<p>:bz </p>
<p>I thought it was between 2nd and third year. </p>
<p>OP-Congrats to your DD and another CCer’s S on their upcoming white coat ceremony.</p>
<p>Our family may be strange - we did not attend DS’s white coat, and nobody from our family attended that ceremony. It would cost too much for us to fly there for such a short ceremony so DS and we decided it was better in this way. Somebody helped take a picture of him shaking hand with the dean and he sent us the picture later.</p>
<p>In college, DS flied home very frequently because he loved coming home. (I guess he missed the sunny days and even the heat here.) So we would rather save money for him to fly home rather than for us to go see him. But we did help him move out at the end of the school year every year in college. Also, one of us went up there and stayed with him for a couple of weeks twice in the past several years. DS insisted on arranging a trip to NYC as we had never been there.</p>
<p>A few weeks ago, DS asked us how much student loans he was supposed to “accept” this year. (We kind of “promised” him before that his total student loans would not exceed 100k - This is not that easy as the full freight COA per year exceeds 80k now. Knock! Knock!!) After paying full freight for two years of college, and partly for the other two years of college and the med school, we had to be very “careful” about not accumulating too much debt. (In our family, we really do not distinguish his debt from our debt.)</p>
<p>In a couple of years, we think we may need to attend his “match day” ceremony - he may need our emotional support more in that kind of event, I think. One of his college friends (who attended another med school) did not match this year - I really hope his parents were there to support him.</p>
<p>@TatinG at my daughters white coat it was 90% parents. The others may have been a grandparent or even a child…but there wasn’t extended family per se. My mom was one of the outliers but my daughter doesn’t have a family on the paternal side so she was filling in for family. Go to white coat and enjoy. It is a special time, but not really a time for “more” family.</p>
<p>GA2012MOM, how many percents of the students at your D’s ceremony were “alone” (not even with the parents there) like my poor DS?</p>
<p>Sorry Mcat, I hate to say but almost none. The only ones that were not there were the international kids. </p>
<p>But I would assume that your kiddo was taking wit a family…</p>
<p>Sorry, edit not working on phone. What I was saying, of you wefent there, I am sure another classmate and their family took him out for celebration. my daughter has a classmate from affica and we took him out and I know other families did the same for others that didn’t have family there. Anhways mcat, o am sure somebody did something with your son…the only reason I was there is because my mother…her grandmother, paid the expenses. I hear Match day is the most important to them anyways.</p>
<p>What’s the match day ceremony? </p>
<p>Only you know the dynamic between you and your sister. I personally can’t imagine being expected to travel across the country to see a relative’s graduation or white coat ceremony…or even a wedding for that matter. It is nice to be invited, and if it can be worked out, great, but I would be frustrated to feel that I was expected to attend. I do hope you will let your sister know that it is important to you that she attend, and not be silently upset. You may be able to avoid this creating any long term rift between the two of you. </p>
<p>It’s kind of crazy. When you apply for residency, and do your interviews, you list the residency programs that you want in the order that you want them. The residency programs list the applicants that they want in the order that they want them. A computer matches the applicants (just about to graduate from med school) with the residency programs. You open your envelope to find out what program you are going to and it is often in other parts of the country etc. The match is binding (theoretically). Some people are ecstatic. Some people don’t match into a residency and they are traumatized. And the whole range in between. At our school, you had to open your envelope in front of the entire class and faculty and read off where you were going to go into a microphone. It’s nerve racking.</p>
<p>^ Thanks.</p>
<p>Poor DS had to be all alone by himself in that ceremony, and he is not an international one.</p>
<p>One faculty at his med school would invite students to a Thanksgiving dinner at his home if the students do not go home for Thanksgiving. I think DS has been invited to his home for the Thanksgiving dinner twice already. Maybe that faculty would mistaken DS as an international! (This kind faculty actually tried to be a matchmaker for DS and another student at one time - and they just started dating with each other now. Apparently, he likely knows DS very well and knows who may fit DS. LOL.)</p>
<p>In college years, it happened several times that his suitemate’s parents who do not live very far away (e.g., in an adjacent state) would tag him along with their kid, knowing that DS’s parents would not be there.</p>
<p>“Poor DS had to be all alone by himself in that ceremony, and he is not an international one.”</p>
<p>If Mr B’s work schedule demanded it, I would have been all alone by myself in my MBA graduation ceremony. No biggie. It was shown live via a web link. The big kiddo sent us both a text saying, “got my coat!” and a selfie after her ceremony at UW. We had no idea what that meant. We are not MDs, just a bunch of MBAs and PhDs. I just came back from a wedding of a good friend of Mr B’s - his PARENTS were not at the wedding. Too old to travel? Coud not get visas (the groom was born abroad)? Everything was videotaped, and one lady was skyping with them on her iPad. Stuff happens, and stuff happens. We can’t time everything perfectly to fit everyone’s schedules. That said, everyone is different, and, without knowing all details, it is hard to give OP any guidance other than to offer a crying shoulder. Tatin, congratulations to your D! It is not a small achievement. I hope you will sort things out with your sister, and she will be there to congratulate her niece during the med school graduation. </p>
<p>No, you shouldn’t feel snubbed. A white coat ceremony is not the same as graduation. It means you are beginning a part of your schooling that you have not yet completed. I can’t imagine even inviting extended families to such an event. </p>
<p>I don’t understand having an extended family members attend a minor event. In my kid’s HS, there was a separate award ceremony before graduation. There were kids who got multiple awards in different areas; arts, music, sports, language, service, academic, etc. And there were kids who spent all their HS years taking less rigorous courses to bring their GPAs up to qualify for a cum laude. All they got in the ceremony was a cum laude with 20 others kids. That was 20% of their class. No biggie. Guess who was throwing bouquets to the stage with an army f family members in attendance disrupting the ceremony? </p>
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<p>I had to laugh at this. On CC, we really are quite a rarefied bunch, aren’t we.</p>
<p>I have to be honest, I’m married to a physician and I don’t remember any such ceremony when he started medical school, nor do I remember any ceremony when there was match day (though I do remember him calling me excitedly with the results). These seem like a little bit of “made-up” rituals to me. Nothing wrong with made-up rituals but it’s hard for me to imagine that anyone goes to this beyond immediate family who lives in the area. I think you’re bound and determined to be offended no matter what we say. </p>
<p>I sure as heck would not want to fly cross country two weekends in a row. I don’t even like to be away from home two weekends in a row since that is when I am able to get things done because I work during the week. And yes I’d pick the reunion over the white coat ceremony. A physician gives of herself all week to patients. She deserves to do what she wants to do and what she would enjoy on her time off. Give your sister a break.</p>
<p>DH is close to his siblings (I’m an only), but they’ve never attended any of our kids’ graduations, nor have we attended theirs. </p>
<p>S1 has his dissertation defense coming up and has invited us to attend, but hasn’t even invited S2 (who’d have to take off 2 days from work and fly to get there). I see OP’s white coat ceremony and S’ dissertation defense similarly. They are professional accomplishments to be shared with immediate family, not family celebration events like graduations. </p>
<p>Pizzagirl, I am not sure when this tradition started, but it is/was a meaningful event. They basically gave a nice speech on what it is to go into medicine, etc. They then had each student walk across and they put their white coat onto them. I guess it was a symbolysm (sp?) thing but it was quite nice.</p>
<p>The white coat ceremony is a fairly recent tradition. When my husband entered med school in 1975, there was no such thing. (For sure there was a tradition of closing down the favorite bar on match day, but spouses didn’t come along.) So while I agree that it would be nice for the student’s aunt, who is also a physician, to be present, I don’t personally see this more recent tradition in the same league as a graduation or wedding. I don’t really even see graduations in the same league as weddings, but then I’ve never had a good time at a graduation. </p>
<p>I would welcome any reason not to attend a class reunion, if I hadn’t already decided never to go to one. But the OP’s sister is the one who gets to decide if a reunion is “more trip-worthy” than the white coat ceremony and related family doings, not us. I’m quite introverted and even a bit socially averse, so I know my perspective is not the norm. But I’d rather people attend an event for me or a family member only if they really want to come and can do so without undue difficulty. </p>