<p>Here’s a story for you. A good friend’s daughter had to switch roomates because the roomate would not stop having sex with her boyfriend in the room in front of my friend’s daughter. </p>
<p>I would not care if my son or daughter had a gay roomate as long as people behave and respect each other. Respecting each other is NOT having sex in front of your roomate, or for that matter inviting your boyfriend/partner to stay over without ever asking your roomate. By the way the boyfriend basically moved into the dorm cause “he had no where to live” ahhhhhhhh what a pity-------for Pete’s sake! If the gay population is truly 10% of the general population there is a far greater chance that a college student will be driven out of their room or be put in an uncomfortable situation by a heterosexual person as opposed to a homesexual. It all comes down to respect and civil behavior!</p>
<p>I love how some posters extrapolate. How do you get the idea that anyone here thinks there an agenda to convert others to being gay. I don’t even believe that is possible.</p>
<p>I have no problem if my child announces that she is gay, nor do I have a problem if she is straight, but adores her gay room-mate. All I am saying, is that if some kid is not comfortable with rooming with a gay person, it’s okay. If that’s the only level of discomfort. Heck it’s a kid. It’s quite a leap to call them a bigot. There are tons of kids who have not had gay friends, (knowingly, that is), and I hope that they would feel more comfortable as they did encounter other gay people, and realize that they can be close friends. But for now, don’t slam an 18-year-old kid who may have had a sheltered existence.</p>
<p>I live on the East Coast, and I’m pretty sure that folk from all large cities + West Coast + East Coast are heck of a lot more sophisticated , exposed and experienced than millions in between.</p>
<p>Chocoholic–if the kids feels uncomfortable with the “idea”, not any actual behavior, then fine, s/he feels uncomfortable. Whatever. You’re right, they have a right to “feel” that way. What is argued here is that they don’t have a right to demand a change based on that predisposal to discomfort.</p>
<p>As many here have said, you can object to behavior, not identity. If identity itself makes you uncomfortable (not based on behavior) then that can be a learning experience.</p>
<p>My D’s first roommate was a bigoted conservative Republican, who littered the room with beer bottles and frequently sexiled her. She wasn’t comfortable with either the first half of that description or the second, but she could legitimately complain only about the second.</p>
<p>“But for now, don’t slam an 18-year-old kid who may have had a sheltered existence.” Right. I am sorry if her feelings are hurt by being labeled a bigot… BUT… I would prefer every unsophisticated new college student have hurt feelings (long enough to learn basic common courtesy) than that my son have to listen to their unintentionally insulting remarks on a daily basis for his entire college career. And I am much more concerned about the other young woman. Maybe the fact she has been sheltered thus far (from some of the attitudes expessed in this thread) is the reason she identified herself as lesbian to her prospective roomates… perhaps never imagining the controversy and debate such a simple statement would ignite among not only the families of those roommates but their parents’ friends, message boards, etc. Wow. The first young woman will get over the “slam” much more quickly I would imagine.</p>
<p>And I personally would prefer those uncomfortable with gay roommates be identified (confidentially of course - no slamming) so there is no chance of the situation being discussed in the OP arising.</p>
<p>Thanks for the private messages. Will the other parents of gay students please consider posting? I don’t think it changes anyone’s mind but do think it is important just to show there is another side to this issue.</p>
<p>AlwaysAMom, I read some of these posts and feel compelled to answer on behalf of gay friends, gay clients, and my daughter’s gay classmates who aren’t here to respond in person. </p>
<p>Chocoholic, evil often begins with ignorance but ignorance is no excuse, even for an 18-year-old. It is a measure of how far that we have come that bigots now have to dress up their language in polite and sometimes intellectual terms instead of being crassly blunt.</p>
I believe all discussion should be polite. I have no time for crassly blunt people. Was your “bigots” comment directed at Fountain Siren? And are you calling yourself crassly blunt? :)</p>
<p>It is understandable that when our children are away from us that we worry from time to time especially about things we aren’t familiar with. I applaud you for trying to understand.</p>
<p>Our daughters could have a heterosexual roomate who’s boyfriends hit on her…or there could be some other concern…We need to encourage them to deal with the problems when they are real and leave the “could happen” concerns alone. </p>
<p>I honestly would be more concerned if my D’s roomate smoked.</p>
<p>I think some of you are missing the point of this thread. When a straight girl rooms with a lesbian, THE POSSIBILITY EXISTS, that there could be some sort of attraction on the part of the gay girl. Because, THIS POSSIBILITY EXISTS, maybe a heterosexual girl would feel UNCOMFORTABLE dressing, etc. in front of the gay roommate. Especially in these teen years, many girls and boys may have ambivilance about their sexuality, and putting them in a POSSIBLE sexually dynamic situation may make them FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE doing normal EVERYDAY THINGS such as undressing or lounging around in sparce, comfortable clothes. </p>
<p>As I mentioned in a previous post, I have 3 very close relatives that are gay, so I know what I’m talking about and I am far from a bigot. If someone is interested in learning more about the homosexual lifestyle and acquainting themselves with a homosexual, many opportunities exist without having to live in the same room with someone of the opposite sexual orientation. By the same token, I don’t think the gay kids should be or want to be used as “educational” tools. That’s ridiculous.</p>
<p>ColumbiaMom, you are the only poster that I agree with 100% here. Everyone else is too narrow in their extreme left or extreme right viewpoints.</p>
<p>My 2 best friends 25 YEARS AGO were gay people. People stared at me for even being in their company. They were the nicest humans to be around, and nothing could stop me. I was also “hit upon” (is that the right term?) by another gay person/acquaintance, who knew full well that I was not gay, and she whispered in my ear, “this can be fun”. So I have seen a few sides to this. I am not a bigot about ANYTHING except bigots. I feel sorry for people who just KNOW they are right, who DECLARE there is only one correct opinion…</p>
<p>I can appreciate the fact that some students, for whatever reason (sheltered life, anything) feel UNCOMFORTABLE about the idea of rooming with someone who is homosexual. There will be kids who are uncomforatable having to room with someone they don’t know, who may be VERY different in various respects, be it sexual orientation, race, class, political extremism, drug user, etc. I think what some of us are saying that while it may be difficult to accept someone else and how it might be difficult in the “comfort zone”, I can’t see ruling out a roomie based on information about them, NOT experience. I think students need to make a go of it and if something arises that is inappropriate, then by all means, this is an issue. But as someone said, this can just as easily happen with a straight roomie who you had no idea ahead of time would act a certain way (ie., have boys sleeping over in your presence, get wildly drunk, smoke, disrespect your rights, etc). I think to prejudge a situation that it will be uncomfortable until you have actually made a go of it, it not the way to go here. Again, I can’t see colleges agreeing to a room switch because you do not wish to room with a gay person (and you can substitute many other things for gay here). I think they will expect students to mix with all types, make an effort at acceptance, even if that type is SO unlike them and their belief system, and even if it seems uncomfortable at first. What colleges WILL help with is to mediate issues when rooming is not going well and one person’s rights are violated. </p>
<p>While I understand that some kids are uncomfortable with the notion of rooming with certain kinds of kids, such as homosexuals, I think that is not reason enough to bail out until they have actually experienced it. They don’t bail on the heterosexual roomie at first sight though that person could end up to be the roommate from hell, and might even be a closet homosexual. </p>
<p>I just know so many gay males, at least, who have straight male roomies and I have never heard them complain (either party) as they do not hit on each other and respect each other. That’s the name of the game, in my opinion. I think if a student has an issue with this BEFORE even trying out the situation, it would make a great topic for an orientation seminar about how to handle an uncomfortable situation rooming with someone so UNLIKE you, be it gay/straight or many other distinct differences. </p>
<p>Columbiamom & chocoholic: would you be willing to show this thread to your gay friends/relatives and ask for their honest opinion on your posts?</p>
<p>“I think some of you are missing the point of this thread. When a straight girl rooms with a lesbian, THE POSSIBILITY EXISTS, that there could be some sort of attraction on the part of the gay girl. Because, THIS POSSIBILITY EXISTS, maybe a heterosexual girl would feel UNCOMFORTABLE dressing, etc. in front of the gay roommate.”</p>
<p>I think the greater possibility is that the hetero might find herself attracted in ways she might not have otherwise expected. (Statistically, we know that’s the case - there just aren’t that many lesbians in the population.)</p>
<p>I think the greater possibility is that the hetero might find herself attracted in ways she might not have otherwise expected. (Statistically, we know that’s the case - there just aren’t that many lesbians in the population.)</p>
<p>OK, sure, you win. Newsflash: Now the gay community should be worrying about straight people being attracted to them. You’re really grasping at straws, aren’t you?</p>
<p>While I understand that some kids are uncomfortable with the notion of rooming with certain kinds of kids, such as homosexuals</p>
<p>Some kids may be, but I do not think that this is the point. I would agree with some who say this is a bad reason in itself. The point is not the homosexuality of their roommate, the point is that they will be living and sleeping in a sexually dynamic environment (the only real refuge they have). I would ask everyone posting, </p>
<ol>
<li>Should a heterosexual female be forced to room with a heterosexual male?</li>
<li>Should a homosexual female be forced to room with a heterosexual male?</li>
<li>Should a heterosexual female be forced to room with a homosexual female?</li>
</ol>
<p>If your answer to all three is yes, you are consistent in your definition of tolerance and bigotry. If you do not answer yes to all three, or no to all three, why not?</p>
<p>So you think homosexual can’t control themselves? That they are on the make all the time? </p>
<p>And “forced” is a pretty strong word…what we are saying is that to make assumptions about peoples personallities and behaviour as a roommate based on sexuality is unfair.</p>
<p>If it bothers you that much room alone. Every roommate is going to do something really annoying- snoring, partying, wanting total silence, messy, nitpicky.</p>
<p>And, once again FountainSiren, not all the world is that simple. And when you put in the word “forced” which I don’t think anyone said, you load the question.</p>
<p>Ever take a class on how surveys are done? You should. Then maybe your questions would be less steered toward a certain outcome.</p>
<p>You are truly amazing. Where did I say or imply homosexual can’t control themselves?</p>
<p>I said, should everyone be condemned as a bigot for not wanting to live in a sexually dynamic situation. </p>
<p>Perhaps Mini is right, maybe the heterosexual will no be able to stop thinking about having a sexual encounter with their homosexual roommate; it doesnt really matter, does it. In the end, your home living situation becomes sexually dynamic and involves itself into your day to day existence.</p>
<p>The point is, are students, fresh out of high school and dating, required to live in a sexually dynamic situation? No matter the combination, G + B; G + G; B + B. </p>
<p>Of course, for those who want a more sexually diverse atmosphere in their living/sleeping/studying situation this will be wonderful; however, there may be those who do not feel comfortable with it, nor do they want it. There may be students who have had intimidating sexual relationships in high school, whether heterosexual or homosexual (heterosexual being far more likely, but the inhibition will be sexual in either case) including date rape ect.</p>
<p>Im opposed to anyone who would say, homosexual females should be excluded from being roomies with heterosexual girls; only those girls, who for a number of reasons would feel intimidated or uncomfortableI feel the same for females who would rather not room with males. It is a matter of comfort and choice.</p>
<p>What does it mean to be liberated and free, after-all? Shouldnt you be able to make choices about your sexual comfort zone?</p>
<p>I would think that we could all agree that if one roomate made an unwelcomed pass at another it would be an uncomfortable situation. Many posters here have divided themselves over the likelyhood of that occurring. Statistically, I think it is very low. Some posters have speculated about other complications that can happen with heterosexual roomates and their guests…I would think this is a more common problem and there are a host of other problems that come up in any given dorm: personal hygene; intensive borrowing (sometimes without permission),volume levels and sleeping hours, political or religious conflicts, even race and cultural conflicts. The details of each problem and the types of people involved will dictate when a roomate should get out and when a roomate should stay. If a student doesn’t want a roomate to have overnight guests. I would hope they would respect that regardless of the gender. If my D’s roomate ends up being a Republican, hamburger eating, cheerleading, chain smoker, it could become an interesting study in tolerance…The OP stated that her daughter wanted to handle it and I would leave it at that…</p>