<p>It is fine to give one’s opinion,but it is another to trivialize her feeling, especially when posters tell her what her response should be to her sister. </p>
<p>Comment removed.</p>
<p>Most people disagree with the OP about this event being worthy of feeling snubbed. That doesn’t mean they are trivializing her feelings. </p>
<p>Well… maybe this is a case of different interpretations of terminology. The online definition I found now (rebuff, ignore, or spurn disdainfully) agrees with my understanding of the word. But some people may use it with a less negative intention.</p>
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<p>I agree. </p>
<p>I think the OP’s using this incident to infer that her sister’s priorities are out of whack, or that it could be in any way comparable to a wedding, or that this should somehow inform her that the relationship between her and her sister is not actually as close as she thought is ridiculous. And before anyone jumps me, the OP absolutely asked for opinions, but after reading the thread, it seems she really only wanted to be told she was right.</p>
<p>I put this kind of importance on my daughter’s first birthday, and also applied emotional pressure to an individual who didn’t see it in the same light as I did. I look back at my behavior and cringe. The OP has vented, and hopefully she will let this go and not make any kind of global implications out of it. Others will never view our children and their activities and triumphs in the same light as we do, and we make a mistake when we expect that.</p>
<p>I suspect that if the premise of this thread had been rearranged a bit, instead of 11 pages of mostly disagreeing with the OP, it would have been mostly agreements.</p>
<p>For example, I think the reaction would be far different if this had been portrayed as the sister blowing off the annual family reunion at this late date, after everyone was counting on her to come (particularly as the only sibling), because she didn’t want to do that much travel and chose the high school reunion instead. That the OP was really counting on her to come, she knew how much they wanted to see her, and it was particularly special because of the white coat ceremony.</p>
<p>Instead the event sounds like more of a four day celebration of the daughter’s med school acceptance, which I could understand why someone might not be totally onboard with, if that’s how it came across.</p>
<p>But that is what has never been clarified. I believe the OP mentioned she had hoped the sister would be joining the OP, her husband and daughter for the 4 day white coat event. I may have missed it but was the sister’s family also expected to attend? Cousins, other siblings, grandparents? That is what I would view as a family reunion and usually there is an agreement on a date for something like that.</p>
<p>Well… I have so many kids and they average about 3 years apart so there were long stretches of time when there was always something. Religious rites, graduations, you name it. Family members were often welcome, but none expected to come, so no, I don’t think the white coat ceremony is something de rigueur for attendance by family members. I don’t know too many families that all come for that ceremony, and I know a lot of doctors. High school graduations seem to be more the family reunion event.</p>
<p>As for the high school reunion, those are often planned well in advance. My guess is that it had long been on the calendar and then this white coat thing came up later. </p>
<p>I’m sorry OP’s feelings are hurt. Can’t help how you feel, no right or wrong about it. Should you let it affect your relationship with your sister? No. Try to take it graciously. Hugs.</p>
<p>@sevmom, the way I read it was that this was the annual family reunion, timeframe adjusted slightly to coincide with the white coat event. It sounds like the ceremony itself isn’t that long, and the OP didn’t know exactly when it was going to be until May. But I could see an issue if the annual family reunion is changed into a four day celebration of one person. To the parents it might be incredibly important, but perhaps not to anyone else. But I think people would be far more sympathetic if the focus was on the reunion being missed, as opposed to the one event.</p>
<p>" I’m sorry OP’s feelings are hurt. Can’t help how you feel, no right or wrong about it."</p>
<p>Ah, but you can help how you feel. You can choose how you react to things and decide whether to hold grudges or not. There are people who choose to take offense at everything, who look for offense everywhere. Not saying the OP does, I have no idea. I never choose to take offense, and I guarantee you it is a far more pleasant way to live!</p>
<p>You can always make the choice to give people the benefit of the doubt, and let it go. Or speak up if you can’t stand it…then let it go.</p>
<p>Well, in the OP she wrote, “I wanted this white coat to be a family celebration honoring my daughter.” </p>
<p>If you’ve been with this thread, imo, she dropped back quite a bit. </p>
<p>And OP seemed to come go a reasonable conclusion. Good luck to her and all who are dealing with time/date family conflicts this summer. </p>
<p>^^Yes, Colorado_mom. Sometimes we think about our initial reactions and change our minds. I do that all the time, but if only I could keep my mouth shut during that initial reaction…it would be much, much better!</p>
<p>Honestly, I’m getting selfish as I’m getting older. My thinking is why should I feel hurt over this person’s action. I’ve got myself to take care off, if my health is not here, nothing matters. </p>
<p>My s’s wedding conflicts with my 40th college reunion. I am disappointed, but I will get over it. Their wedding is of course more important.</p>
<p>Well, they could have planned it better for ya!</p>
<p>Just kidding.</p>
<p>I had to time our wedding around a broadcast of DH’s college football game, does that count? Ok, kidding. We planned a morning wedding and later he found out we could listen to the game in the afternoon and was happy. It’s OK. Long-standing joke. Memorable. You roll with these things. We had gone back to his hometown near the college and games weren’t broadcast across the country, back in the day. No internet to pick it up.</p>
<p>My wedding is on my aunt’s birthday. We’re not close and I didn’t know when I picked it.
Her response upon hearing our date? “Well, I guess I won’t be getting any cake on MY birthday!” (In a very snarky tone and she has been bitter about it since) </p>
<p>I’m glad the OP has come around. I don’t think she was snubbed in any way. </p>
<p>Sheesh, romani. This is a grown woman? </p>