<p>“This only works for a while, though. If our kids marry and change THEIR names, the family doesn’t all have the same last name anymore.” - True. But if I’ve done my parenting right, they are on their own by then for life details and paperwork 
</p>
<p>We just got engaged over the weekend, and my fiancé’s mother, who is a wonderful person, immediately started saying things about “when you’re a [fiancé’s last name].” I probably will change my name because his is a lovely adjective and far easier to spell than my surname (among other reasons), but it was a bit startling to see how emphatic she was about me changing my name. Looks like I’m not the only one who has had that encounter with a MIL/future MIL.</p>
<p>Congratulations, finnlet! Best of luck as you now navigate the world of people interjecting into your life as you now plan a wedding. 
</p>
<p>My MIL started saying this WAYYYYY before we got engaged. It actually started as a joke because when I was interning, a fellow intern had another O’Irish name that wasn’t my O’Irish name and my boss always called me that. He joked that we should just get married so I could be a His-O’Irish. I said that I was keeping my last name. This happened over a facebook post (as my boss was from a different job and I posted the story on his timeline because I thought it was funny). My MIL said “Fiance’sName and Fiance’sWife WILL have the last name Her/Fiance’sSurname”. She wasn’t even involved in the conversation, just happened to see it. </p>
<p>She became blocked from everything very shortly after and hasn’t let it go for 3 years. </p>
<p>@Finnlet, she seems like a pushy mother in law, but hopefully this is the only matter she’s pushy in. I had one of those terrible Finnish names that I was happy to trade for a simple one. Hopefully you’re wasn’t as odd. What is with these Finns, anyways!</p>
<p>As I stated many pages ago, I kept my name many years ago. It has basically been a non-issue professionally ( actually a help) or with 3 children.</p>
<p>Ironically the one person who, no matter what, still addressed me as Mrs. Husbands name, or my first name and his last was my mother. </p>
<p>My Mom was a feminist that fought for women’s rights in the 60’s. She was working in NYC and applied for a store credit card. They insisted that she supply her H, my Dad, financial info even though he would not be getting the card. She refused and fought. Eventually she got the card on her own merits. It was a big battle.</p>
<p>Her Mom, my Grandmother, fought for women’s right to vote. I have a banner my Grandmother carried in a parade down 5th Ave. in NYC that says “Vote for Woman Suffrage Nov 2nd.” It is framed hanging in my home. So why my Mom had such a difficult time adjusting to me keeping my name I will never know.</p>
<p>That is such a cool relic, morris. </p>
<p>I know. My D’s are really both wanting it. They have to figure it out or it will be figured out out after I am gone. Y I cannot choose between them. Do not even remember how I got it. Sisters not feminists or actively so, so that may be why. I may have asked for it many years ago.</p>
<p>I have my mom’s ERA bracelet. She was quite the activist herself, as were her mother and aunt (all very active in the League of Women’s Voters- all served as Presidents of regional leagues). Her grandmother was a suffragette. I love that about my family, even though it has nothing to do with this topic. </p>
<p>@Consolation I was thinking what you said about giving kids the H’s last name. It is always known who the mother is, but the father could be anybody! </p>
<p>I like hearing all the different thoughts about the topic, when people stay respectful. It is what makes forums interesting to me. </p>
<p>2016BM, I absolutely LOVE hearing stories about women (and men!) who led the way to where we are now. I’m a huge history nerd and I think it’s really, really important for young people to understand what our foremothers went through so that we could even have choices like the one I’m making. </p>
<p>My grandmother was an activist for women’s rights in England- specifically for voluntary motherhood and was active in birth control efforts and family planning education (and my family wonders where I get it from…). I don’t have any pictures or artifacts from that and it makes me sad 
</p>
<p>“My grandmother was an activist for women’s rights in England- specifically for voluntary motherhood and was active in birth control efforts and family planning education (and my family wonders where I get it from…). I don’t have any pictures or artifacts from that and it makes me sad :(”</p>
<p>That’s too bad. Nowadays people have pictures of every waking hour, but not too many pictures from way back then. Have you tried googling her name, just in case there’s something out there? Maybe you can convince one of your parents to write down everything they know about her, as that way you will have a record and not just a memory.</p>
<p>Both of my parents were pretty extreme feminists for their time. I had no idea that I couldn’t do anything that I ever wanted. My mom had the dubious honor of being the first female engineer at Boeing to wear pants. My dad likes to brag that she was a feminist, but she claims that having fat legs inspired her. I was one of the earlier female Air Force pilots, but I didn’t realize it at the time. Being a freak was just ops normal. Still is. No daughters to carry on any feminist traditions, but my dogs are girls, and they rule the house!</p>
<p>
That’s why my MIL always said that the only grandchildren she could be sure of were her daughter’s children.</p>
<p>Your MIL sounds like such a peach, ZM </p>
<p>I’m hoping our children come out with bright red hair. If that happens, there will be no denying who daddy is 
(not that there will be anyway- I just want ginger babies!) </p>
<p>^ @romanigypsyeyes , have children relatively early then. When people meet my red-haired daughter, people’s eyes betray doubt, to which my response is: “what!? Do you think I was always bald and grey???”</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Well, I am the possessor of another one of those Finnish names and I am happy to say that I kept it instead of trading it for H’s simpler–and nice–one. (Ironically, H’s originally-German name was Anglicized by his family to the English version thereof.) Do note that in MIL’s view, you are leaving your own family and identity and becoming one of THEM. I say resist! Wear your Finnish name with pride! :)>- </p>
<p>Seriously, do whatever you want to do, but think about what it means to <em>you</em> first. :)</p>
<p>Hey, there are some very nice Finnish names out there, along with the awful ones. I had to keep my strange Finnish first name, and that was enough for me. But why do 95 % of them have to end with “la”?</p>
<p>Thank you for your congratulations, @romanigypsyeyes! I extend my best wishes to you and your fiancé. </p>
<p>I love my Finnish name–I really do. I think it’s fantastic and love that it represents my heritage. But I do get tired of having people ask if I’m sure that I spelled it right (yes, I’m quite sure) and butchering the pronunciation. Even before we got engaged, I had given a lot of thought to what I would do with my name and never felt at peace with the options of keeping my maiden name or using his name only socially. I felt peace with the idea of changing it, and I knew that I wouldn’t feel any less Finnish if my surname were English. </p>
<p>@busdriver11 I actually know this one–many Finns didn’t have surnames until the past couple centuries; instead, they went by their patronymics. When it was mandated that they adopt surnames, many chose the names of their farms or villages, and -la was a common way of referring to whom the farm belonged or in what type of area it was. </p>
<p>Mine is one of the names that ends with “nen,” which means “of the.” My Finnish ancestors on the paternal line appear to have had last names in the early 1600s, which is as far back as there are known church records. I’ve been spelling it to people and correcting their pronunciation since I was about 6. Actually, it is pronounced exactly as spelled, but people freak out just looking at it. It doesn’t even have a double vowel or anything.</p>
<p>That’s interesting. You guys know much more about the heritage of your name than I do. That is fascinating about why the “la” came about. The name of their farm or village. Cool.</p>
<p>When I google my full maiden name, I am the only person who comes up. Which is kind of weird, you’d think there would be someone else with your name out there.</p>
<p>My brother had a passel of red headed kids. Neither parent had red hair, but there were red genes on both sides. Amusingly for a while my sil dyed her hair red and people would always say, “Oh we can see who they take after!” She’d just smile. </p>
<p>@busdriver11 My mother and I are the only two people in the US with my last name. There are some in Canada. Sometimes I wish that I had insisted that S have my family name. It is unusual, even for a Finnish name. H’s last name is essentially fake.</p>