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<p>I mean, they could just do what a lot of Latin American countries do and each keep their last names and just pass down one name each. </p>
<p>I did say that I don’t mind if they drop one when they get older- I will support that if they so choose. </p>
<p>I’d gladly keep it to one name, but I’m not willing to drop mine and he’s not willing to drop his so hyphenating will have to do :). </p>
<p>You may be willing to compromise once you have a child. Please do not saddle your kids with longer names just to flaunt yours. </p>
<p>I posted earlier that my hyphenated daughter chose to take her husband’s name. They aren’t planning to have children. I suspect if son marries current girlfriend that she will keep her name, since she is going to be a Doctor and her Dr. Mother kept hers. She has her father’s name.</p>
<p>wis75-your post #141-Really? My kids have hyphenated last names. They were not given them to “flaunt” mine.
They are all 22-28 years old and like the individuality their last names give them. They are the only ones in the US with the name. They all have short first names. Not one of my kids has ever complained about their hyphenated last name. One would think that by the time they were in their 20’s, that any objection would have come out, yes? You are certainly entitled to your opinion, but perhaps there is a less strident way of expressing it.</p>
<p>My pets even have hyphenated names!</p>
<p>I never changed my last name. My kids have their father’s last name. My oldest has my last name as his middle name. My youngest has a family name from my side of the family as his middle name. No hyphens. I’m not a fan at all of hyphenating and never considered that option but glad it’s worked out for some of you.</p>
<p>21 years married, kept my last name. 2 kids with dad’s last name. No trouble at all. Schools seem used to all sorts of name differences between parents and kids. The only people who seem to have trouble with this are on my side of the family who send Christmas cards and invitations, not only to My-First-Name Husband’s-Last-Name", but to Mr. and Mrs. Husband’s-First-Name Husband’s-Last-Name or worst of all Dr and Mrs Husband’s-First-Name Husband’s-Last-Name when both of us have Ph.D.s!</p>
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<p>Why does my fiance not get the same backlash from you? </p>
<p>You have no idea how long either of our names are either. Not that it matters, but our names together are still shorter than a lot of last names. Easily fit on forms. </p>
<p>Phx, ugh- that would irk me. It’s one thing to use the wrong last name, it’s another to dismiss your title! </p>
<p>Btw- I LOVE your dog picture. What a beauty! </p>
<p>Clearly, one’s duty as a wife comes before their education. Christmas Cards 101 : Addressing. </p>
<p>I never considered changing my name when I married. I have never regretted it in the slightest. I offered to let H hyphenate with me, but he declined. 
If I had had a short or simple name, perhaps we would have done it.</p>
<p>I have never had a single bureaucratic problem with it, in this country or in others to which we have traveled, other than the fact that years ago the software used by our church office would not accommodate a household with two last names. (And it was the rule rather than the exception amongst my generation in the congregation.) Frankly, my mother has constant issues because she has always been called by her second name, and only uses her first initial. (Like J. Edgar Hoover )</p>
<p>My S has his father’s last name, and H suggested adding mine as his second middle name. It has tended to get lost, though. My S’s friends when he was little tended to call me Mrs. H’sname. I just let it go. No adult who actually knows me seems to find it difficult. The only people who ever commented on it negatively were a woman who had had 3 different names during the period I knew her, and a cousin of H’s whose picture is found under “bimbo” in the encyclopedia. Taking it from whence it comes…</p>
<p>Most of the dual-name couples I know have just given the kids the father’s last name. One hyphenated the kid, but not themselves: they both have simple, widely known names that wound good together and it works well. Another agreed that if the first kid was a girl their children would have her last name; if a boy, his. They both have her last name. No one is confused.</p>
<p>Too late to edit…but what is it with MILs and mothers being upset that a DIL doesn’t choose to adopt the name that SHE chose to adopt? You’d think it would be the men who would be upset. </p>
<p>I’m like intparent. Kept my name, D has DH’S name. </p>
<p>No, romani, it is not a huge hassle. The only time it’s ever caused even a little confusion was when D was little, and people at Girl Scouts or preschool would assume that she was my step daughter because of the different names. If it mattered, i’d explain; if not, i wouldn’t bother. Other than that, there have been zero problems in 25 years. </p>
<p>“Most of the dual-name couples I know have just given the kids the father’s last name. One hyphenated the kid, but not themselves: they both have simple, widely known names that wound good together and it works well. Another agreed that if the first kid was a girl their children would have her last name; if a boy, his. They both have her last name. No one is confused.”</p>
<p>I think that it is funny that there are many people on here that are generalizing that no one is confused.</p>
<p>Yes, people are confused. You may not know it, because they aren’t going to admit it, but unless they know you well, they may easily be confused. It’s not being critical of someone’s choice, or any objection whatsoever, but it is a reality. It is purely a logistics issue. It is far easier figuring out who belongs with who, when you all have the same name. That goes for my children’s contacts (which, by the way, since they’re in college, we have far less of), and it goes for our workplace. Nobody would ever connect that me and my husband were married, if we didn’t have the same last name. Though then again, maybe that would be a good thing. Not quite sure about that. :D</p>
<p>It’s not being critical, it’s being honest. Obviously it is easier to connect people when they have the same name. Even our dogs have the same last name as us. Then again, if my husband had the obnoxious last name I did, who knows what we would have ended up with.</p>
<p>The people who need to know that my husband and I are married to each other, know it. They’re not confused. Random people might not connect us, but why would I care?</p>
<p>“Random people might not connect us, but why would I care?”</p>
<p>You don’t have to care. You can care about whatever you choose. I certainly wouldn’t change my name so people could connect the dots easier.</p>
<p>But you DO need to know. You can’t expect that acquaintances will always be able to connect those dots, when it is more difficult to do so. Knowing that other people may not make the connection is useful information. </p>
<p>I brought up with my fiance tonight (jokingly) that people wouldn’t know we were married without the same last name. His response: “Did I miss something? When did we start caring about what other people thought?” </p>
<p>Dang, I love this guy </p>
<p>We also talked about giving our children my last name legally and having them go by a hyphenated last name. That way, they kind of get the best of both worlds. Two happy parents and shorter filling out forms. I don’t think it’ll ultimately happen, but it’s not ruled out yet. </p>
<p>I don’t really see what the big deal is about connecting the dots. Then again, like I said earlier, my dad never wore a wedding ring so I’m sure plenty of people thought he was single. To the best of my knowledge, that never caused any problems. <em>shrug</em> </p>
<p>But I think you’re missing my point, romani. It’s not about caring what other people think, it’s understanding. Just realize that it may not be obvious to people, when you have children, that these are your children. It may not be obvious that you’re married, and you might care about that some day.</p>
<p>I’m not advocating that you change your name, but just to understand that everyone might not remember or realize for infinity that this is your husband, these are your children. When you start spending many hours at school activities and with your children’s friends and family, you’ll want them to know. The people who understand this and actually care about what other people think, are considerate and like to reintroduce themselves as, “I’m XX’s mom.” Not just expecting that you know and remember. They understand that they have to go a little further.</p>
<p>Romani, I guarantee you that no one ever had any problem figuring out that I was my kid’s parent despite the different last name. For one thing, there’s a strong family resemblance. But that brings up another issue: some people adopt children, or are raising step-children; and sometime in inter-racial relationships, even the natural birth child doesn’t look like the parent. Sometimes individuals who have children later in life are mistaken for their child’s grandparent. Would that be a reason for someone not to adopt? or to give birth to a baby whose skin or eyes might look different than the parent? I’d hope not. </p>
<p>Most people are smart enough to figure out that family members do not always share the same last name, and to keep straight the names of the parents of their kid’s friends or other parents at their kid’s school. Again, it was never, ever a problem for me. I can’t remember a single instance. And I never had any problem keeping the names of other parents straight when there was a difference and there was a reason for me to know last names. </p>
<p>Also, when I was practicing law, as far as I could tell, every lawyer and judge in town knew that I was married to my now-ex, different last names and all. People gossip, and they figure out relationships. </p>
<p>I’d just add that the kids figure it out easily as well. Never any confusion there, nor is my grandson confused over the fact that his now-divorced parents have different last names. </p>
<p>And I’ve always given my pets their own last names. The vets tend to list them under my last name… but I would never stand out on my porch calling out “here, Rover MyLastName!”. </p>
<p>My son has my last name. I was moving away from his dad’s family, to be near my parents. Son was too little to be aware. </p>