<p>Some might find this a funny story. GF came to visit for a couple of weeks and they rarely came up for air! Day two I discovered chocolate syrup and whipped cream in the fridge - guess what I thought it was? </p>
<p>About a week later they were making crepes, and topping them with the chocolate and whipped cream!</p>
<p>^ And they say OUR minds are the dirty ones :p</p>
<p>Hunt</p>
<p>In this day and age, some college-age couples might be embarrassed to admit that they’re not having sex. This is another reason for the two-room don’t ask-don’t tell solution.</p>
<p>=================</p>
<p>This is actually true. I know of a couple who are “waiting for marriage”. They don’t advertise it, I found out about it an indirect fashion. There are couples who are not having sex…and they aren’t weird, disturbed, or have hang-ups.</p>
<p>My younger son’s GF’s family lives near us so no real need for any sleepovers. However, when they’ve been up late and have literally crashed on the bed asleep, they keep the door open…lol I guess they don’t want us thinking anything went on…and I don’t ask…they’re nearly 21.</p>
<p>I would put them in seperate rooms. I don’t care what they do away from my home but my home is my home. My other kids are way to young and it would cause problems. </p>
<p>Now what you do is what you think is right. I would call your child and ask what they want.</p>
<p>Didn’t read the whole thread, but when my DH’s brother and his fiancee came to visit, we gave them separate bedrooms and paid no attention to where anyone ended up after we went to bed. Would do the same with adult children unless they were already living together…although since all the spare bedrooms have single beds, it will be uncomfortable.</p>
<p>i would rather “assume” that the girlfriend wants her own room rather than “assume” she is sleeping with my son. i would want the girl to not feel any pressure from me to be sleeping with my child</p>
<p>it’s probably a good idea to talk to your child and let them know how you think. if it is just a facade to provide two rooms, but it makes everyone feel more comfortable, isn’t that ok? </p>
<p>i did not care if my son and his gf were sleeping together or not. there were not any other children at home to take into consideration. i just didn’t want to embarrass the young woman. i know times have changed, but i think i would be a bit uncomfortable if i went to visit a boyfriend’s family and the boyfriend’s parents did not provide me with my own space and just assumed we’d be “shacking up”.</p>
<p>does anyone say “shacking up” anymore?</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>Not around here lol. </p>
<p>What does that mean? Sharing a bed? Living together? I truly don’t know lol</p>
<p>My kids are 14, 18, 19, and 20. My oldest has lived with her boyfriend at school for the past year. Yet, while they visited over break they slept in separate beds. </p>
<p>My youngest is quite naive (not sure how that happened since her older sister never reacted the same way) and the older kids are perfectly ok sleeping in the different rooms. I’m sure they will get engaged in the next year or two and by then my youngest hopefully will be a little less immature for her age.</p>
<p>I think the very first poster said it best: your house, your call.</p>
<p>Frankly, it is interesting that one even has to ask the question. In our house, we would not allow it, and our kids know perfectly well that is our position. We know that they can do what they want to do in their own house, but we know that we have our morals and beliefs, and as long as it is our house and we pay the bills, then we get to decide who sleeps where.</p>
<p>It has nothing to do with whether we think sex is healthy or not. We just think it is healthier when two people are married!</p>
<p>Totally agree with the former poster, my house, my rules. The twist is my son is 25, his g.f older. I’ll let them stay together, but offer the guest room too. What I won’ tdo is let my s/o stay over, even tho we’ve been together a lot longer.</p>
<p>I actually told our kids that I would prefer if they had their own place until they got married.</p>
<p>Seven pages, and nobody’s suggested a Bundling Board?</p>
<p>A what ?</p>
<p>i believe that is a board that one places between the sleeping places of two people on a bed. Popular about 100 years or so i believe.</p>
<p>Well, this theoretic topic just became real, as DS wants to bring g/f here for spring break.</p>
<p>How about this for a justification:
I would never ask an unmarried guest of either sex to share a bed when visiting my house. Hospitality means offering a bed, even if it means a member of the family has to sleep on a couch or on the floor.</p>
<p>^ But would you allow them to share if they wanted?</p>
<p>
This question is hard to answer, because I don’t think my kids would ask, at least while they are in college. They would know that it would be problematic, and they wouldn’t push it. If they did ask, I’d say that I’d much prefer that they didn’t share a room, and I think that they’d accept that.
If they were actually living with another person after college, then I would simply accept it–that would be a different situation.</p>
<p>It seems like the vast majority of posters would strongly prefer to a) not have the committed GF sleep with the son under any circumstances; b) not talk about it directly with the GF; and c) not talk about it explicitly at all (including with the son before the visit). </p>
<p>Since I view things very differently, I am baffled. I am really curious as to what underlies each sentiment:</p>
<p>In particular, does your desire that they not sleep in the same bed under your roof (when you know that they are sleeping together at school, probably every night) stem from: a) a belief that their behavior is immoral; b) something else? </p>
<p>If something else, what? Is there an implicit social norm that you feel they would be violating?</p>
<p>What is the discomfort with talking with the son? Are conversations that pertain to sex (other than in the hypothetical birds/bees context) that uncomfortable? If so, why? </p>
<p>Someone felt her daughter would feel embarrassed to be walking out of the son’s room in the AM and that assuming she would be sleeping at the son’s home in the same arrangement as at school would be disrespectful. What underlies that? Is there an implicit assumption that an unmarried woman having sex in the context of a committed long-term relationship is engaging in shameful behavior? If not, why would she feel that way?</p>
<p>Hunt says: OK if they are living together after college but not if they are living together at college. What underlies that? My rules if I’m supporting you; your rules if I’m not. What are those your rules? Do you think the behavior is immoral and so you feel you can block it when you are supporting them? How does that change if they are supporting themselves?</p>
<p>
I didn’t say it was OK. I said I’d have to accept it. I do, in fact, think it’s immoral for people who aren’t married to have sex. My kids know this, and I don’t think they would push the issue, at least while they are in school–just as nobody in my immediate family will drink alcohol around my mother, even if they don’t agree with her scruples about this.
Once my kids are on their own, if they decide to live with somebody without being married, I still won’t like it, but I think it would be a bit much to insist that they sleep apart when they visit me. It doesn’t have to do with whether I am financially supporting them, but on whether they are still my “kids” or are adults.</p>