<p>We have a tangle of names here!
– I am First Name MaidenName DHLastName, no hyphen. I tend to drop my last name more than I used to. The neighborhood kids called me “Mrs. S2’s Mom,” which I liked.
– Kids are DH’s last name.
– My DIL’s mom is FirstName, HyphenatedMiddleName (think Ann-Marie) MiddleName HusbandLastName hyphen-HerLastName. I think she has the longest name on Facebook!
– My DIL is FirstName, Middle, S1’sLast-hyphen-HerLastName, though most of the time she just uses her last name. Because they both work at the same company, they try to maintain their own professional identities.</p>
<p>Have no idea what the grandchildren will be!</p>
<p>I love DH, but regret changing my name. It was not common then in small town midwest and I knew my inlaws would have a fit, so I changed it. D is getting married next year and has stated she will not change her name. Her fiance is from South America and he has both of his parents’ names, although he only uses his father’s name.</p>
<p>My sister kept her name, her kids have BIL’s last name. We have a very unusual, ethnic last name and her first name is not terribly common, but we know of two others with the same name (one is our nephew’s wife). </p>
<p>Romani, as for issues with the name, the school directory for the magnet HS that S attended shows many,many parents with different last names. They even had a cross reference in the back for parents and students with different last names. No big deal. </p>
<p>I kept my last name and kids have a hypenated last name (my last name- husbands last name). I refer to our family as the "mylastname-husbandslastname) family. I am commonly called Ms/Mrs. Husbands last name. I used to correct, but could care less now. My kid’s friends address me by my first name. Their school acquaintances and teammates who don’t know me well, usually address me a Mrs hyphenated last name, same as the kids. Kids are commonly addressed with H’s last name and have been given sports shirts embodied or labeled with H’s last name instead of the correct one. The sports shirt thing irks me and I have insisted it be corrected. I paid to registered them and used their legal last name, look at the list. H has coached a lot of their sports and I think assumptions are commonly made their last name is his. Although hyphenated last names are not uncommon at my kids private schools, they are uncommon in the town we live in. H is well known and everyone assumes that we all have the same last name. I think the kids sometimes wish they had H’s last name just because that is the norm, but it is not a big deal. My kids are both easily found on google, with their unique last names. After all this time, many people do not know how to address mail to us and we receive it addressed in a multitude of ways. It is one of those things that used to bother me, but I could care less about now. If I had to do over, I would probably do it again. </p>
<p>“I’m honestly really surprised by how many women on here either did not change their name”</p>
<p>I am very surprised how many here kept their maiden name. IRL, i only know one person who did and she did the hyphen. Everyone else changed their name. And i don’t live in a socially conservative part of the country. </p>
<p>My name has two syllables and H’s has one, so we hyphenated the kids’ names with mine first. The other consideration is that my name is the beginning of the alphabet and his is the end, and he HATED growing up always being at the end of everything in school for seating etc. Sounds silly, but those things can matter… </p>
<p>My hyphenated last name is Maiden-DHlast name. Part of the rationale for hyphenating rather than just keeping my maiden name alone was that at least my kids’ last name (they have DH’s) would be part of my name.</p>
<p>Even though I changed my name with SSA, it took a couple years before the IRS got it straight. It was rather disconcerting to get letters from IRS saying they couldn’t find me in the system. Apparently they were un-hyphenating my name and looking for me under DH’s last name. Fortunately that didn’t end up being an ongoing problem.</p>
<p>A lot of people talk about confusion when kids have different last names than the mom. My daughter is 25, and we never had any confusion or problems. It was simply never an issue. Include blended families and single-sex couples, and many kids have different names than one of their parents – sometimes different names than both of their parents. </p>
<p>Nowadays, I don’t think there are as many women taking their husbands’ names because they feel they “should” do so. I think it’s becoming just as much a thought-out choice as not taking it has been in the past. I would bet that most women who do take their husband’s name (or husbands who take their wife’s name) do so because they plan to have children and see a single last name as a symbol of family unity. Not everyone’s cup of tea and there are other ways to show family unity, but I think that is often what is behind it now rather than blind adherence to tradition or patriarchy. All that’s my opinion rather than declaration of fact, of course.</p>
<p>Our schools solved the “confusion” factor quite easily. In our directory, the child is listed, with his phone number and address. Parent names are listed, as well as names of siblings and their grades. So you can look up Susie Adams and see that her parents are Jane Smith and Doug Adams.</p>
<p>Then there is a parent directory. Jane Smith is listed on her own, with her address and phone, followed by Doug Adams, and children’s names. Doug Adams is listed on his own, followed by Jane Smith and children’s names. Couples with same last name are listed in parent section only once.</p>
<p>It sounds more complicated than it is, but bottom line is if you only know the name of one family member, you can find out who the other family members are quite easily.</p>
<p>Both of my girls plan to take their husbands’ names because they despise my husband’s. They have told me all of their lives how much they wish I had kept my name and given it to them.</p>
<p>I changed my name and used my maiden name as my middle name. I did not change my name for work. After a couple decades I started basically a new career and only then did I use my married name. The only potential issue would be what last name to give the kids</p>
<p>We were married in 1975 and my wife kept her name. My mom was not pleased and my family had a hard time remembering. Other than that no problems. We hyphenated our son’s name. </p>
<p>My now husband totally supported my choice at the time and even offered to take my last name. It took my mother in law and a few members of my family the better part of a decade to get with the program. In the beginning (and in the name of a good relationship with my new in-laws) I politely deflected anyone from the prior generation who had an opinion on the matter. After a few years of mis-labeled Christmas cards, checks and the same comments from the same people I would respond by asking why they participated in a tradition that suggested ownership, usually followed by a wink. We gave our kid two last names, no hyphenation. I still find it amazing that someone would change their name but I don’t ask why because it really isn’t my business. Different strokes.</p>
<p>To answer your question, it hasn’t been a real hassle but it is occasionally annoying - usually because of a computer system at a store or some other business that is set up to handle only one family name. There has never been a problem with travel, schools or personal documents. </p>
<p>Well, I think you are getting a non-representative sample here because the thread says “For women who didn’t change their names when they married.”</p>
<p>I did change my name but I really cannot imagine anyone other than a MIL who would care.</p>
<p>Full Disclosure - married in 1984 - still together - did not change my name. Preparing to marry two individuals as a couple joined presumably for life is a daunting task. There are a lot of compromises that are made and a lot of drawing lines in the sand over what will not be compromised. There is always a fight to keep your individuality when you are part of a team. My husband and I have different religions - I was not about to convert - that was my line in the sand - he also felt strongly that he was not converting - his line in the sand. Politically/morally we share most of the same values -though I may be a bit more to the left than him. I did not have strong feelings about my last name - oddly it wasn’t a key part to my identity and from a practical stand point I wanted to have the same name as my future children. If keeping your last name is important to you then by all means you should keep it and your future husband should support that decision and inform his mother to butt out. Be prepared that the first few years of marriage are filled with these “lines in the sand” - what holidays will you celebrate - where will you celebrate them - who will you name the children after - where will you vacation…</p>
<p>Luckily, most of our lines have been drawn. We’ve lived together for over three years. I’m an atheist and he’s agnostic and we’ve already figured out holiday schedules for the most part. We’ve even discussed kids names and what sports they’ll play lol. I think we’re lucky in that regard. </p>
<p>I’ll answer more questions later but thank you everyone. I’ve enjoyed all your posts :)</p>
<p>Will happily take my husband’s name. Mr. and Mrs. X. It’s the start of a new life together, as one. </p>
<p>One of my past teachers let out an amusing rant about how he can’t tell whose kid is whose because of the varying family dynamics and people not having the same last names. “Are you Johnny’s father? No? Your his mom’s boyfriend? Where’s Johnny’s father? Who are Little Johnny’s parents?” </p>