<p>Went through this last spring. Son and girlfriend were scheduled to arrive after we had all gone to bed. I texted him and told him it was their choice, the guest room was available or they could share a room. They shared a room for 2 weeks. If it was a couple who was older, not married, and not your child would you not allow them to share a room?</p>
<p>I would be extremely surprised if my daughter even asked or assumed they would share a room at our home. Quite honestly, before they even came, she would probably warn boyfriend that he would be staying in another room or possibly even one of the dorm rooms here on campus (we live at a boarding school.) But, even if she did ask, we would have them room separately for a few reasons. First her siblings are all at least 10+ years younger than she is and I don’t think it’s appropriate. Also, wrong or right, while I may THINK something more is going on with them, I myself would like to maintain the idea that it may not be as well. Lastly, because we live on a private day/boarding school campus, the school could potentially have an issue with it if anyone were to know they shared a room during a visit. Unmarried employees aren’t allowed to sleep over and they certainly wouldn’t approve of it with a barely out of school student, even for a few nights. Then there is the whole issue of her Daddy. Ha! That would be the first question out of his mouth, “where’s he sleeping?”</p>
<p>I don’t know why everyone is assuming sleeping in the same room means they’ll have sex, or vice versa. If they’re going to have sex, thy will regardless or what their “official” sleeping arrangements are. </p>
<p>I personally would feel very uncomfortable having sex in my parent’s house, especially if they were home, and I think most college aged kids would agree. </p>
<p>I think you should ask your son what he’d prefer, and ask him to ask his gf. Then the two can decide together, and you can make arrangements accordingly. But if there is a guest room available, it would be nice for her to be able to set up some stuff there/have somewhere to retreat to even if she is sleeping in his room. Meeting a whole new family could be overwhelming and she might like some alone time once in awhile.</p>
<p>No way I’d allow them to share the room in my house.</p>
<p>No way. And I’d have died of embarrassment if a college boyfriends parents suggested we share a room.</p>
<p>I ask you that say no… do you all have spare bedrooms for them to stay in? Do you make them sleep in a common area like the couch? Again, it might be a class thing, but that is mind boggling to me that you just have a spare bedroom for visitors.</p>
<p>^^ I have a spare guest room but also have a couch and a floor, which would be adequate and fine for a college person (or even someone my age).</p>
<p>Oh - and I’d have the guest stay in the bedroom and the family member grab the couch or floor if I didn’t have a guest room.</p>
<p>I’m thinking this situation will arise for me when S2 brings GF home. She’s graduated and he will be in grad school before this happens. However, since I know S1 drinks and he doesn’t feel right having a beer in front of us, although we have nothing against him drinking, I think S2 may feel the same way about GF. He knows we know. He knows we don’t care, but he’d feel creepy about it with his parents in the house. I remember feeling funny about sleeping with my husband in my parents’ house. We slept in separate rooms before we were married, but that didn’t prevent me from sneaking into the guest room after everyone was asleep. Don’t know if my folks knew but they never said anything.</p>
<p>I have several. I have an inlaw suite and the kids playroom has two beds and a shower as well.<br>
I’d have the son give up the room and he could sleep on the couch or wherever he could fit.</p>
<p>When S’s GF stayed over, I asked him what the sleeping arrangements would be and he said she would sleep in his room and he would sleep in the basement. What they did after we (and the 3 younger sibs) went to sleep was their business, but our bedrooms are close together and I suspect not much went on. However, I am sure he knew that we expected separate rooms, but it was nice the suggestion came from him. Her parents had a guest room and that is where he stayed.</p>
<p>We had a 5 bedroom home when D1 was in college. We are now looking for an apartment in NYC. We may need a 3 bedroom or a convertible 3 to accomendate D2’s future BF.:)</p>
<p>I’m kind of curious about the whole “put them in two rooms but if they move around so be it” approach. While I get that you wouldn’t want to assume that your kids’ guest would be staying with them, why is it better to have them sneaking around? </p>
<p>Personally, I don’t know if I’d rather stay in my SO’s room or not, but if his parents made me a guest room, I’d assume that’s where they are most comfortable having me be, even if they don’t explicitly say that’s where I’m staying. I wouldn’t betray their trust and hospitality by sneaking around their home. It would feel like lying to me, if not outright rudeness.</p>
<p>Med, I was thinking the same thing. If I had a guest room made for me, without any word about it, I would assume that’s where I’m supposed to stay. I wouldn’t sneak around. I’m not a teenager trying to “get lucky” behind mom and dad’s back. If they told me that I could stay wherever, that would be different. </p>
<p>I would also feel really uncomfortable sleeping in my SO’s living room. I don’t want people I don’t know that well to see me when I’m sleeping. It’s just strange to me.</p>
<p>Luckily, I’ve never had that problem.</p>
<p>My best friend told me her son & his girlfriend shared a room at her home over the holidays. She said it made her uncomfortable, “but what are you going to do?” Ummm … the same thing YOUR parents would have done! Seriously, though, neither of my kids would ever even consider sleeping in the same room with a boy/girlfriend at our house. We don’t have to tell them they can’t. It is simply a matter of respect for our home and our values. No, we weren’t chaste ourselves, but we didn’t share bedrooms prior to marriage in our parents’ homes. In all honesty, I don’t care what anyone else does (including my friend!), but I am just not comfortable.</p>
<p>And yes, I have a spare bedroom … two now that D has moved out! But, like GladGradDad, I also have a couple couches, air mattresses, floor space … lots of options.</p>
<p>When DS brought home gf, I prepared the guest room as I would for any other guest. When his male roommate came home with him a few times over the years, I also prepared the guest room for him. It wasn’t discussed at all. I figured the gf would be more comfortable with a room of her own and if they couldn’t resist sleeping together, I wouldn’t have to know what they did after we had gone to bed. I’m not stupid. I knew they were having sex even though they weren’t living together. The guest room just seem the logical choice for us. I never would have shared a room with bf when I was in college!</p>
<p>DD and BF are coming for a visit very shortly. They are both Sophomores. And, while everyone knows what their relationship is while at school, they will be staying in separate rooms in our house. </p>
<p>There is a younger (HS Junior) sibling at home and they would feel uncomfortable. To me it is really no different than knowing our younguns’ are partaking of the smokeable legal, or illegal herb or partaking in drinking games…not comfortable with the activity under our roof.</p>
<p>DD visited BF’s family over the Christmas holidays. I have the strong intuitive feeling that they stayed in the same room…not my business, not my house. I did suggest to D that she assume they would be staying in separate rooms and to use her own intuition as to what the preference of BF’s parents might be.</p>
<p>Now, when they are full adults - not just in age but in life management - the issue will be up for re-evaluation.</p>
<p>Topic never came up when DH and I were dating – he and I assumed the separate rooms policy (and the respective parents probably breathed a huge sigh of relief at dodging THAT bullet…).</p>
<p>romanigypsyeyes-- at our house, it would be my kid on the couch and the guest getting the bedroom!</p>
<p>I did not read the entire thread, but we have the same thing with our daughter, who lives in an apartment at school that is across the hall from her BF. She told him that he could sleep on our lower level where he would have his own bath. I said that it might be warmer in the guest room, but he seemed more comfortable with the idea of sleeping downstairs. DD then told him that he could sleep In the big bed with her folks. Poor kid. No wonder he has been hesitant to come home with her.</p>
<p>This thread opens a few cans of worms…the most interesting: at what point do you consider your S or D as an adult? Is it their age, their behavior, their financial dependance, or is this to a certain extent a cultural and religious issue? With all the talk of horrific “embarrassment” I’m thinking the later, then again I imagine it’s a little bit of each.
Dietz equates the sharing of a room with taking drugs or participating in drinking games. Certainly the sort of person your S or D is bringing home to meet you is someone in a long term relationship, not someone they met at a frat party last week. If your kid is bringing that sort of people home to party, well that’s a whole nother issue.</p>
<p>I don’t know, and it is a good question. Kids are waiting so much longer to get married, it seems. I guess if my kid were out of college, living on his/her own with NO support from the parental units, and the two were living together … then I don’t think I would have a problem with them staying together in a room in my house. Yeah, I know it makes no sense. Lots of things we face in parenting make no sense, though! :)</p>