<p>My experience is 95%+ with Jewish weddings. No gap. 20-30 minute ceremony, then right into the cocktail hour and reception. I got married on the Sunday (early) evening of a long weekend so that we didn’t run into the issue of having to wait to start the ceremony until the end of the Sabbath on Saturday night. I agree that the most difficulty in these other situations which are mentioned come with guests who are sort-of-out-of-town guests, those who may live over an hour away and don’t want to drive all the way home and back, yet don’t want to spring for a hotel room.</p>
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But in many areas, less and less common. Ten years ago, our Reform synagogue allowed Havdalah b’nai mitzvah. Now they don’t. Same for the local Conservative - the Torah is not read at Havdalah, so there is no bar or bat mitzvah ceremony.</p>
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<p>I belong to a Conservative synagogue, which went through the rabbi change several years ago. My son’s Havdalah bar mitzvah was the last such bar mitzvah held at our synagogue. We were “grandfathered” by new rabbi who is really against bar mitzvahs during Havdalah service. </p>
<p>I personally dislike the gap between events, but as thumper1 said it is my choice to attend or not. The only thing I would note, that if people choose to attend only one event, it’d better be the ceremony.</p>
<p>When my daughter has bat mitzvah, which I assume will not be during Havdalah service with the new rules at our synagogue, I’d rather not see people at the party who did not attend the ceremony. The most import part of any life cycle event is the ceremony. If people are not planning to attend one, they should not plan on attending the party.</p>
<p>Totally honestly? Unless it’s someone I truly love (in which case I’m not choosing anyway), if I have to choose? It’s totally going to be the celebration. The ceremony is important for the participants. The reception is where the community celebrates.</p>
<p>I agree with lerkin. I have mentioned this before, but I found it insensitive and offensive when out of town friends told me they “didnt do religion” (she is jewish, her husband is not) so would not come to the service, but wanted to come to the party (oh and they wanted to stay at our house even though we were having no one, not even immediate family, stay at the house, AND they wanted to bring their dog). They did not understand that the important event was the bar mitzvah, and the celebration is that- if the important event. If you can only attend one, attend the service. That is the important one.</p>
<p>Also, and apologies in advance to those who chose this, but I dont get Sunday night weddings. Its challenging enough to travel long distances to attend, but to have to miss work as well… is an additional challenge.</p>
<p>It doesn’t help that in my case sure its my choice not to attend, but only if I want to start World War III and mortally offend half my (tiny) family-- it’s not like this is a coworker. My attendance is expected come hell or high water. Practically speaking they could have this wedding on the moon with a weeklong gap and I would have to grin and bear it. I don’t think the bride and groom are tacky people for arranging their wedding in this way… It’s just not something I would do. In my case it will actually be convenient since I won’t be able to eat anything at the reception anyway, I have a chance to go eat. I just don’t like that this now turned into EVERYONE looking to me for what “we” are doing during the gap-- this was not my responsibility.</p>
<p>I had a Saturday afternoon Catholic wedding, which meant a gap before the evening reception. We invited everyone to my parents’ house, which was close to the church. We had cheese, crackers, fruit, and refreshments (can’t recall, but don’t think we had alcohol until the reception). My mom’s coworkers were a huge help, keeping food refilled. It was simple, but fun. Those who chose to come had a nice way to pass the time, while others used the gap for whatever they wanted to do (sleep, shop, visit other friends, etc). The real bonus for us in having a split wedding/reception was that many of our coworkers were able to attend either the wedding or the reception … we worked in manufacturing, and our coworkers were 1st and 2nd shifters who had to work that Saturday (back in the heyday of autos!).</p>
<p>Zoosermom, after reading your posts, I am so sorry that your niece was so disrespectful to your mom. My niece was married last October, and the family pitched in to make sure my dad got to MI from FL (one brother flew down & drove him up). Everyone made sure Dad got to the wedding, that he was comfortable and in the center of activity before/during the wedding/reception - my niece and her new husband made sure to spend time with Dad - and my H and S left the reception early to take Dad home when he got tired (and they spent time chatting with him when they took him into the house). Dad passed away 10 days later. I can’t imagine how sad we would have been if he had been treated like your mom was treated - as it was, we were thrilled that we all had such a wonderful time with him.</p>
<p>On a lighter note … another niece was married in 2011. Her wedding was completely guest-centered. Everyone was welcome to camp at the site of the wedding. Everyone could chip in $5 for all-weekend beer access. Oh, and to keep everyone entertained … they brought in a tattoo artist who did quarter tattoos for $20. You should see the pictures. ;)</p>
<p>^THAT sounds like a fun wedding!!! :)</p>
<p>Kelsmom, that does sound like a fun wedding! My niece seemed to have a bizarre perception that she was directing her own personal bridal episode. It was all about the visual appearance and being able to say that she had or did this, that or the other. There was no aspect of the wedding that was comfortable and pleasant. It was worse for my mom because of the wheelchair, but everyone complained about being uncomfortable/tired/stressed/cold/hungry. The guests were clearly just audience members at that wedding. I think that weddings should always involve some level interest in the comfort and enjoyment of the guests. Not that the bride and groom should entertain everyone, but consider that a beautiful venue might not be that appreciated by guests when there are 25 chairs for 200 guests at the cocktail hour and no room to move around, or when the ceremony is at 1:30 and the actual dinner isn’t served until 11 pm and the cake cut after midnight. I once went to an outdoor wedding at 2 pm in August in a venue with no shade. I don’t think that was a good choice for anyone.</p>
<p>Thanks for this thread!
kelsmom–loved that you could take care of your coworker!
Z–so sorry, but a little glad that all of the guests were miserable and the dress ripped…</p>
<p>I think D will have a wedding within the next 2 years. Now I know, from this post, that H and I will budget a few hotel suites for those who need it to relax, watch TV, etc.
I will just start thinking of this as part of our budget. I hate doing too many hours of activity. I would want to sit relax, etc. and even a shared room would provide this.</p>
<p>Our last wedding and the one coming up in the fall are/will be Catholic. The wedding is in mid afternoon and so the reception dinner is served about 4:30 or 5:00. I cannot tell you how much this is not festive to me. Dancing began at 6:00 p.m. at the last wedding.
Honestly, I would much have preferred a gap. We left without really dancing. We had been in the church about 2:00 and then the pics and eating and finished at 6 --ugh</p>
<p>I have never thought of a gap as a negative really. But that is because we are either close enough to go home and do other things or we are truly from out of town and staying in a hotel. We sightsee, visit in hospitality suite, etc.</p>
<p>I need to start planning my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. (Should I start a thread, lol) It is just 6 months away. I have thought of having the reception immediately after the service, but it just doesn’t fit our style. We like casual parties and if after Temple, the whole thing will have to be more formal. And then there is the Saturday element, in our family, we feed our out of towners every meal. So I would be expected to entertain Saturday night which just sounds exhausting. </p>
<p>As to Sunday night weddings, even at the very Reform synagogue I grew up in, Saturday night weddings had to start at about sundown and that was pretty late. If you wanted to get married at the Temple in the Summer, Sundays were usually the better choice.</p>
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Do you even have to ask?</p>
<p>momof3, or anyone else: If the reception is held immediately after the ceremony, when are the professional photographs of the bride and groom, wedding party, and family taken?</p>
<p>FlyMe–We didn’t have a “professional”, though we did have a good amateur friend who did family/bridal party portraits for us.</p>
<p>Ceremony was at 430. cocktail hour at 5, reception 6-10.</p>
<p>ceremony was short. while guests filtered inside and up to the room where party was, family etc. stayed ouside to do pics. were done partway into cocktail hour, whereupon they came inside, b/g last up , they did first dance, then cocktail party sort of rolled into toasts, dinner, dancing. etc.</p>
<p>reception was glassed in room with enormous balcony/terrace overlooking outside where picture taking was (plus gorgeous view), so there was some connection even for that small amount of time family etc were outside.</p>
<p>“Oh, and to keep everyone entertained … they brought in a tattoo artist who did quarter tattoos for $20. You should see the pictures.”</p>
<p>kelsmom - Real tattoos?? What is a quarter tattoo? How many people got a tattoo? I am so intrigued. If I was to get a tattoo (and that is very unlikely) I’m sure it would take me ages to decide what I want. Hard to imagine doing it on the spur of the moment.</p>
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<p>At my SIL’s wedding, the family pictures were taken before the wedding. We (the immediate family) were expected to show up at the ceremony site, a country club, two or three hours early for the photos. We spent most of that time hanging out together in a private bar area on the bride’s tab. When the family went to take pictures, their dates (mostly me and my other FSIL) stayed behind and ordered lunch. We had a nice time, the space was very comfortable. The B&G saw each other before the wedding so they could take almost all of their photos, but even if they hadn’t they could have gotten a lot done to reduce the gap. </p>
<p>After the ceremony, we went straight to the reception (same location) and could sit down at our table, have a drink, and mingle-- technically the bride and groom did not arrive for another 45 minutes or so as they did a few more pictures alone together in between. So, there was a little gap, but not really-- we were already at the reception having a good time by the time the bride and groom got there. That was fine with me. There was no food until dinner was served but the timing worked out so nobody went hungry. </p>
<p>I didn’t mind having to be there early either since that was a special circumstance, I was the date of the bride’s brother and expected it-- nobody had to deal with it but the immediate family and their guests, who didn’t mind. The bride paid for my lunch, and even went out of her way to make sure there would be a dairy free meal for me at the reception and bought me a dairy free cupcake so I could eat dessert with everyone. When I asked her for a salon recommendation so I could get my hair done, she invited me to go get my hair done with her mother and had it already paid for by surprise when I got there. She really went above and beyond to make me feel like part of the family, and I love her for it. I hope my wedding will be similar.</p>
<p>I am guessing these were temporary tatoos. They have these kinds of things ( the folks who will do face painting of flowers, etc) at fairs, bar/bat mitzvahs, etc. I would imagine the liability and cleanliness factor would be one issue for real tatoos, and who would feel comfortable doing that on a whim, and in front of others??</p>
<p>As for Sunday weddings. I had one. But it was in the morning. People who needed to catch an evening flight still could.</p>
<p>For $20 I bet they were real tattoos- quarter sized.</p>
<p>Eeps!! Well guess a camping/beer/tatoo wedding is a themed wedding, of sorts. Went to a similar one where many of the bride/grooms guests camped out or stayed at the property (there were several houses there), hoola-hooped, and they had bands playing for 2 days.</p>