<p>You have got to be kidding me!!</p>
<p>As a 17-year-old, I see very clear differences between being uncomfortable with a GAY person in your BEDROOM. versus a HISPANIC in your BEDROOM. I cannot believe that 40-year-olds are saying this.</p>
<p>Bookworm writes:</p>
<p>“My advice, if any rm/mt situation screams 'trouble”, CHANGE ROOMS!!!"</p>
<p>That was precisely my point. IF a problem arises that cannot be mediated satisfactorily, then look about a change. That is way different in my book than requesting a change from day one based on WHO the person is without any signficant experiences or problems arising. You very well could have problems living with someone who is the “right kind” of person on paper for you and by the same token, have no problems getting along with and sharing space with someone who is VERY different from you or your beliefs or preferences. Also, many homosexual people are not out of the closet, so you could be rooming with a gay roommate which you did not know the day you moved in (or perhaps ever). Actually, I think this girl who said so off the bat was pretty courageous and I would feel badly that the result of her honesty resulted in someone saying, “I’m outta here now!” I’d rather her have someone say, “I’m outta here because you did not respect my space, my habits, or attempt to work out any problems so that they were mutually acceptable.” </p>
<p>Where do you draw the line? Do you think colleges are going to go along with roommate change requests based on NO time yet together, no problems yet arising, but simply cause someone does not like certain types of people? I can’t see how they would honor that. I think they would say, try it out and come to us if problems arise. Next, they would see if the problems could be worked out satisfactorily and last, then see about a change. If they go along with changes based on roommate assignments, what is the kid gonna say, I don’t want to room with “a gay”? I can’t see a college that prides itself on diversity going along with that until the student has made a go of the living situation. To me, the issue becomes something if problems arise, but there should not be such an issue of merely not liking certain types of people. </p>
<p>Susan</p>
<p>Okay CGM, so glad you decided to remove the ridiculous statement you made in Post#80, where you ranted about “where do you draw the line? Will we next not want to have room-mate that are Hispanic?” etc. etc. Good Call.</p>
<p>Do we all have to be so politically correct that if a kid is uncomfortable about sleeping in skimpy clothes, changing underwear etc. she has to put up with it? How many of us have had the lesbian gym teacher who gets her thrills from watching girls changing bras? I am glad that my Middle School was so NOT politically correct, and did not hesitate to fire one such teacher who had become an issue. And this is in the locker room, not even the bedroom.</p>
<p>Soozivet, did it ever occur to you that this courageous girl wanted her roommates to know NOW so she wouldn’t be stuck with a homophobic as a roommate? I believe she told them now to weed out the ones who might have a problem with it. I think she would be happy to have someone back out if they weren’t comfortable sharing a room with her. It’s not just the discomfort of the straight roommate, but a homophobic could make the lesbian very uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Also, I still compare living with a lesbian to that of living with a straight male. If you wouldn’t feel comfortable living with a straight guy, why would you want to live with a lesbian?</p>
<p>Columbia Mom, you took the words right out of my mouth. The gay girl should be happy that the other girl has gone. However, please do not label her homophobic.</p>
<p>I shouldn’t have withdrawn it. </p>
<p>I just know some people will have preconceived notions, prejudices, and the paralels are there. </p>
<p>Back in the 50s my mom got beat up for going out with a Hispanic man, because it made others uncomfortable.</p>
<p>Would you work with, play sports with, wrestle with, etc with someone who was gay? Would you be comfortable have a gay person spot you in gymnastics?</p>
<p>I could care less if someone was gay or straight or bi…</p>
<p>And, I am sure many of the moms on this site had gay friends and roommates who were closeted back then.</p>
<p>My neighbor’s freshman D, last year, had a straight roomie, whose boyfriend snuck in regularly, and they had noisy goings-on. The girl could not stand it, and was able to switch to another room; however, on her first night in the new room, she woke up with her roomie’s hand stroking her under the sheets. This poor kid was a basket case after that.</p>
<p>You’re right chocoholic. I didn’t want to use homophobic because I know the original poster was not that. She was just concerned for her daughter’s comfort. I actually used it to make the point to soozivet that it’s not always something that can be worked out and it’s better to deal with it sooner rather than later.</p>
<p>I certainly hope that a college would honor a request for a room change from a straight roomie who did not want to sleep near a gay roomie. Gay women and straight men are attracted to females, and a college could expect the same trouble if they forced a female student to room with a male student.</p>
<p>I guess when you asked about the analogy to a girl living with a straight guy…I dunno but I think girls and boys can be close friends and not every guy is gonna hit on every girl they know. They can share a living space without it feeling like the guy is gonna come onto the girl. And with a lesbian roomie, there is even less chance of that because most homosexuals are not interested in those who are straight (in terms of having a romantic relationship). I do not think a female roomie of a lesbian is going to be considered a potential “interest”. I guess I can’t see such a big issue about being friends with and sharing a living space with someone whose sexual orientation is gay. I know at my D’s theater camp, many males are gay and share rooms with straight guys. I have not heard of any of my D’s straight friends complaining of having to room with gay guys. They are all friends. The gay ones are not after the straight ones. </p>
<p>And yes, I realize in the original situation discussed on this thread that the girl who is gay would not want to room with someone who was homophobic. But I bet she prefers to be accepted above all else, and be given a chance to share space and friendship with someone who might not be like her but can accept who she is.</p>
<p>People are absolutely entitled to request a roommate switch if their roommates behave in a disturbing way. Requesting a switch before a roommate has even done anything wrong is pre-judging the roomate. In other words, it’s prejudiced.</p>
<p>Uh…Alice, I actually don’t remember any problems with lesbian gym teachers in the changing room. I thought that was an urban myth that nobody believed in after grade 7. What I do remember about the changing room is a whole bunch of mean girls being quite cruel about the body types of certain girls. Changing in front of straight girls can be quite the ordeal, too. </p>
<p>Frankly, columbiamom, I’d feel awkward with a roommate who wore skimpy clothes and underwear around the room all the time. I mean, what if my friends popped by? What if I had a boyfriend visiting? I wouldn’t be awkward to the point of requesting a change though. I would be tolerant enough to learn how to deal.</p>
<p>Lesbians are NOT straight males in women’s clothing. Males are far, far, far more likely than lesbians to objectify women, make unwanted advances, and become violent. (This is not meant to be male-bashing; I realize that most males behave respectfully). Remember that whole feminist movement in the 60’s? The one that said women had the right to say no, have control over their bodies, and not be objectified? Well, a whole bunch of those crusading feminists were lesbians. Most lesbians are respectful of other women’s boundaries and understanding the meaning of no. What, are your daughters so gorgeous and appealing that a lesbian would be unable to resist their charms?</p>
<p>I know tons of people who’ve had roomates of the opposite sexual orientation. And I’ve never seen it be an issue. I’m not saying that it’s impossible that gay roommate would behave inappropriately. I’m just saying that you really shouldn’t assume that he/she will.</p>
<p>soozievt said,
I guess I can’t see such a big issue about being friends with and sharing a living space with someone whose sexual orientation is gay.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with sexual orientation; it has to do with a sexually dynamic living situation. Perhaps a gay male and a straight female would be different.</p>
<p>None of this need have anything to do with homophobia, and to suggest that it does is in itself an intolerant reaction to a question of comfort and choice.
</p>
<p>stephable said,</p>
<p>Lesbians are NOT straight males in women’s clothing.</p>
<p>Aside from the obvious distinctions you are drawing, should I take it from this comment that you would be completely in favor of a straight male requesting a roommate change if he were assigned to room with a gay male, because, as you say, Males are far, far, far more likely than lesbians to objectify women, make unwanted advances, and become violent.</p>
<p>Something tells me your argument will change to accommodate these new circumstances as the politically correct need arises.</p>
<p>Re: Hispanics,</p>
<p>“where do you draw the line? Will we next not want to have room-mate that are Hispanic?”</p>
<p>As to the issue of Hispanic roommates, to even suggest what was suggested has racist implications. Unless you really believe there is something sexually derogatory to be said about Hispanics being unable to control their sexuality regardless of the sexuality of their roommate, I wouldnt go there. It is a bizarre and inappropriate thing to suggest.</p>
<p>eireann wrote:“I guess the thing that keeps bugging me reading this is the gay roommate. So she’s decided to be open about her sexuality – not that common for someone her age, probably a bit scary. Then her roommates find out and leave the room? Seems like a pretty miserable situation fo rher – especially since there are probably many gay people that are not out and then nobody has a clue anyway and it’s not a factor in housing” </p>
<p>Thank you eireann! I have only skimmed the posts here as it seems pretty much a repeat of the recent gay roomate thread. I have no hope of changing the minds or views of anyone I perceive to be homophobic but I do think it is important to protect our young people from them as much as possible… and sadly it isn’t possible as often as we would like. Am I the only parent of a gay student reading this board? What sorts of roommate issues concern us? I do not want my kid to be forced to room with anyone who is going to make him uncomfortable about his orientation… period. I do not want him to be an “educational college experience” for straight kids. That is not his job as a student imho. More power to the gay kids who do choose this role!! Eireann brought up another point that I think is important. Some of you just may have gay kids who aren’t out. And your reactions to discussions of the gay roommate issue may impact when and if they choose to share this with you.</p>
<p>I suspect that most kids have been dealing with sexual dynamics since middle school or high school. It’s part of the live, learn, and cope process. One hopes that by the time they get to college they’re more mature about it.</p>
<p>The generalized fear that a gay roomie is going to make a major letch at the straight roomie most often would spark the line of diaglogue, spoken or merely thought, “Don’t flatter yourself.”</p>
<p>But nothing can be done with homophobes who believe there is a conspiracy of gay activists looking to “convert” unwary straight people to the “choice” of a “gay lifestyle.”</p>
<p>I’ve done enough reading on this thread to consider becoming a heterophobe.</p>
<p>"But nothing can be done with homophobes who believe there is a conspiracy of gay activists looking to “convert” unwary straight people to the “choice” of a “gay lifestyle.”</p>
<p>This would be interesting if it had ever been said or even implied; as it is, no one set up the punch-line, and the joke elicits only the polite laughter of the sycophant as it swings through silence at the end of its own rope.</p>
<p>I had to laugh about the lesbian gym teachers. I realized YEARS after I graduated from high school that some of my gym teachers had been gay–but certainly they behaved at school.</p>
<p>I think the gay/straight roommate issue is all about behavior. No one wants to live with someone whose behavior makes them uncomfortable; but I think one shouldn’t <em>ASSUME</em> that someone will make them uncomfortable just because they are (gay/straight/bi/questioning).</p>
<p>DMD, that’s the problem going on here…assumptions and prejudging PRIOR to actual rooming together and seeing if it works out all right. I think colleges expect one to take a chance and say, that person is SO NOT like me but living together might be workable, let’s see what happens. If it is NOT workable based on anecdotal problems arising, that’s a different story. But saying “no way” based on assumptions about who a person is involves prejudging or prejudice or fear or unwillingness to associate with those who differ greatly from you. </p>
<p>And I agree with others who have said that homosexuals are not looking to make “advances” on straight friends.</p>
<p>FountainSiren, you can dress up your bigotry any way you want. Attacking the messenger instead of the message is a time-honored technique.
You can tap dance all you want but it’s still an ugly shtick.</p>
<p>Thank you to Susan, dmd77, theDad, mini, and alh for entering this discussion and sharing your views. It is people like you who will help change views and lives. There is still much ignorance in this country when it comes to issues surrounding gay youth, and open discussions like this one are necessary. Simply ignoring the bigotry will only make it worse. Confronting uncomfortable issues and ideas is part of an education in many areas, but if from those confrontations, minds can be opened or thought provoked (even a smidge ;)), then it will have been worth it. </p>
<p>alh, although I’m not the parent of a gay child, I’m sure you’re not the only one here at CC. I have counselled kids for years, many of them gay. My kids all have gay friends, as do my husband and I and even my parents. I’ve said all this before. We’ve had some of my kids who I counsel live with us on several occasions because when they’ve come out, their parents have not reacted well. I’ve been speaking out against bigotry since I was in h/s and one of my best friends was constantly harassed because he was gay. You are absolutely right that many here may indeed have children who have yet to come out. </p>
<p>And, lastly, to accuse those of us who are promoting understanding and tolerance, of intolerance because we will not tolerate the opposing views, well, that’s a total bollocksed up mess, as a Brit friend of mine would say. No one needs apologize for not tolerating hateful, disrespectful, bigoted or intolerant views. And before anyone jumps on me and relates this exclusively to the original post by Angst and her concerns for her daughter, I’m saying this about the topic, in general, because I think it’s obvious that the discussion has strayed from the specific situation in the OP, as it tends to do here in the Cafe.</p>