<p>I think it’s worth mentioning too that we don’t plan on having kids for several years. I’m certainly in no rush! :)</p>
<p>People get confused all the time with me and my ex-husband because we still have the same name. Teachers frequently referred to “your husband”. And, every time either of us travel with the kids out of the country we need those notarized statements. Most of kids’ friends call me “Mrs. Barnardgirl’s mom” or “Mrs. S14 mom”. </p>
<p>Personally, I think it’s more hassle to change your name than keep your maiden name. I have two married names which means, to really prove I’m who I am, I’d need a birth certificate and two marriage licenses. Talk about a hassle. I don’t even know why they even consider a birth certificate a legit piece of identification for any woman who has changed her name. No picture, not the correct name- how is this considered legitimate for things like proving citizenship? </p>
<p>Frankly, I wish all married men would wear wedding rings. I really hate when I spot someone attractive, strike up a conversation because he’s not wearing a ring and then find out he’s married. So annoying. I should just know if he’s attractive and seemingly nice, he’s married. </p>
<p>Do what you wish. Lots of people do. Traditions evolve. People adapt. </p>
<p>I kept my own name til we moved to Europe. Funny, but my Euro boss in the US, kept hyphenating my name here, mostly as a joke. It’s when we moved that I officially went with his surname, for simplicity- forgetting they care far less about this sort of thing.</p>
<p>At the time, all I did was get my passport with his last name. No one asked for proof. I didn’t change my DL to that til much later (when we moved states and I needed a new DL.) None of this even caught up with me until a few years ago, when IDOC now required records for DL, passports, Social Security records, to match. (My SS was in the birth name.)</p>
<p>My kids are adopted siblings, don’t look like either me or DH. Ironically, nearly everyone figures out we’re related. It’s either magic or we act similarly (the older they get, the more it’s the latter.) Ok, some of it is the apparent bonding, when they see us together. But I’ve also had strangers guess right. Not once have I been asked if I am a family friend or grandmother. Never. </p>
<p>In the end, it’s not the name, it’s the relationship.</p>
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Not always true. Sometimes it simply turns out that he’s gay. </p>
<p>@romani-- the travel-with-kids thing is easily resolved by carrying the kid’s birth certificate for domestic travel. Internationally, if the parents are not traveling together, you always need a consent form signed by the other parent, married or not, same name or different. I sent my kids to travel abroad with their grandparents, post-divorce, and I supplied the grandparents with signed consent from me, + my ex, plus a medical release form signed by us both as well. It wasn’t difficult to get. You also need to have both parents’ signatures or consent to get a passport for a minor. </p>
<p>I’d note that my birth certificate has my mother’s maiden name on it, not her married name. I think that’s pretty much standard.</p>
<p>“Frankly, I wish all married men would wear wedding rings”</p>
<p>Really!! Wear your dang ring. Otherwise, I’m afraid to lead the conversation towards your wife.</p>
<p>True about European travel. While taking D2 from France to England, I was asked at the underground tunnel station for proof that her friend had permission to travel with me. Glad I had it!</p>
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<p>Romani, they are going to know anyway. When people see you together, they will know. In situations like school enrollment or participation in sports, when you are the one who signs the papers or pay the bills, they will figure things out easily. </p>
<p>My dad never owned a ring because he knew he’d never wear it. He is a plumber and when not outside of work, he’d forget to put it on. He had one in his first marriage and it was destroyed within the first few months. </p>
<p>He’s not the kind to go hang out at a bar or something with the guys. Not his style. He lets people know he’s a very happily married man 
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<p>I know, calmom. It was in response to some earlier posts :). </p>
<p>On a related note to something LF said, I always get a kick out of it when people tell my sister or my mom how much they look alike! They’re not biologically related but they never correct anyone. </p>
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<p>This I think is a bad idea. It can be a royal pain to have a different “customary” name and legal name. As I said above, it is even a pain if one goes by a middle name instead of a first name. My grandmother, for example, was of an age and an ethnicity where many, many girls were given the first name “Mary,” but known by their middle name. She was known strictly as Julia her entire life. In some bizarre twist, it says “Mary J. Lastname” on her gravestone. I swear, I’m going to have it recarved one of these days! My mother, similarly, has always gone by her middle name, and her legal signature is X. Middlename Lastname. Yet some entities insist that she is actually Xname Middleinitial, and she has to remember which is which. Believe me, it is not a minor thing to get utilities to change the name on the account: in fact, they won’t do it, and will insist on closing it and opening a new one, thereby cancelling any automatic payment options you have set up.</p>
<p>Every first day of school, a teacher is going to call Firstname, and the kid is going to have to explain that they are really Middlename. (When I was ordering birth announcements for S, I encountered a woman who was ordering name change announcements for her little girl. After just a few months, they had decided that if they were going to call her by her middle name, that it ought to be her first name! 
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<p>I think this is a cultural thing. My father never wore a wedding ring, and I don’t recall most men doing so when I was a kid. It seems to have become more common.</p>
<p>Busdriver, all I can say is that <em>I</em> have never found the different last names of other people “confusing,” and I have never found it to be burdensome to let people know the names of my H and S, and vice versa. It is just very common. If people have a problem, that is their problem, not mine. And I don’t think anyone is enraged or defensive. It is a little annoying when 40 people or so relate their experience of it not being an issue and someone who doesn’t actually know us or share our experiences keeps insisting that no, it IS a problem. But I forgive you. :)</p>
<p>A recent issue of the Wellesley College alumnae magazine did an article on name changes. About 1 in 4 women don’t change their names, so you’d think there would be enough people making this decision for it not to be a problem. However, names are always a hassle when it comes to legal documents, whether you change yours or not. I wouldn’t let this be the basis for your decision. Just realize that it could be a challenge and move on with your plans.</p>
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<p>This was from a midnight talking session that probably included lots of bad ideas. 
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<p>At my D’s large dance studio, everyone knew that I was D’s mom because they saw us together all the time, and everyone knew D’s last name because she was the dancer. If for some reason, someone needed to know or use my last name – which was rare – most people simply used my D’s last name to refer to me, and everyone knew who that meant, including me. The studio owner and receptionist, who saw my checks, knew my real last name and used that. Honestly, this has never been a problem, not at dance, not at school, not at the pediatrician’s office, not at the college FA office, nowhere. When calling about, say, her insurance, I simply say, “This is [my last name]. I’m calling about my daughter, [her last name].” No one has ever once questioned it or been confused about it.</p>
<p>Actually, I think that legal documents become more complicated with a name change than without. </p>
<p>The problem is that there are a lot of legal documents that need changing to reflect the new name, starting with the social security card. Changed names create more potential for confusion and mix-ups, and can make it more difficult to prove identity. </p>
<p>I did know a kid named, call it, Jane Barden-Nelson. That’s what she officially went by. People understood she’d answer to Jane Barden or Jane Nelson. They called her parents by whatever popped up first. The mom might be called Mrs Barden or Mrs Nelson or Mrs Barden-Nelson. It was far easier to call her Ann.</p>
<p>What I never quite figured out is how two people with hyphenated names handle this. Susan Smith-Humperdink marries John Frittle-Kilpatrick. Then what? </p>
<p>Calmom, at the time, all CA required was consistency in use. I didn’t change my SS til about 30 years later. IRS had it figured out since I use the maiden name as the middle now. All those years, I felt like some little renegade. </p>
<p>Little Johnny Frittle-Humperdink. That’s a name if I’ve seen one. </p>
<p>We know a family with two kids using Susie Frittle and Johnny Humperdink. Mom is Ms. Frittle. Dad is Mr. Humperdink. The kids were hyphenated until high school when each picked one name. But, I don’t know why. It’s certainly not easier.</p>
<p>One couple I know – the man and woman had the same last name before they got married. No problem there. The woman kept her name. (And it’s not a common name, either.)</p>
<p>^ Now that’s funny </p>