<p>For those of you who don’t think the mom is supporting her daughter’s religious beliefs enough and think that she should be “supporting” her wish to remain celibate, please re-read my post #44 below:</p>
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<p>I belonged to a Christian group on campus. One of my friends had invited her youth Pastor from home to come and speak to our group. He asked what she wanted him to speak on, and suggested relationships and sex as a topic. She told him that wasn’t necessary, our members didn’t have a problem with that. He replied, “Well then I guess your members aren’t human.”</p>
<p>I don’t understand why you are getting annoyed at my response. Yuor response is uncalled for. You don’t have to agree. It is my opinion.
Just like everyone else, I am entitled to it. It ok to agree to disagree.
Maybe I’m lucky and have a relationship such that I would not need to call the Dr and leave a messge to discuss contraception. </p>
<p>Pizzagirl,
You are exactly right. I do trust the Dr to bring up the conversation without my urging.</p>
<p>If the above was meant as a joke, I don’t get it. </p>
<p>I will repeat what I wrote above. We are not animals. I am not against chemical contraception per say but I am against viewing it as the only resource. Our bodies are wonderful mechanisms that are capable of living naturally, without the use harmful substances.
I also feel that by providing contraceptives to a girl I am somehow, maybe not directly but still, encouraging her to be promiscuous. If someone is not able to stay abstinent for a few days out of the month, than this person is not worth my love as a partner, this person does not really love me but loves having sex with me.
Just my opinion, something I am trying to pass onto my kids.</p>
<p>Agreed. I don’t think I said anything different.</p>
<p>As I stated earlier, I did ask my D’s MD what was the protocol for pap smear/GYN exam for 18 yr old. I did not ask her to discuss contraception with my daughter, I feel that my daughter’s relationship with her MD is a private one. My daughter knows how I feel about things. I encouraged her to bring it up with her MD. I personally respect my daughter and her ability to navigate her own sexual health. She knows that we can discuss anything and I want to protect that trust that she and I have. Other posters here think I am righteous and smug because i have this view. But honestly that is really presumptious of them.</p>
<p>Well, considering that natural family planning methods have a success rate anywhere from 30-97%, I’m glad my D opted for another method.
And as with the hypothetical murder victims mentioned above, I am also not encouraging her to be promiscuous, just responsible.</p>
<p>I was refering to people that can’t control their instincts.</p>
<p>I just feel that by encouraging girls to be on the pill we are saying - hey, have sex, it is OK, you are protected, don’t have to even think twice.</p>
This was my point, although the way I phrased it was kind of a joke. The idea that this method is really effective is, in my opinion, a myth that has been promoted by some religious groups that ought to be a bit more concerned about telling the truth.</p>
<p>I’m a college student, and most of my friends and I are on the pill for its other benefits (not pregnancy prevention). If your periods are killing you each month (lasting two weeks, horrible cramps, etc) the pill is an absolute lifesaver. It can also help with mood, breakouts, whatever. Those are perfectly legit reasons to be on it.</p>
<p>I don’t know anyone who would think, “oh hey, I’m on the pill, I’m going to go crazy and start having sex all the time with random strangers and not think about the consequences.” I don’t know anyone that dumb!</p>
<p>To the original post - if your daughter has told you she is going to wait, I don’t really see what the problem is unless she is the kind of girl who would throw caution to the wind, not keep her word, give in to peer pressure, etc. If I said something like that, I would definitely mean it! If you’re still worried, you could always just tell her that it’s perfectly okay if she wants to go on birth control in the future, etc, and she can always talk to you about her plans.</p>
<p>If her doctor is anything like my doctor, he/she will ask her 45 million variations of “do you have a boyfriend” and “are you having sex” the second she walks in the door. I think a red alert goes off if anyone under 25 walks into a doctor’s office these days!</p>
<p>Do you think that by encouraging people to wear seatbelts we are saying – hey, drive recklessly, it is OK, you are protected, don’t have to think twice?! How about when we have the dentist put sealers on kids’ molars, or have our college students get overdraft protection for their checking accounts? </p>
<p>As the OP, I am not encouraging D to go on the pill and, as someone erroneously posted earlier, I did not and do not plan to give my D a package of condoms. If she chooses to wait until she is married to have sex, that is fine with me. However, if she changes her mind at some point in time and chooses otherwise, I do not want her to have sex without protection.</p>
<p>I also want her to know that her Dad and I are there for her no matter what. I do not think the worst thing that happens is an unplanned pregnancy and birth. The absolute worst things are those tragic news stories about a newborn that was abandoned to die or killed because a young mother was too ashamed and afraid to tell her family she had sex and became pregnant.</p>
<p>D knows and shares our family’s values. I just want her also to know that we trust her and will abide by and support the decisions she makes, and we are not going to fall apart or abandon or condemn her if the choices she makes are different than the ones we made.</p>
<p>And my life experience says otherwise. That is what I am saying. People need to step out of their anecdotal frameworks. I am able to do this – are you willing to accept what I say about how many people I know who are successfully abstinent? If not, why should I accept what you are saying? If there is more than a tiny minority who manage to abstain until marriage, then I don’t see why they should be counted as nothing at all. Again, my life experience is in total contradiction to yours, but at least I’m willing to acknowledge that yours is valid. The percentage really is of no concern to me because I have no reason to believe that statistics versus individual cases are relevant here, and thus premarital sex is not necessarily a discussion to be had with everyone.</p>
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<p>I don’t think you are being realistic. I think you are being pessimistic.</p>
<p>Your post illustrates the problem that I have with some posts in this thread. I am aware of the beliefs of many posters, and obviously one is able to believe what he wants. On the other hand, I don’t see why you wouldn’t at least attempt to work within the framework of the daughter. How many parents of kids who want to be abstinent have honest, open discussions with them about sex and how to avoid situations where it could spontaneously happen? All I’m hearing is that parents of said children say that sex is evil or dirty or don’t talk about it at all. I would be willing to bet that the mother and daughter could have a productive and informative discussion about sex, in which the mother prompts the daughter to examine how best to live out her lifestyle choice in college. I don’t see why you find her views irrelevant, which you acknowledge you do when you state that “many of us don’t think…”. </p>
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<p>That would be the rhythm method. Check out the link; clearly you don’t know what you are talking about.</p>
<p>Kelowna—the difficulty young people in love have in controlling instincts is part of what makes them human. Using ones intellect to obtain the best and safest form of contraception is something that separates us from the animal.</p>
<p>musicamusica, clearly that only applies to people who are morally okay with contraception.</p>
<p>The difficulty young people have in love does not mean that premarital sex is inevitable. The struggle makes them human, but defeatist attitudes on those who support them are no help.</p>
<p>For many couples, especially those in which the woman has less-than-regular cycles, choosing to be abstinent on the days when she is most likely to be fertile is too impractical and risky to be considered (unless the couple’s beliefs do not allow for the use of any “artificial” form of contraception).</p>
<p>But the Pill – with all the advance planning it entails – and not using any contraceptive are not the only choices. Condoms are readily available over the counter (including at college health centers, in most instances). So are contraceptive foams and similar products. Using both of these products, in combination, provides a very high degree of protection against pregnancy and requires only a quick shopping trip as preparation. </p>
<p>Another topic: Don’t be surprised if a Pap smear isn’t part of your daughter’s physical. Some authorities now recommend waiting until 21 unless the woman is sexually active.</p>
<p>Baelor—the OP said that she wants her D to have access to contraception if she wants it.
The morality of contraception is not at issue. This is a health issue.
Looking after the health of your kid is not being defeatist, it’s being realistic.</p>
<p>I understand, and I’m not trying to make it one. But your statement was not about the OP, it was about humanity in general. Given that natural forms of family planning were brought up in-thread, my post was totally relevant. Your post not being a reflection of what you meant to say is not my problem.</p>
<p>Agree. Wouldn’t you agree that using ones intellect to abstain from sex on certain days of the month is also something that makes us human?</p>
<p>You used the word “safest”. I strongly disagree that the pill is the safest method of birth control. It might have the highest success rate in preventing unwanted pregnancies (although I do not believe that ) but it is certainly not “safest” for women taking it.</p>