about a dog as opposed to cats as regards pets, given their nature… btw…</p>
<p>I’m not going to do anything stupid, that I know. </p>
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<p>You mean, like get a dog? ;)</p>
<p>exactly, but hard to suggest to someone already caring for 3 felines :):)</p>
<p>Yes …like getting a dog or hurting myself. . The dog comment made me laugh… thanks.</p>
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<p>Coffee, as evidenced by the multiple postings by many, that you are not alone going through this. It will be a day by day thing you will go through. Some days will be better than others. I have a senior this year and know I will be feeling the same sadness as you and others have by this time next year. So many good ideas on here how to cope so I went through the previous posts to get a list as reference…perhaps others can keep on adding to this list. </p>
<p>BTW, I do agree… dogs make great companions! Another vote for a dog :)</p>
<p>Do –
- Exercise - walking, biking, etc.
- Plan things to do with spouse
- Journal
- Grieve
- Plan a trip
- Take a class
- Volunteer
- New projects - around house, garden, roof, etc.
- Breathing exercises
- Taking care of yourself - eating and sleeping well
- Get a dog
- Yoga
- Therapy - see your therapist regularly
- Text or PM your son
- New hobby, e.g. poker
- Work (more hours)
- Keep us updated on CC on your progress
- Schedule some event right after move-in day as distractions (dinner, concert, etc.)
- Consult physician </p>
<p>Don’t –
- Consume alcohol
- Don’t do anything to hurt yourself or others
- Don’t visit son at school too early until he’s settled in</p>
<p>How about doing something special with your wife…without your son. You two need to start exploring things you both will enjoy, that you can now do with adult friends too. </p>
<p>The suggestions upstream are great…but I haven’t really heard how you AND your wife together will enjoy your lives once your son goes off to college.</p>
<p>coffee - I’m the kind of person who cries at commercials, gets too involved with books and can’t get them out of my mind for a long time. On the myers briggs I think I’m an INTF. I overly connect with emotions.</p>
<p>I started missing my son December of senior year. I’m the kind of person who looks at my dog and thinks, I’m gonna miss her when she’s dead. Isn’t that cheerful? </p>
<p>When I took my son to college I had to hide and cry, as I stepped out of his room, and just barely, I burst into tears, I cried at the commencement speech, and of course during our farewell dinner when we were sitting in the restaurant and he was feeling flustered and out of sorts his comment was - you’re leaving me tonight? cue waterworks Dropping him off the interesting thing was seeing the dads hugging their sons and crying. I think my husband thought he’d have to drive me straight to a mental hospital when I cried for 7 hours on the way home. And I publicly humiliated myself at the deli counter when I went to order the roast beef I preferred though I always bought his favorite.</p>
<p>All that to say - I did finally calm down. When he came home at the 6 week mark he was really happy. I took a breath. I nearly put x’s on the calendar to count down. Here’s what I did - I texted and called. I cried to my hubby. I walked on the treadmill and began a new interest helping a friend raising money. I changed the seats at the dinner table so we weren’t looking at an empty spot. I focused more at work, I started reading more books, and I made really sure I was keeping the relationship up with my husband. We will be left with each other after all. I also planned a 10 day vacation.</p>
<p>The thing you are wondering - will you ever stop crying? You will. You’ve died a thousand deaths already so the truth is, it can’t be as bad as you think it will - I mean, how could it be? You will see that you can skype, text and talk about him to your wife. Anything you do is to keep you from obsessing around the clock, and sometimes it’s just time, seeing that you do okay each day that makes you feel better. And having something to look forward to is really valuable.</p>
<p>Hi Coffee12-- Sometimes it helps just to plan doing two things a day (maybe from the excellent list above) and add some structure to your free time. Your son still needs you in so so many ways, they just aren’t as clear to you now, but will become so as time passes. Because you live so close to his school, embrace his friends and after some time invite them all over for a barbecue or take them out for a meal. I would consider lowering your expectations of your son for his first few weeks of college. While you are missing him, he will be immersed in a well thought out orientation and new student program that will keep him busy 24/7. When the newness settles and he is four weeks into the semester and having “midterms” he will reach-out with a “hello dad” seeking comfort and support. I think the anticipation will be the worse part for you. On move in day you will see all of the other parents equally concerned and hoping that their child makes a friend quickly. Both of you will be okay!</p>
<p>Right now I Cant think about doing something after he moves in. I guess once he moves in , I will have to. I’m sorry to hear the sadness from some of you and I am happy your sadness is not as bad as mine. So far today the crying isn’t as bad as yesterday. I hope I can control it a little more day by day. This Sucks!</p>
<p>I guess I just don’t want the past to end. I’m trying to hold on to something I can’t hold on to. </p>
<p>Thank you for listening. </p>
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<p>Good morning coffee! </p>
<p>I think you should try making a list, every morning or evening, of 10 cool things about the next year. Or 5, if 10 seems impossible. I also agree that you and the wife should plan for a trip that takes place the week your son goes to,school, or,shortly thereafter. Make a conscious effort to focus on the future. I say this as someone who has a miserable, heartbroken son at the moment, who is still not ready to stop crying and sitting. (awesome gf of 5 years just up and left him) but our goal for him is to get him up, get him moving, and get him distracted moment to moment. And then one day, he will realize he can think about her without falling apart. It takes time. No amount of thinking about it will help, it just takes time. </p>
<p>I have plenty of compassion for your pain. I just think sometimes we have to distract ourselves while time passes, confident that time will do the heavy lifting. As they say on the bumper sticker, when you are at the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on!</p>