<p>Nah, raising a stink wouldn’t have gotten you anywhere. He wasn’t intolerant or anything. :)</p>
<p>EDIT: Stink…not drink. </p>
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<p>^^^^LOL, Niquii, I think your brain is still in the alcohol thread.</p>
<p>No, sorry, as someone who has worked in IPV and with abused children, I’d raise a stink.</p>
<p>I kept my birth name when I married, 22 years ago, and our kids have DH’s last name. I think as teenagers, they have appreciated this. I tend to be a bit . . . um, vocal? maybe even outspoken?. . . but the kids have some anonymity because our last names are different. <grin> Seriously, though, we have never had any problems with my having a different last name from the other three members of the family. And the only person who cannot remember/accept my last name is my biological father–who shares the name.</grin></p>
<p>Darn it! Lol Thought no one noticed. ;)</p>
<p>I actually think that’s funny, Niquii! It IS hard to tell these days. There might be two fathers or two mothers as parents. There are stepparents, SOs etc. </p>
<p>Romani, I kept my maiden name when I married. My children have my husband’s name, without hyphenation.</p>
<p>I am glad to have done it this way. One advantage: I work in the mental health field. A number of years back, I was working with a population which caused me to be concerned for the safety of my family. I took some comfort in the knowledge that my children weren’t easily identifiable, due to their different last name. Our phone was under my husband’s name also. </p>
<p>Throughout my childrens’ school years, the classmates and their parents made the assumption that my name was “Mrs. Y” when it was really “Mrs. X”. I didn’t correct them, as it was easier for them to make the connection between me and my children, and it provided the anonymity needed for my work. But as they neared high school graduation, I found myself wanting to reclaim my own name, so I started speaking up. Everyone now knows me by my correct name, and all is well. </p>
<p>I think different names are very common and not a big deal. </p>
<p>In this day and age, I can’t imagine being surprised, let alone offended, by a choice a woman makes about something as personal as her own name. I chose to change mine because it mattered to me that my children and the whole family share the same name. I liked the symbolism of that more than I disliked the symbolism of what it meant to give it up. </p>
<p>16 years from now, CC will be full of moms who kept their last names (if the Facebook survey taken in 2013 remains accurate), and the subject header will be “any women out there who changed their names?” LOL </p>
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<p>I didn’t say anything about a sample, I’m just saying that I thought I’d get at most maybe 3 or 4 responses.</p>
<p>Anyway, I’ve been thinking about this for the last day or so (well, longer, but thinking about issues raised here)… I don’t associate names with family. I know so many mixed/blended/whatever families with one parent, two parents, three or more parents and they’re all families. I think growing up with a “half-sister” has made me more keenly aware of how little I care about “traditional” families. My sister is my sister whether we have the same last name or not. </p>
<p>I also think I grew up without a lot of symbolism. I know my dad wishes my mom kept her last name but my mom changed it for simplicity. It had nothing to do with us being a family unit or whatever. They’re my parents no matter what name they have. My parents also never wore wedding rings. My dad never had one (never wanted one) and my mom never wore hers until my dad got her a new one a few years back. My parents know that they’re madly in love with one another and that’s all that matters. Even thinking back on it, I don’t ever distinctly remember my parents introducing themselves as spouses or whatnot. I said earlier that my parents don’t like being called Mr & Mrs O’Irish. They always introduce themselves as DadFirstName and MomFirstName. Sometimes my dad introduces my mom as MomFirstName MaidenName for whatever reason. I think the <em>only</em> times I’ve ever heard them refer to each other as husband and wife is when it’s for legal or medical reasons. </p>
<p>I did ask my sister about growing up with a mom and step-dad that had a different last name than her. She said traveling, even international, was never a problem. The only issue she ever had was when she was in a Catholic school and she was the only child with divorced parents (this was early 90s). She said that she remembers some rather nasty remarks, but she was young and may or may not be misremembering. <em>shrug</em> </p>
<p>LOL!</p>
<p>calla, now that I think about it, you make a good point. Many of the areas I’ve worked in or want to work in are very sensitive. While I don’t work in IPV anymore, I haven’t ruled out the possibility of going back to that. Furthermore, the field that I DO currently work in is one of those that a lot of disturbed people want to target. If anything, I’d MUCH rather my kids have my last name for that reason because his last name is so unique. If you google my name, you’re not going to find me for pages but if you google his last name and our rough area, he or his family are the first to come up. But he’s still not gonna go for the only-my-last-name thing. Ah well! </p>
<p>"Well, I think you are getting a non-representative sample here because the thread says “For women who didn’t change their names when they married.”</p>
<p>True, though I clicked on thread and posted. </p>
<p>I am stunned to read about the complications and confrontations here. I’ve been married 25 years and kept my own name. Kids have their father’s last name. The ONLY time the issue has ever come up at all was after we’d been married 3 years and were renting a car. The agent didn’t believe we were married and then after I finally convinced her, she asked me in a very snarky tone why I didn’t change my name. LOL. That was in the Midwest. I wonder if there are region differences? (Seattle area here)</p>
<p>Other than that, it has never been an issue, including with significant traveling, a little of which has been international. </p>
<p>My sister, OTOH got divorced 18 years ago, after only being married 3 years. She kept her ex’s name because she wanted to have the same last name as her children. </p>
<p>To each his own. </p>
<p>I know a young couple who are getting married soon and groom is fine with bride’s desire to keep her name but HIS friends are all giving groom a bad time about it. These are educated young men teasing the groom about a decision they worked out long ago. I’m surprised by that more than an older person wanting things in the traditional Emily Post manner.</p>
<p>At our kids’ private school, they have a student directory where they list the kid’s name followed by the parents. In many cases, the kid’s last name is different from one or both of the parents. Many of the moms kept their maiden names (often professionals).</p>
<p>We have a neighbor who is a psychologist or psychiatrist. He has a different name from his wife (MD). Not sure which last name their kids have. Our other neighbor has a wife who re-took her maiden name after her divorce, even when she remarried her 2nd husband. Their S has his last name. She answers to either last name–Mrs. H’s last name or Mrs. her maiden name.</p>
<p>The only time I had any questions was when I was trying to change everything to my married name about 6 years after I was married just because it was less confusing for me & the kids to just use my married name (H’s last name), all the time. Just changed my United Mileage Plus account info so it is consistent–over 2 decades after my marriage.</p>
<p>I did change my name and it has been helpful on occasion when I needed to access an acct or something of Hs and we shared the same name, but I did not have the paperwork or vice versa.
It can be more problematic, if you don’t have same name.</p>
<p>But I would not cite that as a reason to change your name.</p>
<p>“Frankly, I’ve never understood why a woman should give up the name she’s had for decades just because she’s gotten married.”</p>
<p>Sample of one, of course – but in my case, I had one last name from birth to age 6, and then another when my mother remarried and I was adopted. So I’d already been Firstname Biolastname and then adjusted to Firstname Steplastname - indeed, I have very specific memories of now knowing “this is my new name.” From my perspective, I didn’t have particular attachment - I didn’t think that either last name really defined <em>me</em> and who I was.</p>
<p>Biolastname is / was a *horrendous last name; Steplastname was OK, but signaled an ethnicity that I only partially identified with. Husbandlastname was / is a “nice,” short last name, and I wasn’t established professionally in any way, so I was happy to take it. I hate excess hassles, and so it is at least convenient that we haven’t had any of the second-guessing or passport-mishaps or school-mishaps or whatever when there are different last names, though I certainly understand why other women make other choices.</p>
<p>I’m a little behind here, answering a question from 5 pages ago. The people who have felt we hyphenated our children’s last names incorrectly thought it should be Wife-Husband (I’'ve always suspected that would be so that you can just drop the woman’s name more easily, but I am a little biased here). We chose to do Husband-Wife because it sounded better. The biggest problem the kids have had is that many people don’t seem to understand how to alphabetize their name which baffles me. If your last name is Smith, you go in the S section. If your name is Husband-Wife you go in the H section. It is one word. </p>
<p>We’ve never had a problem with utility bills or the like. If I am calling I will say "my name is Sally Smith, I believe the account is listed under my husband’s name which is Jimmy Johnson. No one has ever questioned me. We have a large refugee population in my town and families of one of the groups NEVER have the same last name. There isn’t one right way to name. </p>
<p>Sorry folks, too many posts to read but want to respond now.</p>
<p>First- congratulations!</p>
<p>I did not change my name and it was good professionally to have Dr. X and Dr. Y when in practice. However, hyphenating was never considered for me or any kids- 20 letters (9+11) plus the hyphen is way too long. If H had a very short name I would have used his just to get rid of the length of mine.</p>
<p>I strongly discourage hyphenating names. What will your children do when THEY get married? Follow your lead and hyphenate? We don’t need to track your genealogy. Keep the kids’ names shorter. Schools et al are used to different names. </p>
<p>Regarding your future mother-in-law. Ignore her. Her problem, not yours.</p>
<p>Our current neighborhood has 4 couples with different names, all well educated. Very common among two physician couples as well. I don’t know of any who hyphenated the kids’ names. </p>