<p>I was just thinking…what if the couple offered movie tickets to out of town guests for a matinee? You could choose which movie at a multi cinema theater you wanted to see and it is a place you COULD go still dressed up. A theater might give you a deal on 50 movie tickets .</p>
<p>I had a long wedding thread on here recently and the wedding referred to n the thread had a long wait between wedding/reception. Wedding was at 1pm and reception was 30 minutes farther at 6:30pm. I didn’t love the long break and loved it even less when we got to the reception and found out that part of the reason for the delay was so that the wedding party could rent a “party bus” and go bar hopping for a few hours before the reception. (Insert awkward face )</p>
<p>Abasket…so are you suggesting that the wedding couple and their families should add the cost of movie tickets for say…100 guests for a movie? Around here…that would cost another $1000. And should the bridal couple provide transportation and popcorn and soda too?</p>
<p>Sorry…but I do believe folks should and can make their own plans…none of this will be last minute…or a surprise.</p>
<p>No, I don’t think they should, I’m just offering the movies as an alternative to suggestions above that the couple should offer a mini event in between. Here, a matinee (before 5 or 6) would be $6. It was just a thought that they could somehow offer this option for out of town guests only as an option. Just offering creative thinking. :).</p>
<p>Thumper, I agree with you completely. My issue with my niece was that she didnt leave us alone to make plans. We wanted to bring my mother in our own car. Niece was supposed to have a trolley (which would have been a nightmare with a wheelchair) and pitched a fit that her grandmother wasn’t going to be a team player. But somehow she forgot to mention that the trolley wasn’t coming, leaving us stranded. There had been plans for grandmother to rest at MOB’s hotel room but that was forgotten when trolley didnt show. Grandmother wanted to leave after cocktail hour, but bride had a fit, leading to grandmother trying to do too much and failing. Point being, the couple has no obligation other than to communicate clearly. But at the same time, the couple has no right to dictate their guests’ arrangements. Yes, I know I am particularly prickly about this. I think with a large gap, couples should understand and appreciate that some people may not be able to work out arrangements for both and people coming to either the wedding or the reception are still showing that they care.</p>
<p>We haven’t had to deal with this issue too frequently since we don’t often attend many church weddings but we have been often enough where it hasn’t been problematic. I think it is important to witness the ceremony and depending on the distance between where the ceremony might be and the reception and the timing, I can understand people either arriving late to the reception or having to skip one or the other. I once attended a church wedding of someone I worked with on a Friday night in June in the summer- Friday night traffic on Long Island in June is a nightmare, for all those fleeing the city for the Hamptons and Fire Island. We made it to the church just as the officiant pronounced husband & wife, kiss the bride and we got to see the couple walk out… but that wasn’t the worst… driving from NY to NY for a Friday night wedding reception on 4th of July weekend. Since the ceremony had already taken place…why schedule the reception that particular night…
We recently attended a wedding at the chapel at West Point and there were several hours in between the church and the reception. For the most part everyone was staying at the main hotel on the grounds of West Point but others were staying farther away. It was nice to be able to go up to our hotel room, relax a bit and have a cup of coffee before getting changed for the reception. It took us longer to get there than we anticipated and had only a chance to check into the hotel and bring our bags up to the room before we had to board the shuttle from hotel to the church so it was nice to be able to go back and relax in privacy.
One of DH’s cousins son’s bar mitzvah… torah service Saturday morning in temple in
Sands Point (pretty far north on LI from the LIE) followed by party on boat leaving a 1 PM from dock at pier on West Side of Manhattan. We had to drive in to be able to hightail it home promptly when the boat docked to see younger d perform in school play… had left her with friend who was also in show so they could be there on time for their 6 PM call. The bar mitzvah boy and his friends were all being brought in on buses from temple to pier … they barely made their own departure.</p>
<p>“Again, Thumper, I agree they can’t expect a minii-event. It’s the gap that I think is the problem. Most events I get dressed up to go to don’t include a three hour hiatus where I sit around in nice clothes.”</p>
<p>So go back to the hotel and take a nap, or find a bookstore! We have all entertained ourselves when our kids have been busy for a few hous with (soccer/tennis/music lessons/whatever), right? What’s the difference? </p>
<p>The trolley sounds like a nice idea in theory, but in practice I’d rather go back to the hotel, freshen up and save my energy for the evening.</p>
<p>I think the difference is you haven’t been summoned to an event twice in one day, necessitating finery at both, for most things that occur in life. And you might not have a hotel.</p>
<p>I’m just saying, what choices really need a big gap in the middle, which are predicated by the celebration of a life-event with people who are important to you.</p>
<p>Taking a nap is not an option for me. It would ruin my salon hair and make-up. But yes, absolutely, there are so many ways you can pass time. Like I said, watch a Broadway matinee play or go to the American Museum of Natural History.</p>
<p>The only wedding I have ever been to with a gap was unintentional. After the wedding ceremony the father of the bride announced that there had been a bomb threat at the reception site! So instesd of heading directly there we had to find something to do for about 2 hours. Since I was pregnant and starving my husband and I went out to eat. And yes at the wedding I ate another full dinner.</p>
<p>Most weddings I’ve attended lately have the wedding and reception at the same site. Weddings held in a church with the receptions held elsewhere start as soon as the guests arrive at the reception location.</p>
<p>For my own wedding, the ceremony was at a church at 1:00 and the reception was held at the faculty club of our local university from 2 - 6. We had a buffet with beer and wine and it was pretty casual with both indoor and outdoor seating. We were married in my hometown which was about 2 hours away from where we and most of our friends lived so we wanted to make it convenient for those that just wanted to make a day of it.</p>
<p>Went to a wedding a few years ago in Kennebunkport, Maine. It was a destination wedding and most of the guests had traveled from NY or MA to the wedding–so people were staying nearby. The ceremony was at a Catholic Church–it started at 1:30 PM. The ceremony lasted about an hour and by the time we got through the receiving line, we had about 90 minutes before the reception at 4 pm. H and I were attending with a group of friends. We all decided to kill the time by going to a local watering hole (in the downtown area) and having a drink. By the time we got to the restaurant and ordered, we had less than an hour before the reception. H and I would have probably done something similar if we weren’t with a group of people. I think the best you can do is try to be flexible and have a plan on what you can do to fill the time.</p>
<p>Actually, garland, it’s very common with bar mitzvahs to have a gap between a morning service and an evening party. And I’ve gone to weddings with similar gaps. It just strikes me as no big deal. I have a car, I can amuse myself whether I wish to go take a nap, sightsee or catch up with friends.</p>
<p>It sounds like the issue here is being gussied up and having a few hour gap. Usually, with the several hour gap between the post-bar mitzvah kiddush (ends maybe at 2- 2:30 ish) and the evening party (starts at 7- 7:30ish), many might go change into casual clothes for a while and then into evening wear appropriate for the event. If a person lives too close to stay at the hotel but too far to go home, can they simply plan to bring a change of clothes in the car and change in a restroom at the hotel where other guests are staying? Or if they know an out of town guest, maybe can change in their room? If they are planning to stay in the same outfit ( for either the bar mitzvah or wedding reception) can they simply bring some comfy shoes to wear for the few hours of downtime and take in the sights if there isnt a hospitality room to hang out in back at the hotel where the out of towners are staying?</p>
<p>It just never really occurred to me to expect the bride/groom or parents of bar/bat mitzvah kid to have to provide for my every minute of entertainment for the day or the weekend. If they do, thats lovely, but not necessary. I can put my big girl pants on and figure it out. Its not like its a surprise suddenly sprung on the guests (except for the bomb scare!!). Plenty of time to do some advanced planning. </p>
<p>When I attended the wedding of a friend’s son in Houston, there was a morning breakfast at the parents place, and then the wedding was not until that evening. Met up with old friends at the breakfast, and we decided to catch a matinee and walk through the nearby park that afternoon. Worked out just fine. There is always going to be “down time” for out of towners as well. People find things to do, or follow recommendations provided by the hosts or the hotel. Its just not that big a deal.</p>
<p>It reminds me of an old thread where the mother was taking son to an alumni interview at the alum’s house which was about an hour or so from her house, and in a small resort town. And the mother was discombobulated because she couldn’t figure out how to amuse herself for the length of the interview because going into town and sitting at a coffee shop was apparently beyond her capabilities so she had " no choice" but to hide in the car. Most of us on this thread said we were able to amuse ourselves and had done so while our kids were involved in sports, etc. – that it was just no big deal. I don’t even see what the clothing has to do with it. You’re not wearing a ball gown to a 10 am wedding – just a dress.</p>
<p>When the evening event requires a change of clothes (we attended a themed bar mitzvah once where we had to wear a “safari” outfit) or the evening event is black tie or something, then yes the people travelling a distance (who aren’t staying over) will need to think in advance about where to change. In the other cases it may simply be getting into comfortable shoes for a while. I dont do well in heels all day long, so would plan ahead. They make portable, fold up sandals and flats that fit in your purse. <a href=“Designer foldable flats that fit in a bag – Fit In Clouds”>Designer foldable flats that fit in a bag – Fit In Clouds;
<p>This thread is enlightening to me. I didn’t realize the gap is a trend. Every wedding, and I mean every, has had a gap. It’s why I HATE weddings. The gap is for the purpose of taking pictures. When I was a child, the pictures were taken in the church. As the years passed, the trend became more elaborate and the wedding party would travel to some beautiful, outdoor location. This would make the gap even larger.</p>
<p>The invitations would always state that the reception was immediately following the ceremony, but no one traveled to the reception location until the pictures were finished. So it was always a guess as to how long that would be. I would at times ask. The answer was always a noncommittal “when they are finished taking pictures”. So you never knew what time the reception was starting, and had to hang around to be sure you didn’t miss it.</p>
<p>I would love knowing that we had a three hour gap, as some have stated. I would then be able to plan something to entertain myself during that gap.</p>
<p>If this is a new trend, how/when were photographs taken before there was a gap?</p>
<p>True you can go back to the hotel when you have a hotel you are staying at. But in our case the wedding/reception was out of town for us, but not out of town enough to make it worth our while to stay in a hotel. Wedding was an hour from home, reception an hour and a half from home. </p>
<p>Cracked me up when the mother of the groom told me that she was so hungry after the wedding/pics (and still having 3ish hours before the reception) that she and her husband went to Kentucky Fried Chicken to get some FOOD!!!</p>
<p>NO…the gap is NOT solely for the purpose of taking pictures. If the bride and groom have a morning, or even midday wedding ceremony…and want an evening reception there WILL be a gap. Some folks really prefer that evening reception, and you know…it’s their wedding day and should be their choice. If they are Catholic, they have NO late afternoon times for the ceremony itself.</p>
<p>Well…they could have the ceremony on a Friday at 4…but then surely there would be complainers that this was a work day and they had to take off.</p>
<p>You can NOT please everyone…and the bride and groom should not be put in the position of being day time event planners the weekend of their wedding. We are talking about grown ups here…who can and should figure out what to do if there is a gap.</p>
<p>AND if grandma needs help, surely a relative or friend can be asked to help out.</p>
In our situation, as I said, the bride (who is a piece of work) undermined every effort. But that is a very, very extreme case of an absolute monster. I still think it was karmic justice that her dressed ripped, the trolley didn’t show and her guests did not have a good time at her wedding – and she knows that they didn’t.</p>
<p>I don’t think this is a new trend at all. I’ve gone to weddings with this kind of gap for 30 years. The churches are available in the late morning, and the bride / groom have a dinnertime reception. No new news here.</p>
<p>From a Jewish standpoint, it’s ok to see the bride before the wedding, so the pictures of the whole bridal party are often done beforehand, not after.</p>
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