<p>I just don’t agree that you get a pass to inconvenience your guests just because you HAVE to have that evening reception. I don’t see why that is different from any other thing somebody might want for their wedding, but can’t have because it’s not gracious to their guests.</p>
<p>If you’re in a place like NYC where there are billions of things to do where you apparently won’t look ridiculous wandering around in formal wear at 3pm, that may be less inconvenient-- it is really inconvenient when there’s nowhere to go but dive bars and McDonalds for 3 hours. It’s not like it’s going to kill me and I can’t manage, I can surely “put my big girl pants on,” but I don’t think that’s a gracious way to host a party and I don’t think having your heart set on an evening reception makes it any less tacky. I mean really, it’s tacky for guests to have to bring money for a cash bar (and I think we all agree with that), but it’s not tacky to expect guests to bring money to take themselves to a bar or a movie for 3 hours in the middle of YOUR party? What’s the difference?</p>
<p>In my heavy wedding days (1970s & 80s), the problem with “gap” weddings/receptions was always the groomsmen/ushers. We were all college buddies, so we would head somewhere in our formal attire and start drinking. By the time we made it to the reception, we were, so to speak, well on our way.</p>
<p>The smartest MOB invited us all back to her house where she provided food, soft drinks and a golf tournament on a big tv (pre-flat screen). The prior wedding in our group of friends had a 3 hour gap and there were some problems with a missing best man.</p>
<p>The best news is I don’t think today’s young people drink anywhere near what we did.</p>
<p>I don’t go to many weddings, but I’ve never been to one with a gap. Either the ceremony and reception have been at the same site, or the reception has started after a reasonable interval that enabled everyone to hang around briefly outside the church then make their way to the reception site. </p>
<p>I don’t get it. People I know apparently select their venue based on everything working out smoothly, timewise.</p>
<p>Of course, I can’t recall going to a wedding where an emcee called out parent dances and so forth either. :)</p>
<p>I’ve never been to a bar/bat mitzvah. Clearly, the gap there is expected.</p>
<p>Ema…where I am, most brides and grooms have wedding websites set up long before the wedding. One thing I’ve seen on all of them is this to do in the area. </p>
<p>I’m going to an out of town wedding where by necessity, we are spending three full days (it is far from home). It never dawned on me to ask the bride, groom or their families to plan my down time. When we accepted the invitation, we KNEW what it would entail. We asked the hotel to send us info, and they did. We made our own plans.</p>
<p>If someone really feels that gap is just too much to handle, they can make the choice to attend either the ceremony or reception. Or they can send their regrets altogether. </p>
<p>I hope to plan a wedding someday. My hope will be that I am not inconveniencing any of the guests…but really my top priority will be the bride and groom. If they have a morning ceremony and an evening reception…that will be the way it is. Those invited can decide to attend…or not. Their choice. It will be very clear IN the invitation if there is a gap between the ceremony and reception.</p>
<p>We will provide information to folks about things to do in the area, but it will. E up,to them to make their own plans. </p>
I wonder if it’s more common here for some consideration to be made of the gap since in my teensy geographic area, most receptions are held a couple of hours away in New Jersey, Long Island, Manhattan. Actually, now that I think of it, that’s probably why it is super-common for there to be only immediate family at the church and hundreds of people at the reception.</p>
<p>At my daughter’s wedding we took a few photos at the church but took most at the reception venue. Didn’t want the guests to be starving so we had a raw bar before dinner as well as sparkling wine/other drinks. That lasted about 45 minutes before dinner. Because my D had her wedding in a resort area, we put together a mini-booklet on places to see and what to do in the area as well as a list of places to stay and information on how to get to the area (it’s an island–so we included ferry info). We mailed these to folks who RSVP’d that they would be attending. Also included info on the bride/groom website. That seemed to work well and we didn’t hear from anyone. In fact, I was thrilled to receive a number of notes from my friends and members of the wedding party thanking us for a great weekend.</p>
<p>Ditto, but Havdalah and evening reception are nothing new. If I were observant, I’d either have a Havdalah service or a daytime reception at the synagogue with no music. The gap is not more considerate for being common. Etiquette comes down firmly against affairs with gaps of over 45 minutes with no arrangement for the entertainment or occupation of guests.</p>
<p>When I got married (holiday weekend, out-of-town for the majority of guests including all of our friends, and my H and his family), our agenda was as follows:</p>
<p>Friday night - casual dinner at a local restaurant for out of towners</p>
<p>Saturday - pool party at my parents’ house – the girls went to a bridesmaids’ luncheon during that same time. Break of a couple hours. That night, rehearsal dinner hosted by my in-laws (at a different hotel from where most people were staying)</p>
<p>Sunday – brunch at the hotel. Break of a couple of hours. Then the wedding itself started in the evening, and we did have the reception immediately afterwards (all in a hotel)</p>
<p>Monday – brunch for those who were leaving for out of town</p>
<p>I think we were more than hospitable to the guests who had traveled a long distance, but by the same token, I didn’t feel a need to “plan,” say, the few hours between the pool party / bridesmaids’ luncheon and the rehearsal dinner, or the brunch around noon and the wedding in the evening. People were capable of going back to their hotel rooms or visiting with others or doing things around town. And people want some down-time too!</p>
<p>The Bromfield post is exactly what I mean. Provide information…not hard.</p>
<p>Zoosermom, I don’t live all that far from you. If you have a Catholic wedding on Saturday, and an evening reception there IS going to be a gap. No choice.</p>
Which may be, as I said, that most people don’t come to the church.
I’m not Catholic, though, so we don’t have the same restrictions, which is something I really like.</p>
<p>I would care more that out-of-towners are fed / hosted at a rehearsal dinner or similar thing the night before, than I would about ensuring no gap. Personally.</p>
<p>My H and I would be hosting the rehearsal dinner and since ALL of our family and friends will be out of towners, we would of course make sure they are included. Never crossed my mind that they wouldn’t be included.</p>
<p>At my D’s wedding, the groom’s family limited our guest list at the rehearsal dinner so I hosted a Sunday brunch for all my family and guests and his family.</p>
<p>We are going to a wedding far from home in August. The actual rehearsal dinner is taking place on Thursday evening. Friday evening, the grooms family is hosting a picnic type event which the family and all out of town guests are invited to attend…all of the guests are out of town guests! The wedding is Saturday night. There is a breakfast Sunday morning for anyone who chooses to get up early enough for it.</p>
<p>The choice is not to have an evening reception.</p>
<p>PG, your weekend sounds like a delightful combination of festivities and down time. Getting up early and getting all dressed up, driving for two hours, attending a 45 minute ceremony, and then having to kill 5 hours before attending an evening reception and then having to turn around and drive back two hours sounds exhausting. Why not just have an afternoon reception, if you MUST be married in a church in the morning?</p>
<p>A lot of people want an evening reception for dancing and festivities. Not quite the same in the afternoon. If you don’t like the gap, skip either the wedding or the reception. It’s really up to the bride and groom and if out of town guests aren’t happy, so be it.</p>
<p>I think the pertinent question then becomes – are the majority of the guests going to have to have this schedule, or just a few? For example, let’s say I’m holding a wedding here in the Chicagoland area and most of my guests live within a half-hour’s drive. There’s enough down time between the events that the Chicago-area people could go home, rest, run errands, whatever. However, if I have a handful of people from Milwaukee, they’ll indeed have what you described. I guess it depends on whether we’re talking handful or majority.</p>
<p>Edited after MOWC’s post - I think the late afternoon receptions are in between a rock and a hard place – it’s an odd time, IMO. A dinner reception feels more complete to me. But that’s just me.</p>
<p>And believe it or not, there are some reception venues that ONLY have evening receptions. I know, consolation, they could pick a different venue. But really, the guests are invited to attend whatever the wedding entails. It is up to the guests to decide if this is something they want to do…or not.</p>
Right, exactly. My experience has been that restaurants or catering halls often have less flexibility, whereas hotels can often have public areas for people to rest or use the bathrooms. My nephew’s wedding was a similar set-up to my niece’s, but his was in a hotel, so people could come and go, whereas niece’s was in a trendy event space that had an earlier event. It just worked out more nicely at the hotel wedding from the perspective of guest comfort and access. THe hotel had parking, whereas the event space did not, which was what led to some of the other glitches.</p>