<p>Until today, she had said she would come. </p>
<p>The white coat ceremony is important to OP’s family. It really doesn’t matter how we feel about it. What’s important is her sister, someone whom OP feels very close to, honors her feelings. I personally think class reunion is silly, especially if I haven’t kept in touch with people since graduation, apparently some people think it is a lot more important than me. So who is right about assigning importance of class reunion? OP is hurt because her own sister didn’t share her sentiment about a very important event to her. Just because some of you do not share the same sentiment doesn’t make it wrong for OP to feel hurt. I get the sense OP told her family not to go to her D’s graduation, but instead to go to the white coat ceremony. So for her sister to skip both, especially since OP went to her nephew graduation, it is not very family like. </p>
<p>I would tell the sister how you feel about the whole situation. Maybe she doesn’t know how important it is for her to attend.</p>
<p>Old fort, you got it exactly right.</p>
<p>TatinG…it is important to you. So do say something. But I personally don’t think this is worth a family feud. My guess is your sister WILL acknowledge your daughter in many ways in the coming moths and years…as a fellow physician. </p>
<p>Re: reunions. I’m not sure I would place a reunion over an important family event, but I do attend them all of the reunions and the relationships some of us have maintained over the years are remarkable. And I completely understand about the cross country flying twice in a short period of time. It’s not my cup of tea!</p>
<p>Would she consider staying the week? I could see how cross country trips twice a week apart is too much. If she had originally agreed to come instead of attending the college graduation, maybe you guys can discuss it further and see how one another feels. I have a sibling who lives in Alaska and I am in the northeast. Usually when he comes East, he tries to link as many events, occasions, and seeing people as he can in one trip. Perhaps your sister could extend the trip longer? Ideally, if she could not have come to the white coat ceremony, it would have been nice if she had been at the college graduation since you went to her son’s graduation as well. Sometimes with distance involved, it is not always possible to be at every occasion. I realize we all have different values, but you had likened this to a wedding and it is hard for me to imagine it on that level for long distance relatives. I suppose sharing your thoughts with your sister, since you are close, can’t hurt, as long as you are not accusatory or telling her what you think of her going to her HS reunion and keep the emphasis on that you had thought she’d come to this as the plan instead of the graduation and it is really important to you to share it with her. If she still doesn’t come, I would let it go because it doesn’t sound like a pattern and the logistics may be difficult. </p>
<p>Op,
The white coat ceremony is important to you because it is rare. For your sister, who is a MD, the white coat ceremony is not as important because she has been there and done that. For your sister, the reunion is probably important to her, and in addition, she probably made plans for it 6 months ago. Her plans have been set for awhile and now you are adding an additional request in taking off work, which is sometimes hard to do as an MD. As an MD myself, I think the white coat ceremony is not super important and I place a much higher importance on actual graduation from med school.</p>
<p>"We are doing the family get together at the white coat instead of graduation. To us this was more important than graduation. "
This is your opinion. My opinion (and possibly your sister’s) is that graduation where you are conferred your Doctorate of Medicine is more important. </p>
<p>I guess the only thing that you can do is tell her how you feel. And also that you want this to be a family reunion on top of the white coat ceremony.</p>
<p>I hear you, OP. </p>
<p>I invited my sister to son’s graduation from college. I have no spouse and no parents, so it would have been just the 2 of us. I would pay for everything. She said no initially. I said my piece, that she and I went to state flagships and never attended our graduations, but my son was in a different position, at a small school, with many activities planned over the weekend. My sister spoke to her friends, and called back in 2 days that she would be happy to attend. With her wonderful disposition, the graduation weekend was a lot more fun. </p>
<p>We have had many physicians in the families. My parents went out of their way to attend nephews and cousin’s child’s graduation, but never a white coat celebration. I could be wrong, but I think this has grown into a ceremony. wonder if your sister realizes how significant this has become in current times.</p>
<p>I understand the white coat ceremony is significant, and especially to the OP, but I think when you have long distance relatives, the expectation may not be that they can come to all significant events, but hopefully can make the most significant ones, such as weddings, and I think graduations might be next but even that is not that common long distance for aunts and uncles. Other significant events in our children’s lives seem more for immediate family, grandparents or else relatives in closer proximity. I think we need to remember that this is 3000 miles away and so visits might be reserved for the biggest occasions. Many view the graduation as bigger than the starting ceremony, as wonderful as that is too, and certainly worth parents attending.</p>
<p>My sister decided not to come to D1’s graduation because she had a niece from her H’s side who was graduating from NU about the same time. She decided not to attend either graduation, but instead gave very expensive gifts to both girls. I was a bit miffed at first because her H had 8 brothers and she only had me as a sister, plus the fact she was a lot closer to D1, but I understood she couldn’t be too obvious about playing favorites.</p>
<p>I do agree with others that after talking to her if she still doesn’t want to attend, I would let it go. Life is too short.</p>
<p>I am going to fly across the country to attend a school reunion, 2 cross-country trips within a month. I understand your sister’s feelings to reconnect with old friends because some will no longer be with us at the next reunion. You should tell her that this means a lot to you because white coat ceremonies are not important to a lot of people especially those in medicine. My H doesn’t even remember his. In my order of the universe, a white coat ceremony is not the equivalent of a wedding.</p>
<p>White coat ceremonies have been done for only the last 20 years or so. Every matriculant comes on stage, is announced, has a little something said about them and is donned with the short white coat of a medical student. </p>
<p>It’s a smaller group compared to the hundreds who were announced at graduation. It’s indoors, not on a football field. A more intimate setting and ceremony in lieu of the mass chaos of the big state U graduation. </p>
<p>Well, we’ll see. I think I’ll use JEMs line ‘come joyfully or don’t come’. </p>
<p>I don’t think JEM said that to her brother, she just thought it. 95% of the posts out here are saying you are overreacting… don’t start a rift over this, it just wouldn’t be worth it. You are the one who chose not to invite everyone to graduation due to logistics. Now you want to substitute something that others don’t see as a big deal. You can’t blame them for not wanting to go along with your program.</p>
<p>And TatinG…the white coat ceremony will be just as special for your daughter…regardless of who is in the audience. </p>
<p>Celebrate your daughter’s success. </p>
<p>Don’t wallow in the other “stuff”. It’s just not worth it.</p>
<p>I get why this ceremony is important to you; it would be to me too. What I don’t get is the willingness to lose a sibling over it.</p>
<p>Pick your battles. </p>
<p>She is your only sister. She will not come through for you every time you hope she does, and neither will you. Some things you need to push aside for the sake of your relationship. </p>
<p>If you feel this is worth trouble, make a stink of it, but be aware of the consequences that will follow. </p>
<p>Goodness, no. I said upthread that it wasn’t worth severing a lifelong relationship over. Now I just need to know what to say to a) tell her it was important to me and that I am disappointed but 2)only come if she really wants to.</p>
<p>How about…“I was so hoping you would be able to attend the white coat ceremony. I’m disappointed that you will not be able to. Let’s try to find another time to celebrate with TatinGdaughter.”</p>
<p>So, explain more. You told your sister to forgo the graduation in favor of this ceremony. How many months ago was that? Did she mention the reunion then? What did she say when she told you she wasn’t coming?</p>
<p>In my family, we tell each other which event is important and we ask all to attend if they could. My sister invited us to attend our nephew’s ROTC commissioning ceremony(?), but said it wasn’t as important to attend his graduation, so we all made a point of being there for his commission. At the end, it is not what we think is important, it is what’s important to the person who is having the milestone.</p>
<p>I would tell your sister it would mean a lot for her to attend the ceremony, but leave it up to her if she wants to attend. Sometimes it is the other person’s lost not to attend the event.</p>
<p>I’ll see what happens in the next day or so. These sorts of conflicts arise in busy schedules. And I suppose it’s not a competition to see who came to more family events. But the choice made shows the priorities, doesn’t it? </p>